Rin slowly opened her eyes and felt cold. She looked down and realized she must have kicked the covers off of her during the night. She sat up slowly and looked around. She saw Kagome bent over a still figure on the bed across the room. It took her a moment to realize it was Sesshomaru. Rin gasped, and quickly jumped out of bed and rushed over.
Kagome looked up from her work. She had a needle and thread in hand. "Oh Rin you're finally up! How are you feeling?"
Rin's horrified gaze went from Sesshomaru's oozing wound to the bloody needle and thread in Kagome's hand. "What happened to Sesshomaru? Why isn't he regenerating?"
Kagome sighed. "I'm not sure. Jacken said he sent him and A-Un to get some herb he needs. I'm assuming it'll help him get his regeneration back. But Jacken refused to leave until he was assured I properly cared for his wounds."
"Heal him!" Rin said with a whip of command that surprised both women. Kagome narrowed her eyes at Rin. "Someone's been hanging around Sesshomaru too much lately. You're starting to sound like him."
Rin bit her lip. It wasn't like her to snap at someone like that. "Please heal him."
"My powers don't work that way. I can't heal demon flesh." Kagome replied.
"But you heal Inuyasha all the time."
"I heal his human side. His regenerative powers take care of his demon side." Kagome gave Rin a knowing look. "The real question here is what happened to you? How did Kitsune double you?"
Rin lowered her head and slowly recounted the story of how Kitsune and her demon familiar Milinu had stolen her essence and sent her to the other realm.
"So you could see everything that was happening but couldn't interact? Wow I would've gone crazy!" Kagome exclaimed.
"It wasn't that bad." Rin said while staring at Sesshomaru as he lay still on the bed, trying her best to forget what she had seen.
Kagome frowned as she felt piercing stab of misery flow from Rin in waves for a second before it was gone. Tears sprung to Kagome's eyes as she looked at the young woman beside her. "Rin." Kagome said with a whimper.
Rin looked at Kagome and buried the hurt deeper within her. She had forgotten how sensitive Kagome was to energy, a testament to her spiritual powers.
"What happened Rin? You have to tell me."
Rin shook her head and dug her nails into the palms of her hands, hoping the biting sting would help her keep back the sobs building within her. "It was nothing Kagome."
Kagome finished up the last few stitches on Sesshomaru's side before she cleaned her hands in the hot water, washing away the blood. She rose and looked at Rin. "Whatever it is Rin, you can't bury it the way I know you are. Believe me, I know how that can come back and bite you in the ass. Please, tell me. If you're worried Sesshomaru will hear us he cannot. I've sent him into a deep sleep so he can heal."
Rin bowed her head and allowed her hair to fall forward and cover her face.
Kagome reached forward, cupped Rin's face and forced her to look at her. "Rin," Kagome implored her. "Please tell me what is killing you slowly inside. The kind of pain I'm feeling from you…it's too much for you to bear alone. Please lean on me."
Rin's eyes filled with tears she held back determinedly. "I can't Kagome. Please don't make me."
"Rin you must." Kagome insisted.
Rin sniffed as tears fell to her cheeks. "Kitsune…I think she knew Sesshomaru was becoming suspicious. There were times…moments…it was almost like he could hear me. Even though there was no way I could contact him there were seconds when I could swear he could almost see me."
Kagome wiped the tears from her friend's eyes and smiled at her encouragingly. "Go on."
"To…to keep him from discovering her deception…" Rin broke off and choked back a sob before she took a stuttering breath and continued. "She seduced him."
Kagome blinked in shock. "They had sex?"
"They've been lovers on and off for centuries in the past. She would know what to do to entice him."
"You saw her have sex with him?" Kagome asked horrified.
"I couldn't!" Rin cried as she wrenched herself from Kagome's arms and ran her fingers through her hair in agitation. "I, I had to get away. I couldn't watch it. I ran, and the further away I got the worse the pain got! But going back would've killed me! Either way I knew I was going to die! My bones snapped, my insides melted-"
"Sh! Sh! Rin calm down!" Kagome quickly wrapped her arms around Rin, trying to calm her hysterics.
"I thought I was going to die. I was going to die and watching him with her would've been the last thing I saw." Rin whispered in agony.
"Rin…I know you've always loved Sesshomaru. I can't imagine what you must have gone through seeing him with her." Kagome said gently.
"I don't just love him. I need him Kagome. I know Kitsune looked like me. I know he thought he was with me. But it wasn't me. How could he not have known?" Rin finally voiced what had been tormenting her. "If it had been the other way around I would've known it wasn't him. He…he doesn't love me Kagome, he's never cared for me, not really."
"Rin how can you say that? He's guarded you from the moment you found him in the woods. He's changed so much because of you. Of course he cares for you."
"But he doesn't love me."
"Rin, he looks at you like a daugh-"
"I'm not his daughter!" Rin shrieked startling Kagome with her passion. "And let's just say he did love me like a daughter. He still couldn't tell it wasn't me!"
"Kitsune knew what she was doing Rin. You can't blame him for falling for her ruse. We all did." Kagome soothed.
"Kohaku didn't."
Kagome remained silent for a moment before she nodded gravely. "You're right. Kohaku knew she wasn't you."
"I haven't seen Kohaku since I was a child. Yet he knew almost instantly. How?" Rin asked bewildered.
"I, I honestly don't know Rin. Kohaku's become quite powerful as a demon slayer. Maybe where the rest of us have grown complacent about our abilities, he's only honed his."
Sesshomaru whimpered lightly in his sleep and Rin reacted instantly, trying to get around Kagome to him.
Kagome instantly blocked her path. "He's in a healing sleep and a little pain won't kill him. He can handle it."
"But-"
"No buts Rin." Kagome interrupted her. "You really have to stop putting your wants and desires on the back burner here. Your world does not have to revolve around Sesshomaru."
"He's in pain." Rin answered miserably, almost desperate to reach him now as he whimpered again.
"Rin! Snap out of it. It's almost like an obsession with you. What's gotten into you?" Kagome demanded.
Rin tried to calm herself but she felt like she was going insane. She needed to help him. To touch him. To have him by her side. It was more than an obsession, it was a compulsion. She didn't understand it and despite trying to fight it she couldn't help herself.
Kagome watched Rin struggle vainly to control herself before she let her go. Rin instantly dashed around her and sat by Sesshomaru's side on the bed. The moment she touched his arm the wildness in her eyes eased and even his whimpers subsided. His body relaxed again instantly just by her touch.
Kagome reached out with her senses to understand what was going on. She could see bright pulses of energy flowing between the two. It was almost as if they were tapping into each other's emotions. The more hysterical Rin had become the more Sesshomaru had whimpered and fought his way out of the deep sleep Kagome had placed him in. As soon as she had touched him she had calmed down and so had he in reaction to her. What the hell was going on?
Fearing for Rin's safety Kagome reached out with her powers gently and constructed a barrier between those pulses of energy. Not to completely stop it and alarm either of them, but a barrier that would grow over time. She wasn't sure why they were suddenly connected but it was unnatural, and it was Kagome's duty as a priestess to keep harmony. She also helped distance Rin from her love for Sesshomaru. She couldn't remove her love completely but she could minimize it. Help Rin to move on. Kagome couldn't stand to see her in such pain. She even went as far as to dim Rin's memory of Kitsune and Sesshomaru together. As soon as she was done Kagome felt incredible guilt. Sesshomaru had warned her not to interfere. Kagome now wondered if he knew exactly what was happening between them. She loved Sesshomaru as family, but she felt Rin needed her protection and she could do no other but to provide it.
Rin sat quietly beside Sesshomaru and frowned at her earlier outbursts. She felt slightly numb but in control now. She no longer felt the need to cry and the piercing pain she had felt was now only a dull ache. Rin felt like she could finally breathe again. She sighed in relief. Rin grabbed the hot towel by Sesshomaru's bedside and wiped away the blood from his side and chest. Her hands continually smoothed over his arms and chest and she frowned slightly. It was almost like her hands had a mind of their own. She could barely stop them from caressing his skin, but she felt nothing.
Kagome noticed and remembered though she could put distance and dim memories, Rin's heart would and did still beat for him. She just wouldn't quite understand why she did certain things around him. To help distract Rin from thinking too much Kagome forced a laugh and said. "If Jacken could see how well you care for him he'd be livid. He likes to believe Sesshomaru needs no one but him."
Rin flinched at Kagome's remark. "I know he doesn't need me." She whispered.
Kagome looked at her young friend and immediately regretted her words. "That's not what I meant. I meant the way Jacken fawns all over him he-"
"He doesn't need me. Got it." Rin interrupted her rather glumly.
Kagome frowned not at all liking the waves of unhappiness that poured off of Rin. Kagome dared not do anymore to Rin's emotions with her powers or she risked stealing her ability to feel completely. "My powers don't work on demon flesh so I can't heal him. He'll just have to go about healing the long way."
Rin nodded but continued to run her hand down his arm.
"Why don't you go outside Rin? Jacken is busy with the kids, you know how Kichirou loves to torture him. You look like you could use some fresh air." Kagome subtly influenced Rin to take her advice and go outside. She figured Rin would never leave Sesshomaru's side unless she pushed her to.
Rin slowly nodded before she turned and left the room reluctantly.
Rin walked outside into the cool night air on Inuyasha's porch of his home and stared across the open field where she could see Jacken running from the children. He squawked when Kichirou leaped into the air and managed to slam him into the ground. Chieko laughed with glee and jumped around them. Rin couldn't resist laughing at their antics.
"It's good to hear you laugh." A deep voice said from the shadows.
Startled, Rin turned and saw Kohaku smile at her before he stepped out of the shadows and approached her. The moonlight glinted off of his armor and his mischievous smile helped her try to ignore the way his eyes slid over her appreciatively. "What are you doing hiding in the shadows?" Rin asked him nervously.
"Well, someone has to keep an eye on poor Jacken. I think Kichirou might actually think of him as a big chew toy instead of a demon familiar." Kohaku said.
Rin laughed again as she looked back at the children. Right at that moment Kichirou stole Jacken's hat and ran gleefully away as Jacken desperately tried to get his hat back, screeching at the top of his lungs for the children to behave and obey him. Chieko clapped her hands and chased after them throwing her hands up into the sky shooting tiny flares of purple stars above them to light their way in the dark. The tiny stars twinkled before they faded away only for Chieko to shoot more from her hands.
"At least you have a great view." Rin said with a smile as she watched the pretty flairs light up the night sky.
"I don't know. The view got a helluva lot better in the last few minutes." Kohaku replied with his eyes locked to hers.
Rin blushed, not used to that kind of attention and shifted uncomfortably.
"C'mon Rin. I know someone must have mentioned how beautiful you are. I refuse to believe all the men in your village were blind." Kohaku said.
"Everyone in the village was scared of me. They thought I would draw the demons to them." She said matter of factly.
Kohaku sighed. "Yeah. I know that feeling."
Surprised Rin looked at Kohaku. "You do?" She said doubtfully.
Kohaku smiled at her. "I'm a demon slayer Rin. And a good one at that. I've made my share of enemies in the demon world. Though I'm welcome in villages, I'm only ever allowed to pass through. Never stay. Most are scared the demons will attack me at any given moment and don't want that battle at their village."
"So you have no home?" Rin asked.
"Not since I was a child and lived with my family. When my village was destroyed, Naraku took me and used me as his puppet. I traveled with him, and later when he was finally defeated I had a lot to prove to myself. Kagome likes to say I had a death wish, but I really needed to regain my honor."
"I remember. You were filled with so much hatred back then. Kagome even told me you disappeared for years because Inuyasha and your sister Sango would join you in battle." Rin said.
"I couldn't very well learn the craft of slaying demons if Inuyasha and Sango did all the work."
"You cut all contact with everyone. They didn't even know if you were alive." Rin said.
"I had to do it on my own. They kept getting in my way." Kohaku said with a bit of a bite in his tone.
"They were worried about you Kohaku."
"Doesn't matter now. It's all in the past." Kohaku replied.
Rin hesitated for a second before she closed her mouth resolutely.
Kohaku looked at her and his eyes softened. "What is it?"
"Nothing." Rin said with a shrug.
Kohaku laughed. "I know you want to say something. Just say it."
"I don't want to upset you." Rin said.
"I promise I won't get upset. I don't want you to ever feel you can't tell me something Rin. I doubt I could ever stay mad at you anyway."
"What makes you say that?" Rin asked curiously.
"I might have cut ties with everyone else but I never stopped writing you."
Rin smiled at him. "I would've written you back but I never knew where to send it. Why did you keep writing me but stopped talking to everyone else?"
Kohaku shrugged. "I'm not sure. At the time, maybe I just needed a friend. You're pretty much the only one I've ever had."
"What about Kagome and Inuyasha?"
"It's not the same Rin. At least not back then. They felt responsible for me. They wanted to save me."
"Can you blame them for wanting to save you?"
"Yes I can. I was dangerous to them. When Naraku took possession of my mind I was his instrument to use and do what he wished with no thoughts of my own. I was his puppet Rin. I couldn't risk my sister. Naraku would've used me to hurt her, Inuyasha or anyone else in their traveling group. Every time they hesitated to defend themselves because they didn't want to hurt me was just another advantage for me. Where they hesitated, I never did. Given the chance I would've murdered them ruthlessly. I did my best to stay as far away from them as I could."
"What about me?" Rin asked.
Kohaku shook his head in disbelief. "I tried to stay away from you as well. But you kept running into me. Couldn't keep away could you?" He joked.
Rin made a face at him and he slowly sobered. "You were just nice to me Rin. You offered me your friendship and I was too lonely and weak to say no like I should have."
"Kohaku…you were alone because you chose to be. Sango would've helped you, any of them would've been there for you."
"But I couldn't risk them!" Kohaku said with frustration.
Rin bowed her head. "But you could risk me?" She asked quietly.
Kohaku frowned, stepped close to her and used his forefinger to tilt up her chin. "I had orders to kill you. I knew I wouldn't be able to stop myself. That's how powerful a hold Naraku had on me. I would've murdered you Rin."
"But you didn't." Rin insisted, hating that he had seen himself as so weak and useless.
"Not for lack of trying baby. I wanted to die. I knew Sesshomaru would protect you and not hesitate in killing me where as the others would. Sesshomaru protected you. You were the only one that was safe around me."
"You wanted Sesshomaru to kill you?" Rin asked horrified.
"Rin you have to understand. I was just a boy. I had lost my entire family brutally and all I had left was my sister. My honor had been taken from me long ago. I was on borrowed time. I hoped Sesshomaru would put me out of my misery." He admitted quietly.
Rin reached up and cupped his cheek in her hand seeking to comfort him.
Kohaku leaned into her touch and covered her hand on his cheek with his own, holding her hand in place. "I wanted to die Rin. But being around you, your warmth, your kindness….you saved me like nothing else could have ever done. After a while I forgot I wanted Sesshomaru to kill me…I just wanted to be around you."
Rin's breath caught in her throat at the deep emotion she could see in his eyes. Gratitude, friendship…and something more she wasn't quite ready to identify yet. "Kohaku..." Rin trailed off, wishing she could put into words how important he had been to her in those days. Where Sesshomaru had been her guardian and protector, Kohaku had been her only friend. His letters over the years had given her such joy, and later when Sesshomaru had stopped visiting her, they had been her only solace besides Kaede.
Kohaku leaned in and pulled her body closer to his. Rin closed her eyes and Kohaku gently pressed a feather light kiss against her lips. Rin didn't want to open her eyes. Kohaku had always been important to her, and now when she was filled with confusion and feeling adrift, he was here with her. Solid and real.
Kohaku pressed his forehead against hers and sighed. "I know we only just came back into each other's lives. I'm not asking for anything Rin, I swear. I've just missed you so much."
"I missed you too." Rin leaned away from him and he loosened his arms from around her.
Kohaku grinned at her. "You missed me huh? I can work with that."
Rin frowned at him. "Kohaku, I want my friend back." Rin stressed, not wanting to give him any illusions. Her heart had always belonged to Sesshomaru whether she liked it or not.
"You've always had the friend Rin. I just want more."
"But Kohaku-" She tried again in vain.
Kohaku grinned at her and shook his head. "I know you don't love me Rin. I'm not an idiot. I just want us to get to know each other again."
Rin looked at him suspiciously. "And that's all you want right?"
Kohaku looked at her pointedly. "Is that all you want? You're the one that let me kiss you, remember?"
Rin's jaw dropped and she was struck speechless.
Kohaku grinned happily. "Like I said, I can work with that."
Rin stamped her foot in frustration and Kohaku simply wrapped his arms around her and spun her around in the air once before settling her on her feet again. Rin glared at him and turned back to watch the children play.
Kohaku grinned and settled himself in next to her.
Rin glanced at him from beneath her lashes and she could've sworn he preened a bit when he felt her gaze on him. Rin rolled her eyes but couldn't fight the smile that broke through. "So you're a big bad demon slayer now." She said, trying to pick up where their conversation had left off.
"I guess so. Practice makes perfect." Kohaku said.
"I'm glad you're a much better demon slayer now."
"What do you mean now?" Kohaku asked as he turned towards her.
"Kagome told me you would get hurt pretty bad around when we were younger." Rin said.
"Keeping up with me huh?" Kohaku said and grinned broadly when she rolled her eyes again. Kohaku shrugged. "I wanted to kill every demon I could and I wasn't shy about it. Got myself into some close calls. At the time it's what I needed. What I thought I deserved."
"Why would you think you deserved that?" Rin asked.
Kohaku stared off into the distance and remained silent.
Rin reached towards him and hesitantly placed her hand on his shoulder comfortingly. Kohaku turned to look at her and smiled affectionately. He grabbed her hand in between his and kissed her knuckles before looking down at her from his greater height. He wasn't as tall as Sesshomaru but he didn't intimidate her either. Where Sesshomaru always appeared cold and aloof Kohaku was warm and seemed to genuinely enjoy her company.
"You were the first person to really believe in me you know that? Despite Naraku's hold on me and everyone warning you away, you truly believed I could beat his hold on me. Your faith in me was humbling. After everything you had been through, you didn't let it darken you. And you were so much younger than I, so much stronger. It made me really believe I could do it too. If not for you I don't think I could've had the strength to break Naraku's hold over me."
Rin squeezed his hand comfortingly, feeling the need to clear the shadows in his eyes away.
"No one will ever take away my freedom again Rin. I owe you my life, my very sanity." He told her solemnly. "If you ever need me Rin I will be there for you." He promised.
Rin stared into his eyes as he very carefully tucked her hair behind her ear. "It doesn't hurt you've become incredibly beautiful too." He said with boyish charm.
Rin laughed and the tension between them dispersed. "You've become very shallow." She teased him and felt great doing it. With Sesshomaru she would have never dared.
"You were beautiful as a child. Your beauty now just radiates from within making you gorgeous. You've always been a good person Rin. You deserve the world at your feet."
"You offering?" Rin surprised herself by asking saucily and quickly covered her mouth in horror.
Kohaku threw his head back and laughed. "Are you flirting with me Miss Rin?" He teased, enjoying this more playful side to her he knew she rarely let anyone see.
Rin shook her head and stuttered, trying to take back her reckless comment.
Kagome stepped out and laughed at Rin's embarrassment. "Well, well." She said knowingly having heard the last bit of their conversation.
Rin looked between both their laughing faces and made her excuses before dashing back into the house.
Kagome laughed at her friend before she turned back to Kohaku. "You were really mean to her." Kagome chided softly.
Kohaku grinned unrepentantly. "I like how she blushes."
Kagome grinned at him. "Is that all you like?"
Kohaku smiled back at her. "Wouldn't you like to know?" He said with a laugh.
Kagome shrugged. "Well, I like to know what a man's intentions are to a very good friend of mine before I decide if I want to help him or not."
Kohaku raised an eyebrow at her. "And what makes you think I would need the help if I wanted Rin's attention."
"She's a really shy girl. She might need some encouragement from a dear friend. And you won't be getting any help from Sesshomaru."
Kohaku just grinned. "I can handle Sesshomaru."
"Then I've just learned something very important about you."
"And what's that?"
"It's a good thing you're hot. 'Cause you'd have to be an idiot not to be afraid of Sesshomaru."
"I know my abilities. Plus I've taken the time to study his. I'm not planning on fighting him anytime soon. Rin seems to have an attachment to him." Kohaku said mockingly.
"Yes she does. You would think he was someone important to her." Kagome said drily.
"I like Rin. I've always liked her. We'll see how things go."
"So it's safe to say you won't be heading out like you said you were before they showed up?"
"I might have business to attend to in the area." Kohaku said seriously.
"That business being Rin." Kagome said knowingly.
Kohaku grinned and walked out into the field towards the happy screeches of the children and Jacken's painful cries.