AN: Listen when you have a silly oneshot idea sometimes you just have to go along with it, and sometimes you just have to go along with it right away. also featuring some of my future headcanons I guess.

When Drunks Speak of the Future

Characters: Shinichi Kudo, Heiji Hattori

Summary: It wasn't often that Heiji wound up flat up drunk long before Shinichi did, but on such occasions, the Osakan detective seemed to ramble more than usual.

"Listen Kudo... listen."

It wasn't all that often that Heiji was the one who ended up being flat out drunk before him- as much as Shinichi hated to admit it, between the two of them, he was the one who was the lightweight. Heiji usually could go on drinking unaffected for hours- unless he made the mistake of downing a particularly potent liqueur all at once, such as he had not even ten minutes ago.

Resulting in the current situation, of course.

The twenty three year old private detective was stretched out over the bar, his hands dangling just over the counter, head turned slightly so he cast that drunken grin of his towards Shinichi. It wasn't often that it was just the two of them who went out drinking- usually Kazuha and Ran were with them, but with Ran being six months pregnant now, the two woman had decided some other way to spend their evening other than a night out at the bar.

"What is it, Hattori?" Shinichi asked, heaving a sigh as he set down his beer. At the very least, Heiji seemed to be doing most of his rambling in Japanese this time, so he obviously wasn't completely drunk yet. If he were, he would be dancing in and out of every language that he knew, and given that his rival had turned out to be a virtual polyglot, that was saying something.

As he'd also found out, it was always best just to let Heiji get all of his drunken rambling out, after which he would almost always promptly fall asleep. That just left getting the dozing, drunken detective home as his only challenge- which would be so much easier were Heiji not almost an entire head taller than him now. He wondered if Sera were available- she had more or less evened out at the same height as Heiji, and would be more than happy to princess carry the Osakan back to the apartment he shared with Kazuha.

"Listen." Heiji said again, holding up one hand, giving his rival and sometimes detective partner a wide grin. "My kids are the best."

"Hattori, Kazuha's not even pregnant." Shinichi stated frankly, arching a brow. "You don't have any children."

"No, but listen, listen." Pushing himself up off the counter, Heiji spun around on the bar stool, placing his hands firmly on Shinichi's shoulders. "I will. An' they'll be the best kids. Way better than yers."

"It's not really a competition." Shinichi stated plainly, blinking slightly. So apparently even though he was rambling in a language he could still understand, Heiji was determined to nevertheless not make any sense. "Besides, my daughter hasn't even been born yet."

"She's not gonna take after you, ya know. Or Neechan. She's gonna take after her grandma." Patting Shinichi's shoulders as he said so, Heiji finally removed his hands from them, giving him an impish grin. "An actress! Famous! But still, she's not gonna be half as cool as my kids. Kazuha's gonna have twins, Kudo! Identical twins! I win by default with that."

"Again, Kazuha's not even pregnant." Shinichi stated, heaving a long sigh. "Well, it's not like there's anything wrong with it if she wanted to become an actress anyways. Mom would be thrilled."

Although, he had to admit, there was no small part of him that wanted his children to follow in his footsteps- not that he would ever force them, mind you.

"And? What is it about your hypothetical children that makes them cooler than my hypothetical child? Or children, since you seem convinced that Ran and I are going to have more." Shinichi asked, taking another sip of his beer. He needed to be a little bit drunker to deal with this kind of conversation, he thought dimly. "Aside from being identical twins."

"They're cooler cause they take after me." It was almost touching how proud he seemed of these children who, incidentally, did not yet exist in any shape or form. "Identical twin girl detectives! Ya don't really get any cooler than that. An' they got that... that eye thing, with the two different colors, the you know..."

Rattling off several different words in several different languages while searching for the one that he wanted, Shinichi couldn't help but heave a sigh as he mentally sorted through them. He might not be able to understand half of them, but he could at the very least identify what language they were. Granted, he couldn't help but wonder when Heiji had the occasion to pick up Portuguese- he was pretty sure that last he checked, it wasn't a language that he knew.

"Heterochromia?" Shinichi offered, watching as his friend perked up at it, patting Shinichi on the shoulder again, giving him a boisterous laugh.

"Yeah, that, that! Ain't that the coolest?" Heiji asked him, practically beaming from ear to ear now. "We're gonna name 'em Hikaru an' Hikari, an' they'll be the best kids ya ever did see Kudo. An' they're gonna love ya too."

"I'm flattered that your hypothetical children are fond of me, Hattori." Shinichi stated flatly, heaving a slight sigh. He didn't quite know what to make of the mental image of two, tiny female Heijis running around- he'd always been hoping that any kids Heiji and Kazuha might have might take after their mother instead. There was no telling what kind of trouble not one, but two, children with Heiji's personality would get into, especially with none other than Hattori Heiji himself as their father.

Good luck, Kazuha, he silently thought to himself.

"Just ya wait, Kudo. They're gonna be the best!"

"Yes, yes, I'm certain that they will, Hattori." With a long sigh, Shinichi took another sip of his beer- he definitely needed to be a bit drunker if Heiji was going to spend the evening pretending that he could predict the future.

When his seven year old daughter proudly declared her intention of becoming a famous actress to him, it was the final nail in the coffin.

True to Heiji's word, the daughter that Ran eventually came to give birth to did in fact, bear a striking resemblance to Shinichi's mother- which thrilled Yukiko to no end. That, Shinichi thought, could have still been a coincidence. A month later, Kazuha announced that she was pregnant with twins, both girls. Surely even that could still be a coincidence, Shinichi told himself.

For his part, Heiji himself seemed to recall nothing about his drunken predictions- but then he rarely remembered anything he did when he was drunk, thank god, there was a certain King's Game from when they were in college that Shinichi was praying he never remembered.

But when Kazuha had given birth to a pair of two identical dark skinned girls, who looked at the world through one green eye and one blue eye, even Shinichi had to admit that maybe, just maybe, Hattori Heiji had in fact, managed to somehow predict the future while flat out drunk.

Which, oddly enough, admittedly wasn't actually the strangest thing the Osakan in question had ever done, thinking back on it.

Both girls, named Hikaru and Hikari just as Heiji had promised, had shown an early interest in detective work- which perhaps wasn't all that surprising considering how carelessly their father would bring them to crime scenes with him every now and again. That, frankly, didn't surprise Shinichi in the least bit- they were talking about the same person who thought it was perfectly acceptable to give what he thought was a seven year old Chinese booze, after all, claiming that it was a cure for the common cold. He'd never figured out what Heiji had been carrying that stuff around with him in the first place, since he'd only seemed to have given it to Ran's father as an afterthought.

So when his oldest daughter proudly declared that one day, she would outshine even her own grandmother, Shinichi was finally willing to admit that his good friend might perhaps, in fact, be ever so slightly psychic. He'd briefly mentioned it to Ai, and although there had been a faint glimmer in her eyes then, he didn't quite understand what it meant until two hours later, he received a quite literal distress call from Heiji.

"Kudo, that little Neechan's standin' out in front of my house, sayin' somethin' about runnin' tests on me. Please send help."