THE WAY WE WERE

When they had woken the following morning, the rain was still spattering against the bedroom window. In the dull grey of the morning, warm in her bed, neither of them had made an attempt to move. It was peaceful – the first peace she had experienced since the morning she'd heard the first screams out on the street. Now there was no sound except for the steady drum of the rain, and the occasional gust of wind.

She turned over and found Gareth already awake, propped up on one elbow and staring out the window again. His eyes flicked to her and he smiled, reaching to run his hand along her side. He caught the way she flinched at his touch. She still does that, he wondered, remembering all the times he'd noticed when they were together. It was only now he realized where the reaction came from. He took his hand away.

"I hope this is okay. I didn't – "

"You wouldn't still be here if it wasn't."

He smiled, but her face remained still, emotionless. He leant forward and kissed her, and when he pulled back saw that she was now smiling too, though it seemed strained. She moved to get out of bed.

"It's funny, when you called things off I had to keep reminding myself it wasn't the end of the world. And now that it is, we're back where we were. Almost. Weird. Never mind. I need coffee. Want some?"

He watched her make her way to the door, and when she looked back for an answer, said, "Sure."

Alex was already downstairs preparing some oatmeal for himself and his mother when Hannah appeared. He was leaning back against the counter, watching the water come to a boil over the little camping stove.

"Sleep well?" she asked.

He looked up, alarmed, as if he hadn't even heard her approach. Not a good sign, she thought.

"Sorry, I was just…thinking. No, not really. With the wind. Every little scrape and scratch sounded like…I thought maybe they were trying to get in."

"Not last night. I thought it was strange. The first night since it started that I haven't had to clear them off the porch."

Alex looked towards the front door, then at the empty couch where Gareth had spent the first night. He turned back to the porridge, pretending not to notice his brother's absence. Hannah was hesitant to mention it, but realizing how obvious it was when she grabbed two mugs from the cupboard, she had little choice.

"He said he didn't feel safe down here. It's a little close to the front door. I mean, I know I wouldn't be able to sleep knowing I was a few feet away from those things."

"You don't have to explain anything. It's understandable. After everything. If Alicia was still…"

He swallowed and focused on stirring the oats.

"Yeah," Hannah nodded.

She waited in silence until he was done so she could begin heating the water for the coffee. She wasn't short on powdered milk, and had even grown to like the taste. A morning coffee had been part of her routine before everything had happened, and she was happy to still have that little luxury to look forward to.

Grabbing a clean pot, she placed it beneath the faucet in the sink and turned on the tap. Nothing.

A feeling of dread crept over her.

"Water's out," Hannah announced, as she brought in the two mugs of coffee.

Gareth, now standing over by the window, looked over with concern. He scratched weeks of growth on his cheek.

"What does that mean for us? You said you've got water stocked up, right? Just in case something like this happened?"

"It wasn't just in case. This was inevitable. I had a plan, just never the manpower to carry it out."

"Well, now you do, so what's the plan?" he smiled, taking the coffee from her.

"There's a hardware store a few miles away. Further than the convenience store. It would probably take the better part of a day to get there, get what we need, and somehow transport it back. I think we'll need a pickup to get it done. Maybe you can think of something. You always were good with pickups. Just not so much the deliveries."

"Ouch. Never were much of a morning person, were you? You're kind of mean in the morning."

She took a sip from her mug, but he could see the smile playing on her lips.

"You think Alex and your ma will be willing to pitch in?"

Gareth looked down into his cup and swirled the contents around.

"Alex will be fine."

"It's a bit more than a three person job, Gareth."

"Three useful people on their own will be better than one holding them all back. It's not safe for her out there, while she's like this. It's not safe for us. Think about it, us having to stop every five minutes to make sure she's keeping up, not wandering off. If we become surrounded, we can't be worrying about whether or not she's fighting back. It's a good way to get us all killed. She has to stay here."

"I don't know how to put this politely, but I'm not comfortable with leaving her alone in here."

Gareth looked at her and something odd flickered across his face.

"Let's just talk to her, see if we can get her to work with us," Hannah said quickly, realizing he'd picked up on her distrust.

"I figure, with the way the world is going now, we need to learn to provide for ourselves. That means a sustainable source of food and water. Gareth and I got lucky at that convenience store yesterday, but those supplies won't last forever. Plus, the water was cut off this morning."

"What?"

Hannah and Gareth stood by the doorway in the spare bedroom Alex had been sharing with his mother. He looked up at her now and she could sense the same dread that had hit her that morning when a twist of the tap had not given its usual result.

"It was working fine when I made breakfast," he said.

"Must have cut off right after," Hannah replied.

"But you have more, right?"

"I've got a few tanks, but that's not going to last four people very long. We're going to need some for bathing too, let alone drinking and cooking. Unless we get used to the stink and live off canned food the rest of our lives. Any of you good at hunting?"

She looked over at Gareth, then to Alex, who just stared.

"Yeah, me neither," she replied with a sigh.

"What's the plan, then? You came up with something, right?"

"There's a hardware store not far from here," Gareth broke in, repeating the plan Hannah had divulged to him back in her room, "We can look for water tanks, barrels, anything to collect rainwater in."

"Also, seeds for vegetables so we can maybe make a start on growing our own stuff. At least that'll give us something. Heck, we might even stumble across some fruit trees to plant, who knows. I mean, we have to think long term now, I guess," Hannah added. Gareth glanced at her and she realized she'd spoken as if she'd thought about them staying with her for good. There was something about that thought that made her uncomfortable, though maybe it was just from living alone for so long.

"How are we going to get all this?" Alex asked. Mary was listening, gazing at Hannah while she processed their ideas.

"We'll need a truck. It's going to take more than just the two of us to get it done," Gareth replied, and he looked to his mother.

"Yes, of course" she said, surprising them all.

"We all know how dangerous it is out there. It was admittedly easier when I was making the trips on my own," Hannah continued, "but there were some things I couldn't do by myself. This is one of them. The four of us should make quick work of it. In and out. We just have to find this truck first. That's going to be the main challenge."

"Do you think they might have something there?" Alex wondered, "For making deliveries, or something customers could hire to get their stuff home?"

"It's a possibility. I know they had trailers you could attach to your car. I don't know about trucks."

"Alright, so how about we go there first, scout out the place and find what we need, get it all ready to load, then worry about the transport?" he suggested.

"Probably not a good plan if we have to get out of there quickly," Hannah countered. "We could split up, I guess. Two go look for the transport the other two collect what we need. I've got a couple of radios I picked up from an abandoned military checkpoint. I haven't tried them yet, but if they work we could use them to keep in contact, at least. "

"Let's do that, then," Gareth agreed.

"So when do we do this?" Alex looked out the window as the storm still raged, and wondered how the roamers outside were affected by the weather.

"I kind of wish we'd done it earlier, considering the rain we had last night. Even now I feel like it's going to waste. But I don't think it's worth going out in this. Especially the wind. I'm picturing barrels flying off the back of our truck as we make a break for it. Not worth it."

"What happened to your car?" Gareth asked, thinking back to when they had first arrived and whether or not he remembered seeing it in the driveway.

"Stolen."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Within the first few days of everything going down, one of my neighbors made off with it. Don't know how far they got. I've been on foot ever since."

She didn't want to tell them she'd found it a few weeks later, smashed into the side of a bridge, the thief still inside albeit half-eaten. The car had been unsalvageable.

"We'll wait out the storm, and head out the first chance we get. Mary, do you think you'll be –"

"I'll be fine," she said quietly. "This is something we need to do."

"Yes, it is. But in the meantime I'm going to go outside, clear the area, make sure the lower windows are still boarded up and the yard is secure."

"You're going out?" Alex asked, concerned.

"I did it when I was on my own, I don't see how it's going to be any different now. Just something that has to be done."

"I'll come with you," Gareth suggested.

"Nah, it's fine. Maybe you can be my lookout, let me know if I'm about to be cornered. I'll be fine."

The force of the wind just about knocked her off her feet as she stepped outside. Gareth had lent her his crowbar after they discussed the use of guns in this circumstance, agreeing that the sound would attract too much attention. She didn't think she should mention the knife under her pillow, or the baseball bat under her bed, but now that they were sharing a room it was only a matter of time before he found both.

She glanced up at her bedroom window, which overlooked the front yard, and smiled at Gareth as he watched. He made a motion suddenly and she turned to see a stray heading towards her. She waited as it shambled towards her on a broken leg, one arm outstretched, the other completely missing from the socket. It made a groaning sound as it lurched forward, but she stepped aside just in time to knock it to the ground. The crowbar slid into its skull with a little force, and it ceased its movements. Running to the right side of the house, Hannah found one of the boards loose on the furthermost window. Cursing, she ran for the back gate, heading for the shed where she kept a few bits and pieces for the DIY she never used to do. Since the gate had been closed, the yard was free from any roamers, giving her clear access. She hurried back with the hammer and a handful on nails, almost running straight into one that had followed her. She let out an involuntary cry and jumped to the side, landing awkwardly on her ankle and losing balance. She managed to smack it on the back of the skull with the hammer as she fell, but lost her handful of nails. The only one she managed to hold onto pierced her skin as she put her hand out to break the fall. She cursed aloud, and spotted another two heading towards her. One of the downsides of living so close to the city, she'd found, was the sheer amount of visitors she seemed to get, both dead and alive.

Hannah heard the front door bang open, and for a moment thought she'd forgotten to lock it, that either the wind had blown it open, or a group of them had burst in. Ripping the hammer from the roamer's skull and forgetting about the nail in her hand, she sprinted for the front yard. Then Gareth appeared, baseball bat in hand, and began pommeling the two that had been approaching her. So he had seen the bat after all.

Sensing the moment of looming catastrophe had passed, she turned back to find the nails she'd spilled. Most of them had managed to slip through the gaps in the porch floor, but she plucked up the ones that were there and began hammering them in. There were only three and she didn't have time to grab the fourth. Looking down at the bloody mess her hand had become, she pulled out the nail, gritting her teeth to keep from yelling.

"Han, we need to get inside," Gareth shouted, his voice sounding distant as it was caught by the wind and rain. She looked over and spotted a horde approaching the house.

"Fuck."

Hammering the final nails into the board and managing to whack her thumb in the process, she checked that the board was now secure, leaving a big bloody handprint in the process, and ran back towards the front door. Gareth ran on ahead, watching her zip past the group as they all reached out for her, and stood by the door, ready to slam it shut behind them.

Once the locks were secure, Gareth looked through the small gap between the boards on the front window and watched them climb the steps to the door. Hannah stood trying to catch her breath, her hand pressed to the stitch in her side. She took one look at Gareth's expression as he turned away from the window, and passed him the hammer, his crowbar forgotten outside.

"Han, your hand," he said, catching sight of the blood.

"No time!"

She ran for the staircase and, breaking from his shock, Gareth followed not far behind.

"What are you –"

He watched her throw open the window and aim a rifle through it, the wind whipping up her hair around her face. She let off a shot, but cursed.

"God damn this wind," she muttered, lining up another attempt at a shot. This time she managed to clip one on the shoulder, but the wind was too much. There was no way she was going to be able to clear them.

"There's too many," she said. "I don't think the door will hold forever and I can't take them out with this wind."

"So what do we do?"

Alex appeared in the doorway looking anxious, hearing the gunshots.

"We'll have to take them out by hand."

The two brothers exchanged looks, then Gareth tossed Alex the hammer. He caught it gore-end first and grimaced, switching hands and wiping the blood on his jumper. Still holding the baseball bat from earlier, Gareth looked to Hannah. She reached under her pillow and pulled out a Bowie knife, ignoring the looks she received.

"Let's go."

There were more than she had expected – seven or eight at least. The moment she pulled open the door, the two closest to them collapsed inside and the others began to climb over them.

"Go!" Hannah shouted, and they launched into the attack, bringing their weapons down as hard as they could manage. Blood and brain matter splattered both them and the surrounding walls, but they continued their onslaught, pressing through to the last of the stragglers. When they finally had the last one down, they each stopped, out of breath and their arms aching from the force of each blow.

Hannah stared down at the pile of corpses and the blood staining her rug.

"We need to move them out of here and get this place locked up again," she said, between heavy breaths, "Don't know if my shots attracted many more, but I don't really want to wait around and find out."

The boys nodded. Suddenly, Alex slipped to ground, landing with a heavy thud and a shout. One of the dead from the bottom of the pile had grabbed hold of his leg and was pulling it towards their mouth, choking on its own blood.

"Alex!" Hannah cried. Gareth froze, unsure of what to do. In that moment of indecision, Hannah had moved forward and brought her knife down in the middle of the its arm, severing it completely. Alex scuttled backwards away from it as she stuck her knife through its head. They stared at her, eyes wide.

"What happened back there? You can't hesitate like that," she said to Gareth later, as they cleaned themselves up. With some help from Mary, who had crept downstairs during the commotion, they had moved all the bodies across the street and cleaned up the floor and walls. After that, Gareth had helped her lug up a water cooler bottle to their bathroom to wash with. It wasn't very practical but it was all they had for the moment.

"I don't know."

He rubbed his face with a wet wash cloth and checked himself in the mirror. The blood had gotten into his hair and dried. He had no idea how he was going to get it out.

"Here." Hannah passed him a comb. He ran in through his hair and winced as it caught and pulled on a clump of gristle.

"We should just go stand outside," she joked, listening to the rain continue its steady beat.

"Wasn't that the problem in the first place?"

"Did you think that just because you were coming into a house, that you'd be safe? It's not much better than being out there. There are still risks. Precautions you have to take. If I hadn't gone out there, I wouldn't have known that board had come off the window, and we would have been dealing with a totally different problem."

"No, I know, I know. I just don't want to lose any more people, Han. You know why I hesitated? Because I knew you had it. Like you've had everything since we arrived. I don't know how you've adapted so quickly. We were doing alright out there. I mean, surviving, but it's like you've got this whole thing figured out."

"I swear I had no hand in whatever caused this," she joked, happy to see him smile. He had a sweet smile. It made her think of a little kid. "I guess the collapse of civilization just doesn't bother me as much as it does others."

They both laughed at that.

"How's your hand?"

She tried to flex it with the bandage wrapped tightly around her palm. It wasn't easy, but at least it hadn't been her left hand, the one she used the most. Not that she'd really need it for writing anymore.

"I'm trying to remember when I had my last tetanus shot, to be honest. I think I had one when the older kids got their shots at the school a couple of years ago."

"I don't think tetanus is an issue."

"We'll see. If I die, it's your fault."

He chuckled. "Well, you wouldn't be dead for long."

"That's not funny."

He put down the comb and wiped his hands on the cloth before placing them on her shoulders and turning her towards him. He planted a firm and reassuring kiss on her lips. Hearing a noise, they both turned their heads towards the bedroom door and saw Alex.

"I was, uh, going to offer to make dinner. Wasn't sure what we had in terms of ingredients. I'll just go look. Or come back later, you know, whatever works."

When he had disappeared from view, they found the moment had gone and broke awkwardly apart.

"The rain stopped," she realized, stepping towards the window and pulling it closed. She looked down at the carpet beneath her and heard the distinct squelch of wet material. Groaning, she grabbed a towel from the bathroom rack and threw it over the wet patch of carpet.

"Guess we'll be going tomorrow, then."

"Looks like."

"Hey guys?" Alex called up from downstairs, "How does spaghetti sound?"

"Where did you get the meat from?" Hannah asked suspiciously, playing with the spaghetti on her plate.

"There was plenty left on the living room floor," Alex replied, then saw her horrified look and added, "Joking! There was some jerky in the cupboard, right at the back. It was out of date, but it looked alright. Hopefully it tastes ok. I think the water softened it a little."

"Ingenious," she replied without much enthusiasm. She had never been a fan of the tough, dry meat. Her father had loved it.

Gareth tried a mouthful and stared at his brother, trying hard not to criticize. Mary sat across from Hannah, her food untouched. She was staring at the bandage wrapped around Hannah's hand.

"Did one of them bite you?" she asked, concerned. The brothers exchanged looks.

"No," Hannah assured her, "I fell on a nail."

"Oh."

"So I was thinking we could go to the hardware store tomorrow. The weather's cleared up a bit, better time than any. And if it does rain again, at least we might be prepared this time."

It was eerie how much this reminded her of her first dinner with the three of them, just after her mother had been admitted to hospital. Gareth had known how much time she had been spending there, seen her turn up to school with unkempt hair, still half asleep from staying the entire night by her mother's side. After speaking with his mother, she had demanded that he invite Hannah over for a home cooked meal. Mary had been a wonderful host; there was never a lull in conversation, and it was always kept light in respect for what Hannah was going through. Gareth had put his hand on her thigh under the table, teasing her as she tried to keep up the chatter. She had ended up staying the night, she remembered, so she didn't have to go home to an empty house, and it had been the first time they'd had sex in a months. It had been wonderful.

As if he was also remembering the same thing, she felt Gareth's hand slip onto her leg. She stopped chewing the tough jerky for a moment, then, feeling his gaze, reached for her glass of water.

"Sounds good," Alex said.

She was actually surprised that there had still been some condoms laying around in the bottom drawer of her bedside table. Her last boyfriend had been well over a year ago.

Gareth came out from the bathroom, stripped down to his boxer shorts, looking refreshed.

"That brought back a few memories," Hannah said, stretching out on the bed. She sighed and pulled the duvet over her naked body.

"Good ones?" he asked, flopping down next to her.

"I'm going to say yes," she laughed. He traced a finger down her spine and leaned forward to kiss her. "This is weird."

"Sorry," he said, moving his hand away.

"No, not that," she chuckled, "It just never would have even occurred to me that this is where I would be a few weeks after everything that happened. You didn't really even cross my mind until you showed up on my doorstep. No offence."

"No, that's fair. I don't think anyone would have woken up and thought 'Hey, the dead are coming back to life, I wonder how my ex is doing?' I just thought, since I was in the area…"

"How did you know I still lived here?" she frowned, rolling onto her side, head resting on her hand.

"I may have, uh, gone slightly out of my way to find out."

"What?"

"We were heading by a school with the group we ended up with, and Alex mentioned it was the one you were teaching at. I said to the group we should check it out for supplies. While they did that, I went to check the records. Just out of my own curiosity. To see if I could find your address. See if you had survived. We lost one of our guys in there. The rest of the group we lost on the way here."

She was concerned by the way he told the story: without emotion, as if he hadn't lived through it himself.

She moved onto her back and stared up at the ceiling.

"Alex was pissed. Understandably."

"Was his girlfriend part of that group?"

Gareth was silent. He had an odd look on his face.

"No. That happened before this. He kept asking me why it mattered, why did I have to find you? You know why? Because everyone else we knew is dead, Hannah. The girl I was seeing, I'd only just started seeing her, was already pulled apart by the time we found her. I didn't even feel anything. I barely knew the girl. We'd been on a couple of dates. I slept with her once. She wasn't long term, I knew that. I just checked in on her because I felt… obligated."

A familiar feeling began to creep back into her mind as she listened to him, a feeling deep in her gut that she had ignored many times when they were together. She didn't want to ignore it anymore.

He stared at her, and as if he actually wanted to make things worse, he chuckled.

"You're telling me every guy you've slept with meant something to you?"

And just like that she felt defeated. Sensing this, his smile widened.

"Asshole," she said, pushing him, but he grabbed her arms and pulled her on top of him. She gazed down at him with mixed thoughts, but smiled when he reached up and stroked her cheek. She leant down to kiss him but moaned as he pushed his hips up against her.

"You got another condom in that draw?" he asked.

"Really?"

"We've got a bit of time to make up for, Han."

"Yeah, well, whose fault is that?"

"I thought I was forgiven."

"We'll see."

"So is that a yes or no?"

She smirked down at him. "You look good with that stubble, you know."

"I was thinking of shaving it off. It gets a bit itchy."

"Yeah, I know," she smirked, leaning over towards the bedside, still feeling the raw sensation on her thighs. He chuckled and ran his fingers down her back and over the curve of her ass.

"You know, back at that convenience store, I nearly brought a box of condoms back with us. Then I thought of the look on you face if we were unpacking and you saw them. Decided it was safer to leave them."

"Good move," she agreed, rummaging through the junk in her drawer, "Oh, hey, what do you know. I found the box."