Retracing and Replacing
Sitting Down on My Bed and Planning My University Schedule
As I flick my pen over my day planner I had been thinking about her. My landlord seems to always have a sad look on her face these days. I don't quite understand why—her business is booming; she is smart and outrageously gorgeous. These days I have started to work at one of her locations to help me pay my way through college. More so its that I don't want to use the money my mom left me. I want to use my mother's life insurance solely for school tuition. I'm working for my rent and for my daily living needs. Wait… How did I find the life insurance again...? I went to visit mom and saw a picture of Ko Hyun-Jung the ghost unni from the library and my mom. Not much time passed in between me being at moms to suddenly being at the library. How did I? Oh my goodness. Have I forgotten something again? Its so blurry. I see an outline. I feel a feeling. Contradictions in my mind. Knowing what I did, not knowing how I got there. How did I see her so fast and get what mom had left me?! Memory come back! I go to pick up my notebook from a year ago. I read the entry about being his bride. Who did I marry?! Why would I marry someone I don't know?
Thunder Rumbles Lightly in The Distance
My head is starting to hurt but my thoughts are so loud. I can't take anything in. I question and question again who he is. Why can't I remember him? I grab my medication and a glass of water and take a deep breath. I start to think of my birthday when I finally turned into an adult that can drink soju.
Lightning Fills the Sky and The Thunder Grows Louder and Closer
I feel my head splitting. Did I go out drinking by myself that late at night?! JI EUN TAK! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING! My brain I feel like I have a nail driven in both the side of my head. Some punks came to my table and they were talking to someone. Someone—at my table. The tent ahjumma said my boyfriend was in trouble, that those guys were bad news. I remember looking out of the tent and seeing the punks get thrown about by a tall figure with a long stick. I just kept on drinking. Yehk so bitter. My headache. I feel it travelling through my whole body. I am on fire. My throat burns because I'm crying now. More than crying I'm screaming in excruciating pain. I can't even breathe. He came back into the tent the figure is more than an outline now. He came up to our table, I got up and kissed him. My pain subsided a little bit. The memory was so happy that I forgot about my pain until the next bought of thunder mixed with hard rain beginning to fall angrily.
Rain Began to Fall Rigidly
My landlord is screaming my name from outside my door. I can hear her rummaging around for the right key. I'm screaming and crying so loudly I'm surprised that she just started hearing me now when the rain got louder. She's rushing into my room. I feel so much pain my eyelids are heavy. I must close my eyes. I collapse fully onto my bed. Tears streaming down my face, continually running over layers of dried tear pathways from earlier in the night. I see his figure and can make out a smile then the mouth is forming my name on his lips. Pain stabs my heart. My head goes black. The pain is searing. The figure is fading into a slight silhouette of an outline again. I try to fight it. The memories have been retraced. They could even become replaced if I don't keep myself focused on remembering. My mind goes completely blank.
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