Now and Then

by ShirleyAnn66

Beck was rebuilding the country and his life, growing closer to Heather as he did so. And then his missing wife is found.. (Posting old fics from AO3 over here as well.)

2. Part Two: Pleasure and Pain

Part Two: Pleasure and Pain

Now - May 2009

Beck and Heather were on the road before dawn and drove in comfortable and somewhat sleepy silence. As the sun rose, Beck glanced at Heather in the passenger seat. She was smiling slightly as she looked out at the fields filled with wheat and corn and other crops. God and good luck willing, Beck thought, they'd have a good crop this year.

She turned and gave him a sweet smile. "It's wonderful to be out of Jericho," she said. "I'd almost forgotten what it looked like outside the walls."

Beck shrugged unapologetically. "It was for your own good."

"I know," she assured him. "I'm just glad the guerrilla attacks seem to be slowing down."

Beck frowned and shook his head. "They're slowing down," he agreed, "but they're becoming much more focused and effective."

Heather frowned as well, her brow wrinkled in thought. "I've been wondering about that," she said. "Do you have any ideas?"

"Too many," Beck replied grimly. "In the meantime, even though you're on this trip, it's because the President specifically wanted you to handle these assessments and meetings. If we had the resources, we'd have an armed convoy protecting us. So don't get any ideas that my orders on travel outside Jericho have changed."

Heather laughed. "I won't. I won't even argue with you about it. I understand the reasons better than anybody."

He pressed his lips together at her words. Even though he'd wanted to remind her of the reasons behind his orders, he didn't like to remember those reasons either.

*/*/*/*

Then - November 2008

Heather had thought the crushing disappointment she'd felt when she finally admitted Jake simply wasn't interested in her had been bad. That was nothing compared to this.

But the world didn't stop turning just because her heart was broken. It hadn't even stopped turning when twenty-three American cities were turned into so much radioactive dust. Besides, there was always more than enough work that needed to be done and today was no exception.

Heather told Captain Clark she was going to assess an abandoned farm she'd been told about that was an hour from Jericho. She coaxed Charlotte into starting and headed out.

She was deliberately cheerful with the Rangers guarding the wall at the western checkpoint. She told them where she was going and pointed out her route on a map for them. As they noted the particulars, they teased her good-naturedly about Charlotte and told her to be careful since the road gangs headed by Constantino were becoming more active and more bold, getting closer and closer to Jericho each time. She promised she'd keep a sharp eye out, and drove away with a jaunty wave.

She knew she wasn't fooling anybody.

She watched the wall they'd built during the war recede behind her. It was a motley thing and hadn't really been intended to protect the town against an attack. Instead, it was meant to be a tool to control who could access the town itself. It was supposed to be a temporary security measure until Beck and Hawkins had arrived with the President and what was left of the cabinet, Congress and the Senate in tow.

Heather shook her head as she drove, remembering the scramble to find housing and supplies for 150 extra bodies - including the leader of the country. Heather had really been in no shape to take on the task, but no one else had known as much about the town's capacity on such short notice. She made a conscious effort now to ensure the knowledge was shared more broadly among her staff. Really, she thought, Beck and Leyna were lucky there'd still been a vacant house available, and one of such good size and in such good shape.

She winced and pushed the thought of Beck and Leyna - and the mental pictures of what they were most probably doing - firmly from her mind.

*/*/*/*

Beck and Leyna were talking.

He felt awkward, like he was making conversation with a stranger, and he supposed that wasn't far off the truth of it. It had been almost three years, after all, and those three years had been filled with unimaginable upheaval, chaos and danger. Even now, six months after the end of the war, "normal" was just a word they used to use.

It was vaguely similar to how he felt the first few days home from deployment. Like an alien in his own life.

He suspected it was going to take more than just a few days for things to feel...right.

At the moment, he was letting Leyna talk. She'd already told him about Elje, how she'd found Elje's body after a food riot in Santa Fe. He'd held her as she cried. The pain for him was both deep - and distant. He'd been preparing for the worst as soon as he'd learned Leyna was alone at that refugee camp.

Now Beck held her hands as she continued to speak about her split-second decision after finding Elje to leave Santa Fe without a word to the family left behind.

"I - I think I went a little crazy. I just...couldn't go back and face them," Leyna said softly, staring into the distance. "I - I didn't know how to tell them -" She shook her head. "So I never went back. I just...left. I went to one of the staging areas, you know, where people were gathering to try and get out of the city. Travelling in groups - safety in numbers. I'd heard there were refugee camps all over New Mexico and into Texas - so I just waited around until there was a spot on a transport, and I hopped on. I ended up in Mexico for several months. I managed to get back into Texas just before they closed the borders. From there, I headed east and just roamed around, hoping to find a place I could settle in. After the war, I drifted west again."

"Why didn't you try to get in touch with me?" Beck asked softly, blinking back the tears in his eyes.

"I didn't really know where you were, or if you'd even made it back from Iraq. And things were so chaotic - well, it was tough enough finding anyone who knew what was happening, let alone trying to get word to one lowly Major in an army for a country that no longer existed."

Beck frowned slightly, then let the words slide off his back. There were bigger questions, bigger chasms to build bridges across than their long-standing friction about his career and ambition, or lack thereof. He shook off a mental image of a chasm named Heather and refocused on the woman in front of him.

"Were you in refugee camps all along?" he asked.

She shook her head. "I moved in and out. The refugee camps were so crowded and poorly supplied - chances were sometimes better outside of them. But they were a place to go when - well, when you wore out your welcome."

Beck frowned slightly. "Did that happen often?"

"In the beginning, it happened all the time. People were afraid - and that first winter, there was no food anywhere - no extra, I mean. If you hadn't been part of the town Before, you weren't welcome once the food supplies diminished and people started looking at each other differently. Later on, when I was back in the west and the ASA was starting to increase its influence and control, when food supplies became more stable, then we could stay."

"We?" Beck asked gently.

Leyna's gaze slid away from his. "I'm not...I'm not proud of some of the things I've had to do," she murmured.

Beck froze but to his surprise he felt no jealousy at the thought that Leyna may have been lovers with another man, or even several. But he also had to be practical. "Kenchy will give you a physical when you've had some rest," he said, his voice neutral.

Her eyes flew to his and he flinched at the rage and hurt in her eyes. "Worried I'm bringing you some disease?" she snapped, snatching her hands away from his. "Well, I'm sorry I'm not a soldier who could make her way without resorting to - to -"

"I'm not judging you," he said softly.

"No?" Her sarcasm was viciously biting.

"No," he replied simply.

"Well," she said coldly and clearly, "I wasn't a whore, if that's what you're worried about. When I could, I simply...allied myself with strong, powerful or influential men. They took care of me and I...took care of them."

A distant part of him was amazed at his lack of surprise or anger, but to be honest, he'd already painted a million different scenarios for how Leyna could have managed to keep her and Elje alive all this time. Leyna was a beautiful, intelligent woman with many wonderful qualities - and absolutely no practical skills. It was just one of the things he'd loved about her.

Did love.

Now he simply considered the story the same way he considered a million other similar stories he'd heard over the last two years. It was a story as old as time, he thought with a sigh, and a story, he was sure, that would repeat itself until humanity finally ended.

She seemed to read his mind. "I also worked wherever there was a need for willing even if unskilled hands. I cleaned bedpans," she shuddered delicately, "and I peeled potatoes - when we had potatoes. I collected garbage and harvested crops." She mournfully considered her hands. "I hope I'll be able to get rid of these callouses now," she said with a wistful sigh.

Beck hesitated, then he said, "We'll find something for you to do that will be a better fit," he promised.

She smiled at him, her anger gone as quickly as it had arrived. "I'm sure I could photocopy and file in your office," she suggested.

"We already have somebody," he said absently, still flipping through mental index cards of the vacancies in Jericho.

"Well, maybe in the - what do you call it now? It's not the White House, is it?"

Beck blinked and frowned at her. "Hmmm? Actually, we just call it City Hall." He shrugged. "We haven't had much time to be creative," he said.

"No? She's been here for six months."

"We've been busy," he said drily.

Leyna gave him a fondly exasperated look. "Anyway, I'm sure there's something I could do there. Deliver the mail." She shrugged. "I'm pretty good at emptying wastebaskets."

Beck chuckled softly. "I'll ask around. Heather will know what's available." He winced at Heather's name. "Leyna," he said softly, and recaptured her hands in his. "I have to tell you something."

"What?" she teased. "You fell in love with somebody else?" She laughed lightly, then her eyes widened as she took in his expression. "Oh, my God," she breathed, "you have, haven't you?"

Beck looked at her very steadily. "I debated all day and all night whether to even bother telling you about her. We never acted on our feelings, I swear. But you've been so honest with me, you deserve to hear the truth from me."

"You're in love with her?" Leyna asked flatly.

"Yes," he said gently, "although I've never told her. I'm married to you, after all. And I still love you. I chose you a long time ago."

"So why tell me at all?" she demanded bitterly.

"Because you're going to figure it out for yourself. Or somebody's going to tell you. And she doesn't deserve to be treated like she's a dirty secret. She's been my best friend for - for years now. Plus, she works with me."

"Well," Leyna said sliding her hands out of Beck's and leaning back against the couch. "Is she this - this Heather you just mentioned?"

"Yes," Beck said.

Leyna stared off into the distance, frowning. Then she looked at Beck. "So, where does this leave us?" she asked.

"It leaves us...as we are now," Beck replied quietly. "You're my wife and I love you - and I want to - to have you back." His voice broke.

Leyna smiled at him, then she leaned forward, cupped his face and pressed a warm kiss against his mouth. The kiss deepened, became hungry, devouring and she slowly tugged him over her as she laid back on the couch.

*/*/*/*

Heather pulled into the yard and debated for a moment about turning Charlotte off. The truck had been acting up all the way here, and help wouldn't arrive for hours - maybe even a day or two - if Heather ended up stranded.

On the other hand, that tendency to catch fire hadn't been completely resolved.

Heather shut off the engine and the loss of the comfortable, familiar rattling sounds suddenly made her feel unbearably lonely.

She leaned her forehead against her hands grasping the steering wheel and finally let herself sob out her sadness and pain.

*/*/*/*

Beck and Leyna snuggled on the carpet in the living room, a blanket draped over them. Leyna's head rested on Beck's shoulder, her arm and leg draped over him. She was sleeping. Beck frowned as he stared at the ceiling and told himself things would eventually feel right - it would just take time. He sent up a silent thank you to whichever god might be listening that he'd remembered to pick up condoms from the med-center the previous afternoon. He hadn't known what the last two years had been like for Leyna, and he didn't know if Leyna would want to sleep with him again immediately, but he'd wanted to have some available to use as birth control, just in case.

Leyna stirred, nuzzling into his neck. Her hand slowly stroked down his chest to his stomach and then lower.

"Mmmmm," she sighed, and lifted sleepy eyes and a wickedly sexy smile to him, "I've missed you," she said, then kissed him, her hand firmly closing around him.

Things would feel right soon, he told himself again as he kissed her back and began exploring the familiar curves of her body.

It would just take time.

*/*/*/*

The sun was setting by the time Heather completed the assessment checklist. The property was isolated, off the beaten track and hidden by a copse of trees that, judging from the size, had probably been planted when the farmstead was first settled. There was the smell of snow in the air, and Heather's breath misted in front of her face as she sat in Charlotte writing her final notes. The buildings and their contents were still in good shape and, through some miracle, hadn't been salvaged for fuel or building supplies. It was almost like finding buried treasure, Heather thought.

She made her last note, shivering, then dropped the clipboard on the seat beside her and glanced worriedly at the slate-gray sky. With luck she'd be back in Jericho before the snow started. She reached for the ignition.

The keys were gone.

Heather stared stupidly at the empty slot and for the first time in two days, the sick, sinking feeling in her stomach had absolutely nothing to do with Beck.

She snapped her head up and frantically scanned the area.

Then she saw them, coming out of the trees.

Two men, heavily bearded, dressed in thick coats and carrying handguns.

Heather sat in Charlotte and watched them walk towards her, her heart pounding, wondering what the hell she'd gotten herself into. She briefly thought of running - but there was nowhere to go, no place to make a stand. While she could hotwire the truck, she couldn't do it quickly enough to be out of the yard before they started firing. Her options, she thought, all ended with "you're fucked". She swallowed, then opened the door and stepped out of the truck. She stood waiting, her hands loose at her sides.

As they got closer she saw their grins were feral, their eyes glittering with some emotion she didn't want to name. She tried to hide her shudder but she knew they could see her revulsion and fear.

They paused several feet away from her, their eyes raking her from head to toe.

"What do you want?" she asked, and was grateful her voice wasn't shaking like her body.

They grinned at her, their guns almost casually threatening her. "Well, we weren't expectingyou," the one on the right, the taller one, said.

Heather frowned. "Are you squatting here?" she asked. "I was told this place was deserted."

"Oh, it's deserted all right," the one on the left replied. "We're the ones who sent the information about this place to Jericho." He glanced at his companion and the look on his face made Heather's skin crawl. "I think we just won the lottery, bro."

"I think we did, too. Who knew sending a message was going to be this much fun?" The taller one grabbed for her arm but Heather skittered out of reach, then froze as both men quickly aimed their guns at her. The threat was no longer casual.

She swallowed, her wide eyes focused on the guns, then she forced herself to raise her gaze to theirs.

"Sending a message?" she croaked.

They went to either side of her and each one grabbed an arm. They forced her around and started marching her towards the house.

"We don't like your President," the shorter one said, "we don't like your army, and we don't like Jericho. But we sure do like you."

Heather's breath was coming in short pants as they tugged her up the house's front steps and forced her through the door, letting her go as they did so. She spun to face them, backing away as they prowled towards her.

"Is that it?" she asked. "That's the message?"

"That," the taller one agreed, pressing her back against the wall, his breath hot and moist against her face, "and the fact that this is a warning shot - just to let all you people in Jericho know we're here. To let you know that none of you people are safe once you're outside that fucking wall."

Heather stared at him, her eyes wide and horrified. "Who are you?" she whispered. "Are you with Constantino?"

They laughed at her. "Constantino? He's not even close to our league. We'll take care of him in due course. And you don't need to know who we are - just that we're here. And none of you are safe. None of you."

"That's it? That's the message?" she repeated.

The taller one laughed and ground himself heavily against her. She felt his erection pressing against her through their various layers of clothes and she fought a wave of nausea as she turned her face away from his. He grabbed her chin and forced her to look at him, his fingers digging deep into her skin.

"No, sweetheart. You're the message," he said. The shorter one whooped as the taller one ground his lips against hers, forced her mouth open and roughly shoved his tongue inside.

Heather took almost sadistic pleasure in his howl of agony as she bit down with all her might even as the rush of hot coppery blood into her mouth almost made her gag.

He wrenched himself away from her, dropping his gun to clutch his mouth. His companion rushed forward to help. Heather spat blood out of her mouth and was ready when the shorter one spun towards her, raising his gun. She quickly stepped inside his reach, forcing his arm down with one hand while driving her forearm into his face, breaking his nose with a sickening crunch. She grabbed his gun from the floor and hit him hard across the temple with it. He went down in a heap.

She picked up the second gun then walked up to the taller one. He stared at her with teary eyes filled with rage, surprise and pain. Heather hoped there was at least a glimmer of fear as well.

"Who are you? Who are you working for?" she demanded.

He shook his head. Heather sighed. "You should really tell me, you know. You don't want Hawkins asking the questions."

He spat at her, staining her coat with blood. She gave him her saddest, most disappointed look, then hit him across the temple with the gun and let him join his companion.

She tucked the guns into her coat pockets then, with one eye over her shoulder, she searched through his pockets, looking for identification and Charlotte's keys.

She found neither.

She stood, frowning down at him, then she sighed and went over to the other one and she repeated the process with the same results.

She stood. She quickly found some sheets and, using her pocketknife, she cut them into strips which she then used to securely hogtie her would-be rapists. She didn't want them getting away before she brought back Jake and Hawkins. She opened the front door and stopped short at the wall of snow and howling wind that lurked just outside. She realized she'd been hearing the wind for some time, but had been too focused on securing her prisoners to pay too much attention to it. If it was this bad within the shelter of the trees, she thought, she didn't even want to think what it was like on the open Kansas prairie.

She walked back into the living room and considered her two prisoners. She had no doubt she could keep them secure. Hawkins had taught her well, she thought grimly, but she'd still be awake all night, just to be sure. But first she'd need heat.

She dragged her two still-unconscious prisoners to opposite corners of the living room then she prepared to brave the howling storm outside. She'd noted a huge pile of firewood in the barn and she'd need to carry as much of it to the house as she could before the storm got much worse. She cut up another sheet, tying the ends together until she had a rope she hoped was long enough to stretch to the barn from the front porch.

As she set off into the bitter wind and the blinding snow, she wondered if anyone had noticed she hadn't returned to Jericho.

*/*/*/*

The night passed slowly, especially since Heather didn't dare fall asleep in case the fire went out or her two prisoners managed to get loose. She'd dragged them close to the fireplace, and when they'd regained consciousness, she'd checked their injuries and their bonds, then let them glare at her through their pain.

She sat wrapped in a musty comforter in an armchair she'd placed in front of the fire and watched the flames. She stoked the fire, kept watch over her prisoners, and listened to the howling wind. She thought of what she'd do when the storm lifted, and hoped she'd be able to get out of the farmyard without any problems.

Morning felt like it would never arrive.

On the other hand, she thought with grim amusement, she'd only brooded about Beck for part of the night and not the entire night.

But morning did finally come, and with it the end of the storm. Heather jerked suddenly awake from a light doze, gripping a gun as she frantically looked around, trying to understand what had awakened her. She realized she could no longer hear the wind. Her two prisoners were still firmly hogtied on either side of the fireplace and they seemed to be sleeping. The one with the broken nose was breathing heavily making a whistling, snoring sound. She winced at the man's swollen face before remembering they'd at the very least intended to rape her the evening before.

She'd long ago lost any sympathy for the devil.

The fire had burned down and she was aware of the chill in the air. She stoked and added wood to the fire then made her way, shivering, to find something she could use as a chamber pot - and someplace private so she could do so.

Which was why she was upstairs, in the frigidly cold bathroom, when the front door slammed open. She heard the sound of men's voices, raised in urgent command, while at the same time she realized she was hearing the distant sound of rotors rapidly getting closer. She pulled one of the guns from her pocket and stood holding her breath by the window, keeping one eye on the door. She watched as three men struggled through the snow to the front door, then watched as they - along with their companion who had come into the house earlier - helped her two overnight guests outside. They struggled back through the snow and had just made the trees when the helicopter came into sight and set down in the yard, swirling the freshly fallen snow into a mini-blizzard.

Heather pocketed the gun when she saw Jake and Hawkins jump out of the chopper and she hurried downstairs to meet them.

*/*/*/*

Beck and Leyna ventured out into the cold and snow in search of breakfast. Leyna had looked at the food in the fridge, sighed, and pouted, and he'd laughed. For a moment, it was like the last three years had never happened. It was somehow comforting to know Leyna still didn't know how to cook. As they walked to Bailey's, Beck wondered if Jake sometimes felt this amused exasperation with Emily.

The first thing he saw was Heather sitting at the bar with Hawkins, chomping into a hamburger like she hadn't eaten for days. She closed her eyes in bliss and nodded at whatever Mary was saying as she chewed. It was all hauntingly familiar. Beck leaned closer to Leyna.

"That's Heather," he murmured in her ear before guiding her towards his friends.

Hawkins, of course, saw them first and as Beck and Leyna walked towards them, Hawkins touched Heather's shoulder and murmured in her ear. She opened her eyes and looked over at them, and Beck's heart lurched as their eyes met. He frowned as he got closer and saw her eyes were glittering with exhaustion and there were dark circles beneath them.

Hawkins stood, and Beck introduced him to Leyna while Heather hastily chewed and swallowed, wiping her hands as she, too, stood for the introductions. She shook Leyna's hand.

"I'm very happy to meet you," Heather said. "Sorry about this," she said, gesturing vaguely at the platter of food and her clothes. "It was a long night."

Leyna smiled slyly and slanted Beck a purely sexual look. "I know exactly what you mean," she purred, rubbing his arm. Beck flushed as he shot an embarrassed and apologetic glance at Heather, who was staring thoughtfully at Leyna. He frowned as he took a better look at Heather.

"Are those bruises?" he demanded, peering at the long purplish smudges that marred the pale skin of her jawline. He hastily scanned the rest of her. "Is that blood?" he demanded, moving closer, Leyna's hand dropping unnoticed from his arm.

Heather glanced down. "Not mine," she assured him, "and yes, those are bruises. I'm fine. Really." She stared at him, her expression warning him to let it go, her eyes flicking to Leyna and back to him. He frowned, but stepped back. She smiled slightly. "I'm really sorry, but I'm starving. Do you mind if I...?" she waved at the plate.

"Not at all. We're starving, too," Leyna said at her most charming. "Would you like to join us for breakfast?" she asked, including Hawkins in the invitation.

"I'm not really going to be very good company until after I've eaten," Heather replied. "But you can join them if you want," she added to Hawkins as she sat down, then took another bite of her burger.

"I promised Jake I wouldn't let you out of my sight," Hawkins replied absently, his watchful eyes never leaving Leyna's face. He ignored Heather's muffled scoffing sound.

"Not let you - what the hell happened last night?" Beck demanded.

Heather indicated her full mouth and gestured at Hawkins to tell Beck the story. Before he could begin, Jake burst into Bailey's on a wave of snowy, cold air. He rushed towards them, talking rapidly, his dark eyes wide.

"Okay, Clark's sending out some soldiers to search the area - hey, Beck. With this snow, they should be able to find their tracks without a problem, although it's starting to snow again. With any luck, they'll have the bastards in custody by this afternoon. They'll tow Charlotte back, too." He paused and considered the woman standing next to Beck. "And you must be Leyna," he said, holding out his hand.

Leyna nodded, and shook his hand.

"I'm Jake. Jake Green. Your husband here," he waved his thumb at Beck, "made me sheriff in a moment of madness, and I've refused to leave the position ever since."

Leyna's eyes widened as she listened. "Who's Charlotte and why are you towing her?" she asked, slightly befuddled.

"Heather's truck," Beck and Jake said simultaneously, and smiled wryly at each other.

"Although, really, the bastards deserve her," Jake added. Heather made another muffled protest and smacked him lightly on the shoulder. He grinned and winked at Beck, who shook his head and grinned back.

"Okay," Beck said. "Somebody had better tell me what's going on - and fast! Jesus - I've only been off duty for a day!"

Heather finished swallowing her last bite of food, and turned to them. "Well," she said thoughtfully, wiping her hands, "if this is what happens after only one day, I'm terrified to know what this place is going to be like after two weeks!" Her voice turned watery and Beck took a step towards her. Jake smoothly inserted himself between them, pulling Heather into a comforting hug.

"You're just tired," he soothed. "When you're ready, I'll take you home. Emily's probably already there."

Heather nodded, her entire body drooping. "I'm ready now," she sighed tiredly. "I feel like I could sleep for a week." She gave Leyna an exhausted, slightly embarrassed smile. "I'm sorry," she said to her. "Not a very pleasant welcome, I'm afraid." She straightened. "Welcome to Jericho. I hope you'll be very happy here." She couldn't quite look at Beck as she said the words, although to her credit, she sounded sincere.

"Thank you," Leyna murmured. She sounded both thoughtful and bemused, and they watched in silence as Jake and Heather left the bar.

"This is all very well and good," Beck snapped to Hawkins, "but nobody has told me what the hell's going on!"

Hawkins grinned. "Let's go sit, and I'll fill you in."

*/*/*/*

In the end, the soldiers came back empty-handed, although they did deliver Charlotte to Heather's place.

That night, after everyone left, Heather felt a chill of loneliness and slight discomfort at being alone in her house. She cautiously looked out her window and thoughtfully considered the truck in her driveway.

She'd move Charlotte in the morning, she decided. She didn't think those men had anyone in Jericho - and they definitely shouldn't have known who she was - but there was no point in taking any chances. She shivered.

For the first time since shortly after Beck had returned and the President took up residence in Jericho, Heather locked her doors.

*/*/*/*

Now - May 2009

"We imposed the restriction on leaving Jericho without an armed escort on everyone, not just you," Beck reminded her. "You should have heard the President! She was not impressed! Even though for her there wasn't any real change since she wasn't allowed to leave Jericho without an armed escort in the first place."

"I think it was the armed escort you insisted she keep with her while she was in Jericho that drove her over the edge," Heather said drily. "She shared her opinion about that - in rather colorful language, too, I might add - especially when she started talking about over-protective Majors!"

Beck grinned. "That must have been before Jake and Hawkins weighed in on my side."

Heather nodded. "Otherwise she would have added sheriffs and secret agents to that list. Of course, she did feel a bit sheepish once when she remembered I was the catalyst behind the order."

Beck's grip tightened on the steering wheel and his grin abruptly disappeared.

Heather considered him thoughtfully. "Haven't you ever been curious about my friendship with her?" she asked suddenly. "All this time and you've never once asked me anything about it."

He chuckled. "Of course I'm curious. But neither of you have chosen to share the story with me." He turned thoughtful as he continued, "Besides, the President is a human being and she needs friends like all the rest of us. Hawkins and Jake and I don't quite address that need."

"You address it more than you know," Heather said softly. "But you're right - she needs friends who aren't necessarily focused on her as - as a symbol...if that makes sense."

Beck considered the comment thoughtfully then nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense."

*/*/*/*

Then - December 2008

Heather glanced up from working on Charlotte's engine when she heard the knock on her garage door. Her jaw dropped when she saw the President, her security detail hovering behind her. Heather hastily straightened and reached for a rag to wipe her hands.

"Ma'am," Heather said in surprise, her eyes wide.

The President made calming gestures. "It's okay, it's okay," she said. "I'm sorry to interrupt. I just wanted to take a walk, and I recognized you as we were walking by."

"What?" Heather sputtered. "It's not safe for you to just - just be walking around!" Heather stared, appalled, at the President's security detail, who managed to look abashed even though their expressions didn't change.

"Oh, please," the President sighed, "no one gets into Jericho without going through the checkpoints, and the checks have gotten even more thorough lately, thanks to Beck." She lowered her voice conspiratorially. "I've heard they're doing anal probes at the town limits now."

Heather blinked in disbelief, then she slowly smiled as she recognized the teasing light in the President's eyes. "No, no - we only do those on the people we really dislike," Heather said.

Now it was the President's turn to blink in disbelief then she smiled a slow, surprisingly sweet smile and laughed.

Heather felt ridiculously pleased at the sound. She gestured vaguely around her garage. "Would you like me to -"

"No, no, not at all." The President smiled apologetically. "Really - I just wanted to take a walk and maybe -" she shrugged. "Maybe talk to somebody about something other than threats, supply chains, weapons and strategies." She gave a weary sigh.

Heather felt an unexpected stab of pity as she watched the woman before her. The President had been thrust into her position under the most extreme circumstances and had risen to the occasion with grace and determination. But she was very much alone, even among the other survivors from Columbus. Heather wondered what had happened to the President's family, if they had died in the Attacks or in the war, or if, like so many others, they'd simply been lost from sight. Heather wondered how lonely the President must feel, alone and isolated in the place she now called home.

"What would you like to talk about, ma'am?" Heather asked and was rewarded with another sweet smile and a grateful look.

The President shrugged rather helplessly. "I don't really know," she said. "Tell me...tell me anything, so long as it isn't about threats, supply chains -"

"Weapons and strategies?" Heather finished and they both laughed and relaxed. Heather cleared off a chair for the President, then perched on her workbench as she carefully considered a topic of conversation. She smiled at the President. "I used to be an elementary school science teacher," she began, "and one day, one of my kids..."

*/*/*/*

Now - May 2009

They drove in thoughtful silence, then Heather said, "Aren't you worried about, well, about my level of influence with the President?"

Beck laughed. "No! You forget, I work with her every day, and believe me - that is one strong-willed woman. She's not easily fooled or influenced. Besides, I trust you. I know you would never do anything that would deliberately harm the President or anyone else."

Heather blushed. "I'm glad you trust me," she said. "There was a time when I wasn't sure that was the case."

"I never doubted you!" Beck protested.

"You doubted everyone," Heather shrugged. "Understandably so."

Beck stopped the humvee and turned to look at her. His gaze was so intent she couldn't look away.

"I never doubted you," he said fervently. "I always trusted you. Which is why it hurt so much when you lied to me." He searched her face intently. "Do you believe me?"

"You did once throw me in jail for treason," she teased, then sobered. She stared back at him just as intently before she said, very seriously, "I believe you."

The nature of their shared look slowly changed from intense scrutiny to something more personal, something much warmer, a silent expression of the underlying hunger that always seemed to lurk just beneath the surface of their relationship. Beck realized helplessly that no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't eliminate that hunger, that yearning for the woman sitting beside him. It felt embedded in his pores; he could smell it on his skin.

Heather flushed and looked away, and Beck shifted uncomfortably, then put the humvee back in gear and continued driving.

The silence now was awkward, filled with unspoken - and in some ways unwelcome - thoughts.

*/*/*/*

Then - November 2008

The weeks after Leyna arrived were...surreal. That was the only word that seemed to fit. Beck found that everything was both familiar and unfamiliar, like nothing was connecting quite the way it used to or quite the way he'd expected. The mixture of then and now had him off-balance. He felt like he was a stranger in his own life. More than that, because he wasn't just a stranger in the life he now led but he was also a stranger in the life he used to lead. Many aspects of his marriage were as he remembered them. Good things, things that reminded him why he'd fallen in love with Leyna in the first place and why he'd searched for her so diligently. But he also realized he'd forgotten - deliberately or otherwise - many of the little things about his life with Leyna Before, and each one surprised him and knocked him off balance again.

Like the restless way she slept, crowding him off the bed and usually managing to painfully smack him several times a night. The third time he was sleepily shuffling to the spare room in an effort to get some uninterrupted sleep, he realized with a mixture of amusement and confusion that he'd somehow forgotten this had once been a common occurrence. Before, it was something he could tolerate without worrying about the next day. But his life was vastly different now, and his sleep was already often interrupted because of one crisis or another - and this wasn't like Before where he could be deployed home for rest and relaxation before once again heading to the front lines. They all lived on the front lines now, and he needed to get his rest when and where he could.

He moved into the spare room the next day, and began to stay in the master bedroom only until Leyna fell asleep.

He was taken aback the first time she rolled her eyes at him. He'd completely forgotten that habit. He'd also forgotten how much it used to annoy him. She did it when she thought he was being overly pompous and rule-bound, or when he was trying to talk her out of doing something she wanted to do. In this case, she wanted to meet the President. Not an unreasonable request, except she wanted to do it immediately. When he began to explain all the steps they'd need to go through to grant her request, she "tsk'd" and rolled her eyes, then said, "You always were so rule-bound and by the book, Eddie. I'd hoped you might have loosened up a little bit."

Which illuminated another little thing: he'd always hated being called Eddie, and she refused to call him anything else.

Making love still felt somehow, subtly wrong, and he still didn't quite know why.

Well.

That wasn't quite true.

Lying in bed the night before he was due to go back on duty, he realized he was looking forward to it with a mixture of relief and anticipation. Relief because, while he'd been kept in the loop with daily updates from Clark or Hawkins or Jake, it wasn't the same as being there each day. He was particularly anxious to find out what progress they'd made, if any, in identifying the men who had attacked Heather.

And there she was. The reason why he was a stranger in his own life. The reason why making love with Leyna felt different. The reason for the anticipation twisting his stomach. He hadn't seen her since they'd checked on her the evening after her attack, and he was anxious to see for himself that she was all right.

Aw, hell, he thought, and sighed. He was just anxious to see her. He'd missed her these last two weeks and was looking forward to getting back into a routine where he had an opportunity to see and talk to her every day - even if they didn't actually see or speak to each other. There was something powerfully reassuring just knowing she was there. She really was his best friend...and he didn't want to think about what this all said about the kind of man he was.

He resolutely closed his eyes and waited for sleep.

*/*/*/*

Now - May 2009

The silence stretched thin and taut between them until Heather finally sighed and turned to look at him.

"We still have at least two hours to go," she said. "Are we going to sit here in silence for the rest of the way?"

Beck forced himself to relax and gave her a half-smile. "What do you want to talk about?" he asked.

Heather bit her lip, then blurted, "What happened?"

Beck didn't even have to ask her what she meant.

*/*/*/*

It wasn't any one thing - not even Heather. It was a combination of many things, and Beck knew he had to take most of the blame. He had lingering feelings for another woman; he had duties that demanded much more of his time and dedication than they had Before; he wasn't as patient with Leyna's eccentricities as he had been Before; how they dealt with the loss of their daughter was diametrically different - and as much as he hated to admit it, and as much as he tried to ignore it, he still heard Hawkins' words of caution whispering in his ears.

But mainly, he thought, it was the little things. Things he'd once considered minor irritations easily ignored began to fester and grow until he realized they couldn't be ignored any longer.

*/*/*/*

Then - December 2008

Christmas supper was at the Richmond farm. It was crowded with Stanley and Mimi, Jake and Emily, Hawkins, Darcy, Allison and Sam; Eric and Mary; Gail; Heather and, of course, Beck and Leyna. The evening was boisterous and loud, with Stanley's wine and Mimi and Stanley's three-month old son Benny adding to the general chaos. Later in the evening, after the dishes had been cleared away and they were simply sitting, talking around the table, they toasted Eric and Mary's new baby who was due in five months. Then Jake and Emily announced her pregnancy, which earned another toast, loud cheers and some good-natured ribbing about jumping on the bandwagon. Then they toasted Leyna's arrival and welcomed her to Jericho and the group everyone considered their extended family.

Leyna sparkled as she accepted the welcome, and Heather could see why Beck was so devoted to her. Even Hawkins seemed charmed. Then, when everyone put their glasses down, Leyna said, "And what about you, Heather? Any special man in your life?"

Beck stared at Leyna in consternation and flushed. Everyone else froze, except for baby Benny happily cooing in his mother's arms.

Leyna smiled at Heather, her dark eyes wide and guileless. "I mean, it just seems you're the odd woman out since everyone else either is, or was, married."

Heather frowned as she shook her head. "No," she said slowly, "there's no one special in my life."

"Well, Heather," Gail said quickly as Leyna opened her mouth to respond, "Leyna has a point. We are the only unmarried people left in this disreputable crowd."

Heather gave her a deeply grateful look. She knew how difficult it was for Gail to talk about losing her husband, even if obliquely. "So we are," Heather replied. "Should we start a support group?"

"No," Gail said thoughtfully, "but I could start sending some handsome young men your way in the new year."

Beck froze, his eyes snapping to Heather's face. For a second their eyes showed too much of what was in their hearts before she quickly re-focused on Gail. Beck silently called himself every type of name he could think of as he dropped his eyes and forced himself to relax. He was happy - or almost - and reunited with the love of his life. He used to believe he was an honorable man - but would an honorable man begrudge Heather a chance to find her own happiness, whatever that might be? He winced slightly as Heather laughed at Gail's suggestion.

"I work around handsome young men every day," she replied lightly, "although I suppose there's always room for a few more. But what do I have to do for you in return?"

"Well, if those two," Gail nodded at her sons, "and that one," she nodded at Stanley, who gave her his best wide-eyed, innocent-blond-farmboy look, "would promise not to pummel the poor man to within an inch of his life, I might actually go out on a date or two myself."

There was stunned silence followed by pandemonium. Beck leaned back in his chair with one arm slung casually on the back of Leyna's chair and watched it all with a grin. Leyna watched the chaos with a puzzled frown.

Beck actually guffawed at Jake's "I'll kill the son-of-a-bitch!" and shared a grin with Darcy while Hawkins simply shook his head and sighed.

Gail gave Heather a fondly exasperated look. "See what I mean?"

Heather was giggling helplessly as she nodded, and she shared a warm, amused look with Beck.

When her sons and Stanley finally subsided, Gail added, "I pity you, of course, Heather." At Heather's raised eyebrows, Gail continued. "You not only have my two sons and Stanley, you also have Hawkins and Beck, too. It'll take a very, very brave man to face down all five of them!"

"Screw the men!" Mimi blurted, "he'll have to face us first!" She waved a hand to include all the women at the table.

Heather went off into another paroxysm of giggles. "Well, that does it - I'll have to find myself a secret lover just to protect him from all of you!"

"Oh, like we wouldn't find out anyway," Jake scoffed. "Hawkins has eyes and earseverywhere."

Heather mock-glared at Hawkins. "Better not be in my house!" she huffed.

Hawkins slowly smiled his shark-smile and everyone, including Beck, started laughing again, and the momentary discomfort caused by Leyna's question was forgotten.

By everyone except Beck.

That night as they were getting ready for bed, Beck casually asked Leyna, "Why did you ask Heather if there was anybody special in her life?"

"Hmmm?" Leyna asked, frowning as she pulled off her sweater. "Oh - I was curious."

Beck took a moment to appreciate her beauty, then said, "So you weren't trying to make her uncomfortable?"

"No!" She stared wide-eyed at him. "Eddie, why would you think that?"

"Because of my feelings for her."

Leyna looked blank, then she threw back her head and laughed as realization dawned. "Oh, that! I forgot all about that!"

Beck blinked at her in surprise. "You did?" He thought about it every day, trying to convince himself that his feelings for Heather were lessening. Someday he knew it would be true. He shook his head and refocused on Leyna, who had finished undressing and had slipped, naked, under the covers. She looked at him expectantly.

"I told you I loved her," Beck said slowly, frowning and making no move to remove his own clothes.

"You don't love her," Leyna scoffed. "You were lonely and you're a good guy, Eddie. You told yourself you loved her when really -" she crawled across the bed to him, slipped her arms around his neck and pressed against him, "you were just horny."

She kissed him passionately but Beck found himself curiously unmoved, and very confused. He kissed her back, but couldn't shake his unease. He gently disengaged and said, "I have to be at work early tomorrow."

Leyna stared at him in disbelief. "Seriously?"

He nodded, not quite meeting her eyes.

She sat back on her heels. "Well - that's a first! You've gotten old while we've been apart."

Beck gave her a sheepish shrug. "It's the price I had to pay in order to have Christmas Day off duty," he said.

He kissed her good-night and left her pouting in the master bedroom. As he slowly and thoughtfully got ready for bed, he wondered what to make of Leyna's casual dismissal of his feelings for Heather.

He wondered if she was right.

*/*/*/*

Then - January 2009

"Eddie, why aren't you a General?"

Beck frowned at Leyna's idle question. She'd been in Jericho for over two months now, and this wasn't the first time she'd asked the question. "Because I'm a field commander," he replied slowly, just like he'd told her several times before.

"You're a Presidential advisor."

"Yes. And a field commander."

Leyna rolled her eyes. "I see your lack of ambition hasn't changed," she said sarcastically.

"Being a field commander was always my ambition," Beck replied quietly.

Leyna pouted at him. "You never did listen to me about this. If you had, you would have been a General long before the Attacks ever happened and heading towards being one of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. Or if not that, at the very least you would have been making a ton of money."

Beck sighed, feeling the weight of Leyna's disappointment - then and now - settle on his shoulders.

"You could finally be somebody," she continued, "if you would just...show some ambition and seize the opportunity that's right in front of you!"

Beck stared at her as if she'd lost her mind. He could feel his temper rising and clamped down on it. "Being called a General won't make any difference," he said, his voice tightly calm.

"It'll make a difference in your lifestyle," Leyna argued. "You could get larger rations, and we could move out of this dump." She rolled her eyes again as she indicated their house.

Beck shook his head in surprise. "Larger - what?" he asked. "No one gets more rations than anyone else."

"Oh, please," Leyna snorted. "The Greens? The President? They all get more than anybody else."

"No," Beck said quietly, "they don't. Oh, and there is no other house available right now."

Leyna snorted in disbelief, but let the subject drop.

*/*/*/*

They were sitting around Jake and Emily's table, laughing over a story about Jake's misspent youth.

"If your kid is even half as bad as you, Jake...then it'll prove there really is justice in the world. You so deserve a kid just like you!" Heather laughed.

"Hey!" Jake protested. "I was no worse than any other kid my age!"

"Well, if you're comparing yourself to Emily and Stanley - maybe," Heather agreed, "but anyone other than those two, there'd be a different result."

Jake, Emily and Stanley mock-glared at her, and Beck said, "I hate to say it, but it's true, Jake. I used to think Elje was a handful, but you -" he stopped abruptly at Leyna's sharp intake of breath at Elje's name. He looked at her in surprise and found her glaring at him. Everyone froze, looking anywhere but at the two of them and there was a suspended moment of tense, electric silence. Beck cleared his throat. "You take the prize, Jake," he finished weakly.

The conversation resumed with a babble of voices, changing the subject.

They walked home in stony silence. After they were in the house, Leyna said coldly, "Don'tever talk about my daughter to those people again."

She went to her bedroom and firmly closed the door.

*/*/*/*

Then - February 2009

"Eddie, you need to talk to me!"

"I do talk to you!"

"Not about what's bothering you! Or what happens during your day, the things you do. I have no idea what your job's about. Or Hawkins'. Or Jake's. I mean, you're all Presidential advisors but I'm not sure on what - or, quite honestly, why."

"I'm sorry," Beck said. "I - I never thought -"

"I'm not mad, Eddie. I guess I just feel left out a little bit. I mean, I've been here for three months and it's like...I'm not welcome in that part of your life." Her large brown eyes filled with tears. "I just want us to be a family again, and I don't feel like we're there yet."

Beck enfolded her in his arms and patted her back soothingly. "Okay, okay, it's okay," he said. "I'm sorry - I didn't realize you felt this way." He carefully kept his confusion out of his voice. Leyna used to hate hearing about his job Before, and never listened for long if he started to tell her about it. On the rare occasions he had army buddies over, they were constantly reminded there was no shop talk allowed. If they wanted to talk about work, they had to head to the basement, or deck, or back yard so she wouldn't have to listen to it.

But a lot had happened since then, Beck acknowledged, and if hearing about his job would help her feel more...normal, well, that was a small thing to ask. He vowed to begin telling her more about the events of his day - or at least about those events he could actually share with her.

*/*/*/*

"You have a very charming wife, Major."

"Thank you, Madam President. I'll be sure to tell her you think so."

"No need. I've already told her myself."

Beck glanced sharply at her tone of voice. "Oh?" he said cautiously.

The President nodded. "She came to see me yesterday. Looking for a job." She cocked her head and considered him carefully. "Didn't she mention it to you?"

Beck's eyes widened as he stared at the President in consternation. "No. She didn't mention anything to me," he said.

"Well, I naturally told her to talk to you or Heather as the two of you would know what jobs were available in town."

"Naturally," Beck replied faintly.

The President smiled at him. "She said she wasn't interested in the menial jobs she's been offered. In fact, she strongly implied that Heather was deliberately offering her jobs far below her skills and abilities."

Beck blinked again. "Heather would never -"

"I told her that, too." The President waved airily. "But that wasn't the real purpose of her visit."

"I'm almost afraid to know," he said drily.

"She wants me to make you a General."

Beck's eyes widened in disbelief, then they narrowed in anger and he pressed his lips tightly together. He was almost positive steam was coming out of his ears. "What did you tell her?" he asked, his voice tightly controlled.

"I told her I've been trying to make you a General for months."

Beck's closed his eyes and groaned. "I'm sorry -"

The President waved away his apology. "No harm done. In fact, perhaps between the two of us we'll finally convince you to accept that promotion."

Beck sighed. "Ma'am -"

"I know, I know. I'll let it drop. For now. But some day I may pull out the big guns to convince you."

Beck frowned at her, puzzled.

The President gave him a teasing smile. "You know - Gail Green. And if she fails to convince you, I'll sic Heather on you."

Beck groaned and hung his head in defeat.

*/*/*/*

"No."

"Leyna -"

"No! And I'm tired of having this discussion! You've brought this up, like, every week since I've been here. Honestly, Eddie, there's no point to a memorial service - we're the only ones here who knew her, and I buried Elje a long time ago."

"Well, I didn't!" Beck snapped. She glared at him, with no sign of softening. He sighed, his shoulder slumping. "I need to say good-bye. Officially. Formally. I need the closure - and I need to honor her and all that she meant to me."

Leyna's expression didn't give an inch. "I don't need any of that," she snapped, "and I'm not going to change my mind." She stood. "She was my daughter, Eddie. Not yours."

Beck reeled from her harsh words and silently watched as she stormed from the room.

*/*/*/*

Then - March 2009

Beck drove back to Jericho in brooding silence. Leyna sat beside him equally silent and brooding, frowning as she looked everywhere but at him.

They entered the house and started getting ready for bed in the same stony silence.

Until it was time to slip under the covers, and then Beck stood beside the bed, and simply looked at Leyna - truly looked at her. She glowered up at him.

"Well?" she snapped. "If you're going to lecture me again, I wish you'd get on with it. I'm tired."

"These people are my friends," Beck said. "They'll be your friends, too, if you'd just give them a chance." Leyna rolled her eyes and Beck sighed. "I know you still feel like a stranger in Jericho -" he said.

"And whose fault is that?" Leyna snapped. "You're always working and even if you aren't, there's nothing to do and no one to do it with! God - why the President is even here in this godforsaken place - !"

"Because we could keep her safe here," Beck snapped. "And I knew we could trust these people. And..." he hesitated. "When we had to leave Columbus, there was really nowhere else to go."

"Well, it would be nice to be invited to City Hall on occasion - or, here's a thought! To her house! You are - or so you tell me - one of her closest advisors and I've only met her half a dozen times, and then only for five minutes each time. Meanwhile Heather - Heather! - practically has the run of the place! Someone needs to advise the President on the social niceties!"

Beck frowned at her, suddenly thoughtful. "I don't think the social niceties are high on the President's list of priorities right now." He paused, then he said, "I'll ask her if she'd like to have dinner with us one night."

Leyna's demeanor changed in an instant. She was suddenly all smiles and her eyes were no longer angry. She clambered up on to her knees on the bed and she made her way across the bed to him. She slid her arms around his neck and smiled at him seductively.

"See?" she said. "I just want something exciting to look forward to! Something to break up the monotony of this backwater town." She moved to kiss him but he leaned away. She frowned at him. "Oh, come on, Eddie! I've decided to forgive you for dragging me out to the Richmonds -again - and forcing me to listen to the same old conversations - again! Babies and dating and - ugh! Spare me! Have these people nothing better to talk about?"

Beck watched her expressionlessly. "They're my friends," he said sharply. "They're good people who have gone through hell and they deserve all the happiness they can find. You need to be a bit more understanding with them."

Leyna sat back on her heels. "You know what? I sure didn't miss your pompous righteousness."

He cocked his head to one side. "And I didn't miss your childish need to always have everything revolve around you."

"Oh, here we go," she sighed and crawled back under the covers. She laid down on her side, turning her back to him. "God," she huffed, "wake me when you're done."

Beck stood motionless beside the bed, suddenly struck by how familiar this was and listening to a disbelieving inner voice asking him what the fuck was going on. That inner voice sounded a lot like Heather.

He stiffly turned and quietly left the room.

He had a lot to think about.

*/*/*/*

Then - April 2009

"Leyna - things aren't the way they used to be. I'm in Jericho for the duration. It's my home now - I have no intention of leaving here, and neither does the President."

"Well, then you should at least live a lifestyle that's more suited for your position - and you should be a General, for God's sake!"

"I don't want to be a General!" Beck shouted.

*/*/*/*

Beck had desperately wanted his wife back - and he'd gotten his wish. And none of it was the way he'd expected it to be.

"So, how was your day?" Leyna asked as they sat at the table, eating the supper he'd picked up at Bailey's.

"Good," he said. "I had to go to New Bern again - they're never going to give up, I think - at least not so long as Constantino is still around, making sure they never forget all the "injustices" they've suffered."

"So what's the plan?" she asked. "Are you going to put them under martial law? Get the President to give them a speech? Bomb them into submission?"

Beck gave her a sharp glance at the sarcasm. "We're still discussing what needs to be done," he replied carefully. "And I don't "get" the President to do anything."

"Well, hiding in Jericho behind that wall can't be endearing her to anybody outside Jericho."

Beck chewed a mouthful of food slowly and watched her carefully. "So, what do you think we should do? Send her on a goodwill tour?"

"Well, she's everyone's President, isn't she? Not just Jericho's. And maybe New Bern wouldn't hold on to their resentment so much if you and the others in this town would stop treating them like second-class citizens."

Beck leaned back in his chair and put his utensils down. "Are you trying to tell me my job?" he asked silkily.

Leyna snorted. "Your "job" seems to consist solely of babysitting - this town, the President - I thought you were a trusted advisor to the President and - and she never does a thing you tell her to do! Hell, you're not even a General! That - that scruffy excuse for a sheriff has more power and authority than you do! And look at this dump!" She glanced scornfully around their dining room. "You don't even have a decent house!"

Beck cocked his head to one side as she spoke and frowned as he realized he wasn't even angry at her words. In fact, he wasn't...anything.

"You don't like the house?" he asked mildly, just for something to say, still frowning, probing his reactions, wanting to feel something. Anything.

"No! I hate this house! I've been telling you that for months! Was this my punishment for being missing for so long? Don't you think I've suffered enough? I want a house that's more suited to your so-called status. Maybe if you acted like you're important, people might actually believe it!"

Beck found himself smiling slightly as he suddenly remembered what she'd told him the first day.

"Is that why you came here?" he asked curiously. "Because you'd heard I was important?"

Leyna opened her mouth, then caught herself. "No," she said.

"You're a better liar than that, Leyna," Beck said quietly.

"Eddie!" she protested, eyes wide, innocent and hurt.

"If I wasn't a Presidential advisor, you would have stayed missing, wouldn't you? You said it yourself - you survived by attaching yourself to powerful or influential men." Beck gave her a slightly bitter, mocking smile. "You must have thought you'd hit the motherlode when you found out where I'd ended up."

Leyna stared at him, her face stricken. "That's not true, Eddie," she whispered. "I didn't know anything until I arrived."

Beck raised a skeptical eyebrow.

"It's true!" she protested. "I wouldn't lie to you!" She covered her face with her hands. "Oh, Eddie - what's happened to us?"

"A terrorist attack, and its aftermath," he replied drily. He sighed. "I think...we both hoped we could just pretend the three years of separation, and the two years of anarchy and war had never happened. But it all happened - and we're simply not the same people. No matter how much we want to be."

"What are you trying to say, Eddie?" Leyna asked, her hands still covering her face.

"I'm saying..." he sighed heavily and she dropped her hands and met his sad, resigned eyes. "I'm saying this isn't working. We both know it. I'm saying...I think we should separate." He reached out and took her hand. "I'm not giving up without a fight - but we can't go on like this. We seem to do nothing but fight - about my career, about Jericho, about Elje -" his voice cracked slightly on her name. "About everything, really," he sighed. "Maybe it'll be better if we separate and take some time to get to know each other again. Maybe rediscover our common ground."

Leyna smiled a bitter half-smile. "So - what? Start dating again?"

Beck shrugged. "Why not?"

Leyna stared off into space then she nodded once. "You're right," she said. "This isn't working out. Separating may be the best thing for us. For now."

"I know you hate the house, but I can move back to the camp easily enough. Otherwise, I'll have to ask Heather if there's something else available for one of us."

Leyna shrugged carelessly. "You can have the house whenever Heather finds a place for me."

Beck nodded stiffly. "I'm sorry," he said softly, sincerely.

She didn't look at him as she nodded.

*/*/*/*

Now - May 2009

They drove in silence for several minutes after Beck fell silent. Heather considered him thoughtfully as he tightly gripped the wheel, his jaw set, grim-faced, angry, sad.

"Of course," he said, deliberately calm, "the dating thing hasn't exactly been working out either." He knew he didn't need to mention that Leyna had just started dating one of Beck's captains a week or so ago. They lived in a small town, after all.

"I'm sorry," she finally said. "Really," she added at his skeptical sidelong glance. "You...you love her." She bit her lip, then said, "Was I - was this -?" she hesitated, gesturing vaguely between the two of them.

"You had nothing to do with it," Beck said a bit more sharply than he'd intended, and Heather subsided into uncomfortable silence, staring out the passenger window, blinking rapidly. He sighed. "Not for her, anyway," he said slowly. Her head snapped around to stare at him but he kept his eyes firmly on the road ahead of them.

It was true, he thought. Leyna never seemed to doubt his devotion to her, and never questioned his feelings for Heather. In fact, she seldom mentioned Heather at all unless they were seeing her socially. Well, except when she discovered Heather and the President had forged a close friendship over the last few months. She'd seemed more upset about that than the possibility he still had strong feelings for Heather.

For him, though, always in the background, lurking under everything he did or thought, was Heather. Or rather, the conscious knowledge that he had to change how he felt about her, and he had to keep his distance. In many ways, it was like nothing had changed. But for some reason, it seemed more difficult when Leyna arrived.

It wasn't like he was overwhelmed with love and lust every time he looked at her. Most of the time, in fact, it was almost easy. His instinctive liking for her never faded, and they worked together each day like they had before; saw each other at Bailey's or at social occasions with their mutual friends. But the only times they were alone were when she gave him her daily reports, and those were quick, focused meetings with little to no eye contact, and she seldom sat down for those meetings and never lingered afterwards. This trip was, in fact, the first time they'd been alone together for any length of time since Leyna had arrived.

Oh, every now and then they forgot themselves, regardless of where they were or who they were with, and one or the other of them would end up with their heart in their eyes - but it didn't happen often. During the day, Beck actually found it quite easy to utilize his military discipline and keep his mind focused on the task at hand. He was never distracted by the quietly pretty brunette currently sitting beside him, biting that full bottom lip that tantalized and fascinated him, with that impossibly adorable frown line on her forehead as she puzzled over his words.

Never.

Really.

*/*/*/*

Beck pulled into the farmyard and parked between the house and the barn. He shut off the humvee and turned to Heather expectantly.

She handed him a clipboard and pen. "Here's your half," she said. "With any luck, we'll be out of here and on to the next in less than an hour."

Beck nodded, running his eyes down the list of items he was to assess. It was time to get to work.

They finished the first farm on schedule but the next two farms took longer as they were occupied with fairly hostile inhabitants. Once Beck and Heather convinced them that they were the expected representatives from Jericho, the assessments were completed without any further delays. As always, the stories of the people she met wrung Heather's heart, while at the same time, their strength, ingenuity and perseverance awed her.

The town itself was next. They met with the mayor and town council, and other, more unofficial, town leaders. They took note of the town's condition and the condition of the citizens and their meetings went long into the night and continued the next day until evening. In the end, as representatives of Jericho, they'd agreed to trade certain supplies and to send a team to finish assessing the area. As representatives of the President, they invited the mayor to bring one other town leader to Jericho to meet with her.

They left early the next day, with three more farms to assess on the way home.

As they left the town behind, Beck reflected with some amusement that this was the first time he and Heather had really seen each other since they'd arrived two days before.

*/*/*/*

They drove into the second farm in tired, companionable silence. Beck sighed as he pulled up near the barn and Heather laughed.

"Only two more farms to go, then we can get back to Jericho and you won't need to look at another assessment checklist for...at least a week," she said with wide-eyed sincerity.

He gave her a disgusted look. "You say that now," he groused, and she laughed again.

"Come on," she said. "The sooner we get started -"

"The sooner we get done. I know."

"I have to admit," Heather said as they got out of the humvee, "I'm a little disappointed by this field trip."

He gave her a surprised look. "It's been more successful than we had any right to expect," he argued.

She nodded, a teasing glint in her eyes. "Sure. But you have to admit - it's been a little boring. Based on this trip, you may have been a little over-protective all these months."

Beck mock-glared at her, his mouth twitching as he sternly repressed a smile. "Boring is never bad. It happens so seldom."

She'd finished the interior of the house - sound, stripped bare of contents - and was ready to begin the exterior inspection. She saw Beck walking out of the barn as she walked around the far side of the house. She'd gone only two steps when she was deafened by the huge boom of an explosion, and the ground shook beneath her feet, causing her to stumble as she spun around.

She dropped the clipboard as she ran around the house, and stopped short, her eyes wide with horror, when she saw the barn was reduced to scattered splinters of wood and debris, and Beck was nowhere to be seen.

Her heart pounding, her eyes wide with desperation, she yelled Beck's name as she pelted towards the spot where she'd seen him last. As she rushed around the humvee, barely registering the heavy beam resting on it, denting its roof and hood, she saw Beck face-down and motionless on the ground, covered with grit, with blood staining the ground beneath his left leg.

She fell to her knees beside him, frantically checking for a pulse and sobbing with relief when she felt the strong beat beneath her fingertips. She turned her attention to his bloody left leg, pulling the cloth of his trousers away and quickly assessing the extent of the damage. She quickly saw that while he was bleeding heavily from a cluster of a half dozen deep cuts on his upper thigh, it was obvious his femoral artery hadn't been hit. She quickly shed her coat and whipped her t-shirt over her head. She shivered in the cool spring air as she folded the t-shirt then pressed it firmly against his wounds. He stirred under her hands, groaning.

"Don't move too much," she ordered. "I don't know if you're hurt anywhere else."

He groggily turned his head, his eyes still closed, his forehead furrowed in pain. "Well," he said thickly, "actually, I hurt all over."

She chuckled soggily. She kept a steady pressure on his leg, his blood warming her cold hands. She realized with a shock that she was shivering violently, kneeling beside him in her jeans and bra.

"Can you move your arms?" she asked, her teeth starting to chatter from cold and reaction.

"Yeah," he said, panting, trying to ride the pain.

"I need you to hold this against your leg for a minute," she said. He opened his eyes and reached down to hold the cloth against his leg.

She quickly wiped her hands on her jeans then scrambled into her coat, sighing with relief as she buttoned it up against the chilly wind. Then she went back to applying pressure to his leg.

"How bad is it?" he asked.

She glanced up and found him looking at her, his worried, dark eyes dazed with pain and shock.

"It looks worse than it is, I think," she said. "The bleeding's already slowed down."

"Just a flesh wound then," he quipped.

She smiled at him. "Barely grazed you," she agreed.

He chuckled, then grimaced from the pain. "Let's get me out of here," he said.

Heather glanced at the humvee. "I'm not sure that's going to be possible," she said. "Let's get you into the house, anyway, out of the wind." She lifted the sodden t-shirt and saw the bleeding had slowed considerably. "There's an emergency kit in the humvee but I don't think there's anything in there big enough for this," she said.

"We'll worry about that in a minute," Beck said.

He gained his feet with Heather's help, then they slowly made their way to the house, where she got him down on the floor with his back against the wall. She checked his leg and saw he was bleeding again, although not as badly as before. He hissed as she once more pressed the t-shirt against his wound, then he closed his eyes and leaned his head against the wall.

She quickly assessed him. "Are you hurt anywhere else?" she asked.

He shook his head, his eyes still closed. "I have a headache, though," he said.

"I don't doubt it," she said drily.

She glanced around the house. They were in the bare living room, sitting on a very dusty carpet. There was a fireplace, and - thanks to the explosion - there was a lot of wood around to use as fuel. Although it was May, it was unseasonably cold and they'd at least be able to stay warm if they had to wait for the cavalry to arrive. If it was even safe to stay here.

"Do you think whoever booby trapped the barn is still around?" she asked abruptly.

"I doubt it," Beck replied calmly. "If they were, we'd both already be dead."

"Well, that's...comforting." He opened his eyes and smiled at her. "In a way," she said grudgingly.

He chuckled, then winced. He looked down to where she was still applying pressure to his leg then back up at her.

"How bad is it?" he asked again.

"You're lucky," she said, trying to sound calm, cool and knowledgeable. "It could have hit your artery. Or you could have been hit -" she stopped abruptly, unable and unwilling to even put the possibility into words.

"I know," he said. He glanced down. "It didn't even really bleed that much," he said.

"It bled enough," Heather muttered, suddenly focused on the livid blood on her hands. Hisblood. The red seemed to hurt her eyes and she blinked furiously.

He covered her hands with one of his and she lifted her eyes to his. His were dark with pain but no longer as dazed; hers were wide with fear. He smiled at her.

"I'm going to be okay," he said firmly. "Besides, I'm feeling better already. Just a graze, remember."

She nodded, her lower lip trembling.

"Hey," he said, touching her cheek, "really. Everything's going to be fine."

"I know," she said, her voice breaking. She swallowed hard.

He searched her face, then he nodded once. "Okay. Is there anything that can be used as a tourniquet?" he asked. "Or something to at least tie that...what is that?" he frowned.

"My t-shirt," Heather said.

He blinked, then said, "Ah. Anything we can use to tie it against my leg? Or there may be something in the emergency kit."

"Maybe," she nodded, "but just in case..." She frowned as she glanced around the house and tried to remember if she'd seen anything at all that would be useful. Every cupboard and nook she'd looked in had been empty. Then she blushed as she got an idea.

"Hold this," she said, then she wiped her hands on her jeans again, then quickly removed her bra from under her coat. She blushed even deeper at Beck's wide-eyed, stunned and rather fascinated look. At least he was no longer seemed as dazed with shock and pain, she thought. She shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant in total contradiction to her red face. "We should be able to make this work...somehow," she said.

"I'm not complaining," he replied, then flinched as she wrapped the bra around his leg and tightened it to hold the t-shirt in place. Heather wasn't entirely sure he'd flinched because she'd hurt him or because she'd brushed her hand against his inner thigh.

She sat back on her heels and checked her handiwork. She bit back a chuckle.

Beck glanced down.

"You realize Jake will never let you live this down, right?" Heather noted.

Beck groaned in mock dismay. "On the other hand, it does the job."

Heather nodded. She glanced down at the blood smeared on her hands and shuddered as she once again wiped them on her now-filthy jeans.

"Look," Beck said, wincing as he shifted to a more comfortable position, then started to undo his coat and the uniform shirt he wore beneath it. "I have two shirts on. Take one of mine - you must -" he paused, meeting her guileless blue eyes, before his gaze dropped to what he knew was her bare chest, demurely hidden behind her buttoned coat. He swallowed and forced his eyes back to hers. "You must be cold," he said hoarsely.

She blushed again. "You must be feeling better," she teased weakly, "but you are still a married man, Major Beck."

"I know," he said huskily, "but I'm also just a man." He looked at her like a little boy looking at his first Christmas tree. His look of awed fascination drew her and she swayed towards him before she caught herself. She closed her eyes and sat back.

"I'm sorry," Beck said softly. "I never meant to hurt you or make you uncomfortable."

"If only you would," she sighed. "But when you look at me like that, I forget your wife is back, and I'm afraid one day," she opened her eyes and met his gaze, "I'm not going to care."

They stared at each other and neither made any effort to hide their feelings from the other. Beneath the mutual child-like fascination was dark, swirling passion, and neither could look away.

"Beck," Heather groaned softly, "you can't look at me like that."

"I can't help it," he sighed. "And at this moment, I can't care."

Heather's eyes filled with tears and her shoulders slumped. Someone had sabotaged the barn, whether it had been intended for them or not. She had his blood on her hands and clothes. She could have lost him, and it suddenly seemed criminal that she'd never actually had him.

She didn't know who moved first, but when their lips met it didn't feel wrong.

It felt like coming home.

*/*/*/*

They kissed for hours - or only seconds. Both felt equally true.

It was awkward and painful and clumsy and perfect, and Heather thought her heart was going to beat its way right out of her chest. The kisses ranged from achingly tender to bruisingly demanding and they were all wonderful. She gasped against his mouth when she felt the cool air against her bare flesh as Beck undid her coat, and she jumped when his icy fingers lightly touched her waist, skimming around the waistband of her jeans to warm themselves in the small of her back.

They shared intimate laughter when he yelped as she returned the favor, burrowing her cold hands beneath his clothes to stroke his back.

Then he was touching her breasts, caressing her bare skin, cupping her breasts in his palms, gently rolling her peaked nipples between his fingers. She watched, fascinated, as he looked at her in wonder even as his face was stark with dark desire. She realized someone really couldworship her with his eyes, feeling her limbs turn to molten liquid under his gaze. She watched as he leaned forward, and she arched to meet him as his mouth closed around her nipple. The sight of his dark head against her pale skin was almost as erotic as the pull of his mouth. She cupped the back of his head with one hand, holding him close, moaning as he suckled harder, his tongue swirling patterns that left her dizzy and weak and desperately aching for something more - something he couldn't give her - a fact brought home to both of them when she bucked against him and jostled his wounded leg. He threw his head back, accidentally banging it against the wall. He gritted his teeth against the pain.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Heather panted, frantically checking the back of his head and then ensuring the makeshift bandage was still in place.

He shook his head. "It's okay," he bit out. He opened eyes dazed by both renewed pain and lust. He grimaced. "I'd forgotten how we got here in the first place."

Heather nodded, her own eyes wide and glazed with lust.

"As much as I want to continue this," his eyes dropped to her naked torso and he swallowed, "we have to stop."

Heather nodded even though her body was thrumming with tension, already begging for release, for satisfaction, for his body to make good on its promises.

Beck wondered how he would bear it. He was tempted - so tempted - to say the hell with it and make love with her no matter the pain. Then he frowned and glanced down at his leg. Her eyes followed his and she frowned as well.

"You're bleeding again."

He nodded and sighed, leaning his head back against the wall, watching sadly as she hastily rebuttoned one button on her coat then reached over to remove the blood-soaked bra and t-shirt.

"It's not too bad," she said after a moment of inspecting the cuts.

"No," he agreed, gritting his teeth as she replaced the t-shirt and re-tied the bra around his leg.

"I should go get that emergency kit," she said as she worked, "and see if the humvee is still drivable."

Beck nodded, then he shrugged out of his coat and removed his uniform shirt. He held it out to her.

"Here," he said, his voice low and still husky with desire. "It's too cold for you to be..." He blinked and looked away then glanced back almost shyly.

She smiled slowly, a sweet, pleased and amused smile. She nodded. Her look changed. Became a heady mix of confidence and shyness as she slowly unbuttoned her coat and shrugged it off. His mouth went dry as he took in the sight of her bare breasts, nipples peaked from the chilly air. His hand shook slightly as she reached out, took his shirt and slipped it on. She slowly buttoned it from the bottom up, and Beck was positive he whimpered with each button that hid her body from view.

He sighed when she finished buttoning it. Their eyes met and he saw the uncertainty lurking in hers.

"I never realized," he said slowly, "that someone putting clothes on could also be so...erotic."

She blushed furiously even as she smiled sweetly at him and he wondered, not for the first time, just how experienced she really was. She cleared her throat, clambered to her feet and snatched up her coat.

"I - I'll go get the emergency kit," she mumbled as she beat a hasty retreat outside.

She seemed to spend forever outside, and Beck knew she was probably horrified at what they'd been doing. The cold spring air had probably shocked her to her senses, and he both cursed his wounded leg and blessed it. Cursed it because if he hadn't been hurt, he could be making love with Heather the way he'd dreamed about for years now. Blessed it, because this wasn't a dream, it was reality - and his reality included a wife, even if they were separated.

He was an honorable man, he reminded himself...at least he was most of the time.

Heather re-entered the house with the emergency kit and settled herself beside him, very much looking like the last few minutes hadn't happened. She frowned as she rummaged through the plastic container.

He cleared his throat before asking, "What's wrong?"

"Good thing you're injured," she said.

"What?"

She met his puzzled frown with a wicked smile. "No condoms."

His jaw dropped and then they were laughing, laughing so hard they were crying and his laughter was interspersed with "ow" each time his leg reminded him of the reason they were sitting in this dusty, abandoned house in the first place. As their laughter subsided, she crawled forward and dropped a quick kiss on his mouth.

"Now, let's see if we can do something about your leg."

In the end, she cleaned the wounds with antiseptic and bandaged his leg properly, a process that left him shaking, sweating and gritting his teeth. As she tended his wounds, she told him the humvee was damaged but salvageable - and drivable. When he was ready, she helped him gain his feet, limp outside and into the vehicle.

They drove in comfortable silence, a silence that slowly became more uncomfortable and tense the closer they got to Jericho.

Heather finally glanced at him. "Nothing needs to change when we get back, you know," she blurted.

He blinked and turned his head to frown at her. "I'm sorry?"

"I - I'm not sorry we kissed -"

"We did more than just kiss," Beck said with a smile, his voice low and silky, and she shivered, remembering another kiss and a seductive, honey-toned voice stealing away her good sense.

"I know." She looked away, embarrassed. "I'm just trying to say - we can pretend nothing happened."

"Why?"

She sighed and smacked him lightly on the shoulder. "Look," she said forcefully, "I'm not going to - to - to - I'm not going to have an affair with you...all evidence to the contrary."

"I know."

"You still love Leyna and you want to work things out with her. I understand that. We can blame this - that - this -" she gestured vaguely and Beck tried not to laugh, "on your blood loss and my relief you hadn't been hurt worse." She pressed her lips tightly together and kept her eyes firmly on the road ahead.

Beck stared ahead in silence. "Things can't go on like this," he finally said. "It's not fair to any of us. Choices have to be made."

She nodded, but said nothing, her mind whirling, trying to understand what he meant. But Beck wasn't the only one who had to make choices, she thought. It was time for her to make her choices as well. She didn't want to give up her job but the events of the day had shown her she had no self-control when it came to him, and now she knew she'd take advantage of the first opportunity to touch him or kiss him or - yes - make love with him regardless of the consequences. She was an honorable woman, she thought. Except when it came to him, apparently.

They returned to Jericho that afternoon after travelling the rest of the way in a silence tinged with sadness.

*/*/*/*

Leyna didn't pick him up when he was released from the med-center - not that he was there long. Heather had done a good job cleaning the wounds, and Kenchy simply checked her handiwork, re-cleaned and stitched the gashes, checked the rest of him, then gave him some precious antibiotics and told him to go home. Heather had promised to send word to Leyna to come get him, and then disappeared. His heart felt like it was being squeezed in a vise as he watched her leave the hospital without a backwards glance.

He'd been fooling himself, he knew. His feeling for her hadn't faded at all; instead they'd grown and become more uncontrollable. He and Heather had almost crossed the line a few hours ago - oh, hell, who was he kidding? They had crossed the line, and there was no going back. He swallowed as he remembered the way she looked at him, her eyes dark with passion. He remembered their kisses; how beautiful her breasts were; the feel of her skin beneath his hands.

He needed to talk to Leyna, tell her...he paused outside Bailey's leaning heavily on the cane the med-center had loaned him as he wiped a weary hand over his face. He needed to tell her he couldn't fight it anymore. He needed to tell her he loved another woman more than he loved her.

He needed to make a choice. Rather, he needed to make his choice known.

He heard his name being called. He glanced around to see Jake and Hawkins striding up to him.

"Good God," Jake said. "What happened to you?"

"A bomb in a barn," Beck sighed. "Heather and I - she's fine; nowhere near the bomb when it went off - we got back about an hour or so ago. We were very glad to see the walls of Jericho today."

Jake raised an eyebrow, but Beck's expression warned he was in no mood for teasing or questions.

"Well, glad you're back," Hawkins said briskly. "Come on - we need to talk."