Chapter 4
Heading to my room I suddenly felt alone. I thought I wouldn't mind it since I was always in my room back home and barely came out except for school and dinner. Sometimes I would hang with Violet in her room, or her in mine, but not too often as Violet had grown to love her solitude. Before that though we used to hang out all the time. Now that I think about it, it was only when Violet started wanting her own space did I start hanging out on my own. I had grown to miss my time with Violet.
Finally entering my room I stripped off my clothes before crawling under the warm blankets. I brought one side of them up to cuddle with. After some time my annoyance at not being able to sleep grew. I huffed, flopping onto my back. Why couldn't I sleep?
Letting out a shriek I sat up straight on my bed. There in the middle of the floor was my book. Staring with wide eyes at the black cover of my book I shakily got out of the bed. I bent down to pick it up, frantically looking around my room. My book had been sat on the bedside table, so how did it get there? It sounded like it had been thrown... but that was impossible.
Letting out a shaky breath I put the book back in its original spot, getting back in the bed. My nerves were shot and I suddenly started shaking. Stop being so pathetic! My brain shouted at me giving me a headache. It was probably because I was so tired and I was being messed with by my mind. Yeah right, my brain scoffed, still doesn't explain how the book made its way half across the room.
Whining I curled into a ball bringing the duvet over my entire body as though that's what would keep me safe. I suddenly really missed my family. I would feel a little better about this situation just knowing they were in the house. But they weren't and I was going to have to deal with it on my own.
Catching my breath in the back of my throat my entire body froze. I could hear someone walking about my room. They were light on their feet but I heard a slight creak on one of the floorboards. Oh fuck, I'm about to die! I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream... but most of all, I wanted my mom.
Chewing on my lip I did the unthinkable: I slowly pulled the duvet down so I could see. My heart stopped. There was noone there but I could have sworn I heard someone walking around the room. Gulping I sat up. Even though no-one was there my heart accelerated and my breathing got heavier. I could feel someone staring at me but how was that even possible?
Maybe I'm going crazy?
I brought my knees up to my chest whilst running a hand through my messy hair. Slowly turning my head to the left I stared at the wall in front of me. I could literally feel someone stood there, like I could feel a presence but the spot showed empty. I squeezed my eyes shut as I jumped back under the covers. Just keep your eyes shut and try to fall asleep, I commanded myself frantically. I don't know when but I did manage to fall asleep.
When I awoke I searched the room. No-one was there and everything seemed normal. My book was still on the bedside table. Did I imagine everything last night? I shook my head. I knew I didnt because everything felt too real. I blew out a breath before heading for the shower.
Mixing and matching clothes from the past two days I wore the shorts from yesterday, the top from the first day (a simple black tank top) and put the fluffy black socks back on and a black bra. I didn't bother wearing knickers today as both were dirty. I did some simple makeup and put my hair in a bobble. I skipped downstairs to the kitchen grabbing an apple for breakfast. The sun was shining brightly, making everything seem kind. I decided to sit in the garden this morning, letting the clear blue sky, and friendly sun, wash away all my worries from last night.
"Boo!" I had never let out a higher, louder, scream then I had just done right now. Clothing my chest I turned to see Tate bent over laughing. His eyes were bright with amusement, his mouth wide as he laughed showing off his dimples and his hair was falling over his face. I couldn't help but smile despite my embarrassment. "You should have seen your face!"
"That wasn't funny." I huffed, folding my arms across my chest trying really hard not to smile this time. He raised his brow at me giving me a condescending smile.
"I think other wise." he remarked. "If it wasn't funny then why was I laughing?" I rolled my eyes, mumbling at him to shut up. He came over, plopping himself down on the grass next to me leaning back onto his hands. "I'm sorry."
"I forgive you." I grumbled. I hated being scared. I was a wuss, sue me. I think the only thing that didnt scare me (which scared a lot of people) was spiders. My dad, or rather Ben, found it amusing. Tate gave me a charming smile causing me to fight back a blush. Damn this boy.
"Excited to see your family tomorrow?" Tate asked me, finally sitting up right.
"Some of them." I returned, staring out ahead of me.
"What do you mean? Does it have anything to do with why you moved here? You still never told me about that." I sighed. I didn't know if I wanted to tell him. I mean, I found it personal and nothing against the cute boy sat next to me but what if he judged me because of this. What if he thought my family was too messed up to want anything to do with me. I think the turmoil must have shown on my face because he grabbed my hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze.
"A while ago we all found out my mother was pregnant. I was so excited, I love kids and couldn't wait to have a baby brother or sister." I started, looking at the large hand that was still holding mine. I don't know why I suddenly started telling him all this. I just all of a sudden felt safe when he grabbed my hand. I suddenly felt like I could actually trust him.
"A few months later my friend died in a car crash. I was practically comatose for a long time. My mother was worried and stressing a lot due to my state. I will always hate myself for it. I could have handled it better but I didn't and I can only put the blame on myself." Tears welled up in my eyes which I desperately tried to hold back. I didn't want him to see me cry, to see me so weak. Tate wrapped his arm around my shoulders, bring me into a side hug causing me to place my head on his broad shoulder.
"Ruby, I obviously don't know what happened but please dont blame yourself. It's a natural reaction. You were heartbroken. Devastated. Your friend had just died. What did you expect you to do? Act like nothing happened and be happy?" Tate said, though some of it was a bit mumbled as he pressed his face into my hair.
"She lost the baby Tate." I breathed, a tear betraying me as it slid down my pale cheek. I furiously wiped it away.
"It wasn't your fault." I pulled back and stared at him shaking me head.
"She lost the baby because she was worrying about me." I snapped. I immediately regretted it when he looked at his lap, a frown marring his face. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you."
"Don't worry." He gave a little grin pulling me closer to him. "So that's why your moving." He sounded confused. I shook my head.
"It was then I tried to sort myself out, tried to get better. My mom needed me and I felt like I needed to repay her so I did everything in my power to make her happy. It seemed to be working for a while. She bought herself a puppy as a replacement." I explained. The guilt was something I had to live with and I didn't know if I could.
"Then what happened? I feel like there is more to this." Tate's voice was quiet as he spoke, his hand soothingly rubbing my arm.
"Yeah, well me and my mom had spent the day shopping one day and when we arrived home... that's why we are moving. A fresh start!" I scoffed shaking me head. Tate gave me a questioning look. "My mom and I went upstairs to put our stuff away that we had just got... we went to my room first and then my parents. Mom wanted to try on some of her new clothes for me. Well, when we got to her room we found my dad."
"And?" I looked at Tate to his eyes lit with curiosity.
"He was having sex... with one of his students." I deadpanned. There was a bit of silence that followed. Tate looked like he was thinking hard.
"So let me get this straight." Tate finally said, running a hand through his unruly hair. "Your mom lost her baby so he decided to have an affair?"
"His coping mechanism." I laughed spitefully. Tate brought me in to a fully fledged hug. I wrapped my arms around his torso, digging my face into his chest. We sat that for a few minutes before he spoke once more.
"I just... I can't believe he did that - it's disgusting. You don't hurt the ones you love. Ever." He suddenly pulled back and held my arms length staring directly into my eyes. His suddenly movement startled me. "You don't blame yourself for that do you?"
I gave him a small smile as I shook my head no. "I may feel responsible for my mother losing the baby but in no way do I feel responsible for the aftermath. I never made my dad cheat on my mom. He chose to do that himself." Relief spread across his face instantly before he pulled me back into another hug.
After some time we eventually made our way back inside where I told him I needed to call my mom to check in. Sitting on the sofa on the phone I barely noticed as Tate started to casually play with my hair as he sat next to me. Hanging up the phone, putting it on the couch next to me I slowly turned my head to face him. His hands stilled as he gave me a small smile before carrying on playing with my hair.
"You don't mind do you?" he asked me while I sat back properly and got comfy. I shook my head. "I like your hair." He seemed embarrassed as he said this. It was adorable.
"Why?"
"I don't know. It's pretty and soft." I don't know how it happened but Tate ended up sitting behind me so I was in between his legs as he played with my hair. I was surprisingly not bored. I always loved my hair being played with (what girl doesn't) and I was feeling pretty damn relaxed. It wasn't until he asked me how my night went that I realised just how relaxed I was because I tensed up thinking about last night.
"Um, it was okay." I whispered before clearing my throat. "Yours?"
"It was fine and why don't I believe you."
"I don't know. Only you can answer that." He stopped playing with my hair, his hands dropping onto his thighs. I turned back to look at him.
"Maybe it's because I felt you tense up when I asked you that, or the fact your voice broke when answering me." His voice was sarcastic and cynical causing me to look down. His hand grabbed my chin forcing me to look up. "What happened?"
"It's nothing." I tried to get him to drop it but he wasn't taking no for an answer causing me to sigh. "I just couldn't sleep. And through that my sleep deprived mind started making me hear shit that's all."
"Like what?"
"First of all my book got thrown across the room but that's impossible. I just imagined it. Secondly, I heard someone walking about my room. I mean it seemed so real... like I could actually feel them there." I gave a shaky laugh. He surely thought I was crazy. "Obviously no one was there. It was just because I was tired that's all."
He was giving me a strange look, one I couldn't decipher. "You'll be okay." he finally said. "I could stay tonight if you like?"
"Thanks but no thanks." I felt bad when I saw his face drop. I quickly rushed to explain my self, not liking to see him down and me be the cause of it. "My family is due in the morning and I don't even know what time so I don't really want to have to explain myself if they catch you here. I don't want them to think they can't trust me."
"It's okay, I understand." He seemed slightly more cheerful but I could still hear slight disappointment in his voice. Maybe he just wanted a night away from his house? He hadn't really told me much, also because I had never asked, but he had dropped hints that life at home for him wasn't so great.
"Maybe once everything is sorted I could ask my parents for you to stay over one night?" I told him with a wide smile. I got one back in return. I squealed in excitement before promptly blushing which in turn caused Tate to laugh. I slapped his chest which made him raise his eyebrow.
"Did you just hit me?"
"Maybe." I replied coyly. He started to smirk at me which made me gulp. I started to slowly get off the couch with the boy following my example.
"You're going to regret that." he stated before quickly running at me. I let out a high squeal before running as fast as I could away from him. I could hear his footsteps behind me, close behind me. Damn this boy was fast. I managed to get to the top of the stairs before he caught up to me, grabbing me around the waist. Sadly my footing wasn't so good when he grabbed me causing me to slip. In panic I grabbed onto him as I fell.
I let out a gasp as my back hit the wooden floor. Staring wide eyed up at the boy who was now on top of me my breath caught in my throat. He lifted a hand to my face, softly brushing the hair off of me. He lightly ran his fingers over my cheek causing goosebumps. We ended up in a staring contest and I just knew my face would be bright red by now.
Sadly me clearing my throat nervously broke the spell. He mumbled something under his breath I didn't catch before scrambling off me, reach out and pulling me up afterwards. Muttering a thanks I straightened out my clothes. "I best go." My head snapped up. Why did he suddenly want to go?
"Oh." Wow. Beautiful. That is apparently all I could come up with. I walked with him in silence to the front door. "I will see you some other time yeah?"
"Sure." I forced a smile onto my face, giving a little wave goodbye then shut the door. I groaned leaning my forehead against the dark wood. It was cool. Well, I knew that boy wasn't coming back around here. I huffed before storming up to my room, dramatically flopping face first onto the bed.
With nothing else to do I moodily grabbed my book and started to read. I read for four hours straight before putting it back down giving my eyes a rub. It was now around 6pm and I was getting peckish. All I wanted was a slice of bread and butter so that is what I made. Going back to my room nibbling on the bread, I kicked the door behind me. Grabbing my phone I called my sister. She picked up on the third ring.
"What's up?"
"Nothing. Just hadn't spoken to you in a few days and wanted to see how you were getting on." I told her honestly. I heard Violet sigh over the phone before hearing a door slam shut. I was guessing she had just entered her room.
"It's fine unless you count having to watch dad try to act like nothing has happened." Violet said, or more like complained. "He knew I didn't like people touch my stuff which is why he said I had to come back to help pack and yet he still comes barging into my room and tries to help me pack."
I remember mom mentioning that. "What happened?" I was genuinely curious. I knew Violet wouldn't let it go easily. I heard her laugh, genuinely laugh.
"Well I shouted at him. I mean I was already pissed after spending the entire day packing the kitchen and stuff and then he pulls this." I stretched out on my bed getting comfy. "His face was priceless though and he didn't speak to me the rest of the night or the next morning."
"Not that you're complaining." I remarked with a smirk.
"Nope. Glad to be heading tomorrow to be honest. I just want this over with. However I am not happy that we are leaving so early. We wouldn't be but mom is worried." Violet told me all in a bored tone.
"Why is she worried?" Violet scoffed and gave a dramatic sigh causing me to roll my eyes.
"Because of you of course. She has never left any of us on our own before and to suddenly leave you on your own especially with the distance.. well, you can guess how she has been." I genuinely felt quite bad for my sister now. My mom, Vivien, could get quite annoying when she was worried about something. She was naggy and would snap at you sometimes for the littlest thing.
I stayed on the phone to my little sister for about an hour before saying goodbye. Placing the black phone on my pillow I jumped up from my bed after realising why my stomach was hurting all of a sudden - I really needed to pee. Sitting on the toilet I gasped when the tap started leaking water at an alarming rate. Quickly sorting myself out I ran over to quickly turn it back off.
I ran a hand through my hair in agitation before slinking back to my room. Checking my phone it was only 7:33pm. I sighed deeply. For some reason I really wanted to see Tate. My head snapped up when I heard a loud knock at the door. I'm surprised I even heard it since I was upstairs and this house was so large. Quickly heading downstairs I rushed to the door knowing who it was. I mean, who else could it be? The door swung open and there stood Tate with his face pointed towards the ground.
"Hi." I said breathlessly. I didn't know why I was acting like this I just knew I was happy to see him. He raised his head to glance at me. There wasn't any emotion I could clearly point out which left me feeling rather put out.
"Hey, I um... I wanted to apologize for leaving like that earlier." he said softly. There was no smile on his face like usual. I quickly shook my head.
"It's fine - honestly." We kind of just stood there staring at each other, pretty weird if you ask me. "Do you want to come in?" He hesitated before giving me an answer. He simply nodded his head before entering. Again his hands were in his pockets. I shuffled my feet scratching the back of my head.
"So um, you're not mad at me for rushing off like that?" Tate asked, tilting his head to the side slightly. I quickly replied no causing him to give me a small insecure smile. I then said something that shocked me because like I said, my room was my safe spot. My haven. I asked him if he wanted to head to my room to hang out for a little bit before he had to inevitably go home. He happily agreed.
After entering my room I casually watched him. He seemed so familiar with being inside this room that it confused me. Then I remembered he always used to come here. He must have caught me looking as he gave me a quick smile. "This used to be my room." I simply nodded and started to walk to my bed before pausing. Hang on...
"You used to live here?" Tate nodded. "Oh, I didn't know that."
"Yeah, a while back. Guess my mom couldn't keep up with the payments so we moved." he explained.
"To next door?" I asked amused. He smiled wide nodding his head. "Fair enough." I sat down on my bed whilst Tate stood awkwardly in the centre of the room. I think he just didn't want to sit down on the bed incase I called him out or something so I patted the spot beside me.
He moved swiftly, plopping himself down by my left. He stayed for about an hour and a half and all we did was talk before he had to go. I pouted causing him to laugh. "You were the one who said I couldn't stay tonight and besides, if they are coming in the morning you need to be up too. Which also means you are going to need to sleep." I stood up reluctantly.
"I'll walk you to the door."
"No need. I know my way." He planted a swift kiss to my cheek before leaving the room. I was kind of still stood there shocked for a few more seconds before finally getting out of my stupor. Getting out of my clothes I slipped into bed and was thankful nothing happened because it meant I got to sleep pretty quick and wasn't woken during the night.
The next morning I got out of bed and made my way to the bathroom whilst yawning causing tears to leave my eyes. I quickly jumped in the shower and washed and shaved. Quickly getting dressed (in dirty clothes) I huffed. As soon as they arrived I was grabbing whatever held my clothes and was getting changed.
I forewent makeup knowing I would probably sweat unloading boxes and unpacking. I put my hair into a messy bun before rushing downstairs. I grabbed an apple and text my sister asking how long they would be. She replied immediately saying they were about 20 minutes away. Finishing my Apple I threw it away and waited impatiently for my family to arrive.
Finally the time came.
I heard the car pulling up causing me to jump out of my seat and rush to the front door practically ripping it open. I ran down the few steps and threw myself into my mother's open arms as she was already out of the car. My mother let out a grunt from the impact but nevertheless held me close. We exchanged greetings of how we missed each other before I went over to Violet and hugged her too. Just to be nice and make my mom happy I gave my dad, Ben, a hug too but his didn't last as long.
We didn't unpack straight away as they wanted to relax after being in the car for so long and having woken up early. So the agreement was to wait for the removal van as they shouldn't have been too far behind. They arrived exactly 18 minutes later and we all got to work. Like I said I went straight for my stuff and rushed to my room to change my clothes. I slipped on some grey sweatpants and a black sports bra. No need to look fancy for unpacking and moving things.
After getting all my things into my room I helped my mom with getting all the boxes for the kitchen whilst Ben helped the movers with the living room. Mom and I stopped for a quick glass of water and a catch up before getting back to work. We literally spent all day working and I hadn't even unpacked anything of my own. That was something I would do tomorrow.
Violet didn't help at all and instead found herself a room and worked on moving her things to her room and unpacking them. I let it go and didn't say anything as she had helped them pack everything. It was my turn to help out now.
At the end of the day Ben and my mom decide to order us a takeaway as we barely had food (just what I had gotten and what was left of it) and no one had energy to cook tonight. The television was set up so we decided for tonight to eat the food in the living room watching TV. Even Violet was joining in on tonight's conversation which was a pleasant surprise.
After eating Violet left for her room but I decided to remain where I was. My parents were questioning me about my time on my own and once again I found myself not telling them about Tate. There was just something inside of me that wanted to keep him a secret - at least for now.
Finally bidding them a good night I went to my room. Despite having a shower this morning I jumped in one now. I had been sweating profusely so I needed one. Wrapping a towel around my body I went to my room, rummaging around to find something to wear. I grabbed a pair or black shorts and a black baggy top. Slipping them on I started to towel dry my hair.
My door started to creak open causing my head to snap up. I relaxed seeing it was only my mother. "I just wanted to say goodnight." she said with a soft grin. I smiled back at her.
"Goodnight." She went to leave. "Mom!" She looked back at me expectantly. I sniffed, giving her a smile again. "I love you."
"I love you too sweetie. Get some sleep." Then she turned and left. I dropped the towel on the floor before making my way to my bed. Crawling under the duvet I hugged my pillow tightly. Sometimes I missed being a child. I know that sound random but I do. When you are a child you have no cares in the world. Not ones that matter anyhow. I sighed, it was stupid to think it because it was part of the inevitable: you had to grow up.
There was nothing anyone could do to stop time, to freeze it on a single moment no matter how much you wished it. You just had to take a look at what life dealt you and figure out what your next move would be. I tried to look at things realistically most of the time but deep down I knew I was a fucking pessimist.
Closing my eyes I tried to sleep. It took a while for sleep to find me since my mind was going full speed but when it did I was thankful.
Gasping I sat up in my bed. My hair was tangled around my face, my chest heaving up and down. The sun was streaming in through the window indicating to me that it was morning. Moving so I was on my back I thought about the dream I just had.
I was in this house, in this very room and yet it didn't feel the same. There was a different aura about the room that stuck to me. It was darker, crueler and sinister. The room was empty except for myself. The room had things in it showing that someone was staying in the room but it wasn't my things. The room looked more like it belonged to a boy.
My head whipped round as the door opened. My jaw dropped to see Tate bound into the room, calmly shutting the door behind him. He looked like his usual self but there was something off about him and I couldn't quite put my finger on it.
I watched as Tate strolled right past me as if I wasn't even here causing me to frown. What was going on? Maybe I could try calling out to him to see if he could hear me? That also didn't work. I huffed in annoyance and watched as he moved over to the bed which was in the exact same spot my bed was in.
He sat down on the edge, placing his hands on his thighs. His fingers started to claw at the material covering them. I felt so lost. With nothing else to do I walked around the room taking everything in and when that got boring I started to study the boy I was getting to know. I never quite managed to do that though as the door was blown wide open.
What the fuck?
A bunch of people swarmed into the room with guns (A fucking SWAT team) and aimed them all at Tate. How did I not hear them running towards the room? They started to speak but I couldn't hear any sound leave their mouths. I watched as Tate moved his hand to his head after he stood up, his hands shaped like a gun, and I saw his mouth form the word 'bang'.
The next thing I knew the men all shot at him which is when I woke up. Why would I dream about Tate being killed? I didn't want him to die. He was like my only friend right now. I enjoyed spending time with him. I shakily sat back up taking a deep breath.
This was not a good way to start my day.