Chapter 7: Nightmares
Disclaimer: Of course, I don't own the Harry Potter universe. All the credit goes to J. K. Rowling. I do own this story plot and any characters I create.
A/N: I'm terribly sorry for the long wait, and I'm so happy that I'm finally updating. I've been extremely busy with my university courses but I'm working on making a schedule so I can update a lot more. I feel so awful for taking so long. I always hate when people take years or even months to update so I promise that I will be better. Thank you so much to everyone who has favourited, followed and reviewed this story and to everyone who is reading it. I really hope you enjoy this chapter. This story is only just beginning so many pieces are still missing and relationships between the characters are just being developed. I think this chapter will help to answer a few of the questions you have about Draco and why Hermione and Harry have a new opinion of him. A few quotes of the seventh novel by Rowling are in a section of this chapter of the nightmare (in italics) Draco had. I love this story so much and I'm so excited for all of you to continue the journey of it with me.
He hears a roaring noise from nearby; raising his wand he follows the sound. As he approaches a corner, he peers around to see Blaise standing in front of the entrance to the Room of Requirement, his wand out and pointing directly at Goyle with Crabbe standing behind him. Blaise's arm is steady, but there is a pained look across his face.
"Goyle, are you seriously going to kill me? Does our friendship mean nothing to you anymore?"
"You're foolish if you think that friendship matters more than survival. Look at you now Blaise. Trying to protect the same people who don't give a damn about you. The Dark Lord wants Potter, and I want the reward. It's simple as that. Either step out of the way or I'll have to kill you."
"Like hell you will." Draco yells before shooting a stunning spell at Goyle who dodges it before slipping into the room and Crabbe follows behind. Blaise and Draco chase after him, both knowing his plan to go after Harry.
"Mudblood! Avada Kedavra!" Goyle points his wand at Hermione.
"Stupefy" Draco screams as Ron runs over. A look of surprise upon Hermione's face. The four of them run after the sounds of Harry and Crabbe, leaving a stunned Goyle on the floor.
"What can we do?" Hermione screams over the deafening roars of the fire. "What can we do?"
"Here."
Harry and Draco grab the three broomsticks from the nearest pile of junk and throw one to Ron, as Harry pulls Hermione on his broomstick behind him and Blaise hops onto Draco's.
The smoke and heat were becoming overwhelming: below them the cursed fire was consuming the contraband of generations of hunted students, the guilty outcomes of a thousand banned experiments, the secrets of the countless souls who had sought refuge in the room. They soar around the room to find Crabbe, assuming Goyle had gotten up after being stunned and quickly escaped through the door close by. They sped up through the billowing thick black smoke, barely able to breathe. The objects of the room were being devoured by the hot flames.
"C - Crabbe," chokes Draco, as soon as he could speak. "C - Crabbe…" He could barely believe it as he watched the flames consume his body.
"He's dead," Ron spits harshly.
"Ron, enough." Hermione hisses.
"No, it's fine. What reason do we even have to mourn him? He tried to kill all of us."
"He may have tried to kill us, but he was our friend, both him and Goyle. We don't need to mourn him, but the boy we used to know." Blaise reassures Draco.
"We need to go." Draco says.
"Malfoy I-" Harry begins.
"We need to get out of here. We need to get you out safely Potter." Draco exclaims as he speeds up following Ron. Hermione and Harry glance at one another before following suit.
"How dare you defy the Dark Lord? How dare you feel towards a Mudblood. You wanted them to escape didn't you? Your job was to keep them detained, to not allow them to help Potter. You're pathetic. If you had done your job, we wouldn't be in this position. I wouldn't be going to Azkaban. Our name means nothing now. I have nothing now! It's all your fault. Maybe if you weren't so weak, Greyback would have never put a finger on your mother."
"I'm pathetic! I'm the reason we're in this position! That's a load of bullshit and you know it. All you care about is yourself. You put us here, and you were supposed to protect her."
"Crucio." The silence in the dungeons is gone and all that is left are Draco's screams.
Draco's POV
I wake up unsettled in a hot sweat. I cover my face in my hands as I take several deep breaths. I rush to the bathroom, look at the mirror to see dark rings under my eyes. I take a quick shower and let the water pour down my face, trying to wash away my bad thoughts.
I can barely sleep anymore. The dreamless sleep potions constantly made me throw up, so I stopped taking them, but I didn't tell Mother anything because I didn't want her to worry more than she already does. I simply put up a silencing spell on my room at night, so she wouldn't hear me if I make a sound.
Thankfully I remembered to put up a silencing spell last night. I don't know what I would do if Hermione heard me. Would she worry? Yes I think she would. I can't decide between silencing my room every night or not and hoping I don't wake her up. While I haven't told anyone maybe a small part of me wants her to notice because I want help, but I can't ask for it. Perhaps it's pride, embarrassment, or the simple fact that I have never been good at asking.
I live with the nightmares that remind me of the choices I have made, but I fucking hate them and dreams like last nights are as good as it gets. I feel humiliated each time I wake up screaming, crying or in a sweat, but I deserve it. I can bare the way people at school look at me and the whispering behind my back, but the nightmares make it so hard to sleep. I feel like I deserve the pain and the anguish, but all I want is to move on and be myself. I'm tired of being Malfoy. I'm sick and tired of being a spoiled, insolent and cruel bully. I don't want to put on that show anymore. Forget the pureblood superiority bullshit, the bigotry. I'm thankful to have Mother. She's the only one in my family who ever tried to teach me to be a good person, the first person that knew deep down I wasn't like my father.
9:00am
I walk down towards the doors of the Great Hall. I notice people turn to look at me, and some whisper to each other after a glance. As I walk I attempt to pretend that I don't notice and that I don't care, but of course I do. I hate walking around here knowing that everyone around me either hates me, is afraid of me or thinks I'm a coward. They have a right to, I've been awful to people for years, hurt people during the war and stayed with the death eaters to save my skin. I just wish I could take back things that I have done. It's nice to be around Daphne and Blaise; they understand me more than anyone else here.
I reach the Slytherin table and right away I'm greeted by Daphne, who was previously occupied by the Daily Prophet.
"Where's Blaise?" I ask out of curiosity. Usually he and I would go to breakfast together and meet Daphne, who always arrives early in the morning, but now since we don't live in the same living quarters, we planned to all meet up.
"You just missed him; he quickly ate his food before going to Slytherin to shower. He wanted me to tell you that he'll meet you at the pitch at 9:30."
"Thanks for letting me know. How was your first night back?" I question.
"Good, if you ignore hearing Pansy's ear piercing voice, the muffled whispers of the few in our year that returned and the thought that the number of Slytherin's are very low," she sighs before continuing, "It wasn't easy but it was nice, being back and knowing I can feel safe again."
"Pansy's voice, that's one thing I won't miss." I laugh. "Daph, I hope I can help make things easier."
"You being here already makes it easier, Draco. I know you weren't at all thrilled about coming back to Hogwarts but I'm glad you did. How was your night with Granger?" She explains to me.
"It was strange but comfortable. We're getting along, she even called us friends...it's oddly nice. However, it's hard to be here, even just walking the halls. I liked the peace in Heads but the silence was slightly overwhelming." I admit. I was so used to the crowded room I shared with the Slytherin boys. I was used to Crabbe's snoring, Blaise coming in late interrupting my reading and Harper's habit of leaving his books around the dorm. These common occurrences were irritating, but I was used to them, and now it's weird to be without them.
"Friends, well that's great to hear. See I knew Granger wasn't like other people. Who would have guessed back in second year that you would become friends with Granger, be amicable with Potter and that Blaise would be in love with Ginny?" She pauses to laugh. "I'm sorry being here is so hard for you. Be honest with me, how did you sleep?"
"It doesn't matter. I never sleep well and being here isn't any help." I mention in response.
"Draco, you really should go see someone."
"Not going to happen, Daph. The potions make me sick, which I hope you've still kept between us. There's nothing else to do except wait for it to stop."
"I haven't forgotten the promise I made and I intend to keep it," she replies sternly, "Maybe it isn't the only option. We could go to Madam Pomfrey or perhaps talking to someone about the nightmares could-"
"I already have to take Healing and Bonding that's enough. If I need to talk then I can go to you, Blaise or maybe Granger."
"Draco-."
"I'm starving; I should eat so I can meet with Blaise." I eat the delicious goods in front of me quickly. Eggs, sausages and porridge with orange juice.
I know she means well, but I just don't want to discuss it any longer. I love her like a sister, but sometimes she can be so frustrating. She pushes and becomes almost overbearing. She probably is right, usually is but I'm not ready to take her advice...at least not yet.
I grab a crumpet as I say goodbye to Daphne before heading out of the Great Hall to meet Blaise at the Quidditch Pitch.
9:35am
"Hey Blaise." I call to him as I arrive at the pitch. "Missed you at breakfast."
He laughs before replying, "Yeah bet you did. Daphne, grill you again?" He walks over to me with his broom.
"Hey!" I laugh. "Yeah, she keeps telling me I need to see someone. Talk about my feelings and shit. And before you say anything I know she is right. I'm not ready to do it yet. Plus we have to take that Healing and Bonding crap."
"You have me on that one. How the bloody hell do they expect us to open up to people that either hate us, are scared of us, or don't give a crap about us? Not the comforting and trustworthy people."
"At the end of the day, we're Slytherin's to them. For me, I'll just be a Death Eater in their eyes."
"That's not true, mate. I'm sure Granger and Red aren't the only ones that don't see you that way."
"Red? How do you know that she doesn't think that?"
"Daphne talks," We both laugh and smile in agreement.
Daphne has many wonderful traits, but she's an incurable gossip. However, mixed with Blaise's thing for Weasley and I bet she is trying to play matchmaker. Of course, despite being a known gossip, she is one of the most trustworthy and loyal people. She gossips about the superficial and less meaningful things, but if it's important then she won't say a word.
"I still can't believe that you'll be living with Granger. Things are going to be pretty interesting this year." Blaise winks.
"Oh shut it. Nothing is going to happen. We've made a pact that we're moving on from what happened. Hopefully we can be friends."
"You and Granger friends? Come on you've got to joking."
"What do you mean? You were the one going on saying I should trust her and that she isn't like everyone else."
"Yes that's what I said and I stand by it. I'm not saying you can't be friends. I'm saying that you won't want to be just friends."
"You're bloody bonkers. I'm not interested in Hermione." I shake my head. He has quite the imagination. I mean, yeah she's beautiful, intelligent, witty and bold. True I've always had a strong interest in her. But that doesn't mean I like her.
"If you say so." He smirks.
"Just get on your broom."
Hermione POV
I missed being here so much but now that I'm back I don't know how I feel. Last night, I could barely sleep. I kept thinking about all of people we lost in the battle. It's hard to see Hogwarts as the magical place I used to view it as. I remember when I just arrived, it was so enchanting. I entered a world that most children that I grew up with dreamed about. It was mesmerizing and fascinating. However, over the years it's been filled with sorrow and pain. On the other hand, I have a plethora of wonderful memories here and amazing friendships bloomed here. This is where I met Harry and Ron, and where I learned that loving to learn makes me special, not strange. I grew up here and without Hogwarts and all of these people, I wouldn't be the person that I am. I don't want the bad memories to ruin all of the great ones, but it isn't easy to move on. How can we?
Some people try to pretend that nothing happened. Some of them try to focus on the present. Others live in the misery and won't try to focus on the future. I'm not sure where I land. I can't pretend nothing happened but I can't just move on and be happy. Especially not when we lost so many friends. Maybe it's survivor's guilt. Maybe it's the pride I feel for having defeated Voldemort. Maybe it's sadness because I miss my friends. Perhaps it's all three.
I've been in the library since after breakfast. I'll admit I rushed out of the Great Hall this morning. Fortunately, not having started classes yet leaves me able to hide from everyone. It isn't that I don't want to be with my friends but I needed some peace and quiet. The best place for that was with the books. Most of the students rather spend time with people. I think fear of loneliness is a symptom of war. I know it was for me. Every time I was alone I felt afraid and not even of anything in particular. Honestly, books can be better company. They never give you looks of pity, sadness or admiration. Ron loves the fame. Not in the typical way of feeling superior, but I think it makes him feel victorious instead of sad. I think he uses it as a way to distract himself from his grief. Harry, like me, hates the fame. He always has. I appreciate that people are thankful for what we did but I hate being put on a pedestal and being the center of attention. I walk through the halls and feel like everyone is looking at me. It's unnerving. I wish we could be seen as normal people that I could be Hermione instead of Hermione Granger War Heroine. I guess it's too much to ask for.
10:30am
"Hermione, there you are. I knew I'd find you here." Ginny calls excitedly.
"Hi Gin. What's up?"
"The boys were getting on my nerves. I love them but sometimes I need girl time. When you left breakfast early I knew you needed some time so I decided to leave you alone for a while. Do you mind some company?"
"Not at all, I would enjoy some girl time too." I say it and I know I mean it. We've always been good friends but over the past couple years our friendship has grown even stronger. She's a sister and a friend wrapped into one. The boys are wonderful, but there are some things that they just don't understand.
"Are you doing okay?"
"Yeah I think so. I'm just not used to being back yet. The looks everyone gives are...I just needed some time alone."
She gives me a warm smile that comforts me before saying, "In time it will get easier, at least that's what I like to believe. When we first received our letters and were told we could return I wasn't sure. I mean I love this place, but after everything I wasn't sure I could handle it. However, I've realized there is no place I would rather be. I want to be happy and to that I have to push past the sadness. I think being back will do us some good."
"You're absolutely right. Thanks Gin. I'm glad to have you here. I missed the boys while we were away but I loved hanging out with you. I love them but they're rubbish at being in tune with their feelings. Some days I rather go and do something to distract myself, whereas other days I rather dive deep in and work through things."
"I think that was one of my issues with Harry. He's loving and supportive, but he doesn't like to talk out his problems. Half of the time I didn't know what he was thinking. I'm not saying that I'm super emotional or that I want to constantly rehash every issue, but I like to be able to talk about things at any moment. He's a great listener and he's great at giving advice, but he rarely speaks up." She explains. She doesn't often talk about the issues she had with him. I've told her that she always can, and that it won't make me feel uncomfortable. I think she worries that if she does it sounds like she's saying he was a bad boyfriend, but I know that isn't what she means.
"I completely agree. I've always known that if I need him he will be there and if he really needs help that he will come to me. For example, when I was jealous of Lavender and upset with Ron. I didn't talk about it every day or every couple days. When I had opened up about it, he was there for me and understanding. For the next while I would go to him if I really needed advice or an ear. I don't hold it against him or take it offensively. That is what is great with having multiple friends. However, as a boyfriend I can definitely understand the problem with it." I confess. I like that with Ginny we can respect each other and understand each other. It's one of the reasons I feel like I can always talk to her about. We can talk for hours and about anything.
"Exactly! I never felt like Harry was being secretive instead I felt like either he didn't want to talk or didn't feel the need to. I need someone that after a stressful day I can rant to. When I've had a lot of thoughts building up that I can talk to him and he will try to give helpful feedback." She replies. "Yet, I can cuddle with on the couch without saying a word. I can feel comfortable knowing he will always come to me about the little things and the big things. Is that too much to ask of someone?" She chuckles
"Of course not!" I reply. "I think what you want is completely understandable. It's what I want too...You know with Ron, he was great for having fun, making me laugh, comforting me when I'm sad and helping me with my nerves. It's what makes him a great friend and what I liked about dating him. However, while we dated, it wasn't enough. Of course there were many reasons for our decision to break up, but part of it was the communication."
"I totally get what you mean. Sometimes I worry I won't be able to find that person. Dad always says that I have years to find him, but that doesn't prevent me from worrying." She admits. I get what she means. We're still young, but having years to find someone doesn't mean you will. Some people find that special someone during their youth like my parents. However, sometimes it takes till you're 30.
"I feel that way sometimes too. Mum says that there isn't a perfect person, but that special someone that is perfect to you. I think sometimes I wonder if I'm too picky. However, I know that when you're with someone you shouldn't settle. Like Ron wasn't a bad guy or a bad boyfriend. He just wasn't right for me, and I wasn't right for him."
"I hope we both find that special someone one day."
"Me too."
12:15pm
After spending the rest of my morning with Ginny, we wander to the Great Hall for lunch. Once we arrived, the boys greeted us. Ron already gobbling up food. Harry smiled brightly and welcomed us as I sat beside him. He and Ginny are friends, but understandably there is a little awkwardness.
Before heading for lunch, we stopped off at the Owlery. She had mail from Molly and I had a letter from my parents and Kate. I decided to wait to read it until I had some food. I didn't eat much at breakfast, so I was starving.
"Who sent you mail?" Ron mumbled as he tried to quickly swallow his food. Thankfully, he was trying to be more of a polite eater, haha.
"My Mum and Kate. I knew Mum would write. When I last saw her, I could tell she was worried. I just keep reminding her that we're all safe now and she doesn't need to worry."
"Mothers will always worry. Mum says it's her job. I think she takes it too seriously." Ron laughs. We all laugh. Molly is wonderful; however she can be a bit overbearing sometimes.
"Definitely. Your mom's better than ours, thankfully." Ginny laughs. "For the first few months after the war she barely let me out of her sight. I'm sure your mom will loosen up in time."
"Have you read Kate's letter yet?" Harry inquires.
"Not yet, I was just about to read it."
Hey girl,
Hope you're enjoying being back. You've got to tell me all about your new living quarters. I'm so proud of you for making Head Girl. Of course, we all knew you would :) Anyways, I just wanted to check in, and see how everything is so far. Also, I expect a complete report on what it's like living with Draco. From photos I've seen he is sexy. Boy is way too young for me, so don't tell your Mom I said that. But seriously girl, you can't tell me you aren't attracted to him. Yeah I know the history is bad, but I also know you both have moved past that. Oh my goodness, I just remembered that you're sharing a bathroom. I hope your Dad doesn't know for Draco's sake. I swear that man forgets that you are a woman and not a child sometimes.
Oh by the way, did all of the guys lose it when they saw you? I bet your Dad wasn't a big fan of your new clothing. But hey, you're young and gorgeous so you should flaunt it. Haha. I had so much fun with you and Ginny. We definitely should do it again sometime. This brings me to my next question. How would you feel about me coming to visit? Now don't worry I've asked your headmistress and she said it was completely okay with her. I was worried at first that she would say no because I'm not a witch. Thankfully, I'm passed for level whatever clearance she said. It feels very James Bond.
I've got to go, but write me later when you can. Oh and when you get your timetable let me know. Love you.
Kate xoxo
Apparently I laughed a lot because Harry was giving me a quizzical look.
He chuckles, "You alright there, Mione." I laugh in reply.
"Yeah no I'm good. She was telling me that McGonagall said she was allowed to visit Hogwarts because she has clearance. She said it feels very James Bond to her." We all laugh. Thankfully, over the years Harry and I have shown Ginny and Ron a lot of Muggle things so they can understand our background more.
"I'm so excited that she is going to visit us. I can't wait for her to try some of the food in Diagon Alley and check out all of the clothes. New York was so much fun. Just imagine all of the trouble we could get up to here." Ginny winks.
"Definitely!" I grin. "I'm so excited. I really want her to be able experience the world we're in. It's always been so nice for her to know I'm a witch, but it will be even better for her to see everything herself." I agree.
"Exactly what kind of trouble did you girls get into in New York?" Ron insists.
"I don't think you want to know, brother." She smirks.
Ron grumbled in response and I laughed. When we got back from our trip, poor Harry was a bit speechless when he saw me. I've always been like his little sister and he rarely treats me as such. However, I know seeing me dressed up in a sexy halter with tight jeans with makeup was a total shock. When I was packing up for Hogwarts, I could tell he was struggling not to stop me from packing certain items. He would probably faint if he knew about the sex toys.
"Don't worry Ron, we didn't buy anything slutty. Everything covers what needs to be covered." I chuckle as I glance as Ginny.
As Ron's face goes red, Harry pipes up, "Let it go mate," before chuckling himself.
I love poking fun at Ron. Sometimes, it's just too easy. Haha. In the end, we appreciate how much he cares and that all he wants is for us to be safe.
"What else did Kate say?" Ginny asks curiously.
"She asked how I was doing and what my living quarters is like. Oh dear, she asked whether boys were losing it over seeing me." I explain.
"Oh come on, you know she's right. Remember the train station. And Malfoy." She retorts. I must have been blushing because after mentioning Draco, she quirked her eyebrow.
"Why are you blushing? Did something happen last night?"
"Gin! Oh my goodness, no nothing happened." I exclaim. Godric, of course she would think we snogged or something.
"Then what is it?" She pokes.
"Kate mentioned Draco in her letter."
"Why would she mention Malfoy?" Ron grunts.
"Oh shush Ronald. So, what did she say?"
"It was nothing. Just about how we're sharing a common room...and a bathroom." I confess. I wasn't sure if I should say more. Not because of the boys but because I was worried that Ginny would poke me about Draco. I didn't want to admit that I was attracted to him. I know she wouldn't let it go. Ever.
"Bloody hell, hand the letter over." I hand it over; knowing a part of me wanted her to read it.
"It was nothing!" She repeats. She continues to read the letter before stating, "Oh sure, all she said was that he's sexy and that you should go for." She quips.
"She said what?" Harry questions as he furrows his brow.
"Just because you both think he's sexy doesn't mean I do. Nor does it mean that I should go for him. Which by the way she did not say." I deny.
"Okay true she didn't say it, but she implied it. Also, don't lie you know you're interested in him. I don't know why you won't admit it."
"Ginny, what in the bloody hell are you going on about? Hermione isn't interested in him. And I can't believe you thinks he's-ugh," He interrupts before shivering.
After we calmed Ron down we continued to eat our lunches. Thankfully, conversation shifted from Draco to Quidditch and classes. We all agreed that we weren't happy about being forced to take Healing and Bonding. I understand the purpose of the class and why they want us all to take it. However, it just feels so invasive. Making us all open up not just to a complete stranger, but to our classmates. I have my friends to talk to...and maybe Draco.
2:30pm
Once we finished our lunch, we left the castle to visit Hagrid. We shared some stories of our summer and laughed over tea. It was nice to be able to catch up and to talk without any dark plots looming over us. Hagrid had spent his time working on rebuilding Hogwarts and helping with the summer student program. I think we all enjoyed our visit and were all happy to see him smile again.
It began to rain, so we all decided to go back to the castle. After getting soaked by the rain I chose to go to my room and change. Upon arrival I decided to cozy up by the fireplace and read a book.
"Hey Hermione." I jump as I hear a voice from behind. It wasn't from not recognizing the voice, but because I was so focused on my book that I didn't hear the door.
"Hi Draco." I pause. "Did you just get here?"
"Yeah, I wasn't sure if you would be here. Do you mind if I sit with you?"
"No not at all. What did you get up to today?" I ask. A part of me wonders if he wants to sit here with me or if he asked simply as a courtesy.
"I played Quidditch with Blaise after breakfast with Daphne. Afterwards I spent lunch with them before hiding out in the library." He chuckles,
"Thanks for asking. What did you do today?" His chuckle sounds so sweet. I don't think I have ever actually heard him chuckle until now.
I laugh before replying, "I guess we have some things in common. I spent breakfast with my friends, but I left early to hide out in the library too." We smile at each other. "After the library, I spent time with Ginny before lunch with her and the boys. We all went to Hagrid's then I came back here."
"Sounds like a pretty solid day." He smiles. "I guess we're more similar than we used to think. Did you come back to get out of the rain? Weren't you wearing something else this morning?"
"Yes and yes. I got soaked on the way back, so I got changed. Wait, you noticed that I changed?"
"Oh no! Good thing that we have the fireplace then. I'm glad I came up here when I did. Why does it surprise you that I noticed?" He inquires.
"Thank goodness. I was so cold and so wet-," He smirks, "Anyways, I'm not sure I guess I just didn't think you would have paid enough attention."
"I pay attention more than you realize." He breathes before continuing, "Why were you hiding this morning?"
"It was all too much. The staring and being back after everything. I just needed space and time with the quiet books. Why were you?"
"Same exact reason. Quiet books?" He smirks with a quizzical look. Has he always been so sexy? Hermione, shut up.
I pause, "They don't pity you, admire you or look at you with sadness."
"They don't judge or hate." He adds. He gives me a sad smile. I think about how much worse being here must be for him than me. I hide from admiration and people feeling sad for the pain I've been through. He hides from something completely different.
"Draco...I'm sorry I shouldn't have-," I begin to say.
"Hermione, you have nothing to apologize for. You were only answering my question. We have different reasons to hide from people's stares. You don't need to feel bad about that." He interrupts. I appreciate his words, but I still feel bad. Here I complain about being called a hero and he's faced with words like coward and Death Eater. I hate that he has to go through this.
"I just hate how people treat you. You don't deserve any of this." I sigh.
"After everything I've done over the years, maybe I do. I've hurt so many people including you. I deserve to be hated."
"I refuse to believe that, Draco. Yes you did and said some terrible things when you were a kid, but that was then. You've grown up and changed. I truly believe that and with your father gone...now you can be whoever you want to be." I implore. I won't deny the bad things he's done, but he has to forgive himself. It's the only way he can move on and be happy.
"You have no idea how much I appreciate hearing you say that, but it doesn't change the past. It also doesn't change what I did when I got older. I've done things and almost done things that I never imagined. If I could take back anything it would be getting the mark." He explains sadly.
I take the blanket off of me and move to the couch to sit next to him. I felt too far away. I don't know why.
"I can never truly understand any of this and I really wish I could. I want to be able to help you. I don't know what you have done or been through, however I don't blame you for any of it."
"Why?" He questions seriously.
"I can't imagine being in the position you were in. I don't think that you wanted any of it and as you said you wanted to protect yourself and your mother. I oblivated my parents without them knowing and sent them to Australia to protect them. Believe me when I say that I understand crossing lines to protect the ones you love."
"How can you do that? You're just so understanding and so amazing. Even to me." He admits.
"It might be hard for you to imagine, but I'm much more understanding and mindful than you know. I'm not prejudiced like I was as a kid. I think you judge yourself too harshly."
"I guess we both have changed over the years. Maybe I do, however it's with good reason. Every day I wake up and look at myself in the mirror. I see all of my mistakes and all of the terrible things I've done." He whispers. It was such a sight to see him so vulnerable.
"I think you're looking in the wrong mirror." I smile shyly.
"I think you're right. Thank you." He smiles back.
We suddenly fell into a comfortable silence. It lasted for a short time before he spoke again.
"Are you comfortable with me? I mean I know we're friends now, but it only just happened. I don't want to push too fast."
"It may sound strange, but I feel completely comfortable with you. Talking about the past or just sitting in silence. Do you?"
"I really do. Could you imagine this three years ago? It's maddening. I wish it hadn't taken us this long." He confesses.
"Me too." I agree. If someone had told me we would become friends years ago I would have laughed. We've barely begun to be friends and I feel like talking to him is so easy.
"Do you want to go to the library?"
"I thought you would never ask." I chuckle. He smiles before laughing. I go to grab my book bag, but he picks it up first and throws it over his shoulder. Before I can question him, he asks me if I've always loved reading as we head out. Leaving my question at the door.
4:50pm
After a couple hours in the library, we decided to head outside. The rain had passed and the sun was shining. Draco believed it was the perfect time to take a stroll by the lake. How could a girl say no? He was completely right. While walking along the lake I notice that he has gone silent. Perhaps he's deep in thought or enjoying the peacefulness of the outdoors?
"Something on your mind?" I inquire.
He sighs, "I never noticed how beautiful it was here." He looks at me with sorrow. He puts his hands in his jacket pocket and continues walking.
"It truly is enchanting. It can be difficult to notice the beauty around you when your mind is misdirected."
"Or when you're too self-centered and arrogant to care." He declares. I take his arm with my hand to stop him.
"I disagree. I don't think it was your arrogance, instead it was your drive to be better, your sense of superiority that clouded your mind."
"Maybe you're right. I was so focused on living up to the family name and pleasing Lucius that I forgot that there was more out there. More than success and blood purity. Maybe being a pureblood makes it hard to really be mesmerized by these things. I came to Hogwarts fairly prepared for what it was like and I had always grown up around magic. There was no mystery."
"I never thought of it that way. Do you think it's like that for all purebloods? I can't imagine that there aren't some things that can surprise you. The whole point of school is to learn. I doubt you knew everything about magic that there was to know."
"No not at all. I get what you're saying. I guess I'm referring more towards the way of life. Of course when I arrived I was somewhat amazed. I had never been here before and it was a new adventure, however I wasn't shocked to see ghosts and food magically appearing. Decorations at Halloween floating midair. I think it's a precious thing to have.
"What is?"
"Being completely unaware. It's hard for me to even imagine what it would be like for you, arriving here, after living a life thinking magic didn't exist."
"It was the most amazing experience of my life. I completely understand what you're saying. Candles floating in the air to you was normal, whereas for me it was unbelievable. It was like entering a dream." I smile, feeling nostalgic.
After wandering around the property, we decided to lie down on a hill near the lake. Lying here looking up at the sky, I realize something. I barely know Draco. I used to think I knew him. I saw him as obnoxious, pompous and malicious, but I realize now that I knew Malfoy, not Draco. I'm suddenly much more excited for this year, because I want to get to know him.
"What do you like?"
"Um...honestly I've rarely ever been asked. I love Quidditch, obviously." He chuckles before continuing. "I love reading, potions, and drawing...I like the colour red and chocolate. Seriously, if you bring chocolate frogs to our common room, you should hide them." He explains. He said the last sentence so seriously that I couldn't help my laugh and he laughs along.
"Red?" I smirk. For a man with such house pride, I'm surprised by his admission.
"Don't get me wrong, I love green, but red has always been my favourite. Is red your favourite colour?" He inquires, curiously.
"Purple, actually. While I'm proud to be a Gryffindor, I definitely don't feel the obligation to always show my colours."
He smiles, "Same question to you, what do you like? Other than books."
I grin back, "I love learning and helping others most of all. I've always like potions and charms. Arithmancy and ancient runes fascinate me." I ponder the question for a moment. "I really like pastries and chocolate. I'm not very materialistic, but I definitely have learned to enjoy clothes."
"I'm definitely a very materialistic person, but I've been better lately. I've got to warn you, Mother is a wonderful woman, but shopping is her version of a hobby." He admits. He rolls his eyes and I can tell that he doesn't understand her interest in shopping. However, it's easy to see that he really loves her.
"What subjects are you taking this year?"
"Potions, Transfiguration, Arithmancy, DADA, Charms, Herbology and Healing and Bonding" He answers. "You?"
"Same except I'm taking Ancient Runes on top of everything else." Wow, we basically have the same timetable.
"I had no idea. Although, I guess I shouldn't be so surprised, since we seem to have similar interests." He suggests. I never realized that we had so much in common. We grew up as enemies and I believed that we were nothing alike.
"Now that I think about it you're probably right. We seem to have more in common than I have in common with Harry and Ron."
"That doesn't surprise me in the least," he comments.
"Why is that?" I exclaim.
"Think about it Hermione. We both like potions and reading. You and I are intelligent, determined, opinionated and perfectionistic. We were both top of our grades, thus our titles of Head Boy and Girl." He acknowledges.
I had never really thought about it like that before. I was always so narrow minded when it came to him. Now, after learning more about him I've realized we actually are very similar.
"More importantly," he begins, "we both love chocolate." We both laugh.
5:45pm
We chose to head back make it for dinner after relaxing and talking for a while. We had completely lost track of time. I never could have imagined having so much fun with him. We joked around and talked about our favourite books. I was so impressed by his impressive skill of Occlumency and he was blown away to find out that I successfully brewed a polyjuice potion in my second year. I never doubted his skill, but I was definitely impressed by some of the things he told me. I remembered how challenging Occlumency was for Harry. I know that he really doubts himself and is disappointed in himself, but I really admire him. I can't imagine the things he has gone through, like living with Voldemort. No wonder he was so determined to be an Occlumens. He teased me for being afraid of flying. He was surprised I was still afraid after flying on a broom during the battle and flying on a dragon. I told him that out of a fight or flight response I had no choice, but that I could never imagine just going on a broom for no reason. He made a promise that one day he would get me on a broom. Hopefully he'll forget he said that.
"There you are. Where have you been?" Ron calls from the front doors as we approach the castle.
"I spent a couple hours in the library before we decided to walk around outside."
"We?" He questions.
"Draco and I. We decided to get some fresh air while the sun was out."
"You've been with him all of this time?" He scolds me. Why won't he just let this go? He can't tell me who I can and can't be friends with.
"Yes Ronald I have." I retort with my arms crossed over my chest.
"Hermione, I'm going to go. We can catch up later." Draco murmurs, obviously uncomfortable. Before his response would be antagonistic, but it was clear that he didn't want to act like that anymore.
"Wait, okay?" I implore. "Ron, it isn't your business who I spend time with."
"I tried to leave it be, but now you're disappearing for hours with him." He says with venom.
"Oh shove off. I didn't disappear with him. I was spending time with a friend."
"A friend, that's laughable."
"Ron, I'm tired of arguing about this. We've been over this already."
"I'm just looking out for you." He pleads.
"I can take care of myself, you know that."
"Normally, but it's clear that you aren't thinking straight."
"Weasley, Hermione is more than capable of taking care of herself." Draco remarks. "If she wasn't sure that she could trust me then she wouldn't have agreed to be friends. I'll walk you to dinner." He leads me away from Ron and towards the Great Hall.
"Thank you." I smile. "I'm sorry about Ron."
"Don't be. I don't hold it against him. After everything, he has a right to hate me."
"He doesn't have a right to be a prick or to tell me what to do. He's allowed to care and be protective, but he was disrespectful and irrational. Hopefully he'll realize his mistake and try to move on."
"I'm in no way of fan of the weasel, but give him some time. His attempt to control you was unacceptable, but he's free to dislike me all he wants."
Shortly after
Draco and I went separate ways after entering the hall. I was greeted by Harry and Ginny, a little after I arrived Ron came in. He was clearly disgruntled, however he kept quiet. I had sat beside Ginny and she must have noticed the tension between us.
"Did something happen?" She whispers.
"Draco and I were hanging out all afternoon and when we got up to the castle we bumped into Ron."
"Oh dear that couldn't have gone well. Did he freak out?" She asks, clearly annoyed at Ron's immaturity.
"Unfortunately yes. He scolded me for being with him. He acted as if I was being rash and stupid for spending time with him and calling Draco a friend."
"This is getting ridiculous. I understand that he cares, but he can't try to tell you what you can do. He's such a child sometimes."
"Absolutely. He acted like I'm being foolish. I wouldn't be Draco's friend unless I had really thought it through."
After the speeches, the food appeared and we all dived in. Harry and Ron talked about the new Quidditch season. Ron was ecstatic because he recently got a new broom and couldn't wait to try it out. Ginny was overjoyed to hear about my afternoon with Draco. I told her how sweet he was and how much we have in common. I explained how it shocked me how easily we got along.
"You know what is crazy, he and I have the almost the same schedule. Only difference is that I'm taking Ancient Runes."
"Seriously? Wow, you weren't kidding. You definitely do have common interests. You know what this means." She winks.
"Whatever do you mean?"
"Well, you're going to be spending so much time together. You won't be able to deny your feelings for much longer."
"Oh come on Gin, there isn't anything going on between us. We're friends."
"You can't tell me you aren't at least attracted to each other."
"You'll never let this go will you?" I shake my head.
"I didn't hear you deny it." She smirks.
"He isn't attracted to me. Why are you so adamant that something is going on?"
"First of all, he definitely is. I saw the way he looked at you in Diagon Alley. He thought you looked hot, which obviously you did." She insists. "I'm simply trying to get you to see what I see. Give it a chance. By the way, you never denied being attracted to him." She grinned before eating her steak and kidney pie.
I saw Harry giving me a curious look and I shook my head to tell him not to say anything. I knew immediately that I must have been blushing. I chose not to reply to Ginny's comments because I knew I had been caught. I didn't want to admit that I thought he was handsome. It would only encourage her ridiculous notion that Draco and I were interested in one another. Why in the world did she think that?
7:00pm
Ginny, Harry, Ron and I all walk up to Professor Vector, the new Deputy Headmistress, when the eighth years are called to pick up their timetables. Due to the large amount of students, year by year students were called upon and went to a particular Professor. I can't wait to see my new timetable. Despite all of the emotions running through me about this year I'm excited to start school. It will be wonderful to get back to being a student again.
Professor Vector hands me my timetable with a warm smile. It was great to see her again. I looked below and saw everything perfectly organized.
Mondays: after breakfast Transfiguration, break, Charms, then lunch, DADA, break, spare, break, spare, break and last dinner.
Tuesdays: after breakfast spare, break, Potions, then lunch, DADA, break, Runes, break, Herbology, break and last dinner.
Wednesdays: after breakfast Charms, break, Transfiguration, then lunch, Healing and Bonding, break, Runes, break, Herbology, break and last dinner.
Thursdays: after breakfast Transfiguration, break, Herbology, then lunch, DADA, break, Charms, Arithmancy, Arithmancy, break and last dinner.
Fridays: after breakfast Arithmancy, break, Healing and Bonding, then lunch, Runes, break, Potions, Potions, spare, break and last dinner.
"Hey." A voice says from behind me.
"Hi Draco."
"I guess we're going to be seeing each other a lot." He comments with a big grin.
"It seems so. Are you okay with that?"
"Absolutely." He says smiling. I smile back. It's interesting to think that we will be working together as Head Boy and Girl, in 7 of each other's classes and living together.
"I had fun with you today. It's nice to actually have someone that enjoys going to the library."
"I did too," He smiles. "If you don't mind, maybe we could do it again some time."
"I would like that." I smile back. "My friends used to always tease me for always going to the library. Now, they appreciate it, however they still prefer to discuss Quidditch or play games. It's nice to finally have someone to talk to about it."
"I feel the same way. Daphne and Blaise never bugged me about it, but they definitely aren't avid readers. They best appreciate it. There is no way they could have survived all these years without you." He tilts his head and gives me a small smile.
"I love them dearly, but I must admit I don't know how either." I giggle before continuing, "Until the war, they never saw the real value of reading."
"I can understand that they don't find reading exciting, but to not appreciate its value." he shakes his head, "I just can't imagine. Mother was adamant that I grew up reading. We have a huge library at home. I used to spend hours holed up in there."
"That sounds amazing. In my house, I just had a couple bookcases, so over the years I had to start storing books in bins. My parents are considered well off; however we had a considerably smaller house than yours. Growing up, books were everything to me. I didn't have a lot of friends, so most of my time was spent reading. Perhaps it was because I came off as bossy and a know-it-all. I swear it was never my intention. I'm just highly logical and able to see what others overlook. I think over the years I've reined it in." I recount. It was hard to have so few friends. I definitely felt lonely; however I had a wonderful childhood. I've always been so close to my parents and my family.
"I'm sorry to hear that. I'll admit I definitely used to be bothered by your tendency to act like that. Honestly, I was bothered mostly because I guess I felt envious or threatened. Lucius was less than pleased about your superior grades. I'm sorry that I was so cruel to you about it. I was a complete prat. You're the smartest woman I have ever met. Don't let anyone try to tell you that there is anything wrong with that."
"Thank you Draco." I hug him without thinking about it. What if he doesn't like hugs? Or what if he denies the hug?
However, he hugged me back, to my surprise and joy.
PS: I would like to say as a side note that I have made some changes to Draco in order to make him more of my own version of him. This is the kind of person I see him being or capable of being. I'm making this story as canon as I possibly can while tweaking certain pieces. An example you have now seen is my alterations to the events that occurred in the Room of Requirement. Part of this decision is that I don't want to indirectly encourage romanticizing cruel characters like the Draco we read or the idea of saving a 'broken' person.
A/N: Thank you so much for reading my story. Thank you so much to those of you that have been with me along this journey so far and waiting patiently for my updates. I hope you all enjoyed this new chapter. I'm really going to try to be more on top of writing and posting updates. Shout out to my amazing friend and story editor GinnyGinervaWeasley for helping me. Sorry for my big notes. It makes me so happy every time I get a notification of a new follower, a new reviewer and another person favouriting the story. Thank you so much everyone. Also, if you have any loving comments, constructive criticism or questions please feel to review or PM me.
Love you all!
DracoHermionelover98