A/N: So I got a Tumblr! My name on there is sandfirekat because apparently someone already took the name SandfireKat for some reason…if you're going to follow me though, you'd probably want to do it soon, because I'm thinking of changing my name to something else. Something that'll be less familiar to you all so it'll be harder to find XDD

I've become so numb, I can't feel you there. I've become so tired, so much more aware.

I'm becoming this, all I want to do! Is be more like me, and be less like you!

Numb - Linkin Park

Voice of reason

Inner desires

(~**~) (~**~) (~**~) (~**~)

Nobody spoke for the rest of the walk. Whether or not they were aware of Astrid's silent challenge that Hiccup had noticed himself, they didn't give any sign. Instead, they allowed the thick mesh of sadness, loss, guilt, and awkwardness to create a firm wall in between them. The only contact that was in the group was silent, Toothless and Mistyeyes walking a little ways ahead, their steps taking them so that they were close enough to brush scales. But even still, they didn't meet eye contact, or offer up any more words of encouragement. It was clear by the sickened look that had overcome Hiccup's face that he wasn't in the mood for anything of the sort.

Hiccup would be lying if he said that he didn't like the silence, though. He wanted to be alone, and considering the way that they were going right now, this would always be as close as he could get to the feeling. Walking along wih heavy gait, Hiccup crossed his arms loosely over his chest, green eyes trained on the ground, making it seem as though he were just watching where he was putting his feet. But even as the thought crossed his mind, he knew that it wasn't true at all. Every footstep was another detail. Another thing or another trait that Hiccup asked himself if he'd ever see again about Astrid. Her large smile, her sarcastic remarks, her laugh that she always had whenever he did anything stupid.

How was he supposed to do anything now? The thought was like salt in an open wound, and yet he realized that that was what everyone else was privately wondering as well. Now that there was this problem, how was it going to affect everything else? It was a simple question, and yet underneath it there was too many cracks. Astrid wasn't hurt, she wasn't unable to walk or ride dragons. There was no physical injury showing at all that could exist as an excuse for them to subside in their plans of making haste back to Berk. There was no excuse for them to slow anything down just because of this minor detail.

And that was what it was, of course. Astrid could walk. She could talk, fight, duck, dodge, fly, and everything that she could before. Nothing had changed except her dose of forgetfulness, however big the ordeal may seem. And even if they could see how much it hurt Hiccup to see her deliberately try and space herself away from him, what would the others say? The question caused him to perk at once, lifting his weary eyes from the ground and over towards where Mistyeyes, Toothless, Leafdapple, Nightflight, and Shadowclaw were walking.

They were a few steps ahead, though Hiccup had seen them try and think about doubling back to be alongside him once or twice so far. But they always seemed to think better of the option, shaking the prospect away with an awkward look as they hustled forward to right themselves once more. What did they think about it? He shifted uneasily as he continued to walk, green eyes shimmering with a new kind of worry as he looked at them closely, trying to pin down their emotions or thoughts.

Toothless was the easiest to see through; whether or not that was because this very thing had happened to him, or that Hiccup had simply known him longer than the others was beyond him. But every step that the dragon took seemed to vibrate with anger, sadness, and memories that had gone unspoken between him and his human. Mistyeyes was right by his shoulder, having little to no change about the way she held herself. Her head was level, steps unwavering in their strides. The only way that Hiccup could try and draw conclusion from her was from the way her shoulders were tightened forward, or the way that her ears bent backwards, heavy with emotion.

Shadowclaw and Leafdapple were silent. That was a telling factor in the way that they were feeling; usually the two were chattered like a nest full of birds when they were together. But now they were silent, almost cryptic in their manner. Every now and then, Leafdapple would look Shadowclaw's way, green eyes round with confusion and almost helplessness as she seemed to be waiting for him to assure her that something was going to be alright. But the male was silent, ear flicking every other step as he twitched with nervousness and agitation.

Nightflight was beside herself, walking a few paces behind and away from the group of dragons. Her head was hung miserably, unseeing eyes glaring sharply at the ground, as if it were its fault for whatever had happened. Her tail dragged against the grass, leaving a deep line to part the fronds of foliage. Hiccup blinked, biting his lower lip and figuring that nothing he could say would make her feel any less terrible at the moment; he also knew that she wasn't going to help him too much in trying to sort this out, either.

He tore his gaze away from the disgruntled Night Fury, forcing himself to instead look at the other dragons, taking them all in at once. They were nearly back to the other end of the island; if they went back without a plan, then what could they do then? How would the other dragons react to knowing that Nightflight had messed up yet another spell of her's? It could cause mass hysteria to know that what they were following was a misguided, incapable leader. After all, if a village like Berk didn't have a strong leader, everything would fall apart too.

He paused, steps faltering a little at the mention of his home. Berk. He felt like the name should have jogged something in his mind, a thing that he'd never considered before, or that had never occurred to him. He looked back towards Astrid, watching as the blonde stumbled over a root that she had missed watching out for. She tripped forward, cursing underneath her breath and wincing a little as she tried to shake off the misstep. His heart sank a million feet as he looked at her, desperately wishing in vain that he could ask her. She would know how to solve this problem.

The only thing wrong with that hope was the fact that she was the problem.

Her words rang in his head, voice so achingly familiar and yet so foreign now at the same time. I dunno. She'd said, leaning back with a rather relaxed sigh against the bark of the pine tree that they had all sheltered underneath the night before they left Berk. Hiccup had sat beside her, back hunched forward as he had looked despairingly at the ground. The blonde had tried to comfort him back then, locking her arms tightly around her ankles as she pushed her shoulder against his. I mean- we've got a pretty big splinter in our sides right now. And we're running away. So I'm not really sure that you've changed all that much. You're just sharing the boat, now that you've got us along for the ride.

She'd been trying to make him feel better after he said something…he tried to remember. He felt like it was important. He slowed in his step, green eyes troubled by now as he started to stop. He turned, looking back towards the blonde and watching as she perked at his sudden halt. He opened his mouth to say something, the too-hopeful question burning on his tongue already. But it died as soon as she glared at him, hands curling up what looked like instinctively. "What?" She asked sharply, nearly dragging him out of his thoughts. But just nearly. "What's wrong, why did you stop?"

Her voice was thick and barbed with suspicion, accompanied with a tinge of anger at the notion of him lying to her about safety. Up ahead, the Night Furies were slowing in their strides also, turning back to look at the pair with guarded looks that displayed little to no emotion. Toothless mumbled out something to Hiccup, Astrid whipping back to face the dragon at the pip. But both the sound and reaction were lost on the Viking, who was staring intently at Astrid. Just the sight of her made him realize what he was skipping over. Made him realize what they had to do.

He just prayed to Thor that he had remained blind to the resolution.

That was right, what she said so long ago. The words had almost slipped his mind, and yet they were true as could be. He hadn't changed at all from what he had been like before. It didn't matter that he'd done all these things with the dragons, and it didn't even matter that he came all the way out here. He was still the person that screwed things up, or took wrong turns. He was still the same kid that always disappointed his father. He was still Stoick the Vast's screw-up.

And how had his father reacted whenever he created a barrier of difficulty to get around? How did Stoick handle things when he created a roadblock, or a difficulty? He ignored him. He looked past Hiccup, shoved the boy into the back of his mind, and forced himself to think about the village. Put the Village first, otherwise it'll fall. Worry about Hiccup later, for he was much less of an issue at this point in time.

Hiccup! As Chief, I'm responsible for the safety of everybody here!

I don't want to be like…my dad.

You should learn that lesson before it's too late!

Just being like him is the scariest thing I can think of.

I know you might not think this is the best way to do things. But this is what has to be done.

"…Hiccup?" Astrid spoke up, silence settling over the entire group now as their eyes slowly became more concerned. Hiccup realized that he'd been standing stock still, limbs locked together tightly now as his inner mind raced a million miles an hour. He started at the girl's voice, neck snapping up almost painfully as he met her eyes with his own, desperate hope flashing in their depths as he felt a tug on his heart. Her voice sounded so normal all of a sudden, so gentle and yet strong at the same time. She was wondering what was wrong, and that just might show that she was starting to remember him again.

But the kindling flame of vain hope diminished greatly as he took a small step backwards. Her eyes were round with confusion, not worry. Her lips were pulled down with hesitation, not concern. And when he looked at her so rashly all of a sudden, she jerked with surprise immediately, walls being built up again automatically at this new installment. He imagined a turtle in its shell, peeking out for just a moment before ducking away rapidly. Even if it had been a flash of the old Astrid, that was all it was. A flash. A memory. Something that could slip through fingers or dash away in a breeze.

He steeled himself, back straightening into a small arch as he swallowed hard. He looked at Astrid, up and down, calculating silently as his heart screamed at him to stop. This isn't you, this isn't the way that you work! You know your priorities, and you know that you care more about her than you do any of those dragons out there! You can make her remember if you try hard enough, or if you give her enough things to work with! Put the operation on hold; you cured Toothless, remember? If you did it once, you can do it again! You just need time.

But what about what they want? Once again, the voice of reason cut through his mantra, snapping it short. He twisted around slowly, as if the movement caused him immense pain and agony. He looked back at the Night Furies, five pairs of eyes staring right back at him. Some stunned, some worried, and some haunted. But they were all looking at him, looking up to him. They were waiting for some kind of move, or some kind of order to follow. Because he was their leader, and he had brought them all the way out here. And whether or not they took into consideration what had just happened, there was a group of a million other dragons, all sitting by the shoreline, looking up at the high sun and wondering what was taking so long, wondering where he was and what he wanted them to do.

They want what they came out here to get. The voice urged swiftly, incessant and unflinching in its wake, despite the way that each word was like a lash from a whip. These dragons have followed you and you alone all this time. It took so long to get where you are right now, and you're going to let the opportunity of rejoining Berk with other Night Furies in tow slip you by. Choose what you're going to do, because it's now or never. He turned, looking slowly from Astrid to Toothless and Mistyeyes, who stood at the head of the others.

One on each side.

Which side would he chose?

Two choices. Fifty, fifty.

A game of chance.

He shattered the silence, lifting his chin in an almost defiant angle. He looked straight forward, features expressionless as he refused to look at either of the issues at hand. He stared into the heart of the island ahead of him, focusing on everything he could. The bark of the trees, the grainy rocks scattered around them, the way that the ocean splashed not too far forward. And when he spoke, it was with a deaf ear that he listened to how dead and dull his voice was. "We're not going to tell the others." He said in a monotone voice, the flat line much too different from his normal upbeat chirps.

Mistyeyes's ears perked slowly, a small grimace on her face. "…What?" She asked, almost astonished. "...But Hiccup, that means..." Her blue eyes flickered over to Astrid, such a swift glance that he wondered dimly whether or not it even happened. "That means you wouldn't..." She stopped short, not finishing her words.

Still, he didn't look at them. Straight forward. If he didn't look at them, he wouldn't see what they thought about his actions. Whether he liked it or not, he was in charge of these dragons. If he was going to finish what he started, now matter how painful it would be, he had to make sure that he was fully focused in on the task at hand. "We're not going to tell the other Night Furies." He repeated, dead voice raising in volume just slightly. Astrid's brow creased at this, but Hiccup forced himself not to notice. "We're going to make sure that nothing about this gets leaked, okay?"

When nobody replied, he turned on his heel, moving so that he could take both of them in at the same time. "Did you hear me?" He demanded, voice suddenly rocketing up into a sharp yell. Mistyeyes shrunk backwards at the shout, blue eyes widening somewhat as she ducked back. Astrid did the same, a trace of fear in her eyes. "We're not going to say a word!" He jabbed a finger towards Mistyeyes and Nightflight, indicating Leafdapple as well. "Nothing! Not to Talon, not to Clearsky, and definitely not any of the younglings!"

The females nodded rapidly, Toothless staring mournfully at his human with a shade of sorrow and depression mingled together. But Hiccup was too busy turning over to Astrid. As he looked at her frightened look, feeling a tremor of fear shake him for a heartbeat. A small voice in the recesses of his mind urged him to backtrack. Take it back. You can do it. You know you're the only chance of her regaining her memory. Without you, she has no chance. But he ripped himself off of the thought with a push that took his breath away. There was no going back, he knew that for sure now. He'd made the decision. "And you make it seem like nothing happened too." He said, voice clipped as he refused to show any emotion towards her.

To his surprise, an almost offended look swept across her face. "Excuse me." She scoffed, hands on her hips as she leaned backwards slightly. Her blue eyes were sharper now, like chips of ice or flint. Hiccup remained blank though. Whether he wanted to or not, he was going to have to act like his father. If he wanted at all to get the Night Furies back to Berk, he needed to focus.

And yet it was hard…was it this hard for his Dad? Or had it gotten easier over time?

"I don't even know what happened." Astrid retorted tartly, voice sour as she looked Hiccup up and down. "So how on Earth would I try and cover it up?" But before Hiccup could even try to answer her, she shook her head swiftly. "I won't do anything I'm not supposed to." She concluded by herself. "I don't even know for sure what I do on a normal basis anymore either, I guess." She turned, looking from one way to another, thinking over something mentally it seemed. But then her gaze rested on Hiccup, however scrutinizing it may have been. "You were right before, then." She assured him reluctantly. "You are the only person I've seen. So far, anyway."

"I'm the only person here for miles." He stated dully, looking away towards the shore. "There are other dragons, but you'll be find with them. They're friendly enough, and you…" He glanced at her quickly, voice raising slightly in volume as he tried to keep his throat from choking back on him. "…you really enjoyed being with them before…you know." He left the ending up to her to decide, shaking his head and going on as best he could. "We're going to get there soon, so you may as well just…not talk. You know…make it seem like nothing happened."

"And why would I do that?" She asked invitingly.

He took this time to throw her a warning look. She quieted somewhat at the expression, but she also flared behind her frown of dejection, a spark of her attitude welling up in the back of her eyes. "Maybe because I know more about what's going on than you do." He snapped, voice a little bit harsher than he meant it to be. The blonde stiffened at the agitated spike, but bit back her sharp retort wisely. Shaking his head, Hiccup cleared it as best he could. "Sorry." He said lowly, voice definitely smaller than it had been before.

Might as well not even say the phrase, though. He was much too guilty to put into words. What would happen now that Astrid was like this? Would she stay this way forever? Unable to know anything for sure, she would spend the rest of her life wandering in the darkness, floundering for some sort of grasp of her former self. Hiccup had tried already to get her to remember, even resorting to giving her a brief -but detailed- description of her. Whether or not he could eventually get her to remember, he had to dig the thought away.

Remembering, filing, and burying. Going through every single thing about Astrid, he buried it away as far as he could. Everything he loved…everything he could revisit and fill the void with went into his mental dump. Pounds and tons of other thoughts and worries would smother them all down, taking the importance factor like a winning champion that had beaten out their opponent. "But you'll just have to do what I say. I'm in charge here." His voice was firm, adamant in its own right. He was a leader, and now he fully saw the price that came with the title. Now that he'd lost everything though, he was more determined than ever to set the record straight. He was not going to suffer for nothing.

"Just…put on a smile." He said. "Pretend like you know what you're doing."

Astrid studied him closely before: "What's with that?"

"What's with what?" Hiccup asked blankly.

She pointed at him. "That." Inquisitive. Yet another thing to go down in the list of things that Astrid had been. She seemed to still hold that trait, along with all her other ones, of course. But still…it wasn't the same. Forcing that one under with the rest of them, he looked at her expectantly, waiting for elaboration. She shook her head aimlessly, looking a tad confused now. "Just a few minutes ago, you weren't wanting to shut up." She pointed out. "Now you make it seem like talking to me is some kind of big hassle for you."

"It's not a hassle." Hiccup said tightly. It just can't be a priority anymore. Can you understand?

A whole year might have passed with Hiccup pinned underneath Astrid's sky-blue orbs. She slowly lowered her arms, crossing them over her chest instead. She leaned backwards onto her heels, digging them into the ground. "I have another question." She decided, Hiccup remaining silent as he continued to stare back at her steadily. "How do you know me?" She asked simply, tone suddenly sprinkled with interest. "I don't remember anything about you, but…that must be wrong, considering you're the only one for miles. So why am I out here? With you. Besides the whole joining-together-two-sides thing. I know I've only been here for a few minutes, but…" She looked around with a small grimace. "This place stinks." She turned back to Hiccup. "So why did I come out here all this way? It must have something to do with you, right?"

Hiccup hesitated, aware of the dragons' eyes boring into him, waiting with bated breath for his answer. They were obviously waiting for the moment that would surely come: he would tell her that he loved her all over again and maybe she would even manage to remember him. The world would turn right-side-up again and the sun would shine a little bit more through the clouds that shrouded the sky. That was how the story would end if this was just some lullaby for a fitful child that refused to go to sleep.

But this wasn't a story, this was real life.

"We're friends." He said shortly but firmly. Astrid perked at this, seeming to think that the connection made sense considering that he had done so much to save her from falling off the side of the island. Of course there wasn't a single thought of romance for her, she must have looked right over his head as soon as she first saw him, just like she did before. But that was perfect, he told himself brokenly. It fixed so many problems. "And you came just because you thought that it was the right thing to do." He explained further. "You became friends with the dragons," He gestured to the Night Furies, who purred happily at this. "and you really were a big help in getting them all here." He shrugged a little uselessly. "Hopefully you'll still be a help. That is, until we get back to Berk."

Astrid contemplated this before nodding slowly. "I want to go home."

"That's Berk." He said, thinking dryly that they already had this conversation before.

"And you don't want the….dragons…to know what happened…back there?" She spoke slowly, tripping over details, names, and scenes. Her blue eyes were trained on the ground, narrowed into concentrating slits as she tried to connect the dots as rapidly as she could. "I guess they wouldn't know the difference…you said I couldn't 'talk' to dragons before, so nothing would change."

"Just smile. And don't freak out." He added as an afterthought, a little bit of his old humor ghosting its way into his tone.

She sniffed airily, cautious now as she glanced over to the other Night Furies. "As long as they don't try and jump on me again." She growled.

(~**~) (~**~) (~**~) (~**~)

The dragons were waiting for them when they got back into the clearing. As soon as they rustled their way through the foliage, heads shot their way, and attention was immediately focused onto their group. Dragons leapt to their feet, tails twitching with anxiousness as their eyes went to Hiccup at once. He smiled at all of them, trying his best to convey his normal can-do attitude. Everything was fine, nothing was wrong. Everything was perfect, and they were going to leave within the next hour. Everything was peachy.

Astrid stiffened at once by his side, eyes rounding out with surprise and horror at the sight of so many strange things in front of her. Hiccup glanced her way, worry creasing over him just like the clouds up in the sky. He whispered out a few encouragements to the girl, feeling a pang of nervousness shake his legs back and forth. What would they do if their lie was found out? If they were discovered in that way, it would be worse considering that they tried to deceive the Pack in the first place.

"It's okay." He hissed through the corner of his mouth. "Calm down."

"They're everywhere…." She mumbled, sounding fazed.

"They're all okay." He whispered sharply.

"But….but-"

"Hiccup! Hiccup's back!" Amber crowed happily, cutting off their hisses as she shot up on short, unsteady legs. Wings flying out cutely at her sides, she rushed forward, claws throwing up loose tufts of grass as she made for Hiccup. Remaining staring at Astrid helplessly for a moment, he took a slow breath before turning around to face Amber. At once, he forced a large smile on his face, leaning down and extending his arms out for the little youngling. She purred happily at this, pushing off the ground and landing in the boy's embrace.

"Oof!" He gasped at the impact, wincing a little as he gave a breathless laugh. "You're too big to be running around like that." He chastised gently, breath scraping in his throat as he put her down on solid ground. Amber chuffed with laughter at the comment, turning around in a quick circle of excitement. Astrid stilled a little at Hiccup's side, hands still clenched tightly around her stomach. But her shoulders slackened a little at the sight of the baby, a spark of emotion other than fear or terror going through her gaze.

"I've been practicing my flying, Hiccup!" Amber reported, exaggerating her point by flapping up into the air a little more than a foot off the ground. Hiccup watched her for a moment, genuinely impressed as he smiled down at the female. But then she staggered in her wing pattern, landing back clumsily on the ground as she stumbled. The boy automatically reached forward, propping her up and helping her to right herself.

"A little better." He commented gently. "Still needs some work, though."

"Yeah, I know." She scoffed, looking upset by her slip-up. But then she brightened. "I'll get better at it though! I'll get to be just like Nightflight with my flying! You won't have to jump after me anymore, I promise!" Nightflight stirred for once at this, perking as her name was mentioned. She flushed with embarrassment at the hidden praise, ears flattening with both modesty and still-lingering guilt as she ducked away.

Mistyeyes glanced at her, eyes softening as she leaned over and nudged her encouragingly on the shoulder. The look in her eyes obviously showed that she wanted the Night Fury to hold herself up a bit higher, and yet Nightflight ignored the touch. Mistyeyes pulled back with a small frown, looking as if she wanted to say something. But then she shook her head aimlessly, looking reigned to the fact that there was nothing she could do at the moment. Instead, she turned back to the scene at hand, taking a small step to sidle away from Toothless.

"That's good, because I didn't put that on my schedule." Hiccup teased her lightly, reaching over and patting the little one's head before pushing himself up to his feet once more. He looked down at the youngling, jerking his head off to the side. "I'd go find your mom." He offered her, making sure that it was more of a demand than anything else. "We're going to leave soon, and you wouldn't want to get left behind."

Amber's tail curled with happiness at this, a trill of excitement coming from the female as she hopped to her feet once more. She turned with another cheery goodbye, tail held high in the air as she pranced back the way she had come. Hiccup watched her go until he saw her meet with the adult, making sure that she knew where she was going, scatterbrained as she was. Then he turned over to Astrid, giving her an imploring look. "See?" He prompted gently, voice careful, since he knew from experience how prickly she could be with her attitude. "They aren't bad."

Astrid looked thoughtful at this, giving a hesitant nod. "Okay. Yeah, I see." She murmured, almost to herself.

Hiccup started to say something else to her, but shook his head. Instead, he paced forward, clearing his throat briefly before raising his voice to a shout. There was no need to call for attention, since the dragons were already alert for the boy to start dishing out instructions. After all, the sun was nearly at its highest point now; if they didn't get moving soon, they would only get a few miles under their claws before they had to stop again. "Alright, everyone!" He said instead. "Sorry we took so long!" He glanced back decisively at those behind him, thinking over his excuse before going on.

"To dispel any rumors, we just went into the woods to talk about our traveling plans." He explained, noticing acutely the way that disappointed looks seemed to come over those of the crowd. "I know that there were a few rumors…but rest assured…nothing happened." He hoped he sounded much more confident than he thought he did, but there were no skeptical looks facing him in the crowd. Only those of earnest trust and expectance. "So." Hiccup stated, stressing the word now. "We're going to keep flying today. Same kind of formation: those weakest or with younglings in the middle and the others around the edge. Toothless and I will be in front, Mistyeyes and Clearsky on the edges, and Leafdapple and Shadowclaw in the back."

There were no outbursts or arguments with the plan, just silence and small nods every now and then. Hiccup nodded himself at this, giving them all a small smile. "Alright, then." He said. "We've already burned out most of the daylight, so we're going to have to get moving on this one. So everyone get situated as fast as you can! Make sure everyone is here, and if anyone is missing, come tell me or any of the others." Mummers of agreements rose like the tide, and Hiccup started to make his way for Toothless. "We're gonna leave in a few minutes, so hustle!"

At once, the crowd snapped to life. Dragons jumped up, skirting around the edges of the crowd or rushing to find the place they were in yesterday. Conversation sprang up between others, and hasty greetings or calls to friends were echoed throughout the mass. Hiccup watched them for a moment, feeling somewhat saddened by the sight rather than excited at the prospect of more traveling. With a small sigh, he turned, looking back at his friends with the same, fixed, blank look.

"Mistyeyes, you go to the side with Clearsky." He said, turning to indicate Nightflight as well. "And take Nightflight with you, too. Astrid won't be able to fly her properly, and something bad will probably happen if I let her." Astrid looked at him furiously at this. "She should be fine flying on her own, though by now." He glanced Nightflight's way, waiting for her to snap out a sharp retort about how she was more than capable of taking care of herself. But the Night Fury looked distracted, distant even as she stared blindly forward. And when Mistyeyes prodded her shoulder, the female padded after the gray dragoness without another word.

"Then you and Leafdapple go to the back." He repeated, looking at Shadowclaw.

The male dipped his head. "Sure thing, Hiccup." He said, flicking Leafdapple on the shoulder and gesturing for her to follow. The female bounded after him, throwing a curious look over her shoulder back to Hiccup as she trailed behind. He watched the pair go until it was just the trio of them, turning this time to Astrid, who looked rather nervous now. "You ready?" He asked.

"You mean we're going to fly now?" She asked.

"That's the way you travel, isn't it?" He prompted.

"Well, I wouldn't know." She flashed.

"I guess that's true." Hiccup said dismissively, situating Toothless's saddle before stepping back. Looking at the blonde with raised eyebrows, he gestured towards the mechanism invitingly, waiting for her to board first. She started to make a move forward, but hesitated, stopping her arms right before she could touch the leather. Instead, she stepped backwards, fixing Hiccup with yet another spaced-out look.

"Is it safe?"

"Of course." He answered shortly.

"You're sure?"

"Pretty sure."

Eyeing him carefully and a little bit doubtfully as well, Astrid finally decided to take his word. Shaking her head all the way through, she hoisted herself up with a deep grimace. Swinging her leg over, she sat on Toothless, shifting back and forth with a small mumble of complaint. Hiccup watched her carefully, masked expression hiding the pang of sadness that shook him from head to toe. She looked just like she had before when she first went on a ride with Toothless. Part of him wanted to do the same thing he did before: show her all the wonderful things about dragons firsthand, or sweep her up into the air with definite ease.

But he couldn't focus on it. Over and over the thought occurred, and over and over it tore at his chest. Shaking his feelings free, Hiccup started to do the same, when suddenly Toothless swerved. Astrid made a sharp squeal at the sudden jarring movement, tightening her hold on the saddle like a person would a horse that moved too fast. Toothless paused at the squeak, moving much more smoothly as he remembered Astrid's condition. But he didn't stop, moving so that he was facing his human. Green eyes boring deep into Hiccup's own, Toothless spoke in a small hiss, even though he knew quite plainly that with all this rukus around them, the girl wouldn't be able to hear them either way. "Why did you do that?" He demanded in a harsh whisper.

Hiccup feigned confusion, trying to brush off the question as he attempting to step around the Night Fury. "Why did I do what?" He asked bad-temperedly, unable to keep his frustration and anger in check by now. Toothless growled softly at the new change, but he did not seemed surprised by it. All the same, though, he sharpened with both concern and anger at the boy.

"Why didn't you tell her the truth?" He demanded. "Don't you know you could have-"

"I know what I need to do, Toothless." Hiccup whispered fiercely, suddenly rounding on his friend. Astrid was oblivious to their conversation, looking past them as she studied the crowd around them. Her blue eyes were narrowed with interest, awe, and thoughtfulness, the conversation between boy and dragon going right over her head. But Hiccup met Toothless's glare with his own, teeth clenched tightly together. "Don't question me, okay? You think it's easy for me? It's twice as difficult as last time." Hiccup pressed. "I need to do this, and-"

"Do you know the guilt that I went through afterwards?" Toothless asked sharply, breaking through his words. "Hiccup, I know what you might be thinking, but it's not right. It's not fair for you or for her. The longer you keep her in the dark, the worse it'll end up being. You nearly died last time because of how long I had forgotten. And now I have to live with that fact that I was nearly the one who murdered you. I'm not saying it'll be as bad as it was last time, but I'm just saying that you can't-"

"I'm the leader here." Hiccup spat. "I know what's best for everyone."

"But if you would just listen-"

"I don't want to listen! I know what's right! Not you! So you shut up and listen to me!"

Toothless stiffened at this, going rigid with surprise and shock at the unnatural change in the boy's demeanor. Hiccup was breathing heavily now, shoulders heaving with the effort of getting in enough breath to fill his lungs. His green eyes smoldered with anger as he glared at Toothless, feelings of anger and rage boiling underneath his skin like fire ants. But nothing could have prepared him for what the Night Fury said next. The male scoffed, giving a sharp glare the boy's way. "I thought you didn't want to be like Stoick." He growled.

Hiccup tensed at once, eyes widening as he realized what he had just done. He opened his mouth, trying to stutter out a small apology. But Toothless looked away, glaring over to the side as his ears flattened to the sides of his head. He didn't even try to look back at Hiccup.

The teen stood still for a few moments, head reeling far too much for him to even make a move. But then, like a puppet being pulled by strings, he boarded the dragon, sitting himself numbly in front of Astrid. The blonde was slowly calming down, and as Hiccup deftly strapped himself in, she leaned forward, seeming to warm up enough for conversation.

"So…how'd this all come to be?" She prompted.

He said nothing, staring straight ahead.

"…What's Berk like?" She asked after a moment's silence.

Straight forward. If he looked at nothing else, maybe it would all melt away.

"…Are you okay?" She asked again, one of the questions unlike the others.

"…I don't know." Hiccup croaked softly.

(~**~) (~**~) (~**~) (~**~)

A/N: So yeah, I'm freaking tired. First full week of school. Saturday. Two AM.

Please shoot me some feedback and some props for this one XD

Sorry for all the angst! ((Not really lol)) But action will pick up soon, so calm down ;3

So yeah! Follow me on Tumblr! And shoot me a review! ;D

By the way, High School sucks.

Just in case you all were wondering.