Chapter 7: Have some fun
"Did you enjoy that little display? Not to kiss my own ass or anything but that shot was perfect." Alfred twittered, sliding over to the wall where all the early weapons were kept and placing the bow gingerly on the wall, before taking out a rag to give it a quick polish. Regina figured that she could live longer and possibly survive if she could keep him talking about weapons, which seemed to be his favorite topic.
"Say, how did you learn to shoot like that?" she blurted out. Alfred looked back at her questioningly, before breaking out in a huge grin.
"Well Arthur and Allistor, that's Scotland for you, taught me how to shoot a bow when I was younger, and this bow was one that Arthur made for me. Natalya, she's Belarus, be glad that she wasn't around to hear your little commie bastard remark earlier or she would have actually stabbed you, taught me how to throw knives with deadly accuracy. Oh lets see Gilbert trained me to hit even the smallest target at Valley Forge back in the winter of '78. That was tough do you know how imprecise the guns back then were? I still have my trusty musket right here." he added, setting the bow down in order to cradle a flintlock musket tenderly in his arms.
"'78? You mean like 1978?"
"1778 sweetheart. During my revolutionary war. Ugh do you know anything about my history? Valley Forge, winter 1778, Friedrich von Steuben, any of that ring a bell?"
"Impossible! Humans can't live that long! How old are you really?" Regina gasped out in shock.
"Well I don't know if you noticed yet, but i'm not exactly a human now, am I? And for how old I am… hmm let's see..." and he actually had to stop and think for a second. "Physically? 19. Actually? Well I suppose you could say that I was "born" in 1492, when I was first discovered. I spent around a century with my mother, who is Native America, and Mattie, and then Arthur and Francis found me at around 1607, then Arthur took care of me for about 8 or so years and left for the whole official 'pirate and conquer the world' business and came back around 1775 and then I rebelled and so i'm… around 524 years old!" he looked very proud of himself for adding all of that up.
"What do you mean by 'pirate and conquer the world'?"
"It means being Arthur Kirkland, pirate of the seven seas, explorer of the new world and whatever else he called himself back then. When he captured a ship he would spend like 2 whole minutes on introducing himself, and then he would do the whole slicing and dicing and taking all the gold stuff."
"You forgot 'The mighty british empire, a land that the sun never sets on.' that was also part of my title." A voice came from somewhere in the corner, and to Regina's horror the voice sounded british.
She gasped in horror as Arthur came into view, smirking. The look in his eyes was one of cruel amusement, as if he would cut her up into little pieces and laugh. He, unlike Alfred, had changed into jeans and a black t-shirt that looked several sizes too big for him, like it was for someone with a lot more muscle. "Unfortunately, despite the blood on the floor, she doesn't have any visible cuts on her, other than that frankly spectacular black eye. Alfred what the bloody hell have you been doing for an hour then?" Regina winced and lifted her free hand to her eye, surprised that she hadn't even felt it swell up.
"Oh hi there Arthur so nice of you to join us… hey wait a minute that's my shirt! You limey thief!"
"Wow that's one I haven't heard in awhile. 'Limey'. The insults have usually been more animal themed in the last century."
"Animal themed?" Regina questioned, while Alfred snickered in the background.
"Yes animal themed. The bloody french frog thinks it's funny to call me-"
Almost as if on cue, a heavily accented "Black sheep of Europe! Où es-tu? (Where are you)" was yelled out from somewhere in one of the side rooms.
"Well i'll be off before Francy-pants gets here. But don't worry i'll be back." he sneered in Regina's direction. "There's still a rather special treat for our favorite president." he walked away, chuckling darkly.
Crap. That can't mean anything good. I've got to keep Alfred talking so he doesn't kill me. He seems like a guy who has a pretty big ego. And i'm pretty good looking so…
"Do you work out?" she frantically blurted out.
"No, I magically got abs by answering your pointless questions. Is it not obvious that I do?" he sarcastically replied without even turning around, examining his knife collection.
"Well you're so strong… you wouldn't leave a poor, little girl tied up and scared would you, Alfie?" she purred.
He whipped around, and a knife flew out of his hand with deadly accuracy, slicing open a deep gash in her cheek and impaling itself in the headboard of her chair. Regina screamed as pain exploded in her face, blood dripping steadily out of the cut. He strode forward and leaned in close, yanking the knife out of the headboard and pressing it against her throat.
"America."
"What?" Regina sobbed out, feeling the cool blade, already stained with her blood, threatening to break the skin of her neck. Blue eyes smoldering with rage glared at her from behind glasses, and Regina wept at the thought that her life could end now, looking into those eyes.
"My. Name. Is. America." He snarled, pressing the knife a bit deeper with each word. "I have let you use my human name for far too long. You shall address all of us by our country names or i'll cut out your vocal cords. Stop your silly screaming and crying the pain isn't that bad."
"B-b-but why?" she shakily choked out, trying to stop crying.
"Have I known you for 5 centuries? No. Have you fought by my side in wars? No. Do I trust you? No. Do I like you? Well i'm relatively sane so the answer is no. When the answer to all of those is yes, you may call me by my human name, but only Mattie and Artie are allowed to call me Alfie. Last I checked you weren't either of them. So shut the hell up and show some goddamn respect."
There was a pattering of footsteps heard in the distance, and Regina's heart soared at the thought that she might be saved. The door flew open, and Regina's hopes were dashed. France stood there, a cruel smirk on his face. He glanced at America, almost like he was asking permission. "Have fun, but leave some for me." America sang, waving the knife around teasingly and skipping to the corner. France circled the chair, with a predatory look on his face. Regina couldn't breathe as his hand trailed out and lightly ran across the ropes tying her to the chair. She strained against her bonds, scared of what he was going to do. He noticed the look on her face and sighed.
"Sérieusement? (seriously) What do you zink I am going to do?
"Well it's obvious isn't it?" she spat. "You have a beautiful woman tied up in a chair and you expect me not to fight? I'd rather die if my predictions are correct." She realized that one of her arms was untied and as soon his hand was within reach she hit him. He caught her wrist and gripped it so hard she felt all circulation cut off.
"Again you go with ze self flattery, ma chère. I could 'ave almost any woman or man in zis world zat I choose, why ze 'ell would I pursue you?" He reprimanded. "And don't worry. Ze one zat kills you will not be moi, 'owever much I want to." he released her wrist, much to her relief, and sashayed away, taking a diamond encrusted comb shaped like a rose out of his pocket and styling his hair in the reflection of an axe.
"Where'd you get that stupid thing anyway?" she grumbled, trying to shake feeling back into her hand and failing.
He flipped his hair over his shoulder and spun elegantly around to face her. "Zis so called 'stupid thing' was given to me by ze only mortal I 'ave ever loved. My belle Jeanne."
"Well Jeanne wouldn't approve of killing another woman. If she ever hears about this i'm sure she would leave you."
He laughed bitterly, and looked at the comb, sadness in his eyes. "Zat is not a problem."
"Yes it is! You better stop now or if she finds out she's gonna be mad at you!"
"Zat is not a problem." he repeated, looking into Regina's blue eyes,"Considering zat she has been dead since ze year 1431."
"1431?! How the hell… oh wait you guys are immortal."
"Oui. 1431. When became ze 'eroine of France, and zey 'anded 'er over to ze English. She died on May 30, 1431, when ze simply charmant Angleterre burnt 'er at ze stake."
Regina though for a moment, trying to remember any female heros of France, before finally settling on one. "Jeanne? You mean like Joan of Arc?"
"Joan of Arc is ze english version of 'er name oui. My lovely Jeanne d'Arc."
"Careful." Whispered a voice to her right. Regina twisted her head to look at the speaker, and saw that it was America. "You are walking a very treacherous path by bringing her up." He said in a low voice that was not noticed by France, who turned back to the axe and was tying his hair in a loose ponytail with a french flag patterned ribbon.
"Well i'm already going to die aren't I? Might as well have some fun." she sneered. "After all, you said yourself that I would die."
"I will not deny that and you will die at my hands. However, there's torturing to make me feel better, then torturing because no one lays a hand on my Artie and escapes alive," Regina shuddered at how his voice dropped to a savage growl. "then a relatively quick death. With Francis, you will have a slow death as your life bleeds out, your head half attached to your neck, not enough to kill you. Then, while you are begging for your life to end, you are thrown in the fire, screaming in agony as your flesh melts off and smoke fills your lungs. You are snatched from the fire just as you are on the last string between life and death, but still alive. At that moment the agony is all you can experience. It consumes you, slowly taking you closer to sweet relief. The end arrives with a swift slash of a guillotine. I'm many things, but i'm nowhere as cruel as Francis. He's one of the oldest nations, one of the most experienced, and in certain situations, one of the most heartless. If you go too far with bringing back old wounds that need to stay closed, you will wish that I am the one killing you."
She scoffed at him and turned her attention back to France, hearing a door open and close in the background. She ignored it. Surely America was saying that just to creep me out. France looks so harmless. I bet the worst he can do is give me a bad haircut. She studied the nation, who was humming a song and examining America's rather impressive weapon collection.
"Joan of arc. Yeah I've heard of her. She was the witch that was rightfully burnt at the stake wasn't she?"
France went silent and glared at her in the reflection of a blade. His normally sparking blue eyes burned, barely controlled rage and pain beneath the surface. If she had been looking a bit more carefully, she would have noticed that one of the weapons was missing and France's hand sliding into his pocket.
"Jesus Christ woman did you not listen to anything I said?" America hissed through his teeth.
"Yeah I bet she was happy to die. I know if you were the one pursuing me I would jump headfirst into the flames." She taunted, enjoying how France visibly shook from the effort of holding back. "Personally I think that the burned to a crisp look was better than that ugly face she had in the paintings bet she had a personality to match-"
"YOU 'AVE GONE TOO FAR!" France suddenly screamed. He whirled around and grabbed the top of her head sharply, forcing her neck up. She yelped in pain at the sharp jerk of her hair, but that soon turned into a scream of terror. France had raised his arm high over his head, and in his hand he clutched a long dagger. His handsome face was twisted in a snarl, and his eyes gleamed with a savage light. Regina screamed and thrashed around as he brought the knife down. A gunshot rang out, and a bullet flew in front of Regina's face, taking some skin off the tip of her nose, before striking the knife and knocking it out of France's hand. A split second later, France was grabbed from behind and dragged away from Regina by… America? No, America was standing to the side, a slightly smoking revolver in his hands. Regina's rescuer had longer hair with violet eyes, and was holding a struggling France, talking to him softly in french. She tried to match the face with a name and gasped out the first that came to mind.
"Matthew?" she gasped out. He looked up at the sound of his name, eyes narrowing when he saw who spoke.
"Canada. My human name is not permitted for you to use. Also Alfie for the love of maple put the gun down." Regina twisted her head to look at America, who somewhat sheepishly put down the revolver, away from her head. She glared at him, and he rushed to defend himself.
"Hey so yeah I got pissed when you used Mattie's human name. But whatever it's all in the past, no one got a bullet in the head… this time. Now we need to focus on calming the french dude down."
France, meanwhile had calmed down slightly and was no longer fighting Canada, but the frenchman still had to be restrained. "Your blood will water the meadows of France." he hissed, baring his teeth.
"Papa calmez-vous s'il vous plaît." Canada whispered. "What did she do to get you this way? If you talk about it we can leave and get through this without chopping anyone's head off. You of all people should know how that feels." At Canada's words France suddenly winced, lifting a hand to the side of his neck, where just past the collar of his shirt was a thin scar.
"You got your HEAD chopped off?" Regina yelped.
"Oui. in Ze year 1793 during my own revolution. To zis day still do not know why, for I was on ze side of my people. I was a talking 'ead for about a day before I managed to convince a très belle young woman to sew my 'ead back onto my neck. As for what she did, she insulted everyone I care about, and for zat I will not stand."
"At least she was semi sensible and didn't bring her back up." Canada sighed, relieved that he didn't have to clean up after the last time someone insulted Jeanne in France's presence. Who knew blood was so hard to clean off carpets?
"Nah Mattie she did."
Canada's eyes went wide with shock and he looked at Regina with genuine fear. "You brought HER up?!" he yelled. Everyone in the room jumped a bit, startled to hear the soft-spoken canadian yelling. "I came down here hoping to talk some sense into alfie and papa but you've ruined all chances of that. Nobody can help you now. Papa is an extremely patient man, unless it's with Arthur. But now you have insulted me not once but twice, and reopened a six century old wound that he is still recovering from. Oh maple you now have 2 countries that want you dead."
"Oh dear Matthew you are mistaken. There's also me." A smooth british accent cut in, and Regina groaned.
"Oh god not you again."
"Yes me again. And what the bloody hell are you doing here, frog?" he glared at France, who had been released by Canada and was now absentmindedly twirling a rose in his hands.
"Oh salut black sheep of europe. I see you are dressed as tastelessly as ever."
"Says the man who is wearing a cape."
"Iz a capulet, non?"
"Rapunzel."
"British scum."
"Cheese eating surrender monkey."
"Oh pardon I thought zis was a battle of wits but I see you are unarmed."
This type of back and forth banter continued for a couple minutes and before long, they were fighting with swords, each intent upon stabbing the other. America and Canada rolled their eyes at the long time friends/enemies antics. Canada sat down next to Regina and sighed. "Thank god that this will be over in a couple minutes. Happens every time they are in the same room."
Regina watched the fight with amusement as they moved around the room.
"The first thing French students learn in school is how to say 'I surrender.' IN GERMAN!" England screamed, sword tearing off a bit of material of France's capulet.
"Oui maybe but ze second is 'ow to cook and brush our teeth, deux endeavors zat 'ave yet to reach across ze Channel!" France spat, nearly managing to land a hit on England's shoulder.
"YOU BLOODY SNAIL SLURPING GIT." England roared, and increased his attack, disarming France and preparing to strike.
"Alright that's enough." America stood up and crossed the room, scooping up the furious Brit and carrying him to the other side of the room, away from France. "Calm down babe Francis doesn't need his head detached again."
England wrapped his arms around America's neck and pouted into his chest. "Fourteen bloody centuries and you still leave your left side unguarded every damn time." He grumbled at France.
"Good fight mon ami. You 'ave defeated ze great moi and your reward you get a kiss from Amérique. Hon hon hon."
"SHUT UP. And Alfred you can let me down now."
America let him go with some reluctance, and England sheathed his sword and leaned against the wall, still scowling at France.
"Alright since all of you are acting like adults and not trying to kill each other, I think I'll be off. Come on Kuma." Canada said, and whistled. A small polar bear that Regina hadn't noticed before crossed the room to walk at Canada's side. "See you around Alfie and Arthur
and au revoir papa."
"Bye Mattie!"
"Have a good evening."
"Adieu, mon fils."
The door slammed shut with a loud bang, and Regina looked back in fear at the three countries that wanted her gone. France sighed, running a hand through his hair and looking at a watch on his wrist.
"Oh mon dieu look at ze time! I really must get going, ze flight back to Paris is in ze early 'ours of ze morning. Bonne nuit!" He twittered, sauntering over to the door and exiting.