TWO

Bella nodded to the servant who stood in the street by the family carriage. He would wait for her until she was done and then take her to the stage depot. From there, she'd travel to the port on the Colombia River and board the steamship 'City of Chester' and be on her way.

The blonde woman mounted the steps to the front door of the building in front of her. She waited a moment, gathering her thoughts, and then opened it and went in. The door was attached to the modest white house her parents and siblings had moved into after her father's illness rendered him incapable of keeping a farm. It was much smaller than the one her pa had built when they first arrived in Canyon City, Oregon, but was lovely nonetheless. They'd lost the big house after Pa took ill, when he couldn't work anymore and pay the taxes. After that they'd rented, but the places they could afford were in the bad end of town and they had to worry all the time about someone breaking in or stealing from them. The house she stepped into now was in a fine part of town. It was neat and comfortable. Since Jack was away at college, it was just her ma and pa, Sophie and Benjie-Joe living at home so they had plenty of room.

The blonde woman smiled as she closed the door behind her. She could see her youngest brother's scowl. He'd been at the tail end of the line and so had been the one – like Little Joe – who got the nickname that stuck way past its time. Her youngest brother was almost seventeen now.

She'd have to remember to call him Benjamin.

As she paused just inside the parlor, Bella heard a noise off to the right that indicated someone was in the kitchen. Instead of calling out, she headed that way. The cook room was to the rear of the house and looked out on a yard that went back some forty or fifty feet. It wasn't much, but then land in Canyon City land was at a premium. It was big enough to house a chicken coop and a few other small outbuildings, and went sideways with a stable and barn. Since his sickness her pa couldn't manage much more than that and, truth to tell, he only managed what he did due to the fact that Benjamin had elected not to go to college. Ben said he didn't want to go in debt and was saving up money to go later, but they all knew he'd stayed home because they needed him. Pa's left side had never fully recovered. His muscles were weak. He just couldn't do the heavy work any more.

As she approached the kitchen, passing through a little side parlor into which the early morning light was spilling, Bella stopped. The window curtains were open and a golden shaft struck the ornate silver frame on the table. The elegant sterling frame looked a little out of place in her parents' humble home with its handmade wooden items and out-of-date settee. She crossed over to the table and picked the frame up and stared at the smiling couple whose images it held. It had been a housewarming present from Michael to her parents – just as the house itself had been a present to her, so she would know they were taken care of. She'd been an old twenty-three at the time she married him. Michael had been a young forty-two. Bella smiled as she remembered her ma and pa's reaction the first time she brought him to their home. Ma'd caught her by the arm while they were working in the kitchen and said how much he looked like an older Little Joe. Pa said he reminded him of Ben Cartwright. Bella sighed as she returned the likeness to the table. She should have loved him more. Michael was such a good man. He had deserved better.

Remorse stabbed her and she began to weep.

"Bella?" a voice called from the kitchen. "Is that you?"

The blonde woman ran her hand quickly under both eyes before turning toward the footsteps that indicated her mother was approaching.

"Yes," she replied, even as the older woman appeared. Her ma was still beautiful. Pa said she was slender as a sapling but sturdy as an oak. Mary Carnaby was nearing fifty, but her hair – for the most part – was still dark brown. Like Joe's had been the last time she'd seen him, it was shot through with silver that made it spark like lightning when the sun hit it just right. Her mother had aged, though, since the apoplectic fit her pa had four years back. She had a lot to do to take care of Pa even though – thank God! – he could do more for himself now.

Her mother came to her, took her by both arms, and pressed a kiss on her brow. Then she stood back and stared at her as if she was judging horse-flesh.

"You look thinner," she said.

Bella shrugged. "Maybe a little."

"Are you eating?" Before she could answer, the older woman added, "Are you eating enough?"

"Three times a day, like everyone." Bella paused. "Mary gets mad if the family doesn't eat together."

Her mother's tight lips and crinkled eyes told her just what she thought of Mary!

"All that silly French food, I suppose," Ma said with a shake of her head. Catching her arm, the older woman started to draw her toward the kitchen. "You just come with me. I have a pot of chicken and noodles on the stove."

Bella resisted and her mother turned to stare at her. Her raised brows asked the question.

"I can't stay long."

Ma was staring again. "And why is that?"

The blonde woman hesitated. "Mama, I..." She drew in a deep, steadying breath. "I'm going to Nevada."

She didn't know what she expected her mother's reaction to be. Fear, maybe, for her making such a long journey. Disapproval, perhaps, that she was chasing a man. After all, she was recently widowed. If word got out that she was going to visit the man she'd once loved...

Did love.

The older woman let out a breath. With it came the words, "It's about time."

Bella blinked. "What?"

Her mother removed her work apron. Folding it so the clean side was out, she laid it carefully across the back of a nearby chair. Then she took her hand and drew her over to the settee. They sat and turned toward each other as her mother took both of her hands in her own.

"You're going to the Ponderosa." It was a statement, not a question.

She nodded.

"Does Joe know you're coming?"

This time she shook her head. "No. I'm not wiring ahead."

"Can you tell me why?"

Her forehead furrowed with a frown. "Ma, I don't know if Joe would want to see me. I... I can't take the chance he would tell me not to come."

Her mother was startled. "Do you think he would?"

She didn't know what to think. Joe hadn't written her since, well, since everything had happened. And from what his father said in his letters, she thought he might not want to see anyone. Bella paused, seeking the right words.

"I think...since Alice died he's...lost."

Her mother raised a hand to touch her cheek. "Are you sure it isn't you who are lost?"

Bella sniffed in tears as she rose to her feet and began to pace. "I know what I'm doing, Ma. I'm not running away from Michael's death any more than I am running to Joe. He's my friend. I'm worried about him. Mr. Cartwright is hiding something." She turned and looked at her mother. "Something is wrong!"

A slight smile curled her mother's lips. "I couldn't agree more."

Again, it was not the reply she expected. "What do you mean?"

Her mother rose and came to her side. "Something has been wrong since you returned from the Ponderosa eight years ago. Since you ran from life and from the man you love."

They'd talked. Ma knew why she'd left. That she'd been...

Afraid.

"Ma..."

Her mother took her hand and drew her over to the window. As the glare from the sunlight died down, she saw her pa and little brother outside. Benjamin was chopping wood. Pa, who was seated beside him, was stacking it.

"He looks a little stronger," Bella said hopefully.

"He is. But your pa will never be what he was. He'll never be able to do what he did." Her mother turned toward her. "Bella, you know we almost lost your pa."

"I know."

"There were no Indians. There was no evil man with a gun. There was no desert to die of thirst in or mountain of snow to be buried under, and he still almost died." She squeezed her fingers. "Nothing is certain in this world." The older woman paused. Then she smiled. "Well, no, that's not true."

Bella waited. When her ma failed to go on, she asked, "What is it?"

"Love, child. Love is certain." The older woman hesitated again. "It's the only constant we have."

"But Ma, loving someone hurts...so much." Tears entered her eyes. "I was so..."

"Terrified?"

She hung her head in shame.

"I was afraid when your pa took ill too," Ma said, her voice growing wistful. "I was afraid Levi would die. But you know what?"

Bella looked up. "What?"

"Even if Levi had died, I wouldn't have traded the time I've been with him and loved him to escape the pain his death would have brought me. " She held her gaze. "You married Michael because it was safe, because he was over forty and had survived. But it wasn't really safe, was it? Michael died anyhow. Bella, anyone, anywhere can die at any time. We have to be brave. We have to choose to love for whatever time we are granted."

The tears fell from her eyes to strike their joined hands. "I was so stupid," she breathed.

Her mother's laugh was gentle.

"No, you were young."

As Ma reached toward her, there was a knock at the door. The older woman frowned and then went to open it. Bella heard her exchange a few words with whoever it was, and then watched as the older woman backed up so they could enter.

Bella's breath caught.

It was Michael's brother Rafe.

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Mary Carnaby noted her daughter's body language as the young man entered the room. Rafe Ashton was a handsome, well-monied son of wealth who bordered on being spoiled, though he did have the redeeming quality that he loved her daughter. It was evident to anyone who was in the company of the pair. Rafe had been extremely jealous of his older brother when Michael and Bella married and had actually gone away to Europe, she believed, as a result of a broken heart. He had recently returned to handle his brother's estate. Rafe had come to see them a few days back to assure them that their home was safe even with Michael's demise. In case of his death before theirs, a small trust had been established to keep them there until they passed and to help with other things like their children's educations. She'd watched Rafe standing by the table, staring at the image of his brother and the woman he loved in the silver frame. Unlike his brother and sister who had dark hair and light eyes, Rafe's hair was blonde with reddish tones and his eyes and brows were brown as the coat of a bear. Everywhere he went he had eligible young ladies flocking after him. But Rafe had eyes for only one.

His brother's wife.

"Mrs. Carnaby," Rafe acknowledged her with a nod. "And how do you fare today?"

"I'm well," she answered.

"And your husband?"

"He's out in the yard with Benjamin. Mr. Carnaby is as well as can be expected."

"I am glad to hear it." The handsome man's eyes went to her daughter. "And you, Bella Are you well?"

Rafe couldn't see it, but she could – Bella's ramrod straight back, her clenched fists; the way her lips drew into a line as her blue eyes sparked.

Her daughter was ready for a fight.

"Did you follow me here?" Bella demanded, her tone rude.

"Bella."

That curly blonde head whipped toward her. "Mama, I..."

"You are in my house where Mr. Ashton is a guest. You will keep a civil tongue."

Bella glared at him a moment and then looked down. "Yes, Ma'am."

Drawing a breath Mary turned to the young man. "Would you like a drink?

Rafe seemed quite unaffected by Bella's attitude. "Thank you. That would be very welcome."

Her daughter went straight for the parlor door. "I'll get it," she said, and was gone.

Michael's brother watched Bella go and then turned a bemused face toward her. "Did I say something wrong? Or, do you think, it is merely the fact that I exist?"

He was a charmer, with that thick head of sandy red hair and those deep dark brows and eyes. Mary smiled inwardly. She'd bet he'd gotten by with just about everything when he was little!

"Bella is a little on edge today," she said.

"May I?" Rafe asked, indicating a chair.

She nodded. "Of course, forgive me for not offering."

As he sat, Rafe said, "I have been knee-deep in my late brother's affairs since very early this morning, trying to wrap up loose ends before the stage leaves today."

"Are you going somewhere so soon?" she asked. "Bella said you'd only arrived a week ago."

"So, she does mention me – without curses, I hope." He laughed. "I came in six days ago."

"Where are you going?"

His eyes shot to the kitchen into which Bella had disappeared. "I intend to see your daughter to Nevada."

Oh dear.

"Does Bella know?"

He frowned slightly, as if there was no need for her to know. Then he said, "She is an unmarried woman now and cannot travel alone. She must have a chaperone."

"And you've appointed yourself to be that chaperone?"

He was unperturbed. "Of course. I am her closest male relative – on my brother's side."

Mary's eyes flicked to the kitchen. She could hear Bella slamming drawers. "Does my daughter know about this?"

"No. It's what I came to tell her."

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Bella was horrified.

She glanced at her little sister Sophie who was joyfully banging cupboard doors and rattling glasses so that their mother would think she was getting them all drinks. She had snuck back to the edge of the parlor and hidden behind the accordion doors to listen to what Rafe had to say.

Come with her indeed.

If wishes were horses!

The blonde woman though furiously. What was she going to say? How was she going to stop him? The idea of traveling weeks by stagecoach and days by steamship with Rafe at her side fawning and hinting and practically slobbering on her was more than she could bear!

A finger tap on her shoulder made her turn. Sophie, who was about twenty, stood behind her. She was carrying a tray that held four glasses of cider. Her sister peered out from under the wave of golden-brown curls on her forehead and asked, "Can I take them in?"

"Whatever for?" Bella replied.

Sophie looked past her. Her cheeks flushed. "I think Rafe's beautiful." Her little sister let out a little sigh. "Even his name is beautiful. Raphael..."

Bella took hold of the tray. "Rafe Ashton is a self-centered, self-indulgent, Beau Brummell!" she snapped, careful to keep her voice low.

"You're just saying that because you don't think I'm good enough for him, and because you want him yourself!" Sophie shot back.

"Because I...? " The blonde woman blew out an exasperated breath. "Well, I never! I wouldn't marry that fancy Dan if he was the last man on the Earth!"

"Oh, right. Because you're going to marry your cowboy now and go live with him in the Wild West where a rattler will eat you!"

Bella rolled her eyes. "Rattlers don't eat people."

"Whatever."

"Bella?"

They both turned toward the sound.

It was Ma.

"Yes, Ma'am," they said in tandem.

"Mister Ashton is waiting on his drink."

Bella pulled the tray from her sister's grip and rounded the folded accordion door with it. She plastered a false smile on her face as she said, "Here we are." Crossing over to Rafe, she served him first and then beat a hasty retreat to sit beside her mother on the settee.

"May I join you?" Sophie asked, her voice all sweetness and light.

Rafe took a sip, put the glass down, and then rose to his feet. He crossed to Sophie and, taking one of her hands in his, lifted it to his lips and planted a kiss on the top. "I have a few matters of business to discuss with your sister concerning my late brother's affairs and, for that, we need privacy." At her petulant look, he added, "However, when I am finished, I would be most grateful if you would accompany me on a short stroll. I would be the envy of the town with such a beauty as you on my arm."

Bella had one word for that.

Yuck.

For a second Sophie was dumbstruck. She blinked, drew a breath – which was a good thing because Bella though her sister had forgotten how to breathe – and then turned and floated to the kitchen.

Her mother was laughing. "That was sweet of you, Mister Ashton."

"Rafe," he said with a charming smile.

"Rafe."

Double yuck.

"And just what business do you have to discuss with me?" Bella asked, knowing full well what it was. "From what I've been told, all of Michael's affairs that can be settled at this point have been."

He nodded. "All of Michael's business has been settled, but... Sister Mary and I have talked and we agree you simply cannot go to Nevada alone. It wouldn't be prudent or proper for an unmarried woman to do so."

"Oh, and I suppose traveling with you – an unmarried man – would be wise?" she countered sharply.

Rafe looked surprised. "Since I am your brother-in-law, yes."

Bella was at a loss. What was she going to say? How was she going to foil Rafe's well-thought out plan? As she sat there, mortified, her eyes alighted on her youngest brother outside the window. Benjamin had finished his work. With a nod to Pa, who remained in his chair, he headed for the back door.

Benjamin.

"But I'm not going alone!" she blurted out.

Her mother and Rafe exchanged a look even as Bella heard the back door open and swing shut.

The first little crack in Rafe's oh-so-charming armor appeared as he scowled and demanded, "And just who is going with you? There is no one to go with you."

Her brother appeared in the doorway of the parlor, cider in hand, drawn by their voices no doubt. Ben had been working hard and sweat dripped from the ends of his auburn curls. The simple clothes he wore – a pair of dark canvas trousers and a well-worn burnt-orange work shirt – clung to his slender frame. He smiled at her when he saw her looking and then something else entered his brown eyes. They had always been close. In some ways, she'd raised him since their ma was so busy with her work and then, with their pa.

Ben knew something was wrong.

"There he is!" she exclaimed happily, springing to her feet and crossing over to her brother. Linking her arm in his, she announced, "It's Benjamin. Ben is going to go with me!"

God love him, her brother resisted asking where.

"Sure am," he said. Ben put his arm around her shoulder. "Can't let my big sister go alone."

Bella locked eyes with her mother. She knew it would be a hardship. She had some cash set aside, so she could pay for someone to do Benjamin's chores while she was gone, but it would still be tough for their pa.

Rafe was staring at the two of them. "He's a boy," he finally said.

"Hey!" Benjamin protested. "I'm almost seventeen."

Bella hid a smile. 'Almost' meaning in half a year.

"Still," the older man protested.

Her ma rose then and went to Michael's brother. She placed a hand on his arm. "I'm sorry, Rafe. I was about to tell you. You see, Benjamin Joseph is named after two of Bella's dear friends, Benjamin and Joseph Cartwright. He has his heart set on meeting them and, well, this is aperfect opportunity."

The look out of her mother's eyes said she meant it.

Benjamin was beaming too. "Yeah," he said. "That's right!"

Rafe, being a creature of deception himself, glared at her brother. He opened his mouth to speak and then shut it just as quickly, evidently deciding that – for the moment at least – he'd been outmaneuvered.

Thank God!

"Very well," he said. "Since you seem to think an sixteen year old boy is enough to keep your daughter safe on trip of some five hundred miles or more, I yield to your better judgment." Rafe's glare shifted from Ben to her. "I saw that your belongings are out front with Michael's man, so this is goodbye, Bella. I pray you have a safe and successful trip and will call upon you at your return."

Bella wanted to melt into a puddle. Instead she held her hand out and let him kiss it – and kept from wincing.

"Thank you, Rafe. I'll see you in a few months."

Rafe was already nodding to her mother. "Madame." A second later he was out the door.

Bella sighed. Sophie was going to have a fit!

As the door closed, their mother chuckled softly. "I was afraid, for a moment there, that he might take off the roof!" The older woman's eyes shifted to her brother. "Benjamin, I hope you don't mind going with your sister."

"Heck, no!" he said, and went on in spite of their mother's disapproval of his choice of words. "Where am I going?"

Bella laughed. "Nevada. To the Ponderosa!"

Ben's brown eyes lit like a sky with fireworks. He grinned from ear to ear. "You mean I really do get to meet the legendary Cartwrights?"

"Yes!"

Her brother suddenly sobered. He looked out the window to where their pa was sitting soaking in the sun. "Is it okay, Ma? Really?" he asked. "I know you need me here."

"I'll pay for someone to come and help," Bella assured her mother.

Her mother squeezed her hand. "I know you will. We'll be fine. You two go and have your great adventure." Turning to her brother, their ma said, "You'll need to pack, son. Bella is leaving shortly."

Ben hesitated only a moment and then he shouted, "Huzzah!"

Bella laughed. "Huzzah?"

He grinned. "Yeah, huzzah. Or maybe it should be, 'yeehaw'! I get to be a cowboy!"

At that, Benjamin put a hand to his backside and began to slap it and then he and his pretend horse made their way up the stairs as quickly as they could in order for him to pack.

"The Ponderosa will never be the same," her mother said with a sigh.

Bella crossed to the window and looked out, her eyes following the retreating coach that held Michael's brother.

She certainly hoped not.