SIX
Joe.
Joe. Are you awake?
He stirred and then smiled as a slender arm wrapped around his waist and he felt the touch of a soft chin on his shoulder.
Nuh-uh.
Laughter, clear as a bell and joyful as a lark's, sounded near his ear. A second later he felt a gentle nip.
You told me to get you up, remember? You have to go to town for supplies. That nursery isn't going to build itself.
He rolled onto his back and looked at his beautiful wife. Alice's chemise had fallen off one shoulder and the exposed skin glistened like white alabaster in the sun. Joe lifted his head to kiss it and then snorted as she playfully batted him away.
One baby at a time, she teased.
Joe caught her wrist. She was too close to her time to be intimate, but not too close to kiss with passion.
Come here.
Alice pulled away. Her hand was so tiny, it slipped right through his larger tanned and calloused fingers.
I can't, she said, her mood shifting. There are things to do.
Joe watched her walk across their bedroom. The light spilling in the curtains struck her slender form, showing her legs through the thin fabric of her chemise, as well as enhancing the bump at her waistline that was their child.
Like what? he asked as he rolled to one side so he could watch her.
She walked to the window and looked out. One hand was on her belly and the other held back the curtain.
Cook. Clean. Come. Go.
She looked right at him.
Die.
The house was on fire. He was outside, banging on the door, screaming. Alice was in that same window, her hair on fire, her clothes ablaze; the child in her arms turning to ash.
He couldn't stand it. The sight was too much to bear, so he turned away. He turned away only to be confronted by William Tanner. The madman smiled at him and raised his gun.
I told you that you'd want to kill me, Joe. Didn't I? But you know what? I was wrong. It ain't me you killed. It's him.
Joe closed his eyes. He wouldn't look because he knew what he would see. Still, he didn't have to see. He knew that voice.
It was Jamie.
Why'd you do it, Joe? What'd you wanta go and kill me for?
Why didn't you just kill yourself?
With a gasp, Joe struggled to sit up. He was panting hard. The vision wouldn't go away. Like a pair of malignant hands, the images of his dead wife, of Tanner, of...Jamie tore into his gut, twisting and wrenching, bringing such pain that he was driven back to the bed with a sob.
God! Take it away!
God! Take me away! Let me go back to oblivion!
God, please...
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Bella Carnaby Ashton watched in horror as the man she loved thrashed from side to side, twisting the wet sheets that covered him and thrusting them aside as if he meant to rise. She glanced at the door. At the moment she was alone with Joe in what had been his brother Adam's room. His father had been there, but the poor man had been falling asleep on his feet and about an hour before she had ordered – Bella smiled in spite of her fear – she had ordered Mister Ben to bed. Hop Sing had made an appearance a moment later to let her know how pleased he was that she had come. The Chinese man promised her he would make sure her brother Benjamin got something to eat and was shown to his room.
The blonde woman frowned as she recalled the welcome they had received. Ben Cartwright had met them in the yard. She'd been so pleased to see him, but had noticed immediately that something was wrong.
Dreadfully wrong.
His embrace was fierce and, when the older man pulled back, there were tears in her eyes. The sight of them terrified her.
Where was Joe? Was he all right?
Her questions were answered a moment later by a long, low howl. It was the sound of a wounded animal.
Or a broken man.
Her eyes had returned to Joe's window and then to the older man. A tear trailed down his cheek. Ben Cartwright said nothing. No, that wasn't right. He shook his head.
That said it all.
With a quick glance at her brother, she had flown into the house and up the stairs, passed by Doctor Martin who was just stepping into the hall, and gone to the room she knew so well. Flashes of the visit she had made when she was eighteen came to her – the night Fleet Rowse kidnapped her, Joe coming to her rescue and being hurt, her fear that he had died and her unbelief when she was told that he hadn't. She'd been so afraid that everyone was lying to her that she had stolen into his room and laid beside him and placed her head on his chest just so she could hear his heartbeat.
So she knew he was alive.
Paul Martin caught her by the shoulders before she could enter. He tried to warn her.
Nothing could have warned her.
Paul had preceded her into the room. He'd gone to Joe's bed and sat beside him and, using brute force, pinned him down. 'Joseph!' he shouted. 'It's Paul. You're home. Jamie is home. He's alive. Joe, hear me. Joe!'
She'd watched those green eyes open.
She hadn't known the tortured spirit that looked out of them.
This morning Joe had been moved to another room, the one that had been Adam's. Ben had spent the night with him but now it was her turn. Bella reached out a hand and placed it on the forehead of the man she loved, hoping that contact would calm him but doubtful that it would. Joe was no longer trying to rise – it seemed the previous effort had worn him out – but he twisted and turned, murmuring words so low she couldn't understand them. She'd been astonished when she first saw him. In her memory, it was a boy she loved. This was a man. Joe's skin gleamed with sweat, defining the well-developed muscles in his arms and chest. His face was fuller, and his hair! It was all she could do not to laugh as she reached out to touch one of the shining curls. There was brown in it still, but where before there had been streaks of silver, now the silver reigned overall. Looking at him she was struck suddenly by the eight years that separated them. They had both aged. Both changed.
Both been wounded deeply.
Was it possible they might still have anything together?
Sitting on the edge of the bed, Bella leaned forward and took Joe's face in her hands, careful to avoid any of the cuts the wire had inflicted. He was pale and his hair was soaked through with sweat. So far they had only used wet blankets to try to cool his fever. It was higher now, she could tell. She should probably call the doctor.
Bella gasped.
Joe had reached up and caught her hand in his. It was swathed in thick bandages. He fumbled and almost lost his grip, but then recovered. Staring at her but not seeing her, he pulled her fingers to his lips.
"...here..." he murmured.
She cupped his cheek with her free hand. "Yes, Joe. I'm here."
He frowned, focusing . "...thought you...were...gone..."
"I was," she replied. "I came back."
He tried to lift his hand. He couldn't, so she took it and held it to her face.
Joe smiled.
"Alice..."
Bella choked back tears as Joe's hand went limp. When she released it, his arm fell to the bed.
She was surprised when another hand fell on her shoulder. Turning, she looked up into Ben Cartwright's face.
"I couldn't sleep," he said as he moved past her to touch his son's forehead.
"He's very hot," she sniffed. "I think his fever is higher."
The older man looked troubled. He nodded. "I'll stay with him," he said. "If you would go get Paul..."
Bella nodded as she rose. She made it to the door before he spoke again.
"I'm sorry," the older man said.
She was still sniffing. It kind of helped to keep the tears from falling. "For what?"
"I know how hard this has to be for you."
She'd shared a lot in her letters. She hadn't put it into words, but she knew Joe's father was aware of the fact that she had never stopped loving his son. What she didn't know, was whether Joe had stopped loving her. He'd married Alice. She knew him well enough to know that meant Joe loved her deeply – more deeply than she had loved Michael. There had been no parents to save, no house to find, nothing that had made him marry her.
Only love.
"I'm fine," she lied.
The older man smiled wanly as he dipped the cloth he held in the water basin beside the bed and placed it on Joe's forehead. She noticed how Joe had quieted at his pa's touch and not at hers.
"Fine?" he repeated.
She knew she hadn't fooled him.
"After you send Paul in, why don't you go check on your brother?" Ben suggested. "The last time I saw him he was wandering around the great room looking like a lost soul."
Benjamin! Poor lamb! She'd forgotten completely about him.
As Joe's father lifted the cloth and ran it through the cold water again, Bella hurried into the hall. She checked Joe's old room to see if the doctor was there and found Hop Sing sitting with Jamie. There wasn't much showing of him. Only a head of near carrot-red hair sticking out above the covers and one arm that wasn't bandaged, but showed the cut of the wire. Hop Sing smiled at her and rose to his feet and came to the door.
"Can Hop Sing help Missy Bella?"
She almost melted. Bella remembered the Chinese man's kindness and longed to fall into it.
But she had things to do.
Her eyes went to the bed. "How is Jamie doing?" she asked.
"Boy's fever is down. Doctor Martin believes cuts are clean and he heal fast." Hop Sing turned and looked at the bed. "Boy is young and strong."
Young. She'd been young once.
She felt very old now.
Hop Sing must have seen the look on her face. He touched her arm. "Mistah Joe need Missy Bella bad," he said.
She shook her head. "He doesn't need me. He has his father. Joe has – "
His fingers tightened on her flesh. "No. Mistah Joe need you."
The muscles in her face tightened. She drew a breath in and snorted it out. Hop Sing watched her, his black eyes never leaving her face.
"Mistah Joe love Missy Alice," he said as he touched his chest above his heart, "but love Missy Bella too. Here. He keep her here, waiting for her to come back."
That did it. She started sobbing.
As Hop Sing put his arm around her, she said, "I have to go. I have to find the doctor."
"I'm here," a kindly voice said. She looked up to see Paul Martin stepping into the room. "I heard you were here, Bella. Thank goodness! Joe needs someone to hang onto."
She didn't know what to say to that, so she said, "Mister Ben is with him. He said to tell you to come. Joe's fever is higher."
She didn't like the look on his face. The doctor nodded and then was gone.
Bella allowed Hop Sing to lead her over to a chair by one of the upstairs windows. He sat her in it and then went and got her a cool cloth so she could wipe off her face. As she did, he sat on another chair beside her.
"May Hop Sing tell you a story, Missy Bella?"
She shrugged.
"Good." The Chinese man took her hand and pressed it between his own. "Boy once find marble," he said as he nodded to the sky outside the window, "big, blue and white marble that look like world outside. He pay all he has for this marble, he love marble so much." Hop Sing frowned. "Then, one day, marble is lost. Boy cry much. He search much, but cannot find. In time, he find other marble just as beautiful and he happy again. He play with it and love it much too." The Chinese man looked right at her. "But boy never forget first marble. Never forget first love that was his world."
The room was so still she could hear the tall case clock ticking in the hall below.
"Mistah Joe love Missy Bella. She his first love."
Her tears flowed freely now. Hop Sing released her hand, rose, and walked into Joe's bedroom. He returned a moment later with a fresh handkerchief and held it out to her. She took it. It smelled of bay rum.
Bella sniffed again and began to bawl.
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"How is he?" Candy asked quietly. He'd come to Joe's room and had not been encouraged to find his friend wrapped in ice-covered sheets. The day was over now and he'd come back to check on his friend before heading to the bunkhouse. At least the ice was gone.
Ben Cartwright turned eyes bleary with worry and a lack of sleep on him.
"The fever broke at last, about an hour before dusk." The older man leaned over and placed a hand on his son's head. "He's much cooler now."
"So how's the Doc think he is?" he asked anxiously. Joe was pale. Really pale.
The older man rose to his feet. "Physically? Paul says he's out of danger. As to everything else...time will tell." His boss came to his side and laid a hand on his shoulder. "Will you stay with him for a few minutes in case he wakes?" As he nodded his assent, the older man added, "I've been forced to neglect Jamie. Now that the crisis has passed with Joseph, I need to be with him."
"If you don't mind my sayin' so, you need some sleep, sir," Candy replied.
His boss ran a hand across his stubbled chin. "And a shave!" he said. "But both will wait until I know the boy is through the worst of it. Thank God his fever didn't rise like Joe's. I don't know what I would have done if they'd both needed me at the same time."
He'd checked in on Jamie. Paul Martin was there. The Doc had the boy heavily sedated, but seemed to think he would be just fine given time.
Candy's eyes flicked to Joe. He hoped the same could be said for his friend.
"Sure, I'll stay. Be happy to."
"Come and get me if Joe comes around."
The brown-haired man watched as his boss made his way out of the room and then went to sit beside the bed. He remained still for a few minutes and then shifted. He hated to admit it but he was a bit uncomfortable. Not with Joe, but with his own feelings.
Normally he didn't like to admit he had any.
He'd been sitting there maybe ten minutes when he looked over at Joe and found he was awake and watching him. He'd started to rise, to go get Mister Cartwright, when his friend said, 'Don't.'
Just, 'don't'.
"You're gonna get me in trouble with the boss," Candy said as he sat back down.
"That's okay," Joe rasped. "I got...pull."
Candy frowned as Joe licked his lips. A second later he went for the water pitcher and cup on the bedside table. "Just pretend I'm your pa," he said as he reached around Joe, placing his arm around his bare chest and lifting him a bit so he could take a drink. "Otherwise this is going to be embarrassing."
"...Ma..." Joe replied with a shadow of a smile as he laid his head back.
Candy snorted. "Now that is embarrassing!" After placing the cup on the stand, Candy sat back down. For a moment, he considered his friend. Joe looked like Hell. Of course, he had every right to after taking on a bale of 5.5 bale wire single-handed.
"Hey, Joe. What happened out there? Did something go wrong with the bale?"
Joe was silent for some time. Finally, in a voice he could hardly hear, his friend said, "I...went wrong."
"So the kid irritated you, huh?" he asked, trying to lighten things a bit.
Joe's gaze was intense. "Jamie?" he asked.
"Doc says he'll be fine. And in case you care, so will you."
His friend snorted as he pressed his head back into the pillows. Joe tried to shift his body, but winced with pain and remained as he was.
"I...don't care."
Candy had heard about Joe Cartwright's infamous bouts of self-pity. He hadn't believed it. The Joe he knew was a force of nature equivalent to a hurricane and twister rolled into one. Joe couldn't abide a man feeling sorry for himself.
It was like he was watching him die right in front of his eyes.
"Joe, you gotta snap out of this. You need to – "
"What do I...need to...do?" Joe rose up on one elbow. His chest was pumping hard and sweat broke out on his brow as he spoke. "I nearly...killed...my little brother! What the Hell...do...I need...to do other than die...and put everyone who...loves me out of...their misery!"
He was practically shouting by the time he was done.
It was a very quiet voice that answered.
"You need to live."
Candy turned. He'd been waiting for Mister Cartwright to come and tan his hide. He hadn't expected to find what he did.
Five-foot three inches of blond-haired blue-eyed female power.
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Bella nodded to Candy as he walked out the door. She knew he was on his way to get Mister Ben. She'd been on her way downstairs to check on her brother when she heard Joe's desperate plea. She had a few minutes at most, depending on how involved the older man was with Jamie's care. She'd heard Joe's father talking in low tones to the boy as she passed the door and glanced in to see him sitting on the edge of the bed.
She'd come to do the same with the house's other invalid.
Joe was laying partly on his right side, staring off toward the wall. She wasn't sure if he'd recognized her when she stepped in, though she'd changed less than he had in the intervening years. Still, he had just come out of a high fever and most likely was confused. In fact, it looked like he might slip back into sleep any moment.
Bella gritted her teeth and winced at the mess that was his left shoulder. It looked like an angry cat had caught the flesh in its teeth and tried to chew right through. Doctor Martin told her that he thought Joe had protected Jamie from the wire as he cut him free and had taken the brunt of its attack between the shoulder-blade and his neck. Looking down, she saw his right arm was nearly free of cuts, so she touched him there.
"Joe. Joe? Can you hear me?"
"Go away," he breathed. There was no anger in the tone, just defeat.
"I just got here," she replied, keeping her tone light. "You don't really want me to leave, do you?"
His eyes had closed, but they fluttered back open. With a moan, Joe rolled over to look at her. He frowned and then she saw recognition dawn.
"You're...here?" he asked, breathless. "I...thought you were...a dream."
Did he still think she was Alice?
"Joe, do you know who I am?"
He shifted his arm so her hand fell away, and then caught her fingers in his hand.
"Is it...you? Bella?"
She squeezed his fingers back and nodded as tears rolled down her face.
"How?" A second later something flashed in his eyes. "Why?"
Caution kept her away from the real reason for her visit. "Remember? After Michael died, you invited me to come? About a year ago?"
"Michael." Joe licked his lips. "Your...husband."
She forced a smile. "Yes."
"Dead."
"Yes," she repeated and then changed the subject. "You remember my little brother Benjamin Joseph? He came with me. He's looking forward to meeting you."
Pain flash through Joe's eyes at the words 'little brother'.
"Jamie?" he asked.
"The doctor says he'll be all right. Like you, it will take some time to mend." Bella removed her fingers from Joe's grasp and reached out to brush a stray lock of that glistening sliver hair out of his eyes. It was a simple gesture, at once so common and so familiar she thought nothing of making it.
Joe practically jumped out of his skin.
"Don't do that," he said in a voice somewhere between pleading and warning.
Bella froze where she was. She couldn't understand.
"Did I do something wrong?" she asked.
Joe's green eyes were narrowed. His jaw was tight. "Can't," was all he said and then turned his face away.
She was at a loss as to what to do. Fortunately, she was rescued a second later.
"I've been hearing an awful lot of chatter coming from this room," Doc Martin said as he stepped in. He kept his tone cheerful. "A man's physician is always the last to know."
Bella withdrew her hand as the older man came to her side. He smiled at her. When she rolled her eyes over to Joe, he gave her a quick shake of his head.
"There's a young man downstairs who needs rescuing, Bella."
"Benjamin?" she asked.
Paul Martin smiled. "No. Candy. Your brother has Ben's foreman pinned in a corner and is demanding he be told about every highwayman and hostile Indian Candy has ever encountered."
"Oh dear," she laughed. "I guess I should go." Bella rose slowly to her feet. She looked at Joe again. He was either asleep or pretending to be. "Call me if you need me."
He nodded. "I will."
Softly, she said, "I'll see you later, Joe."
When she got no reply, Bella left the room and headed down the stairs.
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She'd wondered why Ben Cartwright hadn't come into Joe's room when he heard his son talking. Now Bella saw why. The older man was seated in the great room talking to a stranger who must have arrived while she was upstairs. She looked around for Benjamin, but didn't see him and wondered briefly if her brother had kidnapped Mister Ben's poor foreman. Then she saw Candy and Ben coming out of the kitchen.
Her brother was beaming from ear to ear.
When she met him at the door, Benjamin came up to her and pecked her on the cheek. Then he threw a glance at Candy. The foreman nodded and left the house.
"What are you two up to?" she asked softly, so as not to disturb the discussion going on by the hearth.
"Candy invited me to ride out with him and see the herd. They're getting ready to move it to pasture for the winter. He said he'd teach me how to rope steers!"
His enthusiasm was catching. She smiled for the first time since she had seen Joe.
"Are you leaving soon?"
He nodded. "Candy's going shortly. He said we'll reach the place where the herd is by sundown. We're gonna camp out over night. We'll check it out tomorrow and be back by sundown."
She hid her smile. 'We'. Apparently her brother was a cowpoke already.
"Are you sure it's safe?" she asked.
Benjamin rolled his eyes. "Women! Always worrying."
Cocking her head she replied, "It's what God made – "
"What God made women for. She's my ma too, you know," he added with a smile.
A hand on her back startled her. Ben Cartwright had come up quietly behind her. "Candy will take good care of Benjamin, Bella."
The object of that sentence had stepped back into the house. The brown-haired man had a sturdy corduroy coat in his arms. As he handed it to her brother, Candy smiled at the older man. "Two Benjamins at the Ponderosa at one time is one too many the way I see it." His eyes flicked to the younger man and then returned to his boss. "I figure by the time we get back, the kid'll have a nickname and it will all be sorted out."
Bella raised up on tiptoe to kiss her brother on the cheek. He was just young enough to put up with it and old enough to keep from blushing.
"You take care."
Candy tipped his black hat and then opened the door. "Don't you worry. I'll return him with at least three of his limbs intact," he quipped. The foreman sobered as he turned to his boss. "I'll come check on Joe when we get back tomorrow, Mister Cartwright, if that's all right."
"You are always welcome here, Candy. You know that. You two take care."
As the door closed behind the two men, Bella turned toward the hearth. The man who had been speaking to Mister Ben was watching them. He was tall and thin and dressed in a black wool top coat with a garnet colored jacquard vest worn over a pair of gray brushed cotton trousers. A pair of gold-rimmed glasses perched on his pale yellow hair and a matching gold chain hung from his watch pocket. He had a thin yellow mustache too, that curled at the ends as he smiled.
"I haven't had the pleasure," the man said as he rose and joined them. He had a thick southern accent and his tone was charming.
Mister Ben turned toward him. "Doctor Brandon, this is Bella Carnaby Ashton, a dear friend of mine and my son's."
The doctor's interest in her sharpened. "Joseph?"
She nodded as he took her hand and bent over it. "Yes."
"May I be so bold as to ask if you are just a friend or if there is something more?"
Startled, she turned to Joe's father. Ben met her gaze, his own concerned.
"Doctor Brandon is from Carson City," he said. "It seems, unbeknownst to any of us, he has been treating Joe."