"Riko-chan!" cried Chika as she practically tackled the redhead into a hug. "We're back!" she said with a grin. "Now gimme a reunion kiss!" The ginger's lips puckered up and dove in towards Riko's, but the redhead squealed and fled, leaving Chika to fall to the floor face first to kiss dirt.
"Mou, Riko-chan! That was mean!" pouted Chika.
"Ch-Chika-chan!" sputtered Riko, "Stop doing these things!" she demanded, her face blushing bright pink. "I've already told you I'm not gay!"
"Yes you are," insisted Chika, "You're just not being honest with yourself."
Riko scowled, but before she could be upset any further, she turned on her heel. "We're not having this conversation again, Chika-chan. It's nice to see you're back. Goodbye." She walked out.
Behind her, Chika called out, "Even your storming-out walk is gay!"
"Thanks for meeting me on such short notice, You-chan," said Riko as she sipped her strawberry milkshake. "It really means a lot to me, especially since Chika-chan and her family just got back from their trip and I know you want to spend time with her."
"Sure thing," replied the easygoing brunette. "Besides, I know you probably need it."
"Huh? What do you mean?"
You gave a lopsided smile as she gestured round to the cafe. "Riko-chan, you only ask to meet at the Fleur de Lys when something's upset you."
The redhead blinked. She hadn't known that.
"So what happened this time?" continued You.
Riko sighed. "It's Chika-chan. She tried to kiss me again." You hummed in acknowledgement as she stirred her mikan smoothie. "I don't know what to do! She keeps insisting I'm gay! Why does she keep doing that?!"
You took an audible slurp from her drink, internally wondering if she should finally get involved or just continue playing the supportive friend. On one hand, Riko seemed frazzled enough. On the other... 'Screw it,' thought You, 'I have a stake in this too.'
"Well, I think she keeps doing that because you're gay and you won't admit it," she said matter-of-factly.
"...Excuse me?" deadpanned Riko.
The brunette exhaled softly. "Riko-chan, I know Chika-chan sometimes takes things too far, but believe me when I say that you're as gay as she is," she said. The redhead glared at her. "Or me," added You as an afterthought.
Riko pouted in protest. "Just because I read yuri manga, and imagine what it's like to kiss other girls, and stare at you and Chika-chan longingly, and swoon at Chika-chan's smile, and fantasize about caressing your abs, and sometimes touch myself in the shower whenever I think about the two of you doesn't mean I'm gay!"
You blinked. 'Well whatever the hell you are, it sure isn't straight...' she thought. "You've clearly put more thought into this than I have," she said aloud.
"Which is how I know I'm straight."
The brunette shook her head. "No, you've put so much thought into this you've completely overthought everything."
"I've put the perfect amount of thought into this," insisted Riko.
You sighed. Now Riko was just being stubborn. "Alright, let me try this," she said as she pulled out her phone. She tapped out a few words before setting the phone down on the table. "Now we wait."
"Wait? Wait for what?" The redhead suddenly felt her phone vibrate in rapid succession, so she pulled it out and opened her messages to the Aqours group chat.
You: Hey I'm trying to settle something. Is Riko-chan gay?
Ruby: Yes.
Chika: Like a rainbow!
Yocchan: Why else would I call her Lily?
Hanamaru: Siri-san, how do I respond yes?
Dia: The proper term is lesbian. And yes.
Mari: In terms of gayness she's only second to me! ・ω・
Kanan: I can confirm Mari's statement. So can Dia.
Riko felt her eye twitch at her friends' complete lack of faith in her sexuality. Still, part of her totally-heterosexual self was intrigued by the implications of Kanan's statement. Were the third years sleeping together? As in, threesome? This warranted further investigation, and possible masturbation.
"Does this at least convince you that maybe, just maybe, we're on to something?" asked You.
Riko crossed her arms in defiance. "It just means I'm an open minded person who holds a particular affection for her best friends. Like if Mari-chan was straight."
"That's a rather massive if," retorted You dryly.
Riko's phone vibrated even more, and she opened her messages to see what awaited her this time.
Chika: Hear that Riko-chan? You're as gay as we are! Come on everyone, let's show her our support.
Chika: One of us! One of us!
Mari: One of us!
Yocchan: One of us!
Ruby: One of us?
Dia: Ruby no.
Mari: Ruby yes!
Riko frowned. "I see the baka trio is as loyal to each other as always," she muttered, silencing the alerts. She then addressed You. "Regardless, this is all hearsay. There's still no proof."
"...I suppose so," conceded You. The brunette hummed in thought, idly sipping her smoothie as she looked off into space.
Riko continued to drink her milkshake, her mood having worsened since she had first sat down. She'd never thought You would get into the topic of her sexuality, but not only did she dive in head first she also dragged the rest of Aqours in as well. It was quite the annoyance. Still, if You was willing to drop this topic of conversation, then Riko would let her. After all, there was no need to completely ruin an outing with (usually) pleasant company.
"How about this," said You suddenly. "We'll go and do one test of your sexuality. Afterwards, I'll get Chika-chan to stop bothering you about it regardless of the result. Does that sound okay?"
Riko looked at You suspiciously. "What kind of test?" she asked warily.
"Nothing inappropriate or over the top. I promise," replied You. "Just you and me." She offered a disarming smile. "What do you say?"
Riko was skeptical, but the appeal of not having Chika bother her anymore was overwhelming. "Alright," said the redhead. "One test, then Chika-chan stops bothering me about this forever."
"Great!" cheered You with a clap. "Then let's go."
"What? Where are we going?"
"Back to my place. I'm sure you'd appreciate any tests being done in private, wouldn't you?"
Riko smiled. "Lead the way."
As the duo arrived at their destination, Riko was met with an unpleasant sight.
"Why is Chika-chan here?" demanded the redhead, pointing an accusatory finger over to the ginger.
Standing upright in the center of You's room, Chika gave a formal salute before declaring, "Takami Chika, Sexuality Test Assistant, reporting for duty!"
"You heard her," said You dismissively, "She's my assistant. Every good scientifically sound test needs an assistant, right?"
"When did you even find time to call her over?" the redhead asked in exasperation.
You shrugged. "I didn't," she answered. She turned to the ginger. "Assistant Chika, would you care to explain how you knew you were needed?"
Chika nodded crisply. "I detected a massive spike of yuri on my gaydar, and after discounting Mari-chan as a possible source, I knew only Riko-chan could cause a disturbance of this magnitude!"
The brunette hummed in acknowledgement. "That makes sense."
Riko however, was a little more skeptical. "No it doesn't! There's no such thing as a gaydar!"
"Of course there is, Riko-chan," defended You. "See this?" She pointed to Chika's ahoge. "This acts as her antenna." Chika nodded happily.
Riko opened her mouth to continue arguing with the two, but instead she just sighed and gave up. This was one of those times where logic had gone out the window, and going with the flow was the best way of preserving her sanity. Of course, after being friends with Chika and You for so long, Riko had started to refer to these times by a much simpler name: Tuesdays.
So instead, the redhead sighed in resignation. "Just... let's get this over with."
You and Chika shared a winning smile. And with that, the test began.
Some time later...
Riko stared blankly up at You's ceiling, hands gripped tightly around the blanket as the events of the past several hours caught up to her.
Lying at her sides were Chika and You, the two wrapped around her body in a mess of tangled limbs as they slept, three sets of clothes strewn across the floor.
Memories of soft skin, hot kisses, and sensuous caresses poured into her mind, Riko's face turning a deep crimson hue as she remembered how enjoyable the experience had been. She idly wondered when the three of them could do this again when realization struck her.
'OH MY GOD I'M GAY!'