It didn't take long for Allie to spot Bea in the parking lot. The sun had begun to set, the wind had picked up a little, and the red head was pacing furiously back and forth alongside her car, phone in hand, hair whirling around her, clearly angry. Whether at herself, or something else, Allie had no way of knowing. But the woman carried herself proudly, so Allie guessed, as she continued to advance, that she was feeling humiliated, and was probably more pissed at herself. She looked a bit dervish-like, reminding Allie of Kaz a little, but Kaz was usually mad at someone or something else, and not usually herself. Allie chuckled internally at the reactionary comparisons, but reminded herself that she had never once found 'Kaz-the-fury' sexy, and this woman was definitely having the opposite effect.
Burrowing her hands deeper into the pockets of her hoodie, Allie continued toward Bea, unnoticed so far, but quickly closing in on the eye of the storm. She didn't have a plan. Allie mostly acted on impulse, relying heavily on honesty, quick wit, cheeky charm, and whip sharp people skills to get her through most interactions. She figured she would need the full arsenal to face the raging red head, but she summoned up her courage, screwed on her "game face," crossed her arms, and slowed up. The woman couldn't not notice her much longer.
And there it was. The abrupt about-face. Raging brown eyes met Allie's, flashing in recognition, softening briefly, firing up again, and finally settling on steely defiance.
"What are you doing here!?" Bea snapped.
"Needed some air," Allie gave back, no visible fear, or apology for being there. "You?"
Bea tilted her head, really looking at Allie now, apparently thrown a little by the lack of reaction. Her eyes hinted briefly at confusion, then retreated back into resolute indifference. But it was just enough. Allie had seen the opening, no matter how lightning quick it vanished. The woman was not an easy read, but Allie was very good at picking up on cues other people miss.
"So first ya stare at me, now you're stalking me are ya?" Bea tossed her head back, a show of righteous indignation.
"You stared back," Allie countered defiantly.
"You're delusional," Bea spat out.
"Nah. I know when someone's looking. And you were definitely looking. So, you must have seen something, yea?" Still no panic, no deference, no backing down. Bea's resolve was waning; Allie could feel she was wearing her down. Time to play. "What was it, huh?"
Bea softened, ever so slightly. "I thought I saw kindness," she admitted finally, arms still crossed but relaxing her posture a little.
"I am kind," Allie smiled, stepping forward and leaning in a little, "for a stalker." The last part is whispered and accompanied by a full on cheeky grin; she was more than ready to wait the other woman out. Bea holds firm, but Allie catches it again, a subtle softening in the steely eyes, and yeah, maybe just the slightest hint of a smile forming.
After some visible inner struggling, Bea finally asks "and you? What do you think you saw?"
"Oh, I know what I saw," Allie answers quickly, still smiling but dropping the cockiness a few notches.
"Yea?" Bea challenges.
"Well BEA," Allie enunciates clearly to let the woman know she had paid attention when they circled the room during check-in to state their names. "It's like this. I've been cooped up for a while now, and well, let's just say," she drew out her pronouncement, giving Bea the once over, "that I haven't seen a…leather jacket…quite so fine in some time." Allie catches Bea's widening eyes, and slips back into a full sassy grin to ensure her point is very clear.
"Wait," Bea reacts, "so you were checking me out?!" Her reaction emphasizing her disbelief. "And now you're flirting with me in the middle of a Grief Centre parking lot?!" She looked incredulous.
"When else am I gonna do it?" Allie doesn't ease up her level of playfulness. Instead she crosses her arms, copying Bea's stance, and just waits for whatever comes next. Bea breaks out into a sharp, sarcastic laugh, shaking her head, but looking far less rigid than she has so far during their interaction.
"You're insane!" she shoots at Allie, "Bloody hell! Wait till Bridget hears I met a fucking nut job my first time out," she mutters more to herself, still shaking her head. "I'm not gay," Bea finally announces, staring Allie down to make sure the woman gets the message.
"I don't care what you are." Allie replies sincerely, meeting Bea's stare head on, all playfulness gone, just stark frankness in its place. Bea has no rebuttal for this, none. She continues to stand in place, not leaving, but not speaking either. Finally uncrossing her arms, she shoves her hands in her back pockets and looks down, scuffing one boot against the pavement as if trying to decide what to do next. Allie can't read her reactions this time, and begins to panic at the thought of the woman's pending exit speech. It was now or never.
"Who'd you lose, Bea?" Allie asks gently.
Still studying her boot, Bea tenses a little at the question, but says nothing. Allie doesn't push. Bea would tell her, or she wouldn't. And that decision would determine the course of any future friendship between them. Allie breathed in deeply and waited. The silence seemed interminable. But alas, Bea looks up, not at Allie, but away from her, fixed on some far off point in the dusky sky.
"My daughter," she spoke at last.
"I'm so sorry, Bea." Allie wished she could just reach out and hug the woman, but she knew instinctively that nothing would make her run faster.
"Yea." It was all Bea said, but she didn't make a move to leave.
Allie sensed that was as much sharing as Bea was going to allow for now.
"Hey Bea," Allie said, wanting to grab the woman's attention back, and break the painful silence. Bea turned her face to meet Allie's, her eyes asking "what?"
"I'd love to do this all proper like," Allie smiles, once again injecting mirth into her delivery. "You know, I'd say 'hey Bea, how about you and me skip out on this meeting because it's really bloody depressing, and we'd go get some coffee; you'd tell me a little more about your daughter; I'd maybe tell you a few things about me, and we'd just hang out and chill, woman to woman, friend to friend…"
"…we're not friends," Bea interrupted.
"Right, but here's the thing. See that woman standing sentry outside the door back there?" Allie tips her head back towards the Centre, and Bea does look. "That's Liz. And Liz is like the nicest woman ever, but she's basically here to make sure that I don't escape and run off with strangers. And at the end of the night, she's gonna make sure that I get back safely by curfew, and that I'm all tucked in and sleepy by lights out. So, I can't ask you to run away with me for coffee. Instead, I'm going to ask you if you'll come back to the meeting with me. And maybe we can struggle through this whole first meeting thing together." There. Allie had gotten it all out. And her smile grew in proportion with her satisfaction with that fact.
"You're a prisoner?!" Bea asks, eyes wide with disbelief.
"Yeah, life sentence for stalking." Allie counters without skipping a beat, humour and mischief gleaming in her eyes and smile. She can't be entirely sure, but she really believes Bea almost allowed herself to chuckle for a second. And even if it was quick enough to miss, Allie felt victorious. "So that's what you took from that, huh?" She asks lightheartedly.
"Sorry," Bea looks at Allie, and she means it.
"Na, it's ok," Allie smiles, a little shyly herself this time. "And no, I'm not a prisoner. Rehab. I chose it, so the lack of freedom is not something I can really complain about much. I'm done in a few weeks though, so I can deal." It's the most she's shared of herself so far, and she looks for Bea's reaction.
For her part, Bea looks poised to ask more questions, but instead shakes her head a little and promptly shuts down.
"Allie, I appreciate you coming to check on me, I do. Thanks for that. My friend thought I was ready for this, but I'm not. I can't do it. Not tonight. I'm a mess."
A hot mess, Allie thinks, but keeps that one to herself. "So, next week then?" she asks instead.
This time, Bea does smile. "Yea, maybe."
Allie's face lights up with hope. "You're so gonna be here," she sasses back good naturedly, and watches as Bea turns toward her car.
"Hey Bea!" Allie calls out, chancing the other woman's irritation one more time. Bea glances back, neither irritated nor particularly friendly. "You said my name. Guess you were paying attention too, huh?" Allie winks. Bea just turns around again, shakes her head in that now familiar way, and opens her car door. Allie watches for a bit until Bea has driven away, and then heads back toward the centre and Liz, fully prepared for the lecture in wait, but feeling like she had just won the International Champions Cup.