A fresh sheet of A4 paper materialised in Consort's hands. He stared at it for second. "How does that even work?"
"Just get on with it, you masked fool!" Shouted Illidan.
"Right. Okay, it says here that Probius needs to warp in a nexus- whoa!" Probius was moved to the centre stage as Consort read this. Consort was also at centre stage. The result? Consort falling into the crowd. "I'm ok! Just do the thing!"
Probius looked at the corner of the stage, and made a funny face. The blue light on his front flickered a bit, before unexpectedly turning a very dark blue, accompanied by the loud and familiar sound of a windows error message.
Artanis sighed. "Probius is an experimental model. He can warp structures instantly, but we can't move anything more than a pylon. Useful for assault, but not for building."
Probius just made a sad 'whirrrrrr', and floated off the stage.
Consort clambered halfway back onto the stage. "Well, you tried. Next, it wants Diablo to-" He then found he was staring up at the lord of terror while on his knees. Being a mortal with no special ability to resist fear, this was a bit much. He made a funny gasping sound and froze up.
"Speak, human! I am not even using my powers to their fullest!" Diablo spat. It was like standing in front of a blast furnace, and Consort was glad the mask was protecting his face from the heat.
"Okay! It says to drink hot sauce! Hot sauce! I need hot sauce!" Consort panicked for a moment before clicking his fingers. A pint glass full of red sauce appeared in his hand, the paper fluttering to the ground. "Drink it!" He shouted, thrusting the glass towards Diablo's face and looking away.
Diablo carefully picked the glass out of Consort's hands and ate it with a crunch. "Hrrph. Nothing on my breath! Did you really think that a few chopped plants would compare to THIS, MORTAL?" He blew fire directly into Consort's face.
The fire clocked in at a solid three thousand degrees Celsius at this point-blank range. Consort should have vaporized. Instead, when Diablo's burst of fire subsided, Consort was totally uninjured.
"Um... did you miss?" Said Consort.
Diablo raked him across the chest with claws. Nothing happened. "Unkillable. But terror will find a way..."
A strange surge of confidence swelled in Consort for a moment. "Okay, but later. Back to your seat!"
Diablo found himself back in the plastic chair. Amazingly, it was only a little wobbly under the demon's weight.
Consort picked up the slightly singed paper. "And to... hold on, let me just stand away from the centre... Cathori, Autumn, Sandy, Knives, and Li-Yen, Do any of you have crushes?" The girls appeared on stage one by one.
Li-Yen glimmered. "Yes."
"I think we need a name." Said Consort.
"...Medivh is kind of hot. He reads a lot too! I have this poster for 'One night in Karazhan' on my bedroom wall..." Li-Yen blurted.
Medivh raised an eyebrow "I am a married man, miss Li."
Li-Yen dimmed and turned to Consort. "Excuse me while I... sit down." She knelt, and then lay down face first on the floor.
Consort tried to ignore her and move forwards. "Um... Sandy next?"
"Well... Nobody really catches my eye. I just like to make things and be calm, and romance... it's all a bit messy?" Said Sandy.
Knives pushed her to one side. "GENJI, YOU HAVE A GREAT ASS OK?! AND SO DO YOU, VALEERA!" She shouted.
Genji nodded. Valeera smirked and called back "Finally, someone who I don't have to kill for noticing me!"
Autumn just sat down.
Cathori looked around. She was bright red in panic. She could face down anyone in combat, but having the social confidence to just admit that she didn't have a crush... for no real reason?! Never. Panic. Panic. Paniiiic! Eventually, she just blurted the first name that came to mind. "Kaladi!"
She then realised what she said. She turned an even brighter, burning red and choked a bit.
Consort looked at her "Are you okay? I'm not judging you, which one is Kaladi?"
Kaladi blinked over to Cathori. "I am Kaladi. Cathori... I do not know what a crush is. Can you... tell me later?"
Cathori just stood there, screaming internally.
Eventually, Consort cleared his throat. "Well, I... er... guess we all have our preferences... So.. uh... next question... aaand it's written in gibberish." He clicked his fingers. That seemed to work lately.
Another person appeared next to him on stage, wearing a simple mask that fit badly. "I know this! Abathur, you need to come up here and perform a rap song with Kerrigan and Zagara, and you are going to wear this while you do it." They tossed Abathur a long golden chain, and a baseball cap.
Consort looked at the person. "Is your mask okay?"
They shrugged. "All the other ones were taken. But forget that, let's hear it, Abathur!"
Abathur took a moment to drape the chain over himself, and dropped the hat onto his head. "Devising song. Must serve purpose. Efficient. Will scare enemy."
Abathur turned to face the crowd. "Organism, Queen of blades. Drop beat."
Kerrigan fired up her psionics, the electric-like crackle providing a background to Abathur's speech.
"Organism Abathur, evolution master, make swarm stronger, better, faster.
Under queen of blades and broodmother Zagara, essence assimilated, to toughen armour.
Use evolution as weapon against rivals, pursue perfection, reward? survival."
Abathur's hivemind let Zagara know she was up.
Zagara hissed "I am Zagara, broodmother. I spawn dusk til dawn- another!
With zerglings, hydralisks, overlords more, we will overwhelm you, consume the gore.
We are unending, we are numberless, we are the swarm- learn to fear us!"
Kerrigan chuckled darkly. "Oh, how cute, but don't forget me! The greatest leader, eternal queen!
No matter the enemy, we adapt and survive, while your cities turn to rubble- we thrive!
My Ultralisks, Leviathans, and deadly weapons, will tear you to shreds- mercy's for terrans!"
Abathur resumed. "Swarm greatest entity, unstoppable. Cannot resist us, action impossible.
Imperfection, tragic but natural, quest to eradicate: unending battle.
Will not stop until goal complete, Organism Abathur, designs cannot be beat."
There was a stunned silence, and then mild applause. Eventually, Consort said "You came up with all that in ten seconds?"
Abathur was busy removing the chain. "Organism Abathur, intelligence beyond average Terran. Return to seat. Time use, inefficient."
"Right. Back to your seats, I guess. And what about you, all-other-names-were taken? Wait, I meant masks. Where did names come from? Oh well." Shrugged Consort.
"I'll be gone for now. You'll see me again though, I'm sure." Replied Allothernamesweretaken. He blinked out of existence.
"Okay, so last thing on this paper... Raynor, you're apparently going to be leading the swarm for a week." read Consort.
Raynor was repositioned to the stage, and paled. "I'm not gonna get infested, am I?"
"Don't ask me, I just read these things. Although to be honest whoever wrote this might have put something else before and erased it, I can see the words 'swap diablo' kind of faintly by there."
Kerrigan flickered for a moment. "Oh. There it goes. Jim, listen. The hivemind might be a bit much at first, so brace-"
"You deal with this all day?!" Flinched Raynor. "Look, I can currently sense way too many zerg, doing way too many zerg things, I need a bucket and alcohol. Quick. Kerigan they're all cleaning themselves. How do I turn it off? Kerrigan, how do I turn the hivemind off!"
"You can't. Why would you build in a way out of something designed for obedience? Just... tell them to stop. It's not that hard." Kerrigan called.
Raynor frowned. "Okay, they're all waiting for instructions. Maybe I can use them to get out of this room? Which ones can deep tunnel?"
Dehaka growled. "No use. The floor here... It is not special, but below it, there is a portal. It would lead back into this place."
"Dangit. I... suppose I'll just have to get used to this. Hey, will Abathur and Zagara follow me now? Always wanted some retainers." Said Raynor.
"No. Yes. Unsure. Follow, Queen of blades. Not you. However, somewhat compelled to obey." Said Abathur.
Zagara hissed. "You seem to have a hivemind. It is difficult to resist, but I am strong."
The sheet of paper glowed. Consort threw it aside as it caught fire. A few things happened then. The number 5 appeared on the wall at the back of the stage, there was a slight breeze for a few seconds as the rest of the room seemed to restore itself to it's original state, and a single bag of Doritos fell from the ceiling, into the middle of the audience.
"Is... is that all the snack is? We might need a bit more." Said Consort, eyeing the bag. He experimentally clicked his fingers. A jar of salsa also fell, and was caught before smashing onto the floor by Kharazim. "Okay. Who here actually wants some of those?"
About two thirds of the hands in the audience went up. "Right. Look, since there's just not enough there... uh... Raynor, you can choose who gets them. There's enough for like three people. You did a dare last."
"Tracer, Lucio. I think they're from your world, right? You share 'em with Jaina. Hopefully there's going to be more stuff next time."
"What about you?" Asked Jaina.
"I'm not really too hungry right now. You know, with the whole hivemind thing. Really takes the edge off your appetite."
Author's notes: So, the first five have been written, as a showcase for what I can do. I was struggling to find a fifth, so I took one of the theoretical ones from Mpopl2's comment. I won't be responding to reviews down here for this fic, since they get responded to in the story itself, but if there's a question, I will answer it (via PM if you have an account).