Another piece of paper appeared in Consort's hands. This time it was stained as if someone had knocked a cup of coffee over it.
"Ew. It's damp. Why?" He commented. "And the writing is smudged... well, let's give the fingers a try!" He clicked them.
A guy in a stylish wolf mask fell onto the stage, landing on his feet. "Hey there! I've got this. It says 'Thrall and Jaina, go on a date. Confess your feelings.' And there's another dare after that."
"Well, you heard the guy. Magic click!" Shouted Consort. Thrall and Jaina were suddenly on stage, on opposite sides of a small table. A small box of flowers was in the middle.
Jaina sweated. "Well... how do I put this? Thrall... I like you, but... as a leader. Not romantically. Can we have a diplomacy date, maybe?"
"Do not worry, the feeling is mutual. Still, I'm really not sure how your human dates would go. I'm sure I can't just go and say how well you crushed your foes yesterday, or what a skillful hand you guide your weapon with. Now, what's a diplomacy date?" Asked Thrall.
"I made it up just now. Maybe we'll go and get ice cream and talk about some trade deals between our peoples. We could really use some more leather supplies... How does that sound?"
"That is... very like you. Come, we get to leave this hall for a short while, too!" Thrall took Jaina by the hand, and lead her towards the door.
"Raynor, do you want anything while we're out?" Called Jaina.
"Grab us some snacks, whoever's providing them half-assed it!" Raynor replied.
Consort watched them go. "I never got your name?" He said to the wolf-masked person.
"Samateus-Taal. Now, the other dare here... Lunara, come up here and poledance." He chuckled. "Kinky~"
"That is MY line, usurper!" Cried Anub'arak.
Cassia raised a hand. "How is this going to work? Her spear is very flexible unless she gets the splintery ones, and neither will hold her weight. And even if they hold, her lower half must weigh enough that-"
Lunara cut her off. "As in nature, don't just think- do, and think while doing." She cantered up to the stage, and drew her javelin. Consort and Samateus stepped back.
Lunara pointed the spear downwards, and drove it into the stage. It immediately sprouted leaves along the shaft. Roots quickly cracked the floor, as the shaft thickened and branches grew at the top. After just a minute, a small tree was in the middle of the stage.
"Here goes." Said Lunara with a perfectly straight face. She grabbed the trunk of the tree, and clumsily swung herself around a little, before building up enough confidence to try something more, and starting to balance herself against it, swinging her weight carefully.
After a few tries, of that, Lunara hoisted herself off the floor with her arms, turning to look at the audience while upside down. There was some confused applause before a slight creaking sound. Lunara immediately lost her grip, and fell to the floor with an 'Oomph!', as the tree leaned forwards ever so slightly. And then a bit more. And a bit more. Then it fell on top of her.
"Honestly, what do you mortals see in this?" Said Lunara from under the wood. It was pinning her down fairly awkwardly.
Samateus just chuckled. "Fun. I'll leave you lot be for now." He stepped back, and carefully let himself fall over backwards. Instead of thudding to the ground like Lunara, he just fell directly through the floor.
Consort looked at the patch of concrete where Samateus had disappeared, and shrugged at Lunara. "Um, I'll get you back to your seat. Wait, do you have a seat? Does that power work on people without seats?"
Lunara was moved to the corner of the room. "Good enough, I suppose."
The door flew open, and Jaina and Thrall marched in. "Who wants popcorn?" Announced Jaina, carrying four huge cloth bags.
The entire hall erupted into cheering.
"And who wants some of this?!" Said Thrall, hauling a cart behind him. Everyone stopped for a second before the cry went up. 'ROASTED HOG!'
Thrall had, in the five minutes, managed to find and have an entire boar roasted, and found a decent way to transport it. The cheering grew slightly lounder than an entire football stadium armed with megaphones.
Consort looked at it incredulously as the cheer died down. "Pretty good. I know! We'll do the next few dares while you carve it up. Do you need a knife?"
"Yes. Does anyone have a spare?"
"Catch." Rexxar tossed a hunting knife in a leather scabbard to Thrall. Thrall deftly caught it, and got to work.
Consort looked at the next bit of the paper. "Alright, next dare. Sgt. Hammer, you're to fuel your tank on nothing but marinara sauce for a day."
"Marinara? Like, the tomato one? Okay, I go this. Can you control the type you summon? Oh, and get the tank in here first." Said Hammer.
One click later, Consort had an entire siege tank on top of him, filling up the entire stage and a bit of the front row.
"Y'all alright under there?" Said Hammer. to the treads of her tank. "Well, you were unkillable earlier, I guess."
"Mom, move the tank!" Said Cathori.
"Okay, darling. But it's empty. Gonna need some Marinara. Hey, can you hear me under there?! I need the really greasy marinara they served at that one place. As greasy as it gets. None of that fancy healthy stuff."
A giant pot of red sauce appeared next to the tank, along with a small bucket.
"Okay, just a moment here." Hammer reached into her pocket, and pulled out an oily rag. after a short bit of climbing, she opened up the fuel input of the tank, and called down to the audience "I need some blu-tack, daughter!"
"Got it, mom." Cathori pulled out a small packet and threw it at the stage. Hammer jumped down and grabbed it, taking a moment to stick the rag over the fuel input. She then took the bucket and skimmed the top of the sauce, trying to get as much grease off it as possible, among the tomatoes. She poured it through the makeshift strainer, and dropped the bucket halfway through.
Grease with a hint of tomato soaked Raynor and Malfurion, in the front. "Oops there. Need a dirt rag? Wait, never mind." Said hammer.
Raynor disgustedly swiped the coating of horrible grime off his front. "Ohh, damn it Alabama..."
"You need to be more careful with your confounded machines! First you threaten nature, now you insult me so!" Said Malfurion angrily.
"Hey, I didn't choose to drop the bucket, smartasses. Now shush, I got a tank to move. Hope we don't need that back wall." Said Hammer, clambering into her ride. It started with a lot of coughing and a plume of black smoke out of the back, before reversing off Consort.
"Well, that was a mistake." Said Consort. Still indestructible, but not any stronger, and thus indented into the floor. "But Next, Li Li, you have to replace your healing brew with water and enter a battle."
"I can do that! It'll give me some great practice with my winds! Who'll be the healer?" She answered cheerily.
"It... uh, doesn't say. How do you enter battles here?"
"Oh, they just happen at random. It gets kind of awkward when people just disappear in the middle of a talk. I mean, why's this Nexus place so rude like that?"
"You got me there. So Maybe there'll be a random battle soon... Oh wait, let me try something." He raised an arm and clicked.
Nothing happened, amazingly.
"Wow, that normally does the trick." Said Consort. "Did I break something?"
"Uh, lemme try!" Said Li Li. She clapped once, and disappeared along with her entire row.
Consort looked back at the paper. "She'll be back... so next before we get to ten... Kael'thas, you have to cut off you eyebrows"
"W-what?" Said Kael'thas, voice trembling.
"Your eyebrows. Cut them off."
"N-no! Do you have any idea how long it takes to grow these? They're the very height of fashion, and I am the prince! You can't ask this of me!"
"Look, you either have to cut them off of stay in this room as every inhabitant dislikes you more and more, until eventually you have to cut them off out of boredom."
"But-" Kael'thas was cut off as Valeera leapt onto the stage, punched him in the back and in one fluid motion reached around and simply ripped the eyebrows off him.
Valeera looked at the two wisps of yellow hair in her hands. "Huh. I thought they were fakes. Suppose not."
"AAAUUUGH!" Screamed Kael, after ten seconds in shock. He collapsed to his knees and gently touched the perfectly bare patches where his eyebrows had been.
Consort looked to Valeera in surprise. "That was brutal."
"I'm a rogue, deal with it. Normally I do all that with daggers." Valeera hopped off the stage, just as Li Li's row reappeared.
Li Li threw her hands in the air and cheered. "Backdoor forever!"
"Did... you actually win?!" Said Consort.
Gazlowe, Azmodan, Sylvanas and The Vikings laughed.
Li Li giggled. "Who needs to win fights when you can just roll down a lane? We got so far ahead in experience that by the time our enemies realised what was happening, we could just defeat them anyway! They never even got their Heroics!"
"Wow. Not bad." Said Consort.
"Hog's up!" Shouted Thrall. He was immediately swamped with heroes, Jaina was passing him paper plates as fast as he could serve, and he was serving fast enough to make more than a few heroes suspect windfury was being used.
Consort looked at the battered stage, where a tank had been driven over it. He clicked to remove the damage, but to no avail. He rummaged in his pockets. Wrapper, string, phone, lighter... Hey, the lighter would click. Less sore on the fingers. He raised the item, in all it's cheap multipack glory, and gave it a click.
The stage swirled as the heroes were sitting down. The walls dissolved. The stage blurred, almost becoming misty, and with a rumble, the scenery changed. The lower floor was replaced with grass, a lot of blankets set over it. The stage was replaced with wooden decking. A waist high wooden fence enclosed the area, giving a view of a large forested area. A banner emblazoned with '10' stood at the back.
Nova looked around. "Oh, it's Dragonshire. Look, you can see the battleground over there. Interesting lighter you got there."
Consort slipped it back into a pocket. "Just a cheap one. I think this place just gave it extra power. Anyways, where's the paper?"
"Here!" Said Samateus from behind him.
Author's notes: If a lot of dares come from the same person at once, I'll spread them out. Also, in case you didn't realise by now, anyone with an account that submits will make a guest appearance, as a person with a mask reflecting their name, or modeled after their OC or something. (For example, GrandPhoenix would have a blue and white phoenix mask. Just an example, though. They probably wouldn't be too interested in this).