JJ

Seated in an oversized and inviting leather chair, JJ's gaze was fixed on the front window of the café. One hand was curled around a large mug of tea that had long since grown cold, and her head was ever so gently resting on the other. There was a steady stream of people passing by the café, but JJ didn't see a single one of them. Her mind was a million miles away, busy trying to make sense of the jumbled thoughts that were bouncing around.

"JJ…. Hey….. JJ!"

"Huh?" JJ said in surprise as she was jerked out of her thoughts.

"Aw shit, you okay?" Derek said, his gaze finding the spilled tea that had sloshed out of her mug.

"What?" JJ said, her confusion evident as she tried to orient herself. "Oh, no, I'm good. It's cold," she explained, waving off his concern.

Derek raised an eyebrow as he handed over some napkins and sat down in the chair across from JJ. "Right…"

JJ ignored his skeptical response and wiped up the liquid quickly, dabbing at the small wet spot on her jeans. "So what are you doing here?"

He held up the bag of coffee in explanation. "Coffee run. I realized I had used up the last of our coffee yesterday, and we needed some of the good stuff because Hank has been particularly restless this week."

"How is the little guy anyway? Feels like forever since we last got to see him."

"Aw, he's good. Rolled over for the first time this morning," Derek said, a wide grin spreading on his face.

JJ let out a light laugh and smiled widely at her friend's enthusiasm. To think big, strong, tough, macho Derek Morgan was excited about a baby rolling over… "Enjoy the lack of forward movement while you can – when crawling begins all hell breaks loose."

Derek just grinned even wider. "Honestly? I can't wait."

"You're going to chase him around the room on your hands and knees, aren't you?" JJ asked knowingly, another chuckle sneaking out.

"You better believe it."

JJ shook her head and smiled. She marvelled at how happy he was, and how easily he had been able to remove himself from the BAU. Every single time she had let the idea of leaving the BAU float through her mind, something would convince her to quickly dismiss the notion. And yet here was Derek Morgan, a man who had sacrificed so much and remained loyal through the years to the job, able to step away and not miss a beat.

A bomb strapped to her husband's chest, being thrown in way over her head into an op in the Middle East, having 2 children, being put in harm's way on a daily basis…and still JJ had stuck with the BAU. They were all very valid reasons to walk away from the job, and yet the thought of leaving hadn't lingered in her mind for more than a moment.

Will had stopped trying to convince her to leave. Maybe he understood (better than she did) that she needed to be doing this job. They had stopped bickering and fighting as much over it as they used to, but somehow in the space of all that silence JJ found herself seriously considering leaving. The team was already starting to slowly break apart with Emily having left for London years before, and now with Derek stepping away to be with his family.

"And how's Savannah doing?" JJ asked, realizing she'd been quiet longer than she should have been.

"She's good, she's good," Derek replied with a nod. He eyed her carefully, as though trying to suss out what was bothering the blonde. "I'm gonna grab a coffee, you want a refill?" he asked as he stood up.

"Nah, I'm still working on this tea," she answered.

"I'm gonna get you a coffee," he replied, his gaze falling on the near empty mug of cold tea. "And I'm not taking any arguments from you, blondie."

She offered a weak smile as she shook her head gently. He offered a Derek Morgan grin in reply, made his way over the counter, and ordered their coffees. Her mind wandered back to the ease with which he'd transitioned out of the BAU. How had he been able to just walk away from the job that he'd done for so long? From the job that he'd been so passionate about. From the job that had been his life for so many years.

She wasn't at all surprised to see the extra-large mug that he came back with and set down on the table beside his chair. She was all too intimately aware of the exhaustion that came with a baby. He carefully handed over a smaller mug to her, and then sat back down.

"So. Blondie. What's new?"

"Oh, you know. Nothing really. Same old, same old. You're the interesting one! Other than rolling over, what's the little guy been up to?" she replied quickly.

"Good. Already breaking the hearts of all the ladies he meets." Derek indulged her topic switch, but was well aware that JJ was trying to keep the conversation away from her. It was a dead giveaway, and he knew that she knew it was a dead giveaway. Did she want him to push her? To scratch below the surface?

"I bet."

"Still blows my mind every single day that he's here," Derek continued as he tried to decide the best approach to get her to answer truthfully.

JJ chuckled quietly. "Yeah, that feeling sticks around for a while."

He decided to be blunt. "But c'mon, girl. There's something that's festering in that pretty little head of yours, so spill," he said, shifting in his chair to get more comfortable.

JJ hesitated for just a moment as she toyed with continuing to evade his questions. She gave up the thought almost as soon as it surfaced – Derek Morgan did not let things go, so it would be a fruitless effort to try and avoid talking about it. And if she was honest with herself…she wanted to talk about it. And he of all people could give her perspective on it.

Her gaze fell to the coffee she held in her hands, trying to give herself a moment to formulate her thoughts into words. She took a sip, and then took a breath. "I'm trying to figure out why it is I haven't been able to walk away from the BAU."

If he was surprised, Derek didn't let it show. He leaned back as he crossed his right ankle over his left knee and brought his coffee up to his lips to take a sip. "What've you come up with so far?"

JJ let out a frustrated sigh. "Nothing."

"Nothing at all?" he echoed, the smallest hint of doubt in his voice.

She shook her head as she held up her free hand in a shrugging motion. "With everything that's happened…Will almost being blown up, having two kids, being thrown into a war zone, and facing these evils day in and day out, and still I haven't left."

Derek rubbed his chin thoughtfully as he considered her words. To him it was obvious why she stayed. It was the same reason he'd stayed in the unit for so long. They both wanted to try and reduce the evil in the world, to bring down the bad guys taking advantage of scared and vulnerable people, to protect and do good.

"We've all got long lists of things that should have driven us from the job," he answered cryptically.

JJ frowned at his vague reply. "I guess. Why'd you finally step away?"

Derek took a long sip from his coffee while he formed his answer. "After everything that went down…I felt like there was something that needed to be healed. I wasn't broken or anything, but it just felt like I needed to step away and be with my wife and my son, and let myself be a dad."

JJ nodded, but was still having trouble reconciling why that same feeling hadn't bloomed in her after her kidnapping.

"You're different than me though, JJ. For years and years, it felt like my role was the protector, and I couldn't step away because that would've left you guys without someone in that role." He paused for a moment, working his way through his slightly jumbled thoughts. "I think you've been a protector too, but in a less physical way than me. I mean, don't get me wrong, you're a complete badass, and I would definitely not want to cross you, but you've always been more about protecting the well-being and emotions of people rather than wanting to put a beat down on an unsub for what they did."

JJ stayed quiet, sensing that Derek had more to explain and not really being able to formulate a response anyway. But he didn't expand, and JJ found herself trying to reconcile his words with her own thoughts in an uncharacteristic silence.

"You guys have a tough case this week?" Derek finally asked, sensing that JJ needed a way back into the conversation.

She shook her head. "Nope."

"Then what's got you thinkin' about all of this?"

JJ shrugged. "You?"

Derek paused as he took another sip of his coffee. "Do you want to leave now?"

JJ shrugged again. "I honestly don't know. Maybe."

"Why?"

It took JJ a moment to realize she actually had an answer to his question. "I feel like I'm reacting more like a mother than an agent sometimes."

"Why is that a bad thing?" His tone wasn't accusatory, but genuinely curious.

"I made a choice on a case…I had to choose between saving a boy and a girl, and I chose the boy because he reminded me of Henry."

"And you're worried that your judgment is clouded now," he finished her thought. She nodded in agreement.

He held her gaze for a moment and considered her words. He wasn't entirely convinced that was the full reasoning behind why she was suddenly considering leaving the BAU, but he didn't think he was going to be able to pull all of it out of her.

"There are other ways you could fulfil that need to protect," he offered, thinking of various positions in the Academy and in the Bureau that would be a good fit. "Other jobs that might lead to less burnout, but still give you that satisfaction of knowing you're making a significant impact on people and on battling the evil in the world."

"Mmm," she hummed in reply, partially distracted by the fact that she'd finally said out loud what had the thought of leaving swirling around in her mind.

"I get that you need the job in order to be happy, and to feel like there isn't something missing in your life. I get that, I really do, but I think we all kind of brainwash ourselves into thinking that we need to be in the BAU to do that. Maybe part of that is because of how close we all got, and all the shit we went through together…I don't know. But look at Emily. She up and left us all behind and took a desk job across the world, and I've never seen her happier."

JJ blinked as she began to realize what Derek was saying.

"I'm not saying you have to leave the BAU, but maybe just look at what else is out there. See if there's something that pulls at you or something you think you could make an impact doing." He paused as he saw the realization blooming in her eyes. "Take a look and see if there's something that will make that feeling in the pit of your stomach when your cell phone rings go away."

JJ's eyes widened as he hit the nail on the head. Somewhere along the line things had shifted, and she dreaded going into work. Maybe it was because she was worried about reacting as a mother, maybe it was because she was afraid her sons would grow up without their mother, maybe it was because she was burned out. Whatever the reason, she understood the feeling that had been sticking around for weeks now. And the more she thought about it, the more leaving the BAU was sounding like a viable option.

Derek's phone buzzed and he glanced at the screen. "Shit. I'm sorry, JJ, but I have to get going."

JJ waved off his apology. "Oh, don't even worry about it. Thanks for the coffee."

"Anytime," he said as he rose to his feet. "And JJ?"

"Yeah?"

"If you ever wanna talk…"

"Yeah," she said with a small nod. "I know where to find you."

"Babe, can you get that?" Savannah called out in between Hank's boisterous giggles.

Derek shook his head as he let out a laugh of his own. "Yeah!" he called back, making his way to the front door.

He opened it just as Hank began his next round of uncontrollable giggling. His eyes widened as he saw his friend and former colleague standing on his porch, looking very uncertain.

"JJ," he said, his tone giving away his surprise. "Hey."

"Hey," she replied quietly, trying to keep her voice even.

Derek frowned as he saw the moisture in her eyes. "What's wrong?"

She shook her head vehemently. "Nothing. I just…I handed in my resignation today."

Immediately JJ felt herself enveloped in a tight hug. "Good for you, girl. I'm proud of you."

"Thanks," she said with a watery smile as he released his hold on her. "I'm sorry…I don't know why I came here," she began to apologize.

"Hey, hey. None of that. You can always come here, JJ. You know that," Derek interrupted. "You wanna come in? The little man's got a bit of a giggling fit going on right now, as you can tell, and that will brighten anyone's day."

JJ paused to listen to the laughter echoing off the walls of the house. She smiled as she recalled Henry and Michael's nonsensical and contagious giggling. It reminded her of what she was gaining with stepping away from the BAU – time with her family, peace of mind for them…and for her.

"Yeah," she answered finally. "I can stay for a little while."

"Come on in then," Derek said, stepping back to allow her to enter his home.

Her eyes spotted the various toys strewn about the room, before meeting Derek's gaze once more. He was a reminder that as much as it was twisting in her gut – it was going to get better. He was a reminder that she'd made the right choice. He was a reminder that for all it had brought her, her time in the BAU wasn't the be-all-end-all of her life.