Jim looked around the room, not particularly surprised at the people gathered there. Scotty, Spock, Uhura, Bones. Chekov was more or less hiding in the corner, clearly nervous, and Sulu was just as obviously trying to coax him out. Christine Chapel was looking around with clear curiosity, and then there were a few other crew members sitting by themselves away from their superiors. The seating was composed of three tables in a U shape, where the asheerans sat at the one intersecting the other two. The king in the middle, flanked by his children. At the far end of the room was a small buffet, consisting mainly of vegetarian dishes. The exception was a large pan of lasagna, which King Herodion had proven to be rather fond of.

Jim poked disinterestedly at his salad, finding himself craving red meat. Preferably bloody. He made a mental note to ask Bones to check if he was iron deficit or just having weird cravings. But then again, he realised, that'd lead to questions he did not want to answer… best not ask, after all. Bones may be the best medical officer Jim could ever dream of, but that didn't mean he felt like giving the man a biology lesson. Or explain why he had forged his medical records.

The atmosphere was odd, especially as the asheerans seemed completely unperturbed as they ate. Jim figured it was mainly because the prince and princess had removed their masks, now showing their whole faces. They still did not make a sound, daintily eating their food and looking at the crew with those calm, dark eyes that betrayed nothing.

"Captain" Spock's calm, even voice brought Jim back to the present with a start. He was proud of himself for not flinching at the use of the title, though. Since he had helped Spock with his pon farr, his first officer had stopped calling him by his name and it hurt. It hurt a lot. There was a distance between them now that made Jim feel like he had lost a limb. No, an organ. He had been ripped in half.

"Yes, Spock?" He replied, his voice only slightly choked.

"You are not eating. Are you feeling ill?"

"No, I… I'm just nervous, I guess."

"Illogical. You were aware of what was to take place this evening when you agreed to attend."

"Unlike the rest of us" Uhura said snidely, giving Jim a cold look. It stung, but not as much as Spock's iciness did. Jim was just about to reply when the asheeran king called for attention.

"Thank you for the kindness and courage you show by being present tonight" Herodion said in a strong, clear tone as he rose from his chair. Standing before them he had a commanding presence that made Jim intensely, irrationally jealous. He had been a starship captain for years, a damn fine captain, he had no reason to be jealous. But there it was. He forced himself to listen to what the King had to say.

"The heart-song is, to my people, the most precious thing each living creature have. And a few of us have been honoured by the gods and granted the ability to hear this song." Suneet and Ranit both smiled with clear pride at that, but still made no noise.

"What will happen" The King explained, "is that my children will move amongst you, touching each and every one of you in time. When they touch, you have the option to give or refuse permission for them to sing your heart-song. However, if you refuse, I must ask that you immediately leave the room. This is a very intimate experience, and if you are not willing to give yourself over fully, then please do not participate." no one moved. King Herodion nodded in satisfaction and approval.

"Excellent" he said as his dark eyes swept over the Enterprise crew. "The song will come out in words, words that are known by you. Since you are off-worlders, my children will try their best to find a song within you that the others can understand. Once more, I and my children thank you for your openness." Thus having finished, Herodion sat down again.

The twins rose, slowly, removing their gloves as they did. They had long, slender fingers, and as they slowly moved throughout the room they held their hands slightly outstretched. Then, Ranit stopped. She stood in the middle of the room, and clasped her hands loosely in front of her. As she did so, Suneet carefully rested his slender fingers on Ensign Hancock's bare neck. Hancock nodded slowly, giving his permission. The female raised her head, opened her mouth, and sang:

"Once, there was the sun… bright and warm, and wonderful. Shining like the joy within my heart…"

The sorrow in the song was heart wrenching, and as the asheeran sang Jim watched Hancock lower his head and start to cry, softly, quietly. As he cried, another of the crew members looked at him with a mix of horror and confusion. Then, the song was over and a stunned silence filled the room. The asheeran prince removed his hand, gently brushed away the tears from Hancock's cheeks, and glided through the room to stand beside his sister. They looked at each other for a moment, then the princess nodded once and started moving, hands outstretched before her.

They all watched, curious and anxious at the same time, as she moved slowly past several of the people present. Finally she stopped, and her hand came to rest on Sulu's cheek. He seemed look into her eyes, and for several moments they all held their collective breaths. Then, the male twin began to sing.

"I am the man who will fight for your honour. I will be the hero, you are dreaming of. We'll live forever, knowing together, that we did it all for the glory of love…"

Once the last notes of the song ebbed out, Sulu looked down at his hands, bashful. Ranit just smiled that same smile her brother had earlier, then pressed a kiss to Sulu's cheek. He turned bright red, and seemed to shrink in on himself with embarrassment as the asheeran returned to her twin.

Jim could not help but wonder who it was that song was directed to - it was an obvious love song, clearly there had to be a recipient, right? He hoped it was Chekov, who was looking at Sulu with his heart in his eyes. Sulu was staring down at his hands, and therefore did not see. But he finally looked up when the princess sang, sweetly, her brother's hand on the pale skin of the navigator's neck:

"How can you give your love to someone else, and share your dreams with me? Sometimes the very thing you're looking for, is the one thing you can't see..."

The two best friends stared at each other in wide-eyed silence, seeing something in the other's eyes that held them captivated. Jim smiled; at least there was some happiness to be found on board.

The asheerans did not seem to care about the newfound love that was blossoming before them, they simply moved on. After a rousing rendition of "que sera sera, whatever shall be will be" that came about when the female touched nurse Chapel's hand and a contemplative "how many roads must a man walk down, before you can call him a man?" from ensign O'Connor, the twins spent a few moments standing close to each other. They pressed their foreheads together, as if in silent contemplation.

"They are resting" King Herodion explained, "finding comfort in the inner world of the other. This is not easy for them."

Then, the twins touched each other's lips briefly with their pointer finger like a twisted version of a hushing motion. Apparently done resting, princess Ranit turned and started moving through the room. Everyone's eyes, apart from Sulu and Chekov who were still lost in each other, followed her as she slid up behind Scotty's chair. Much to their surprise, she wound her arms around his neck and rested her cheek against his hair. With a stunned expression, Scotty gave a barely noticeable nod of consent. The male asheeran's voice rang out, so full of sorrow it made a few tears slip unbidden from Jim's eyes.

"I have my books, and my poetry to protect me. I am shielded in my armor. Hiding in my room, safe within my womb. I touch no one and no one touches me..."

His heart breaking for his stoic friend, Jim vowed that he was going to spend more time with Scotty from now on. A lot more time.

The princess pressed a kiss to Scotty's forehead, then moved to take her brother's place in the middle of the room. Suneet moved with determination now, not doing the seeking that had foregone all other choosings. No, he headed straight for Bones, and clasped the doctor's hand in his own.

"Very well" Bones muttered, "get it over with."

The princess cocked her head to the side as if listening, and they all held their breaths as they waited. Then, she drew a long shaky breath as if on the verge of tears. She closed her dark eyes, wetted her lips, and sang softly:

"And in the darkness, when I'm blind with what I can't forget... it's always morning in my mind, my little lamb... my pet... Joanna... Joanna… it's time to say… good bye..."

Bones scowled furiously at the asheeran male who, tears dripping down his cheeks, retreated to seek comfort with his sister. But Jim had known the doctor enough by this point to see through it, see the pain underneath, and once more he cursed the ex-Mrs McCoy for taking their daughter away from his friend. That was a gaping wound that not even Bones could heal.

This time as the twins moved together, they stood for several moments holding each other. Their faces pressed together so that not only foreheads, but also noses and chins touched. From where he sat, Jim could see that both had their eyes closed. And they were both crying. King Herodion moved over to his children, placing a hand on each of their backs in silent comfort. As if on cue, or answering a question not asked, both of them vehemently shook their heads. Then, wiping at her wet face, the female moved to touch Spock.

She paused right in front of him, hand outstretched. Clearly, she was waiting for permission. Spock answered her silent question with the barest inclination of his head, and her fingertips came into contact with his face in the barest of touches. The moment they came into contact the male twin burst into song. But what a song! There was not a word in it that Jim understood - at least not at first. Then there was a word he partly recognised - brother, friend, comrade. T'hy'la. It was sung several times, unsure at first then with more conviction. Each time the male repeated it, Uhura's face darkened a little more. If looks could kill, Bones would have found himself explaining to the admiralty why Spock was acting captain before the night was over. It made no sense to Jim; there was no reason for her to be angry with him. Sure, he had spent three glorious days in Spock's bed… and his shower… and on his sofa… and his floor… all over his quarters, really… but that had only been to help his friend through Pon Farr. it didn't mean anything, right? Jim suddenly remembered that Uhura spoke fluent vulcan. Another thing she was better at than him, he thought and felt irrationally jealous. There was no point in being jealous - Spock was not his. He was never going to be Jim's. The sooner he came to terms with that, the better. Besides, he had something of Spock, didn't he? Something special and unique that was all his. It was enough. It had to be enough.

Knowing thinking about that time was a bad idea, Jim found himself helpless to resist and sank deeply into memories of Spock's body against his. How right and perfect it had felt, to give everything he had to the other man. How he had made love to Spock with every fibre of his being. No guilt, shame or angry and possessive linguistics officers could take that away from him. Spock might have been a rutting beast lost in the throes of the mating fever, but Jim had made love. Over and over and over again, wild beautiful love. Those memories were beautiful, and he was never going to let anything sully them. They were all he had. That, and the secret.

Jim was lost in his own head for… well, how long he did not know. Lost in the memories of Spock's skin, the scent of him, the feel of him. He stole a glance at Spock's hands, serenely clasped on the table. Those hands had burned like fire when they touched him, setting him alight with pleasure. He ached to hear Spock's voice, like he had so often back in the days. When they had been friends, good friends that had known each other for years and years. He even missed being thoroughly trounced at chess once a week. They didn't play chess anymore. They didn't do anything anymore, really. It was unbearable. Seeing Spock with Uhura had hurt as if someone pushed their hand into his chest to squeeze his heart, but at least then he had been considered a close friend. As close as could be. And now he didn't even have friendship, anymore. It made him want to cry. But at the same time, he did not want to cry. He had cried so much already, cried himself to sleep night after night after night, alone in his quarters. He had fallen asleep clutching the pillow, pressing it to his chest instead of pressing a warm, soft body there. It was all he wanted, and it wasn't his. And now, now that he knew how it felt, it hurt all the more. Hurt a thousand times more. And Jim couldn't tell anyone. Couldn't let anyone see.

Eventually, he'd figure out how to breathe without feeling like his chest was full of broken shards of glass.

Apparently, he had missed a few songs because when he got back to himself it was to realise that one of the twins was brushing past him on their… no, his… way to Uhura. Giving one last angry look at Jim, Uhura turned her face up to the asheeran and smiled. It was a warm, lovely smile that Jim remembered from before. Before Jim had screwed everything up. The smile fell away quickly, however, as the female asheeran began to sing, her voice full of sorrow but with a tone of finality and acceptance.

"Lay a whisper on my pillow, leave the winter on the ground. I wake up lonely, there's air of silence, in the bedroom and all around…" Jim's gaze reluctantly tore itself away from Spock where it had wandered, as it always did, to look at Uhura. She looked back, and for once there was no anger or hatred in her eyes. Only sadness.

"It must have been love", Ranit sang, "it must have been good, but I lost it somehow..."

Once more Jim felt like crying, cursing his newfound melancholy. It was humiliating, to sit here amongst his friends and crew and want nothing more than to break down and cry. Well, there was one thing he wanted more. He wanted Spock to put his arms around him and comfort him.

Eventually, the asheeran fell quiet. She looked unbearably sad, like a little girl having just been told there is no such thing as Santa Claus. Or whatever the equivalent was on Asheera. Jim looked at her, and she looked at him as she slowly moved closer, and with a start Jim realised that he was the only one left. Everyone else had heard their heart-song, and he could see it in their faces. Some were embarrassed, some were sad, a few were smiling. Chekov's head was nestled into the crook of Sulu's neck and the pilot had his arms around the russian youth. It looked right, like Chekov was made to be clasped in Sulu's arms. Like they fit. Bones seemed a thousand miles away, Uhura was solemn. Spock was as blank as a mirror, showing nothing. Not even Jim, who knew him so well, could read him now. Jim's eyes flitted back to the princess. She was standing in front of him now, hand outstretched. Her dark, dark eyes seemed to stare into his very being, as if he was a book that she was reading. Her fingers, when they touched his face, were surprisingly cool. Her touch was gossamer soft like silk, barely there and yet he felt it to the depth of his being. As if she had laid her hand on his soul. It should have felt intrusive but it didn't. And Suneet began to sing.

"She's beautiful in her simple little way. She don't have too much to say when she gets mad..."

Her shoulders were so slim, like they would break at the merest weight, and yet she carried him for the short moment of time she looked at him. Like she was shouldering the burden he did not dare to let anyone know he was carrying.

"...And somehow you make me smile when I'm sad… And then you realized you wanted what you had…"

The princess's eyes were so sad, and it felt like his heart lifted a little. Her eyes that saw everything and passed it on to her brother, so that he might sing it.

"... I should have held on to my pride; I should have never let you lie... I guess you got what you deserved. I guess I should have been more like her…"

He wasn't going to cry, damn it, he had gotten this far without letting anyone but Bones see his tears. He could get through a bit of singing. But every word that fell from the asheeran's lips left Jim's heart bare and aching, whimpering in the dust that had been his life until a few damnable months ago. When he hadn't been able to say no to the man he loved, the man who was suffering, desperate for help. Even knowing it was the biggest mistake of his life, he had done it anyway.

"... It's plain to see desperation showed it's truth - you love her, and she loves you with all she has…"

Well, there went his facade. Jim felt the tears that had burned in his eyes all evening start to slip down his cheeks, slowly at first then faster and faster until it was like two waterfalls streaming down from his eyes. And still he could not look away from the asheeran's dark, deep eyes. Eyes that were crying, too.

"...I guess I should've been more like her."

the songs quoted, in order:

"Once there was the sun" from 'Thumbelina'

"Glory of Love" by Peter Cetera

"Save the best for last" by Vanessa Williams

"que sera sera" by Doris Day

"Blowing in the wind" by Bob Dylan

"I am a rock" by Simon and Garfunkel

"Joanna (reprise)" from 'Sweeney Todd; the demon barber on Fleet Street', sung by Johnny Depp.

"It must have been love" by Roxette

"More like her" by Miranda Lambert