AN: I just want to provide a heads up that there is mention on rape in this chapter. It's not very detailed, but I don't want to cause anyone any trauma. It's about 1000 words in (slightly less), and is just a paragraph or so. I never think to mention it and I know I should. Thanks.
EOEOEOEOEO
Elliot focused on Olivia's breathing as she slept against him. He pulled an afghan off the back of the couch, and covered her with it. She seemed to sense it, even though her breathing never changed, and clasped it to her body.
His need to protect her had always been strong, as it was with all the people he loved, but right now, he wanted to keep the world away from her. No more Tucker. No more Jason Logan.
But he knew there couldn't be any secrets. If this was going to work, they had to be honest with each other. Maybe for the first time in their entire partnership.
Their partnership…
He didn't know what was in store for them as partners once they became lovers, but that would be out of their hands once they revealed the change in their relationship. Then it would be in the hands of Cragen, the brass, the bureaucracy.
Maybe they could retire…run away. Be done with the sickos and the perverts…this goddamn city that took so much from them every day. He tried to envision them somewhere else. Anywhere else.
But he knew that was just a dream. They were both hard core New Yorkers, and they were both cops. They couldn't change who they were. And he couldn't forget that who they were, was what brought them together.
Elliot closed his eyes and buried his face in her hair. "I love you." He whispered.
He realized he must have dozed off too when he heard her cry out. His eyes flew open, thinking that maybe he had accidentally bumped her head wound or one of her bruises. But she was still sound asleep. She cried out again, and she gripped the material of the afghan in her hands. It took him a few more seconds to realize she was having a bad dream…a nightmare…and he didn't know what to do. Olivia cried out again and one of her hands flew out. Elliot slid the hand that had been resting on her abdomen to her right hip and shook her lightly, while he wrapped his left hand around the hand clawing at some invisible threat.
"Liv." He said quietly. "Olivia." He heard her gasp and he said her name a little bit more loudly.
Olivia awoke suddenly, letting out a small scream as she felt arms and hands gripping her. "Let me go!" She tried to scramble away but she couldn't disentangle herself and she felt panic threaten to overtake her.
"Olivia! It's me. It's Elliot!" He said as tried to keep her from tumbling off the couch and hitting the coffee table. He was confused because it seemed like she was awake but she didn't seem to recognize him, or realize he wasn't attacking her. He pushed himself up off the couch and let go of her, but kept his body like a protective wall around her, so she wouldn't hurt herself.
"Olivia!" he yelled and she stopped moving, focusing her attention on him. He could tell she was awake now, but there was confusion in her eyes as she tried to sort out what was happening.
"You're OK." Elliot said. "It was just a dream." He continued to hold his arms out, repeating those last words quietly until she calmed down.
Olivia was nodding now. It was Elliot standing in front of her…not Jason Logan. She wasn't in any danger. "He was…it was…" She stumbled over her words, trying to make sense of the images in her dream.
"Shhh." Elliot sat down next to her, now that he knew she was fully awake. He pulled her body against his and wrapped his arms around her. "Logan is in jail. He can't hurt anyone ever again." He wasn't certain that was the man in Olivia's nightmare…there had certainly been a long string of potentially nightmare inducing perps in her past. But it didn't matter because he would make it his priority to protect her from all of them.
Olivia pulled away from him. "He's not going away." She said. "At least not for very long." She shook her head, her mind clear. "He'll get a few years for assault, but with no criminal record, he may not even serve any time."
Elliot narrowed his eyes. "Liv. We got 'em. Remember, we found the apartment where we took Amy."
Olivia looked at him for a second. "Did you tell me that?" She remembered Elliot telling her that they had the video of Logan assaulting her, and that they had picked him up. But she couldn't remember him telling her about the apartment. The drugs they gave her for the pain were messing with her memory. She looked away trying hard to remember.
What did you do?
Her own words popped back into her mind. Cragen had told her they were processing the apartment. Olivia turned back towards Elliot. "What did they find at Logan's?"
Elliot pressed his lips together. Olivia had just woken from a horrendous dream; he couldn't tell her about the nightmare they found in Logan's apartment. Elliot stood up and walked towards the kitchen. "We can talk later."
Olivia watched him walk away, and she knew he was keeping something from her. And that it had to be bad.
"Don't walk away from me." She said sternly, standing up herself.
Elliot stopped, but he didn't turn around. He hung his head in resignation, knowing she wasn't going to let it drop. She knew him too well, and she obviously knew he was withholding information. He turned his body and lifted his head slowly. "Please Liv…just…we can talk later."
Olivia saw the pain on his face and her hand flew to her mouth. "Oh, my God." She whispered. "He raped her." When Elliot didn't answer her, she sunk down to the couch. "Oh. My. God." She whispered again. "I didn't think he actually…" She let out a sob then…just one. And then she swallowed hard. "Tell me…"
Elliot said, still rooted in place. He wanted to go over to her and comfort her, but he knew her well enough to know that it wasn't what she wanted right now.
"Tell. Me." Olivia said. "She's my friend and I need to know." She took in a deep breath.
Elliot sat down in the chair directly across from her. He scrubbed his hands over his head and then dropped his hands on his knees. He wasn't sure the best way to tell her about Amy's assault, but then decided there was no good way…it was all bad. "They found cameras. Cameras with video." Elliot took a deep breath. "He…laid her in the bed. He undressed her. He took photos…and video."
"But her exam didn't show signs of rape." Olivia said, trying to find a sliver of hope…
"It didn't show signs of trauma." Elliot corrected, knowing how hard this was for her to hear. "He took his time with her." He could still the see the video in his mind. Logan running his hands over her naked body…kissing her…touching her. "He kissed her. He used his hands to..penetrate her. He…I didn't see any video of him..." He didn't want to go into details, but they hadn't seen any video or proof of penile penetration.
Olivia's face was like stone…she was in full on cop mode. Maybe it was the only way to keep herself sane as she listened to Elliot's account of Logan's.
"He was talking to her, but we couldn't always make up what he was saying." It had been creepy to watch. Logan acted like it was a two-way conversation…acted as if Amy was spurring him on…wanted him to kiss her…touch her. "When he was…done…he laid with her for a while. Then he redressed her and took her back to the hotel." Elliot finished. He was feeling horrible for what had happened to Amy…and for how Olivia was feeling right now.
"Does she know what happened?" Olivia choked out, trying to control her voice. She couldn't imagine Amy hearing this from anyone else. Jason Logan was definitely
Elliot shook his head. "Cragen thought you might want to be there."
"Of course, I want to be there." Olivia pushed herself up from the couch. "Is she down at the station?"
Elliot shook his head. "They have the evidence they need to book Logan, so they didn't need to bring her down."
"Where is he now?" Olivia asked, a hard look on her face.
'I don't know." Elliot said, and he was telling her the truth. He assumed Logan had been processed through the system by now, and was sitting and waiting for arraignment. In fact, arraignment might be over, and he knew he should check with Cragen to make sure he hadn't gotten out on bail.
"I want to talk to him." Olivia said. Elliot may have felt a need to go after Logan, but this had happened to her…and to Amy. She wanted her ounce of flesh.
"We need to make Amy the priority right now." Elliot said, a little scared at how eerily calm she had become. He had been able to get Tucker off his back, when Fin and Munch had backed up his version of events. And he knew that now that they had arrested Logan and had all the evidence against him, Tucker would back off Olivia too. He didn't need want to give him any new ammunition.
Olivia looked up at him, a cold glint in her eye. "I wish you would have killed him."
Elliot was surprised, by her words and the tone of her voice. Olivia was always the voice of reason, not tolerating rapists' behavior, but not supportive of how he dealt with things. To hear her say those words was surprising, but he knew she was in shock. "Olivia." He said softly.
Olivia shook her head. "I do. I can't help it." She stood up, her entire body coiled, as if ready to fight.
Elliot couldn't keep his distance any longer. He walked over and placed his hands on her upper arms. "That isn't who you are."
"It is. I want him dead." Olivia said.
"No." Elliot whispered as he brushed her hair back from face. "Don't let him make you someone you're not."
Olivia didn't say another word, but she allowed Elliot to hold her. She was trying hard not to cry…she felt like she'd spent more time crying over the past few days than she had in the last ten years. But she was at the end of emotional rope. So much had happened…so much had changed.
She pulled herself together. "So…what? Amy is just sitting at Chloe's, and she has no idea what happened to her?" She couldn't believe she had been here sleeping and Amy had probably been agonizing over the fact that she had no idea what happened to her.
"Amy knows what you did…how you helped take Logan down." He had wanted to chastise her for the stunt she had pulled in the apartment lobby, but he wouldn't. She'd been through enough. "She knows we're going through the evidence and that it takes time." He knew CSU was still going through the info, trying to determine if it was uploaded or sent anywhere. He hesitated again.
"What?" Olivia asked, impatient now. "Stop holding back information."
Elliot sighed. "When they were talking to Logan…his lawyer is asking for a psych eval."
Olivia shook her head, her breathing coming in short gasps. "Are you fucking kidding me?" The thought that Logan could get away with all of this with some insanity defense."
Elliot took a step towards her but saw Olivia put her hands up, so he stopped. "Don't go there until we know something."
Olivia's lips parted as she shook her head slightly. "I can't believe this." She said quietly. She brushed her hair back from her face. "I need to see Amy." She said. She started to move around Elliot, looking for her shoes.
Elliot wrapped his arm around her bicep. "Hold on. Cragen wants me to call him before we go. He wants us to bring her down to the station…"
"I'm not going to tell her there." Olivia said.
"Let me call Cragen."
EOEOEOEOEO
It had been a long afternoon, and Elliot felt horrible for Amy and what she was going through. She had cried softly on Olivia's shoulder when she had told her at the apartment, and he could tell Olivia was beating herself up. They had been at the precinct for almost an hour now and Amy and Olivia were holed up in the conference room. Amy had insisted on watching the video, despite his suggestion that she didn't. He supposed if he was in her shoes, he would want to know now.
Elliot was waiting for them, his attention focused on the door to the room, when he heard Tucker's voice. He swiveled in his chair and saw the IAB Lieutenant striding into the squad room. He stopped by Elliot's desk. "I heard Benson's here."
Elliot narrowed his eyes, wondering how in the hell he knew that. "She's busy." He stood up, hating it when Tucker stood over him, oozing superiority.
"I can wait." Tucker started wandering over towards the conference room.
Elliot followed him. "We've arrested Logan for sexually assaulting Amy…and for assaulting Olivia."
Tucker spun around, a question on his face.
"We have video proof." Elliot said, taking a few steps towards Tucker.
Tucker was unimpressed. "One time."
"You son-of-a-bitch." Elliot got in Tucker's face. "You know she didn't hit Logan."
The door to the conference room opened and Cragen stepped out of the room, quickly closing the door behind him. Cragen's eyes moved back and forth between the two men and he paused, and then headed towards his office. Tucker sneered at Elliot, and then followed him.
"Asshole." Elliot muttered under his breath as Tucker disappeared. He turned back towards the conference room, but the door stayed closed. He scrubbed his hand over his face and he let out a heavy sigh. He wished all of this had never happened…
EOEOEOEOEO
It took Amy over an hour to collect herself. They both cried together until finally, Amy was cried out. She looked up at Olivia with tear-stained cheeks. "I just want to go home."
Olivia nodded. "I'm going to go with you. Stay with you a few days. OK?" Olivia didn't know if she was a horrible reminder of what had happened to her, but Olivia wasn't going to make the same mistake she'd made before. She wanted to be there to support her friend…get her into counseling…let her cry on her shoulder.
Amy shook her head and reached out, grasping Olivia's hand in her own. "I'd like that, but you don't have to. Chloe is coming with me."
"I want to."
Amy gave her a small nod. "OK. It'll take my mind off…" Amy swallowed hard and then started crying again.
Olivia sat down next to Amy and pulled her into her arms, letting her cry against her again. She knew there would be a lot of this, and she was glad she could be here for Amy.
When they emerged from the conference room almost 30 minutes later, Elliot was waiting there for them. Olivia saw him trying to read her, but she shook her head lightly. "I'm going to take Amy back to Chloe's." she said. She turned to Amy. "I have to talk to my Captain first." She knew she needed to tell him she was going to be out of the city for an uncertain amount of time.
"I want to leave." Amy said, on the verge of tears again.
Munch stood up. "We can take you." He said gently. "If that's OK."
Olivia looked at Amy and she nodded. Fin and Munch led the way out of the squad room, forming a protective shell around Amy. They were barely out of the squad room when Elliot moved closer to Olivia.
"Are you OK?" he whispered, itching to touch her, but knowing he couldn't.
"Not really." Olivia said. "Would you be?" She knew she sounded like a bitch, but she'd been through the emotional wringer.
"No. I just…"
"I'm going back to Boston with Amy." Olivia interrupted.
"What?" Elliot said. "I don't think that's a good idea." She was still black and blue. She was still recovering from her coma. He put a hand on her bicep. "Liv."
"It's not your decision." Olivia said sharply. She saw the concern on his face, and she sighed deeply. She softened her voice, and placed her hand over his. "It's just for a few days." Her eyes searched his. "It's the least I can do."
"We have a lot to talk about." Elliot said.
"I know. We can talk when I get back." Olivia tried to give him a small smile.
"You're coming back, right?" Elliot said, going for a joking tone and failing miserably. He knew this had taken it's toll on her, and he wondered if it was making her reassess her life.
"I'm coming back."
"Tucker's in Cragen's office." Elliot said. "We should get out of here."
"I need to talk to Cragen…" Olivia said, but Elliot was already ushering her out of the squad room.
"We can call him."
EOEOEOEOEO
Elliot sat on the edge of Olivia's bed as he watched her pack. "How long are you going to be gone?" It seemed like she was packing enough clothes for a few weeks, not a few days.
Olivia looked up at him as she stuffed some jeans into her bag. "I don't know El." She shrugged. "As long as she needs me."
"You have a job here." Elliot said, trying to gauge what she was thinking.
Olivia didn't look at him. She'd been thinking about that. This thing with Amy…she didn't know if she could do this anymore.
"You're a good cop Olivia." Elliot said. He hoped she wasn't still blaming herself for what happened, but he knew she probably was. She wouldn't be Olivia otherwise. "Never question that."
Olivia stopped packing. "I have to think about what I want." She said and she looked over at Elliot.
She walked over to where Elliot was sitting and she could see he was trying to hide the panic he was feeling inside. She put her hands on his shoulders and he widened his legs, accommodating her so she could stand between them. She slid her hands up his shoulders until she had one hand on each cheek. She tilted his head up slightly, forcing him to look at her. "I just need a few days. To help Amy. To think. To…just escape from everything that's happened." She gave him a small smile. "But I'm coming back." She leaned over and kissed him gently. When she pulled back, she still cradled his face in her hands. "The one thing I'm not questioning is you and me." She said softly. "OK?"
Elliot nodded as well as he could. "OK."
"Wait for me?" she asked.
"Forever."
AN: I'm so, so, sorry about this chapter. And for what happened to Amy. Anyone who knows me knows I don't ever want anything like that to happen to anyone, but they also know that my stories come out how they come out. I tried to rewrite it several times, but it was just what happened in this story. I'm sorry if that was traumatic for anyone. We're over the worst of things now, and on to happier times. i am really going to try to release another chapter tomorrow!