New Mexico
2015
"What a quaint little town," said Bucky as he observed the street from the café that they were currently sitting in. They were just wasting time until Shield gave them the green light to begin, which wouldn't be for a few more hours from the looks of it.
"Pay attention Buck," said Steve before returning to listening to his earpiece which was currently feeding them information.
Bucky twiddled his fingers in agitation before getting up from his seat and meandering over to the register where a stack of newspapers were being sold.
"How much?" he asked the pretty cashier from behind the counter. He hoped it wouldn't be too expensive seeing as he only had a few quarters in his pocket, as well as the fact that he was still used to the economy back in the forties.
"75 cents," she said returning the smile.
Bucky internally cringed at the price, which was more than we would've paid for a movie ticket back in the day, but decided now was not the time to complain about inflation as he handed her three quarters.
"Thank you," he mumbled as he took the newspaper and returned to his seat before flipping through the articles to try and calm his nerves.
Ever since the quinjet had landed here he had felt agitated and jumpy, which he guessed was normal given the circumstance, but he just couldn't suppress the distressing feeling in his gut.
He just wanted to get in and get the job done and get the girl and get out of this place for good and actually get a good night's rest.
Following the months after the fall of Shield, he had found himself unable to sleep because of the memories and dreams that had plagued him. Every night he relived the fall from the train and all that Hydra had done to him only to wake up in his shabby apartment that he had been holed up hiding from Hydra and the world.
Then he found Steve again, and for the first time months he actually slept in peace. Things were looking up for him and life was actually good, but then he had found out just how much Hydra had violated him and getting a good night's rest became a distant memory.
He just couldn't get the image of his baby daughter out of his head, and it kept him up at all hours of the night. He would lie there with the picture and feel anger, guilt, remorse, and violation all at the same time. And no matter how much Steve and Sam told him it wasn't his fault, it didn't lessen the anger or pain.
"Is that what it looks like to you?" asked Steve asked Sam over the com, "Are you sure?"
Bucky listened idly as Steve droned on, occasionally scratching his itching head under the red baseball cap he was wearing and adjusting his sunglasses on his nose.
"What'd he say?" asked Bucky once the connection between the coms was disconnected.
"They found what looks to be an underground bunker in the woods," said Steve, "also found bio-signs coming from within."
"So when do we go in?" asked Bucky.
"Tonight."
"Why tonight? We could hit it now, he have the resources and the men," asked an agitated Bucky. Tonight was too far away for him to wait.
"Shield's trying to get as much information as they can before they send their men in. We don't really know what's in there so they're exercising caution."
"What time tonight?" grumbled Bucky as he sat the paper down.
"The team will meet up here at six and then we move out," said Steve, "In the meantime we're going to lay low, we don't want to alert them to our presence."
"You don't think after the Triskelion falling and Hydra being exposed they wouldn't be on high alert?" asked Bucky.
"Most likely, but apparently even Hydra took safety measures and not all of their information was leaked onto the internet. And it helps that they don't know the other base in D.C. was cleared out by Shield."
"We don't know that for sure, somebody could've gotten a message out," pointed out Bucky.
"Well of course we don't know for sure, but they seem to be unaware of the situation or else they would've packed up and moved, which they didn't."
Bucky nodded his head at Steve's words, agreeing with the statement that if they knew they would've packed and moved, which of course they didn't if there were life signs in the bunker.
"Six huh?" asked Bucky looking at his wrist watch for the time, "That leaves us with two hours to kill."
"You want to get something to eat?" asked Steve as he motioned over to the counter where the menus were.
"Not hungry," said Bucky sighing as he leaned his head against the wall in boredom.
"You think they tortured her?" asked Bucky out of the blue as he watched a group of teenage boys skate by them outside. He wasn't asking out of curiosity, he was asking out curious guilt.
"Oh really Buck?" asked Steve as he leaned forward, "Why would you even ask that?"
Bucky only shrugged his shoulders flatly, his body language showing no emotion.
"You think they wiped her too? Turned her into a killing machine just like her old man?" he was trying to bait Steve into making him feel guilty. He was tired of people being so sympathetic and understanding and assuring him it wasn't his fault when he just wanted someone to blame him.
"Stop," said Steve harshly, "Just stop it Buck, none of this is your fault so stop blaming yourself."
Bucky only continued to stare blankly across the street, not really hearing his friend's words. And to be honest, he really didn't want to hear them.
"Do you ever blame yourself for what happened on the train?" he asked, his voice straining.
The look on Steve's face said what his words didn't. Even after seventy years he still felt guilty about not being able to save Bucky from falling off that train in the Alps, and with the news that he had survived it and that Hydra had gotten their hands on him only made the guilt grow.
"It wasn't your fault punk," said Bucky, "but you still feel guilty."
"I could've jumped after you," whispered Steve.
Bucky tilted his head back and laughed bitterly, "and what? Let Hydra get their hands on two super-soldiers? Let them get a hold of Erskine's serum so they could build and army of super-soldiers like you?" Bucky bit back an almost painful whimper, "you know it was better for me to have fallen instead of you."
The words felt like vinegar in his mouth, but he knew it was the truth. It was better for him to have fallen off the train and let Hydra get their hands on him than let them get their grimy hands on Steve.
Steve said nothing as he leaned back in his chair dejectedly because he knew he couldn't say anything. No matter how much he wanted to deny it he knew Bucky was right, and it only made him feel like an awful individual for even thinking it.
It would've been better if Hydra hadn't gotten their hands on either of the two, but in the end they did and now all they could was pick up the pieces and try to move on.
For the next couple of hours they both sat silently, Steve drinking his coffee while Bucky read the paper. The waitress didn't seem to mind them hanging around for so long and would come by occasionally to refill their drinks and make small talk.
They sat like that for who knows how long, just two friend sitting at a cafe left only with their individual thoughts and guilt as their silent companion.
"We should go," said Steve looking at his phone for the time, "it's almost six."
Bucky only sat there in silence as Steve hoisted himself up, absentmindedly drawing doodles on the table with his metal arm, which had been completely covered. Only a few hours ago he had wanted nothing but to get this mission done, but now he didn't even want to leave the café.
He had barely noticed the passage of time over these past few hours, but the setting sun was proof enough that they had indeed been sitting there for hours.
"I can't," he whispered still rooted to his spot.
"Come on Buck, there's a little girl who's in need of rescuing."
"I'm scared," he said truly confronting his emotions about the entire situation.
"Of what? A fifteen year old girl?" said Steve smirking.
"No, I'm not scared of her," said Bucky shaking his head, "I'm scared of what they've done to her."
"Hey, we'll deal okay? We've gotten through this before and we can get through this again," said Steve hoisting him up.
Bucky said nothing as they made their way to the rendezvous point and he still said nothing as they rattled off the plan for getting into the complex, he only listened to the important details of the mission and how they execute their plan.
During the debriefing, he could feel Natasha's worried eyes on him, but he couldn't even really bare to look at her because all he felt was remorse and anger. Remorse that he had shot her and anger because she knew about Yelena and chose not to tell him.
So he ignored her worrisome glances and focused on the mission.
They had two missions, to clear out the base and to rescue Yelena.
It was the first time that Bucky had openly thought about the name that was listed on the file, which was obviously a Russian name. It was a fairly pretty name, not one he would've named his kid, but none the less a pretty name.
Once the briefing was done they headed their way out to the complex and stayed hidden outside of it as they readied themselves to take it over. Bucky stayed with Steve while Natasha and Clint separated and went with the Strike Team and Sam was currently being their eyes and ears from the sky.
Steve was donned in his Captain America attire, his shield out and ready while Bucky was in his usual black attire with the arm on his jacket cut off as to showcase his metal arm.
Bucky had changed into it especially because for some perverse reason he wanted everybody there to know who he was and that he was no longer on their side.
"Strike Team do you read me?" asked Steve over his com.
"Loud and clear," came the Strike Teams leader.
"Are you ready for the go?" asked Steve.
"Yes sir."
"You ready Romanov?" he asked directing the com towards her.
"Barton and I are ready whenever you are."
"You ready Buck?" this time his question was directed at him.
Bucky only nodded in reply, his hands held clenched around his gun.
"Let's do this."
AN: The next chapter will contain a certain father-daughter meeting that I know you've been waiting for for a long time now. I hope you guys are as excited as I am :)
Comment and tell me what you thought.