A/N - So sorry it's been so long. Life has rather gotten in the way recently! Hope you enjoy. Patsy finally sees Sister Julienne.
Patsy expected Nonnatus House to be quiet after lunch. She expected to walk in and sneak unseen into Sister Julienne's office and get everything over and done with without seeing anyone else. She'd expected it to be strange coming back to the one place she thought she'd been safe but as she entered to shrill of Sister Monica Joan and the exasperated voices of Sister Mary Cynthia, Babs and Trixie, she felt strangely calmed.
She walked towards the sound and was surprised to see most the Nonnatuns there. Sister Winifred was looking worriedly on as Sister Julienne tried almost painfully to calm the elder Nun. Everyone was trying bar Phyllis who wasn't anywhere to be seen. Patsy entered calmly and quietly, Delia just behind her.
"You said you would take me to her!" Sister Monica Joan cried to Trixie. "She needs to know how loved she is."
"There's no need Sister." Trixie smiled as she noticed Patsy who suddenly had everyone's eyes upon her.
Patsy almost fell over as Sister Monica Joan ran over to her and pulled the tall midwife into an embrace muttering away in verse which she could barely hear. What she did hear was 'our secret' and Patsy immediately knew what had the Nun so wound up. It was their routine and by rights, Patsy would have gotten down the offending item down yesterday for the Nun. She took Sister Monica Joan's hands instantly calming her.
"I'll get it for you Sister." Patsy murmured.
Everyone watched with varying degrees of interest as Patsy used her height to reach right up the very back of one of the cupboards to where there was an old air vent that was open. Patsy pulled down a box, dusting it off before handing it to Sister Monica Joan who clapped her hands gleefully.
"Chocolates?" Trixie frowned.
"Of the alcoholic variety." Patsy admitted quietly. "Very strong alcoholic variety." Patsy smirked. "God knows where she gets them from but I made her put them out of the way."
"Well that explains a lot." Barbara smirked thinking back to how many Wednesday evenings had seen Sister Monica Joan slightly more crazy than usual.
"Well, at least she's settled down. Although I'm not sure I quite agree with your indulging her." Sister Winifred snarked.
Patsy was silent. She knew better than to respond no matter how much she wanted to. The weird truth was, Patsy quite liked Sister Winifred. Sure, she was short-sighted and judged to easily but she was kind enough and usually meant well. It seemed sad that something she couldn't help would break their friendship apart.
"Nurse Mount, shall we go to my office?" Sister Julienne finally spoke, her eyes barely meeting Patsy's.
"Of course."
Patsy followed the older Nun dutifully, sparing a wry smile to Delia over her shoulder as she turned the corner. She swallowed as Sister Julienne held her office door open for her - a room she'd entered so often suddenly felt much too small as the door jammed into place. The Nun indicated for her to sit down and so Patsy did, hands clasped on her lap, bag by her side.
"I believe you have something for me?" Sister Julienne said quietly.
Patsy nodded and fumbled to retrieve the letter she'd written earlier, carefully placing it on the desk in front of her before returning her hands to her lap, screwing them tight together. She watched as her former superior opened it, read it and then placed it delicately back in the envelope. Neither woman spoke for a moment as the letter was set down.
"I…"
Sister Julienne stopped before she had even begun.
"Sister, do you accept my resignation?" Patsy murmured quietly. Her heart was pounding so hard she thought it might burst out of her chest, like a train exiting a long tunnel.
"Reluctantly." Sister Julienne finally met Patsy's eyes and the midwife was surprised to see tears in the elder woman's eyes. "Nurse Mount, Patsy, might I call you Patsy?"
"Of course."
"Patsy, I… I wanted to apologise for the way in which I treated you."
Of all the things she'd expected to hear, that was not one of them.
"I've always been comfortable with my role here - always relished the responsibility and the organisation. I enjoy looking out for you all, being in charge of such strong, capable, young women - it's not always easy but I enjoy it. Dealing with issues of morality is usually so easy. For most our young women are of the highest morals and those that aren't usually go vastly off the rails and make my termination of their services a given. It was therefore rather difficult to deal with an issue of morality that in my mind wasn't an issue at all."
Patsy remained silent, simply staring at the older Nun.
"But I don't have my own mind in this job Patsy. It isn't I who decides what is moral and what is not. The Church has rules, rules that all here must live by, and I must enforce them."
"I understand Sister…"
"I don't have anything against you personally Patsy and if I… the reason I treated you so awfully was because it was the only way I could do my job. Sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do and in order to do them we must hide behind a facade. It's cowardice and it's caused more harm than good but… what I'm trying to say Patsy is that I'm sorry."
"I understand what it is to put on a facade Sister." Patsy replied, "And in your position I imagine I would have done the same."
"I just kept thinking if only she'd deny it."
"I'm not dishonest by nature Sister and I won't apologise when directly questioned for who I am nor will I deny it." Gosh, that sounded braver than she had felt saying it.
"No, and that is why I'm so sorry to lose you. If things were different…"
"Sister, I can't pretend your actions and words didn't hurt because they did, but I understand why you had to do it and I forgive you." Patsy took Sister Julienne's hand that was resting on the table, "I forgive you and I believe you and I also thank you."
"Thank me?"
"For not reporting me instantly, for allowing me to move on and more importantly for your support and guidance. I've learnt more from you than I've ever learnt from anyone and I'll always cherish my time here at Nonnatus House."
—
Patsy left Sister Julienne's office with the elder Nun, both smiling and talking as though nothing had happened. Both Delia and Trixie frowned as the pair entered the kitchen, both wondering if they'd been transported to some other reality or had simply dreamt the past couple of days but as the pair split and Patsy sat down at the table, it became clear that whatever had happened in that office had cleared the air. Delia had resolved to ask Patsy later but Trixie, being Trixie, had jumped straight in and asked what had transpired.
"It's her job to condemn people like me Trixie, but it doesn't mean that's how she feels."
"That's no excuse! You should have given her what for and-"
"No, Trixie, that wouldn't have solved anything. Besides, I needed her to accept my resignation. Sister Julienne is a good woman, but she isn't a free one and aside from all of this she's been wonderful to me."
"You're more forgiving than I would be…" Trixie murmured.
"So it's sorted?" Delia asked quietly.
"Yes. She told me to visit sometimes." Patsy rolled her eyes as Trixie snorted, "And to keep in touch. Now I just need to find somewhere to live."
"Now that I can help with!" Trixie beamed, "I've decided we should get a flat."
"What?"
"Hear me out. We could get a two bedroom flat and rent it then when it's time for Delia to graduate and she can leave Nonnatus, she can move in with you. Plenty of girls share rooms. Look at us!"
"It's a good idea." Delia said softly, looking to Patsy.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes absolutely. As long as you don't mind me being there after. I don't want to act the gooseberry."
"No! Of course not." Patsy grinned, "And the way that new dentist looks at you…"
Trixie swiped at Patsy's arm as all three giggled.
"Right, I'm staying the evening at Auntie Blod's. She's not been feeling well apparently…" Delia announced as Sister Julienne re-entered the room, "I'm going to pack an overnight bag and then catch the bus. Pats, are you staying up West did you say?"
"Yes. I'll catch the bus with you." Patsy smirked, her eyes following the elder Nun as she left before flashing back to Delia who was grinning back, mirth dancing in her eyes.
"You're not fooling me." Trixie announced standing up, "Enjoy your evening. We'll meet up tomorrow lunch time and find a flat… gives me time to get rid of this ghastly letter too."
As Trixie left, Patsy glanced around quickly and after happily noticing the emptiness surrounding them leaned forward and pecked Delia's lips briefly.
"What was that for?"
"It's an incentive."
"An incentive?"
"To get your stuff so we can leave." Patsy smiled as she stood up.
Delia also stood up and signalled for Patsy to follow her. Once inside her room Delia began flinging items into a little overnight bag. She picked up a pair of pyjamas but Patsy halted her, gently taking them out of her hands and laying them back down the bed. Delia was about to protest when Patsy turned rooting in her drawers before issuing Delia with a replacement. A checked nightshirt that belonged to her. A checked nightshirt that had been left in Delia's room for emergencies. Delia nodded taking it and placing it in her bag before zipping it shut.
"Ready?" Patsy asked.
"Always."
A/N - I hope this goes some way to explain Sister Julienne's behaviour in earlier chapters. It all stemmed from a conversation I had with a superior of mine who is literally the loveliest person you'd ever want to meet. She told a story of how she'd once had to reprimand someone on 'moral grounds' as part of her managerial role. She didn't agree with the reprimand but had to do it in order to keep her job which she needed and so the only way she could do it was by putting a mask on. She didn't see that person after sacking them for ten years (by which point she'd changed jobs) and when she did she said the first thing she did was apologise. She then said the person she'd sacked gave her a hug and said she understood. So there's the inspiration and the story behind it!
Hope you enjoyed! I'm now going to try and catch up on all the reviewing I need to do!