"-MADE A NABISCO PUN! YOU DIDN'T SAY 'YOU SHOULD HAVE TRIED TO KEEBLER YOUR COOKIES SAFE' OR 'YOU LEFT A BIG OR-EE-HOLE IN YOUR SECURITY' OR 'MAYBE MR. FIELDS TOOK THEM'! THEFT IS A VERY BAD PRANK, EVEN FOR YOU!"

"'course it was me. you think i'm gonna let someone else steal your cookies? and did you really want to celebrate a new holiday with store-bought stuff..." The doorbell rang. "...when she lives up the hill?" Sans opened the door to greet Her Majesty, Toriel Dreemurr, whose smile was nearly as wide as her platter of homemade butter pecan, oatmeal raisin, sugar, chocolate chip, cinnamon butterscotch, and chocolate fudge cookies. She'd originally baked quite a lot more of that last variety, judging from the crumbs on the plate, but Papyrus did not have to use his puzzle skills to know who ate most of them. "hey, old lady."

"Good afternoon, everyone," Toriel greeted her subjects, and the four floating monsters bowed deeply in mid-air, Madjick turning its bow into a somersault. Burgerpants froze, a nervous smile on his face.

"Like, thanks for bringing us some awesome cookies, Your Majesty," Bratty greeted her, while Catty said, "These cookies smell ACTUALLY good, not I'm-just-saying-that-for-politeness good."

"YOUR MAJESTY! WHAT A PLEASANT SURPRISE!" Papyrus was surprised that the Queen had done something this nice for them before being surprised at himself at being surprised. He'd been around humans too long, and vanishingly few of the humans he regularly dealt with understood compassion or generosity. But Toriel was not human and would not neglect the least of her kind, even those who hid in caves, dealt in junk, flipped burgers, or, worst of all, argued in courtrooms.

"so, how're the kids?"

"Asriel and Frisk are a little tired from today, doing well," Toriel answered before realizing that Sans was joking. 'How're the kids' about those kids? "Charles shall be fine. Are you being nice to your brother?" she asked, setting down the platter. Of course she'd heard Papyrus accuse him.

"yeah, i got him a puzzle."

"WHAT PUZZ- SANS!" Bratty and Catty covered their mouths, laughing. Annoyed, Papyrus sat down on a chair with a loud clack of bone, then started putting cookies on his plate. Temmie leapt upon the tray, snagged a cookie in her mouth with a flourish, and triumphantly leapt back to her paper plate, where she dug in, shredding the cookie and the paper both, licking up crumbs and freshly made Temmie Flakes. Napstablook had previously eaten but absorbed one for politeness' sake. Whimsalot flipped open its helmet and speared one, sharing the cookie-kebab with its cousin. Catty took small bites; Bratty took large ones. Madjick eschewed the plate, preferring to levitate cinnamon butterscotch into its mouth. Burgerpants was just grateful for something that wasn't company food.

Abruptly, a man-sized glob of black slime appeared in an empty section of the room, messily splattering against the eastern wall at fifty miles an hour, a few white bits clattering loudly against the drywall. Whimsun briefly ducked beneath the table again. "I knew I'd forgotten a variable," Gaster said, oozing back into something more recognizable as a shape, then forming a sharply defined, slender figure with a waistcoat, bowing deeply to the Queen. "Apologies. Have I calculated the time correctly, at least?"

"yup, she just goat here."

"HI DAD!" Papyrus considered telling on his brother, but people telling on people were a big part of his job and he didn't want to bring his work home with him. Besides, he was too busy using his mouth to eat cookies.

"Greetings, children. Greetings, guests. Greetings, Your Majesty." Gaster's fingers snagged a sugar cookie as he found himself a seat, and it disappeared into his mask. "Your mastery of chemical subtleties-" He corrected himself. "Your cooking is excellent, as always."

"Thank you, W.D. How was Geneva?" Gaster had gone to Switzerland for a round-table with the world's leading physicists and mages, who were generally the same people.

"Fruitful and lively," he replied. "For this human subgroup, holiday merriment and fundamental research are identical." Madjick silently held out a hand. "Of course I had not forgotten," Gaster said, handing it a thumb drive. "Do be careful with that knowledge; I imagine self-inversion is less pleasant for you than myself." Nobody asked what he was talking about, least of all Sans, who had turned two oatmeal raisin cookies and one chocolate chip cookie into a sugary sandwich.

"SANS, YOU'RE SO GREEDY. YOU ATE THOSE OTHER COOKIES AND NOW YOU'RE EATING THESE TOO?"

"only tried one of those. didn't grab 'em for myself."

"THEN WHO ARE THEY FOR?"

Gasterblasters were notoriously non-picky eaters, as several chomped pieces of furniture in the basement proved. They were usually okay down there, only coming when they were silently called, but they still needed occasional affection and outdoor time, lest they get restless and destroy the house with beams of hot photonic death. "who's a good boy? yes you are! yes you are!" Sans said, tossing a handful of store-bought cookies in the air and watching the floating heads snag them with their split jaws. Gaster took a cookie in each hand- all of them- and expertly flung them into his creations' waiting mouths.

Papyrus lifted a cookie into the air, but a gasterblaster chomped it right out of his hand. "CURSES! HOW AM I EVER GOING TO GET THEM TO LIKE ME IF THEY KEEP DOING THAT?!"

"well, you gotta feed 'em quick. you can't just lawyer around."

"SAAAAAAAAAAAANS!"