The Bureau Files: Series 3

by Catsafari

When magic is accidentally released upon the world, new Creations spring to life, causing chaos wherever they go. Now it's up to the Bureau to mend their mistakes before it's too late. But as the year comes to its end, time is running out for Haru Yoshioka. Cover art by Angie/drawerofdoodles.

5. A Cat and His Human (Part 1)

The Bureau Files: Series 3

ooOoo

Episode 5: A Cat and His Human (Part 1)

Haru walked into the Bureau to see Baron hunched over his desk, scribbling fresh notes onto a page. She shrugged off her coat and joined him, walking over to the table to see his temporary human spell in pride of place centring the notes.

"Are you still working on that? I thought the problem with it was that you don't have enough magic to sustain a human form," she said, dropping her elbows onto the desk. "What's changed since then?"

"Nothing, as such, but I was just thinking that maybe there's a way to take a… shortcut, perhaps. To cut down on corners and make the spell more efficient." Baron hesitated and passed a rueful smile to his companion. "So far I'm down to two options – gain height, but maintain my feline appearance, or lose the feline aspects but remain at a grand size of one-foot-nothing."

"I've already seen the human-sized version, but I didn't realise you could do the opposite." She grinned wickedly "One-foot-nothing human-you might not be so bad."

"I fail to see how it would be advantageous for any case," Baron replied.

"Okay, true." Haru passed her gaze over the myriad of notes, most filled with calculations and sloping calligraphy. His writing was nearly unintelligible; a common sign for when his thoughts were coming too fast for him to write them down. She raised an eyebrow and leant away from the complicated calculations. "And… not to be a downer, but perhaps you should be careful. Your spells don't always go as planned."

"If you're thinking of the incident with the necklace–"

"How did you guess?"

"Miss Haru, may I remind you that we are all allowed to make mistakes?" he asked, tilting his head as his rueful grin widened.

"Sure, but, you know, my mistakes don't usually end up nearly shrinking someone into oblivion," she teased. "Think about that for a moment."

"And yet you still trust me."

"Yeah. I'm still mystified over that one too. So how is the human spell coming along? You know the only answer is to amplify your power, right?"

Baron sighed and ran a single gloved hand through the fur between his ears. "I'm coming to that conclusion, yes. But maybe if I was to…" His eyes abruptly lit up and he dragged forward a fresh sheet of paper and began to jot down new notes.

Haru rolled her eyes. "Okay, I can see you're not going to be chatting to anyone today." She wheeled away from the desk and shrugged her bag off her shoulder in the process. "To be honest, I just dropped by to return the book I borrowed, and to see if I could possibly pick out another one on my way… You don't mind, do you? I mean, at least with you, I'm not going to get library fines."

"Please, go ahead." Baron waved absent-mindedly in the direction of the bookcases behind him. "If you enjoyed H. G. Wells, I suggest you investigate Wyndham. The Kraken Wakes is a particularly good read. Try the third shelf on the right."

"Ah, found it!" Haru carefully tugged the book free and dropped it into her bag. "Thanks!" She started back in the direction of the Bureau exit, but paused as she reached the doors. "And, Baron? Don't do anything foolish."

ooOoo

"Door, Haru!"

Haru groaned and picked her head out of the book. "I'm reading, Hiromi!"

"I'm doing dinner!"

"Ugh. Fine." Haru slipped her bookmark in and passed the novel onto the coffee table. "I'm going! But this dinner better be fantastic! I was just getting to a really good part!"

"Cry me a river, Haru!"

"My heart, it bleeds at your cruel indifference!"

"Bandages are in the first aid kit!"

Haru sniggered and opened up their apartment door, expecting it to be the postman or someone cold-calling. When it appeared that the person neither had any post to deliver, nor seemed to be selling anything, Haru's grin turned to an expression of wary curiosity. "Uh… can I help you?"

The person was dark-skinned and well-dressed, with a sharp nose and sharper eyes. In his arms was a bundle of orange fur that stirred at Haru's voice. A small cat with startlingly familiar features uncurled itself and gave what Haru could only take to be a sheepish grin.

"Hello, Haru."

Something akin to a hybrid between a laugh and a shriek lodged itself in Haru's through. She quickly covered her mouth to avoid breaking down into a full set of mildly-hysterical giggling. "B-Baron? Is that you?" Her eyes rose to the man holding the fully-feline Baron. "And who…?"

"It's Toto. You may not recognise me because I appear to have changed species…" Toto's voice tightened as he cast down a thoroughly unimpressed look to the cat in his arms.

"Okay, Baron, when I told you not to do anything foolish? This," and Haru motioned to him and Toto, "was included in that. What did you do?"

"Haru! Who's at the door?" Hiromi called.

"Uh, just a friend!"

"Do they want food? I think I might have overdone it on the rice."

Haru looked over at the changed Bureau, her mouth flapping uselessly for a few dubious seconds. Then, once the worst of the shock wore off, Haru gave in to the weirdness. "Are… Are you guys hungry?"

"Starved," Toto said.

"I guess you might as well come in then." Haru turned around and motioned for them to follow her into the lounge. "This is really weird," she whispered, mostly to herself.

"Oh, so you're Haru's friend." Hiromi popped her head into the room, grinning wickedly. "I didn't know she had any others."

"Hilarious, Hiromi."

"Does he have a name?" her flatmate asked. Her grin widened. "Or a voice?"

"My name is Toto," the ex-Creation said. He offered a hand. "I'm just visiting town for a few days."

"Toto?" Hiromi raised an eyebrow. "Is that like a… nickname, or something?"

"It's what my friends call me."

"So am I a friend already?"

Haru made a face and started to motion Hiromi away. "Okay. Hiromi, aren't you meant to be keeping an eye on dinner? We don't want the rice sticking, do we?" She led Hiromi out and firmly shut the door between them. That done, she turned around to face the newcomers with an expression that was as unimpressed as Toto's had been earlier. "Please don't flirt, Toto. It's weird."

"Flirting? I was being polite."

"Just… be careful, okay? Hiromi's quick to jump to conclusions." She took a perch on the old armchair beside the sofa and leant down to get a better look at the now-cat Baron. "So… what happened? I left for, like, two hours, and you turn up on my doorstep like this?"

"I attempted to overcome the limitations of my human spell."

Haru looked over at Toto. "I hate to break it to you, Baron, but I think your spell missed."

"He came up with the concept of sharing our magic to strengthen the spell," Toto said.

"I believed that since we both had Creation magic, that would be similarity enough to avoid too many complications," Baron explained, a tad sheepishly. "It turns out I was wrong. The spell backfired, affecting us both and… well, you can see the results."

"At least it didn't do too much damage. So, what's the problem? Just undo the spell and everything will be back to normal."

"Our magic was mixed in the enchantment," Toto said. "In short, we've contaminated each other's magic and can't easily use it to undo this."

"This isn't permanent, is it?"

"No, it's not permanent," Baron said. "Given time – a few days at most, I believe – our magic should naturally separate and, when that does, we will be reverted to normal. Until then, however… I'm sorry, Haru, but Toto needs a place to stay."

"I'll have to ask Hiromi. You're sure it's just going to be a couple of days?" she asked sceptically. "Because I don't want to turn around and find you crashing on our couch for a month or something. That'll be difficult to explain to Hiromi."

"We're… pretty sure it'll just be a few days," Toto said.

"Pretty sure as in, you have actual evidence to support your theory? Or pretty sure as in, you're just hoping for the best and a few days is an optimistic estimate? Never mind – I know what the answer is." Haru groaned and collapsed back into the armchair, her gaze moving over the human Toto and cat Baron. "This is weird," she repeated. "Where's Muta? You didn't… I don't know… turn him into a bird or something, did you?"

"Muta is back at the Bureau, quite normal," Baron replied, a little miffed at the question. "He's keeping watch in case we get a client."

"And if you do? Then what? Baron, you're a cat."

"This has not escaped my notice. And, for future record, I am a cat under usual circumstances."

"I know, but… look at you, Baron." Haru grinned, trying to hold back the laughter to regain what little dignity Baron retained. "You're… You're more kitten than cat. You're so fluffy," she whispered.

"I am not fluffy–"

"You're a walking ball of fluff, Baron. You're adorable."

"Miss Haru, I protest–"

"Fine. Suit yourself. But I'm warning you, Hiromi will want to cuddle you when she sees you." Haru smirked and rose to help her housemate with the food. "So beware."

ooOoo

The next day, Haru awoke to a scream.

She rolled out of bed more on Bureau-implanted instinct than any actual alertness, and soundly smacked into a table in the action. Now far more awake, she gathered herself and stumbled out to the hallway.

"What? What is it?"

She fumbled downstairs to where the screech had been emitted from, and found Hiromi frantically rummaging through the kitchen cupboards. A moment later she withdrew a dustpan and brush.

"Hiromi?" Haru yawned and rubbed at her sleepy eyes. "What's going on?"

"Ask the cat that your friend brought in." Hiromi pointed an accusing brush at the table. "I mean, it's either the cat, or your friend has some really weird habits."

"What–?" Haru followed her friend's gesture and now spotted the dead mouse in pride of place. "Oh, he didn't…"

"You know, I'm pretty sure we're not even allowed pets in the building," Hiromi ranted, brushing the corpse into a plastic bag. "If it's discovered that we kept a cat here, we're going to be in so much trouble."

"I'm sorry, Hiromi. I thought… I thought he was housetrained. This won't happen again."

"It better not. No matter how cute that cat is, I'm not going to put up with dead animal offerings in this flat. Look, I've got to go for a shift at the hotel, so I'll dump this in the bin on the way out, but this is not okay. You got that?"

"Yeah, I understand. I'll talk to Toto."

Haru watched her friend pick up her bag and head out, her irritated mood from her morning surprise following her like her personal rain cloud. Haru released a long, low whistle and turned to the closed lounge door. "Well, that went as well as expected. Hey, Toto? Baron? Can I come in?"

Toto opened the door. "Morning, Haru."

"Wow. Did you sleep badly or something?"

Toto blinked slowly at Haru, as if that could somehow clear the bags under his eyes, and gave a slow, long yawn. "Ask Baron." He turned and dragged himself back to the sofa.

"That seems to be the recurring response today," Haru muttered. She followed him inside and her eyes immediately turned to the ginger cat sitting at the window. "Hey, Baron? Would you care to explain about the dead cat that my flatmate found in the kitchen earlier? Hey, Baron!"

Baron jolted from his watch. "Sorry, Haru."

"Baron. The mouse?"

"Ah." Baron leapt down from the windowsill and landed gracefully on all fours. "I… may be discovering a few feline instincts…"

"May?" Toto released an exhausted cackle at the understatement. "He spent all night coming and going and then, when he finally decided to sleep – at half three, I might add – he decided my face was a comfortable cushion."

"I am sorry, Toto–"

"My face, Baron."

"Anyway, I don't have a shift at the pet store today, so what about if we drop by the Bureau?" Haru suggested. "You know, where I can't get in trouble for harbouring a cat under a no-pet roof. Hiromi was not impressed with your mouse antics. And perhaps we can find a way to reverse this more effectively than just riding it out."

"Agreed."

ooOoo

Given the Bureau's history with bad timing and luck, it perhaps was not to be wholly unexpected that, upon returning to the Sanctuary, they were greeted with the image of a new client. She was a woman of her mid-thirties, kitted in a knitted woollen cardigan and dark blue glasses, with her red hair tied back with a blue ribbon. As Haru and the others entered, the woman turned and bestowed a nervous smile upon them.

"Hello. I was looking for the police station?"

Haru stepped forward and hesitantly offered a hand in greeting. "This isn't the police station, but we're always happy to help. What's the problem?"

The woman glanced over the strange collection of individuals - which currently consisted of two humans and as many cats – and gave a weak smile. "Perhaps you are the people to turn to. It's not as if the police will believe me anyway…"

Haru grinned. "That sounds like exactly the kind of case for us. I'm Haru Yoshioka," she said. "I see you've already met Muta–"

"Hey," he grunted from behind his newspaper.

"–and this is Toto and Baron," she finished, waving to the altered Creations. "We're the Cat Bureau."

"I can see where the name comes from," the woman replied. She finally took Haru's offered hand. "Cornelia Dressler. Librarian. Do you really think you can help?"

"That depends on your dilemma, Miss Cornelia," Baron said. He was still safely stowed away in Toto's arms, which didn't do much to make his appearance any more impressive. "That said, we shall do everything in our power to be of assistance. Speaking of which, what exactly is the issue?"

"The issue is… oh, I feel stupid even saying this… The issue is that I currently have a man locked up in the library office who claims he's a fictional knight from a book."

"Sounds like ya got a loony," Muta scoffed. "Baron, this ain't a case for us–"

"I beg to differ," Baron replied. "The Sanctuary brought you here, Miss Cornelia, and it must have reason for doing so. Lead us back to this library of yours, and let us see this knight for ourselves."

"You… don't think I'm crazy?"

"I do."

"Shush, Muta," Haru ordered. She turned back to their client. "Hey, look around. We're not exactly your ordinary everyday folk. Now, where did you come from?"

Cornelia pointed out towards the secondary archway, where an unfamiliar street lay beyond. "From there."

It took Haru a moment to respond. She merely stared at the strange street set beyond the archway where normally there was the town of her home. "Really." She looked over to Baron, thoroughly unimpressed. "The archway can change locations and no one thought to tell me that?"

"It's a rare phenomenon," Baron said. "It only occurs when the Sanctuary seems to think that there is someone who would not be able to reach us otherwise. Miss Cornelia, please lead on."

ooOoo

"Now… please don't do anything rash," Cornelia said. She paused outside the library office doors, nervously looking over at the Bureau. "He's armed."

"Don't worry, Miss Cornelia. We can handle it." Baron smiled. "Just trust us."

The librarian didn't look particularly appeased. "No offence but… you're a cat. What are you going to do? You're the size of a very small, fluffy melon."

Haru coughed a laugh at Cornelia's summation. She quickly covered her mouth with a subtle hand to hide the smile that was threatening to break loose. "You'd be surprised at what we can do. Do you have the key?"

"It's here." Cornelia handed it over and then wisely took several steps back to give the Bureau a wide berth.

As Haru leant in to unlock the door, she smirked sideways to the cat in Toto's arms. "Oh, stop making that face, Baron."

"What face?" he muttered.

"That sulking face," she whispered back. "You're just upset that your 'just trust me' line didn't work. We all have our off-days."

"Not all of our off-days begin with being turned into a cat."

Haru stopped fiddling with the key, and raised one amazed eyebrow. "Okay, Baron; just re-think what you said with myself and Muta in mind. And, for the record," she continued, "neither of us got turned into cats because we were messing with magic that I specifically told you not to fool around with."

"She's got a point," Toto said.

"I was merely trying to perfect the spell," Baron protested. "I believed it would help my ability to work on cases."

"And your attempts to help always go so perfectly," Haru laughed. She dropped her attention back to the lock at hand, and finally the door clicked open. She straightened and gently pushed the door inwards. "Hello? Anyone there–"

"Aha! So you return at last, you impertinent knave! Have at you–!"

Haru slammed the door just in time for a sword to slam its way into the wood. Haru leant back to inspect the blade sticking out on their side.

"I don't think he's in the mood for talking, Chicky."

"Gee, you think?!"

The blade squirmed in the door, but wasn't pulled back out. Haru heard some rather unusual curses from inside the room as the knight attempted to retrieve his weapon.

"I believe he may have made an error in charging," Baron said. "It appears that the sword is rather stuck."

"I guess now is as good a time as any then?" Haru moved to open the door.

"Are ya mad? Didn't ya see him try to kill you the first time?"

"I think he'll find that killing someone is a little difficult now his weapon is stuck in the door," Haru replied. "I mean, we can go in now, or we can go in later once he's managed to retrieve his sword. What do you want to do, Muta?"

"Okay, sure. But I'm keeping well back."

"Suit yourself." Haru pushed the door open and hesitantly stood in the doorway. "Hello? Are you done trying to attack me now?"

"You puny, fool-born harpy! How dare you entrap Sir Gawain the Dauntless!" In full medieval armour stood a young man who Haru took to be the knight Cornelia had spoken of. His face was nearly red with rage. "I shall make you rue the day you tricked Sir Gawain… as soon as I have my sword…"

Muta peered around Haru. "Who is this idiot?"

"Aha! A talking cat! Enchanted, are ye? Or are ye a witch's familiar, come to take my soul away? No matter! Nothing shall stop Sir Gawain the Dauntless from saving the helpless Lady Elaine!"

"Holy mackerel; I already want to rip my ears off. Or rip his tongue out. Someone stop him before I do."

Cornelia entered the office, raising her hands pleadingly. "Please, Gawain–"

"It's Sir Gawain the Dauntless to you, witch! It t'was you who trapped me in this… this…"

"Office," Cornelia offered. "It's an office."

Toto brought up the rear, and he carefully locked the door shut behind him as he did. Now the Bureau and the librarian were alone with the knight.

"Office! Who trapped me in this office of such bizarre creations!" the knight continued dramatically. "What is the box that emits such strange music? And this contraption with its flashing images of such far-away places?"

"Radio, security camera," Cornelia flatly answered. She turned to the Bureau. "Tell me you have a way of fixing this. I can't take any more of his badly-written lines. It was annoying enough when he was just a character."

"What is the story that he came from?" Toto asked.

"This one. Sir Gawain and the Dragon." The librarian retrieved a book from a desk. "We've been reading this book for the Lets Read Together sessions we host, and the kids seem to enjoy it, even if it's a King Arthur rip-off populated with characters who have the 3D characterisation of a cardboard cut-out."

"You… do not enjoy this book then?" Baron offered.

"It's literary dribble. And yet, here we are with him." She motioned frustratingly towards the knight. "Of all the characters… Why couldn't it have been Faramir or Alanna of Trebond? Why did it have to be him? No offence."

"No offence?" Sir Gawain echoed. He was approximately turning the colour of a ripe tomato, almost comically so. "What, hag, was not offensive about that statement? I am a knight–"

"As you keep informing us," Baron smoothly interjected.

"God almighty! Another talking feline!"

"Why is everyone so focused on the fact that I'm a cat?" Baron muttered. "Yes, I am a cat. Yes, I talk. Can we move on to the more important issues here? Sir Gawain, you do not belong in this world. You belong in the world held in that book." He pointed, as best he could with his newly-acquired paws, over at the novel Cornelia held. "If we can find a way to return you to that world, then everything should go back to normal and you can save this Lady Elaine of yours."

Sir Gawain sniffed loudly as he contemplated this offer. "The cat speaks logic. But how, pray tell, do you plan on returning me to my world?"

"He's got a point," Haru said. "Baron, your magic and Toto's is kind of mixed up at the moment. You can't use it."

"No. But we are not the only ones with powers in this room," Baron said.

Haru paused. "I can only open portals, Baron–"

"Haru, that book is just a portal to another world," Toto said. "The Creation magic must have awoken it and set Sir Gawain out into our world, but you should be able to open it up again and send him back. We have faith in you."

"You have faith in me because I'm the only option you have right now," Haru muttered, but she took the book from Cornelia. "Alright. You – over here." She motioned sharply to the knight.

"I will take no such orders from any wench!"

Haru twitched. "Do you want to go home or don't you? Here. Now."

"I am a knight, foul witch, and I shall only be treated with the proper respect–"

"And I am the mighty 'foul witch' who's trying to send your sorry behind back home!" Haru snapped. "I have taken down kings and monsters and pirates and, so heaven help me, you will treat me with the proper respect that I deserve! Got that?!"

The knight was leaning as far away from Haru as he could without moving his feet. "Y-Yes," he squeaked.

"Good. Now stand over here." Haru opened up the book, while trying to ignore the huge grin Muta was wearing at the knight's humiliation.

"Good on ya, Chicky."

"Thank you. Now, let me see…" She began to flick through the pages, attempting to sense some shard of portal magic that she could awaken to her advantage. That was, of course, assuming that Toto was right and that she could open a way home for Sir Gawain. Otherwise the knight would just have to start getting accustomed to the 21st Century.

As she was over halfway through the book, she sensed it. A spark of magic. Her magic latched onto it and began to expand it out, bringing forth what she hoped was a portal back into the novel. "Alright, here we go…"

The magic flared up against her own and a portal began to emerge at their feet. Haru laughed. "Yes! Score one for me! Am I good or what?" She turned, grinning at the Bureau, only to be met with hesitant expressions and the shuffling of feet. "What?"

"Are you sure you have this under control?" Toto asked.

"Yes. I mean, probably. I mean… why?"

He mutely pointed down to the floor where the portal was rapidly expanding.

"Gah! No, this is not happening!" Haru jumped back and dropped her hands away from the book, but this didn't break the portal. If anything, the portal's spread only seemed to accelerate. "Oh no… No, no, no, no… How do I stop this? Baron?!"

"Now, just remain calm–"

Haru continued to inch back as the portal chased at her toes. She restrained a half-hysterical laugh. "The use of the word 'remain' indicates that I am somehow currently calm. I can assure you that is not the case. Gah!" The portal flooded further across the floor and Haru's left foot sank into its depths. She flung out an arm and grabbed Toto's, nearly dragging him into the portal with her. "Any other bright ideas?"

"Your panic is feeding the portal!" Toto ordered. "If you can bring your magic under control–"

The rest of his instructions were swallowed up by the roar as the portal swamped the entire office and sucked everyone down into the world on the other side.

ooOoo

"Geez, Chicky; great going there."

Haru eased her eyes open to see that everyone – including the whole Bureau and the librarian – had been unceremoniously dropped onto an idyllic-looking field. Further out was a peaceful little village and, beyond that, was a forest that stretched out to the horizon. She blinked again and focused on the large cat that was picking himself up from a clump of grass. "It's not as if I get much practice," she muttered. "I'd like to see you open up a portal or two without making a mistake."

"A mistake?! Look where you've dumped us!"

Haru groaned and pushed herself up. "That… is a good point. Where are we?"

"My home!" There was a clunk as Sir Gawain stumbled awkwardly to his feet, dressed in his armour as he was, and orientated himself clumsily in the direction of the village. "Now I may finally slay the dragon and free fair Elaine from her imprisonment! Fear not, Elaine! I am coming to your rescue!" With a fresh onslaught of creaking, he ran off towards the settlement.

"Thank goodness he's gone," Cornelia muttered.

"I suppose that answers that question," Toto said. "We're in the book."

"Thanks a million, Chicky."

"Hey, in my defence, I did get the knight back home," Haru retorted. "Isn't that what I was asked to do?"

"Yeah, but nobody said anything about coming along for the ride. So what do we do now? Can't ya just zap us back out?"

"And how do you suggest I do that, Muta?" Haru motioned curtly to the field. "I didn't bring the book with me – and, even if I did, there's no guarantee that I would be able to open a portal back home. I can't summon portals out of thin air."

"So we're stuck?" Cornelia asked.

"No – of course not," Haru said. "We'll find a way back out. Baron, what do you think? Baron?"

There was a set of pitiful mewing from the ground. Haru followed after the noise until she found Baron trapped at the bottom of a rabbit hole, blocked by a mound of grass that had fallen in upon their entry into this world.

"Uh… Baron?" She lifted him out and brushed off the worst of the muck.

There was a muffled round of sniggering from the rest of the Bureau at Baron's unexpectedly helpless state, not least of all from Haru. She had to bite back the laughter as she picked a twig off Baron's fur, which the cat was attempting to brush away.

"Please could we concentrate on the task at hand?" Baron mewed. "Where is Sir Gawain?"

"Gone. I got him home, at least." Haru hesitated, and then added, "Although I may have overdone the spell a little." In her hands, she turned Baron around so he could see the medieval village. "Do you have any idea how we can get back?"

"Simple. We are in the story, are we not? All we need to do is wait for the story to finish and then, when the story resets, it should spit us back to the real world."

"How sure are you of that?" Haru asked.

"It's an educated guess."

"So all we need to do is sit out until the story ends?" Muta asked. "Seems easy enough."

"Not quite." Cornelia pointed towards the village. "Altshaw gets attacked by a dragon about two-thirds of the way through the book."

"How far through the story are we already?" Toto asked.

There was a roar and a shadow dropped across the land.

"I'd say about two-thirds," Haru estimated.

The group watched as the dragon flew across the village, emitting a stream of fire over the thatched buildings. Screams began to rise up.

"How… How does the story end?" Haru asked after an uncomfortable silence.

"Oh, Gawain and Lady Elaine take down the dragon. Turns out Lady Elaine has some sort of dragon-taming magic – it's a deus ex machina if you ask me," Cornelia said. She paused and something other than her distain for the story filtered through. "But… it looks like we've just skipped Gawain forward into the story. At this point, he should already have found Lady Elaine and be working with her…"

"So now we have one very angry dragon and no dragon lady," Muta summarised. "Perfect. Look what ya've done, Chicky."

"It's not my fault! I didn't know I'd be messing up the story!"

"We need the story to reach its proper end if we want to leave," Baron said from Haru's arms. "In which case we should track down this Lady Elaine and enlist her aid. Miss Cornelia, you are familiar with the story – where will we find her?"

"In the forest. There should be a castle where the dragon was keeping her captive. When Gawain tries to rescue her, he accidentally wakes up the dragon and, oh–"

"But Sir Gawain skipped that part of the story," Haru pointed out. "So why is the dragon still on a rampage?"

"The story may have tried to continue the plotline in whatever way it saw fit," Baron answered, "regardless of its absent protagonist. I suggest we locate this castle and lady and see about returning the plotline to its proper course."

"If the moron knight didn't wake up the dragon, who did?" Muta muttered. "Oi! Where are you lot going?"

"To the castle, of course," Haru called. "Come on!"

"Actually, we may need to take a detour," Cornelia warned. "It'll be too far to walk there."

ooOoo

At the edge of the burning village, heaving at the locked doors to a set of stables, Haru began to wonder how she got into situations like this.

Oh. That was right. The Bureau.

"Guys, I don't think we're going to be able to break the doors down," she gasped. She slackened her attempts, leaning against the door for a moment.

"Don't stop! We're almost there!" Toto yelled.

"It's a solid door bolted from the other side!" Haru snapped. She turned to Cornelia, who – as one of only three humans – had also been recruited to budge the doors. "Is Gawain's horse really worth all this?"

"Fastest horse in the land," the librarian replied. "Large enough to take three people. You know, cliché stuff. Trust me, we're going to want him."

"If you say so." Haru glanced down and noticed a hole between the bottom of the wall and the ground – probably the work of rabbits or an ambitious badger. "Hey, it's too bad you and Toto aren't your usual selves – you could fit through there easily…" She trailed off as she realised Baron was as small (if not even smaller) in his fully-feline form. A grin began to widen across her face. She turned to the cat. "Hey, Baron…"

He saw the idea forming in her mind. "Haru…"

"It'll be a cinch! You can just crawl through there and undo the bolt from the other side–"

"With these paws?" He held up what had once been his hands, which were now mostly fluff and very small claws.

Muta scoffed. "Welcome to being a cat. Some of us have had to deal without opposable thumbs for twenty years."

"You don't need opposable thumbs," Haru said. "You just need to push the bolt off. Come on, Baron; what other choice do we have? It's not like Muta can fit through. Hey, it's true," she added, even as the fat cat started to complain. "You wouldn't. And don't even try – the last thing we need is you getting stuck."

Muta grumbled, but sat back down.

With the attention turning to Baron, he reluctantly rose to his paws. "Okay. I shall try." He approached the wooden wall and just about squeezed through the gap. After about a minute there was the scrabble of claws from the other side and the thud of something heavy falling away.

Haru tested the doors and they easily swung inwards, revealing the bolt pushed off and Baron swinging on the bars that originally held the bolt.

"See?" he gasped. He scrabbled for purchase, nearly slipping off with his tiny claws. "Easy for a Bureau member such as myself."

"Okay." Haru gently lifted him away from the door and carefully dropped him onto her shoulder. "Better?"

"Thank you."

Cornelia walked past them and approached a huge black stallion. It was indeed probably large enough to take all three humans (and two cats), and appeared to look brooding, even if it was only a horse. All-in-all, it was cliché, but it would be up for the task at hand. Cornelia came to the edge of the box that the horse was situated in and started to unlatch the door.

"It doesn't talk, does it?" Muta asked warily. "'Cause we have enough talking animals as it is."

"Muta, you're one of them," Haru reminded him. Regardless, she was a little cautious, but for quite a different reason. "Is it okay to let him out? I really don't want to get on the wrong side of a horse."

"The story says that anyone with a pure heart can ride him," Cornelia said, making a face as she quoted from the book. "I told you this book was full of clichés." She took hold of the reigns and tugged the animal forward. "Basically, as long as you're not 'evil', he'll be fine."

"Question," Toto said. "Does anyone know how to ride a horse?"

There was a long pause, during which Haru realised this had never been an issue that had arisen before. "Seriously?"

Muta snorted. "Cat," he said, pointing at himself. He motioned towards Baron and Toto and added, "Fancy cat. Stupid crow," in their respective order. "Human transportation ain't really our style."

"Well, there was the car incident…" Baron said, evidently recalling some case that was before Haru's time.

"Yeah, and the fatso nearly killed us when he fell on the accelerator."

"Now is not the time," Haru scolded. She helped Cornelia lead the horse over to a small set of steps, and carefully pulled herself up onto its back. Cornelia followed, leaving only Muta and the human Toto left. "Come on – we need to find this castle."

"You're leading, Chicky? Really?"

Haru leant down and hoisted the fat cat from where he had taken a seat on the box stall ledge. "As the only Bureau member who is human-sized and accustomed to being human-sized, I think I'm going to be our best bet. Cornelia, where is this castle?"

"In the forest. Behind a waterfall."

Haru rolled her eyes. "Of course it is."

ooOoo

As promised, the horse was indeed fast. Within minutes they had left the village behind them and were racing through the forest. Cornelia did her best to recall the castle's location from the book but, as it turned out, the waterfall wasn't too hard to miss. Within another five minutes, Haru was drawing the horse – whose name was Shadow, she had been informed – to a halt before the aforementioned waterfall.

"The author didn't like to do anything by halves, did they?" Haru murmured, prompting their steed into a slow trot. She stared up at the roaring waterfall, with the water rushing so loudly that it drowned out the cacophony of the dragon back at the village.

"Just you wait until we reach the castle," Cornelia muttered. "Lava, fire-breathing dragon, etc. That said, the fire-breathing dragon is a bit busy now, so the only thing we'll need to deal with is the lava moat."

Shadow trotted around the side of the waterfall and brought his passengers through the gap between water and rock. As Cornelia had foretold, it opened up into a tunnel of sorts. Up ahead was a glimmer of sunlight that indicated they didn't have far to go to reach this castle – or its moat of lava.

"A lava moat?" Toto repeated. "I don't believe that's even possible."

"Possible or not, it's what the author wrote," Baron reminded them. "So that is what we'll find." He shuffled a little on Haru's shoulder, digging his claws in for balance, and lifted a sensitive nose up to the air. "And we're getting close. I think I can smell it."

As the cavern gave way to a blue sky, the castle came into sight. And, as Baron and Cornelia had warned, so did the moat of lava. Haru pulled Shadow to a halt – although he had stopped pretty quickly upon seeing the boiling moat anyway.

"Fantastic," she said. "Really, authors need to stop putting unnecessary conflict in. Is there a way across?"

Cornelia gave a blunt chuckle. Haru's heart sank into her stomach. "Oh, there is." The librarian pointed towards a spindly, rickety bridge that swung worryingly across to the castle. "That."

"Perhaps you should stay here while we fetch Lady Elaine," Baron started.

"No way. I'm not going to be left out here with the horse. Anyway, Lady Elaine is one of the few characters in this story who doesn't make me want to burn the book. Not that that's saying much – it doesn't take much to rise above the bar that Gawain set."

Haru shrugged as she dismounted and tied Shadow's reins to a convenient tree nearby. "Well, the dragon is already gone, right?" she reasoned. "You're probably safer with us than out here by yourself anyway."

"Man, I hate bringing clients along."

Haru not-so-subtly nudged Muta for his comment. "You brought me along to the Cat Kingdom."

"Not intentionally."

"Even so, I quite enjoyed it."

"Why?"

"I think it's time we got moving," Baron prompted. "That dragon could return here before our business is done if we are not quick." He shuffled about on Haru's shoulder, and this time she felt his claws dig into her coat. "Please be careful upon crossing the bridge."

For perhaps the first time, Haru wondered if he was honestly feeling a fresh kind of fear upon being stuck in a small feline body. "Okay, Baron," she promised. She raised a hand to the kitten and stroked his fur, which was mostly standing on end at the prospect of the lava moat. At the contact, she heard what was probably an unintentional purr.

She decided against commenting on it.

"So, cross the fiery pit, find the lady, stop the dragon, and save the village," Haru reviewed. "We've had busier days."

ooOoo

"Of course," Haru added upon their entry to the highest room of the tallest tower, "we may have a problem if she's already missing." She looked about the room, which was furnished with a bed and a few other home comforts, all befitting a young woman. "Well, this is obviously her room… I wonder how the dragon managed to get a four poster bed in here…?"

Muta ambled in after them, sniffing idly at the air. "Well, there was definitely someone here."

"Can you tell who?"

"Do I look like a slobbering bloodhound to you, Chicky?"

Not at all put out by Muta's response, Haru merely asked again, "Can you tell who?"

Muta made a face at her, but grudgingly sniffed the air again. "Female. Probably about your age, Chicky." He wrinkled his nose. "And pretty sweaty."

"What?"

"The lardball's just making things up–"

"Oi! I'd like to see you try this, birdbrain!" The fat cat gestured sharply behind them. "Yeah, pretty sweaty. Probably from breaking down that door."

As one, the rest turned around to see the door they had entered by. Not that there were any other doors to choose from; even the windows were too narrow to elicit escape. There had been a rather chunky lock on the outside of the door, which had eventually given way after probably much battering of the door. They had been so focused on reaching the highest room of the tallest tower that they had not stopped in their haste to examine the wide-open door.

"It looks to me as if Lady Elaine became tired of waiting for rescue," Baron said. "She must have been the one responsible for waking the dragon and moving the story along."

"So did we come all this way for nothing?" Haru asked.

"She may be still in the castle," Baron suggested.

Muta chuckled and added his own suggestion of, "Or maybe she's already been eaten by the dragon."

"Muta," Haru scolded.

"What?"

"We shall learn nothing more from lingering here," Baron prompted. "It's time we moved–" He hesitated and one ear twitched towards the open door. "Can you hear that?"

"Hear what?" Haru asked.

"Muta, do your ears detect the sound of… clanging?"

"Why is everyone asking me today?" Muta grumbled, but again he obeyed. "Hey… now you mention it… I can." Upon reaching this realisation, he scooted back behind Haru. "Sounds pretty big."

"That may just be the sound reverberating up the stone steps," Baron reasoned, but he did not sound too convinced by his words either. "Whatever it is, it's coming up the spiral staircase towards us."

"Is it too late to run?"

"The only way to run is back down those stairs, idiot," Toto snapped. "Or do you think your Christmas pudding body is going to fit through those windows?"

As the footsteps ever neared, Haru grabbed a somewhat hefty chair and heaved it before her. "What?" she demanded at the looks she received from the rest of the Bureau for her pains. "I believe in a healthily intimidating first impression."

Cornelia joined her, dragging forward a small bedside table. "I'll second you on that one."

The stranger neared, until eventually their armour-clad form was shadowed in the lone doorway. They pulled a helmet from their head to release a long cascade of golden-blonde hair. Dazzling green eyes blinked wearily at the intruders. A single eyebrow rose sceptically.

"Don't tell me you've come to rescue me."

ooOoo

Teaser: "We're going to need to be careful – the underground passages are full of traps. Poisoned arrows, pit traps, even an Indiana Jones-style rolling ball of death." / "Right. So these are the two we need to fall for each other if we ever want to escaoe this story?" Muta asked eventually, breaking the group's silence. "I guess we better get comfortable here then." / The dragon had found a perch atop a strained church tower, its spiky tail curled around the steeple as it blazed fire across the sky. / Haru weighed the helmet dubiously in her hands and glanced over to Baron. "I hope this is going to work, or we're all going to look really stupid."