The Bureau Files: Series 3

by Catsafari

When magic is accidentally released upon the world, new Creations spring to life, causing chaos wherever they go. Now it's up to the Bureau to mend their mistakes before it's too late. But as the year comes to its end, time is running out for Haru Yoshioka. Cover art by Angie/drawerofdoodles.

6. A Cat and His Human (Part 2)

The Bureau Files: Series 3

ooOoo

Episode 6: A Cat and His Human (Part 2)

The woman, who could only be Lady Elaine, glanced across at the ragtag group with the beginnings of distaste. "Really," she added, "you would have thought my so-called rescuers would look a little bit more the part. Come on – not even a single knight?"

Haru's mouth flapped uselessly but, at Lady Elaine's comment, managed, "Well, we did have a knight, but we seem to have… lost him…" 'And stole his horse along the way…' her mind added. "Uh… I'm sorry, but we thought you were a damsel in distress?" She glanced briefly to Cornelia who seemed just as shocked at Lady Elaine's appearance. Evidently this wasn't how she went in the book.

"In distress?" Lady Elaine echoed. "What led you to believe that?"

"Uh, maybe the dragon-guarded castle was a clue?" Muta snorted.

Lady Elaine glanced down to the fat cat and, to Haru's surprise, seemed slightly mollified. "Ah, at least you brought along a talking animal. I guess you tried to adhere to rescue expectations."

"Excuse me, but if you're not in distress, then why did you assume we've come to rescue you?" Cornelia asked. "Do you like being kept locked away by a dragon?"

Without humour, Lady Elaine motioned smoothly to the door. "Do I look trapped to you?"

"You're still here," Haru pointed out.

"I was in the middle of rescuing myself, thank you very much."

"And yet, now the dragon that originally guarded you is rampaging the village," Toto informed her.

"Which one? The one to the east with the cute little thatched houses, or the west one with the really ugly modernisation but fantastic firework displays?"

"The… east one…" Haru answered slowly, "but, whichever one it is, it's still your dragon that's burning up the place…"

"I guess so."

"Baron, what do you think – Baron?" Haru twisted her head to view the cat on her shoulder, and then suddenly leant her head further away to get a better look at the feline. The cat in question was frozen in place, save for the alert twitching of his tail. "Baron…?"

Abruptly, Baron leapt from his perch and landed, smack-down, where a shimmer of light was reflected off Lady Elaine's armour.

There was a hallowed sort of silence from the rest of the Bureau as they watched their most dignified member scrabble on the stone floor at an insubstantial slither of light. As Lady Elaine moved slightly, so did the reflection, causing Baron to pounce after it.

"Should we do something?" Cornelia asked, whispering in response to the sudden stillness from the rest. "Like… maybe stop him?"

Haru's hand shot out to halt Cornelia before she could take a step closer to the cat. "Don't… you… dare…" she breathed. Shallowing her breathing to prevent herself from bursting out into full laughter, Haru reached into her bag and withdrew a battered phone.

"Chicky, you're not gonna–"

"Film it? How can I not?"

"He's gonna flip his lid when he finds out," Muta sniggered.

"I think I'll risk it." Rummaging through her bag, she also managed to locate a small mirror. She flipped it open and angled it so that a fresh beam of light was being reflected onto the floor. With pure kitten instinct, Baron leapt after the faster-moving reflection, his every action being caught on camera.

"Hey, Chicky, give me a go with the mirror!"

"No way! Anyway, why aren't you chasing after it?"

"Some of us have had these instincts for twenty years. Now let me have a try!"

"Hey! Don't snatch!"

"Butterball, you've had quite long enough. It's my turn."

"You'll have to catch me first, birdbrain!"

"That shouldn't be too hard."

Eventually, Lady Elaine grew bored of their antics. She stepped forward and swiped the mirror from between Toto and Muta, who were in the midst of fighting over it. "I'm sorry – wait, no I'm not – but... who exactly are you and what are you doing here?"

Haru sheepishly reclaimed the mirror, subtly ending the video recording and dropping both mirror and phone back into her bag. "We're the Cat Bureau. We came to find you to help us defeat the dragon. You know, the one that's currently wrecking the east village?"

"Really? Three strange peasants and two cats came to appeal to me to help slay a dragon?" Lady Elaine said, scepticism colouring her words again. "I've seen more inspiring heroes."

"We're not heroes. We're just trying to help," Haru said.

"Indeed." Baron appeared to have regained his senses and had now rejoined them. At the expressions his remark gained, he said, "I would appreciate it if what just occurred was not mentioned again." He paused, and added, "At least until the case is complete. Then, Haru, I may need to discuss the matter of your phone's contents."

"I'm not deleting the video, if that's what you want."

Toto coughed strategically at this point. "This may not be the time or place to argue this, Baron. We still need to come up with a plan. We still have a rampaging dragon which we need to defeat if we wish to complete the story, and escape."

"Ah, yes. Miss Cornelia?"

The librarian jumped a little at her name. She shuffled about where she stood, pulling her cardigan close about her. "Yes?"

"We need a plan to defeat this dragon. How is it accomplished in the story? You spoke of dragon-taming magic."

"Oh, of course. There's a flute hidden in the underground passages of the castle that should lull the dragon right to sleep."

"Is that it?" Muta demanded.

"How do you know about the enchanted flute?" Lady Elaine asked. "Only the dragon and I know of its existence. Are you a witch?"

"No," Baron quickly assured. "We're only here to help. Do you know where exactly the flute is? The sooner we locate it, the better."

"I am familiar with its whereabouts, but the door has long been locked," Lady Elaine said.

"We shall cross that bridge when we get to it. Lead on."

Lady Elaine glanced sceptically over the group, again, but seemed to somewhat convinced. She lifted a lit torch off a wall bracket. "Follow me."

Baron started after her, but came to a sudden halt when he reached the rather deep stone stairs. "Ah, Haru? I may require some assistance…"

Muta, who was taking ungainly half-jumps down the steps already, glared over at Haru as she picked up the tiny kitten. "How come I don't get carried?"

"You're nearly three times his size and definitely at least four times his weight," Haru reminded him. "I think you can manage."

Muta grimaced. "Hey, bookworm!" he called to Cornelia. "Wanna lend a hand?"

The librarian looked a little confused at being singled out. "Why me?"

"No one else is gonna."

"We've all learnt you're quite capable on your own," Haru chimed in. She slowed to allow Cornelia to catch up with them, glancing back to make sure the other woman was with them. "Hey, Cornelia," she asked quietly. "What's Lady Elaine like in the book?"

"Snarky, but not quite this much," Cornelia replied. "Definitely not wearing armour, either."

"The story probably motivated her to rescue herself in order to keep the plot moving without Sir Gawain," Baron informed them. "How that affects the rest of the story, we can only guess."

"How does the story end?" Haru asked.

"Lady Elaine and Sir Gawain save the day, they kiss, end of story. It's not exactly hard-hitting literature."

"It is only a children's book," Haru reminded her.

Cornelia made a scoffing noise in the back of her throat and they pressed on through the castle. "We're going to need to be careful – the underground passages are full of traps. Poisoned arrows, pit traps, even an Indiana Jones-style rolling ball of death."

Lady Elaine halted. "What was your name?"

"Cornelia Dressler."

Lady Elaine leant over to examine the other woman. "Are you sure you're not a witch?"

"Quite sure."

"Then what are you?"

"I'm a librarian."

Lady Elaine pursed her lips. "You're a scholar?"

Cornelia hesitated. "Let's say yes and go with that."

"Well, then, Scholar, join me and tell me more of what dangers lie ahead."

Cornelia seemed surprised by the invitation, but she didn't refuse it. She shrugged at Haru and eased around her, jogging down the stairs to join the other woman.

"Well, at least Lady Elaine seems happy to talk to someone," Haru remarked. She looked back to the still-human Toto. "Hey, how are you doing, Toto? Got used to having no wings, yet?"

Toto had one hand firmly plastered against the wall as he took precautious steps down. "I vastly prefer flying," he muttered. He glared briefly to Baron. "It's okay for you – you're sitting this one out."

"I protest! I am sitting nothing out–"

"Shush, Baron." Haru petted the tiny cat on her shoulder. "Calm down. It's not so bad being a cat."

Muta sniggered. "I don't remember you thinking that back in the Cat Kingdom."

"I also had the Cat King trying to marry me off. That probably didn't help." She petted Baron again. "Anyway, Baron, you're kinda cute like this."

"I protest–"

"So you said," Toto remarked dryly.

"I resent being so helpless under these circumstances–"

"Right," Muta drawled. "'Cause ya usually so much more useful when ya a cat doll. I can see the difference hugely."

"He's got a point," Haru admitted. "Anyway, you helped with getting Sir Gawain's horse. We couldn't have got Shadow without you. You're just still put-out about losing your composure earlier."

"It wasn't funny."

"It was. A little bit." Haru scratched between his ears, eliciting a reluctant purr.

"Haru, I have a reputation–"

"Good to know."

"You!" Their discussion was brought to an abrupt close as Lady Elaine halted and motioned to the strange collection of humans and cats. "We are coming to the underground passages, but you are yet to introduce yourselves. What exactly is a cat's bureau?"

"The Cat Bureau is made up of a collection of individuals who dedicate their time to aiding those in need," Toto explained. "Cornelia came to us when Sir Gawain appeared in her library, and now we hope to help this story come to a satisfactory ending."

"Yes, yes, all a very noble pursuit." Lady Elaine waved away Toto's words idly. "Helping those less fortunate than yourselves, very gallant. But what skills do you possess that would be beneficial to this task? Lady Cornelia possesses foretold knowledge concerning this world, but what good are two humans and as many cats?"

"I got us here," Haru said, feeling a little put-out by Lady Elaine's dismissal. "I opened a portal between our world and yours–"

"Oh, a sorcerer? Very well – perhaps you can transport us to the underground passages."

"I can't do that," Haru admitted, reddening slightly. "I can only form portals from existing, dormant ones."

"What else does your magic allow then?"

"Ah… that's about it."

"How about you?" Lady Elaine motioned to Toto. "Are you another sorcerer? A knight-in-training?"

"No. I am merely an ordinary human for now." His eyes momentarily rested on Baron. "Thanks to a certain someone."

"And… the cats?"

Haru petted the feline on her shoulder, wondering exactly how to explain their somewhat strange situation. "Uh, well, Baron used to be able to use magic – as did Toto – but we, well, they had a bit of a mishap. You see, he's usually a crow, and Baron is usually less… catlike. Sort of." At the looks she received, she sheepishly added, "This is kind of an off-day for us."

"And what about the other feline?"

"Oh, Muta? He's just a cat. Well, he used to be a human, but now he's kind of a cat for good." Not for the first time, Haru wished the Bureau was a little less complicated.

Lady Elaine, however, seemed to be taking this all in her stride – even if Cornelia looked like she was wondering exactly who she had come to ask for help from. However, even if Lady Elaine seemed to believe Haru's rather convoluted explanation, she didn't seem any more the impressed for their backstory.

"Fine. So, let me ask again – what good are you exactly? We have one sorcerer whose magic is void, and three individuals who appear to inhabit the wrong bodies. Not exactly the heroes of legend."

"We can fight," Haru protested. Well, she could, if she could recall much of her lessons. "We can think. We can run. And we're pretty good at improvising."

Lady Elaine raised an unimpressed eyebrow. "Fine. You may accompany me, but it is your responsibility to keep up. There is no room for freeloaders here." The lady knight turned and continued through the castle. The Bureau exchanged somewhat rueful expressions.

"Well, I guess that's us in our place," Haru remarked after a moment. She started after Lady Elaine before they could indeed be left behind. "Come on! She said we're nearly at the underground passages!" As she turned a corner, she nearly cannon-balled into the other two humans, who had come to a halt before a wide set of stairs that led down into darkness. "I amend my previous statement. We are at the underground passages." She leant around the other two women to get a better look at the path ahead. "So where exactly is this enchanted flute?"

"Not far," Cornelia recalled. They began to descend, their way lit by the flames of Lady Elaine's torch. "We just need to be careful. There are at least two different traps, and the flute itself is booby-trapped."

"Booby-trapped?" Haru repeated. "How?"

"Have you seen Indiana Jones: Raiders of the Lost Ark?"

"Yes – oh. Wow."

"Could an explanation be provided for someone who is not familiar with this reference?" Baron asked.

"Uh, she basically means there's going to be a huge rolling boulder that will try to crush us the moment we take the flute," Haru translated. She looked back to Cornelia. "How do they escape in the book?"

"They fall down a hole and end up swept away in an underground river which dumps them outside the village," the librarian answered. "Hey, don't look at me! I didn't write this drivel!"

"With that knowledge in mind, we should be well-prepared for the traps ahead," Baron said. "Miss Cornelia, what other traps lie ahead?"

"Well, there's the pitfall trap–"

There was a scream, and Lady Elaine and her light abruptly disappeared into the ground.

"Hey, calm down, everyone!" Haru went rummaging through her bag and, relying entirely on touch, managed to locate the heavy weight of her electric torch. She brought it out and switched it on to illuminate a perfectly-round hole situated in the middle of their path. "Cornelia, this pitfall trap… it doesn't have sharp spikes at the bottom, does it?"

"No. But it's pretty deep."

"That's fine. I brought rope along." Haru scurried over to the edge and dropped the rope down. After a moment's thought, she threw her end of the rope towards Cornelia and Toto. "I'm probably going to need your help pulling her back up." She leant over the edge and glanced down into the depths – it looked like Lady Elaine's torch had gone out upon falling. "Hello? Lady Elaine? Are you okay?"

There was some clanking, and a shadow moved amid the darkness. With some manoeuvring, Haru managed to shine her torch into the pitfall trap, thus locating a rather frustrated Lady Elaine.

"I will be much better once I am out of this wretched hole," she called up. "Are you going to help, or aren't you?"

"The… The rope's already down there…" Haru said weakly. She shone the torch onto the aforementioned rope. "You're free to climb back up whenever you're ready."

There was a moment of silence, quickly followed by the rope abruptly going taut as Lady Elaine began to pull herself back up. With her armour weighing her down, it took all three other humans gripping the rope to keep it from slipping back down. But, eventually, the lady knight was back on their level.

"Right. So what other traps lie ahead for us?"

"Just one before we reach the flute, and then we have the rolling boulder of death to deal with," Cornelia answered. "We just have to make sure we don't step on a particular rock – otherwise it'll pressure-trigger poisoned darts and, trust me, we really don't want that."

Lady Elaine considered this and then gestured for Cornelia to take the lead. "Since you seem most knowledgeable, perhaps you would be better suited to spotting these traps." She looked back to Haru. "Sorcerer, what is that light you are holding?"

"Oh, this?" Haru recalled – somewhat lately – that she was carrying a torch powered by energy that the book's inhabitants would never see. "Uh… it's kind of a portable magic light."

"You said that your magic did nothing other than open portals."

"Well, yeah, but this isn't really my magic. It works for anyone. It comes from my world where we often… box up magic like this."

"Sounds logical. Well then, onwards!"

ooOoo

With Cornelia watching out for the traps highlighted from the book, they reached the end of the passageway without too many mishaps. Eventually, Haru's light came to shine on the intricately-engraved flute, resting on a predictable podium.

"Right, so the moment we lift it off, we're going to have to start running?" Haru asked, drawing to Cornelia's side.

"I'm afraid so."

"You ready for some more running, Muta?" Haru laughed.

"Why ya asking me?"

"Well, you are turning into an old man–"

"Very funny, Chicky."

"I shall be the one to retrieve the flute," Lady Elaine announced. "I am the one who knows the melody required, and this is my quest to fulfil." She stepped up to the podium, even as the rest stepped slowly away.

"Uh, where exactly was this life-saving hole you were talking about?" Haru whispered.

Cornelia's eyes widened. "I'm not sure. It's back there somewhere – perhaps we should find it before–"

There was an ominous sound from the centre of the room, marking Lady Elaine lifting the flute from its pedestal, much to the horror of her companions.

"Today's just been one aptly-timed disaster after another," Haru muttered. Their surroundings began to echo a rumbling as something huge and rocky rolled their way. "Hey! Everyone! Get running!" Grabbing Baron from her shoulder, she kept good hold of him as she fled back along the path they had come. "Cornelia, where's the escape route?!"

"I'm looking!"

There was a clanking from behind them as Lady Elaine started running behind them. "I have the flute!"

"We know!"

"There!" Cornelia pointed towards a hole at the edge of the passageway, and swerved towards it. With her options either being squashed flat by the rolling boulder that was now hot on their heels, or jumping feet-first into a dubious hole, Cornelia took the latter. Lady Elaine was the next to go, with Haru quick behind her as she snatched Muta up from the ground and threw him after her. She leapt in and landed in a fast-flowing, rather-convenient underwater river. There was a splash behind her as Toto brought up the rear.

In the kerfuffle as the river sped her along, Haru dropped her torch and the route sank into absolute darkness.

"This is ridiculous!" Muta could be heard to shout from ahead – and he had to shout to be heard over the rustle of the river.

"Would you rather be a pancake back there?" Toto shouted back. "Goodness knows it's the only way you'll ever lose weight!"

"Hey, I heard that!"

Haru was less enjoying the water ride. She clutched Baron close to her as her breath caught in her throat.

"Haru, are you quite okay?"

"Ah, dark and enclosed spaces," she gasped. "Not my forte. I'm okay," she quickly assured, even as unease began to simmer in her stomach. "I'm not going to repeat what happened at the shrine–"

"You were almost buried alive, Haru. I think your reaction at the shrine was understandable."

"Uh-huh." She closed her eyes, which didn't make much difference in the pitch-black, except maybe make her dizzier with the rush of the river. The whole scenario really wasn't possible, but they were in a story. Anything could go here. "I'm trying not to think about that too much."

"Sorry."

"I'm just hoping this doesn't last too long."

Baron crawled out of her tight grip and pushed a furry head against her chin, purring reassuringly. He could feel her heart hammering away inside her, and could smell the stench of fear rolling off her, even with the water around them dulling his senses. "You'll be okay, Haru," he promised. He purred again, and was relieved when Haru's heart began to slow. The fear never entirely dissipated, but it remained under control until, at last, there was the cry of, "Light!" from Cornelia.

They rapidly approached the opening until they were spat out into a river that flowed alongside the burning village. A rather soaked and dishevelled group pulled themselves to the shoreline.

"Well, what do you know?" Toto murmured. "It really did bring us right to the village. How convenient."

"Really? It brought us right to the burning, dragon-infested village, and you call that convenient?" Muta scoffed. He shook off the worst of the water, but it didn't really stop him looking like a damp rug. "What's so great about that?"

"We can finally bring this story to an end," Haru said. She helped drag Baron – who was struggling somewhat against the river's current – out of the water and onto the grassy bank. Luckily, her bag was mostly waterproof; she brought out a spare jacket and began to towel down the shivering cat who was too cold to protest. "Now we have the flute, we can stop the dragon, right?"

"It should send the dragon into a sleep that will last a hundred years," Lady Elaine said. "But we must find a way to bring the dragon close enough for it to hear the lullaby."

"I am un-volunteering myself for the role of bait, before anyone can suggest me," Muta was quick to add.

"How is it managed in the book?" Toto asked.

"Sir Gawain battles the dragon, distracting it until Lady Elaine gets close enough to enchant it," Cornelia answered. "But… we've lost Gawain…"

"That doesn't matter," Lady Elaine ordered. "I can battle the dragon and draw it close enough to send it straight to sleep. Now, does anyone have a noble steed that is suitable for just such a battle?"

"Oh!"

"Shadow!"

As one, Haru and Cornelia recalled Sir Gawain's horse, which had been left all the way back at the dragon's castle. There was no way they were going to be able to go back and fetch it now.

"Shadow just turns up in the book again," Cornelia said. "Plot hole, if you ask me–"

"In the book, we also should have Sir Gawain to help," Haru reminded her. "I think we're going to have to start derailing from the book. The story ends with them defeating the dragon, right?"

"Ah… It ends with Sir Gawain and Lady Elaine admitting their love," Cornelia answered. There was a long, long pause. "The last line actually focuses on their first kiss." She looked to the Bureau with a sinking expression. "Perhaps I should have remembered that before now…"

"Even if we could find Sir Gawain," Toto said, "we cannot force two people to fall in love."

"Our first priority is to stop the dragon before there really is nothing left of the kingdom," Baron spoke up. Haru had finished towelling him dry, which had left him a rather fluffy furball of orange. He stoically ignored his current appearance and clambered onto Haru's knee to make up for lost height. "Stopping the dragon may be enough to send us back, if we are lucky. We no longer have Shadow, but we may be able to locate another horse in the village…"

Before he could finish, there was the sound of galloping hoofbeats coming their way. And then, appearing like the plot hole he was, Sir Gawain rode up to the grassy bank, riding atop the lost Shadow. "Ah, fair Lady Elaine!" he cried. He slipped off his horse and bowed low before the woman. "It is I! Sir Gawain the Dauntless, come to rescue you!"

"A little late, if you ask me," Cornelia muttered.

"Lady Elaine, it is a pleasure to finally lay my humble eyes upon your enchanting beauty!" Sir Gawain stumbled out of his bow and attempted to kiss her hand, only to finally realise she was wearing a full suit of armour. For the first time, he seemed thrown-off his usual script. "Lady Elaine… Why art thou dressed as a man?"

Now it was Haru's turn to scoff under her breath. "She's not dressed as a man," she said. "She's dressed as a knight."

"Sir Knight, I see you have a noble steed?" Lady Elaine didn't deign to answer Gawain's question, instead focusing on the large black stallion standing in the background. "I require use of your horse."

"I – what?"

"I require your horse."

Sir Gawain abruptly rose back to his feet, blanching slightly. "Shadow cannot be ridden by merely anyone! Only the pure of heart–"

"I am Lady Elaine the Fair; I am aptly qualified to ride such a steed. I require it to vanquish the dragon that is terrorising this village."

"I… No."

"No?"

"No." Sir Gawain was turning an interesting shadow of beetroot at Lady Elaine's demands, as he took a stand between her and his horse. "I cannot allow such a… a fair… uh, maiden to endanger herself by battling such a foul beast."

"Was I asking for your opinion?"

"Uh, no, but – hey! Leave my steed alone!"

"You do not seem to be using it right now."

The remaining group was left standing on the sidelines, watching as Sir Gawain tried to drag Lady Elaine away without laying a hand on her, which – he was discovering – was rather difficult.

"Right. So these are the two we need to fall for each other?" Muta said eventually, breaking the group's silence. "I guess we better get comfortable here then."

"As long as we bring the story to a satisfactory ending, we may still find a way to leave. And, if we don't," Baron added, "then we will have to go on a quest for an item in this magical world that will return us home. With Haru's portal magic, it will not be impossible."

"Yes, but I have a life and taxes that I need to get back to and pay," Haru idly reminded them. "Some of us don't have the luxury of freeloading in a miniature off-set world created specifically for us. Plus, no one except Michael know what I do in my free time," she added. "They're all going to hit the roof if I don't return home…"

A memory abruptly struck Baron – a meeting with a future self who had warned that one day that exact situation would occur. His mouth turned dry from the thought. "We shall do our best to make sure that never happens, Haru."

Something in his tone must have betrayed his unease, for Haru took a moment longer to look down at the cat on her knee. "Baron?"

"I shall always protect you, Haru."

A nervous little smile spread across her face, and she dropped a hand to scratch him between his ears, earning a reluctant purr. "Thank you, Baron. And I, you."

"Oi, googly-eyes – aren't ya forgetting the huge-ass dragon burning down the village?" As if to support Muta's point, there was a roar as the dragon – which was still flying over the settlement – released another wave of flames over the village. The village was still somehow intact (if burning), but now they were back on the scene, the situation seemed to be worsening.

"We probably should get on that," Haru admitted. She lifted Baron to her shoulder, where he quickly made himself comfortable. She looked over to the two characters, and saw that Lady Elaine had claimed Shadow and was sitting atop him, much to Sir Gawain's horror.

"Lady Elaine, I must protest–!"

"Protest all you like, Sir Knight, but I care not."

"Sir Gawain. It's Sir Gawain."

"Fairwell, Sir Knight. I must be off to slay the dragon you have failed in slaying yourself. I doubt our paths will cross again. Scholar! I will require your assistance!" She motioned for Cornelia to join her.

"Oh. Okay." Cornelia took the offered hand, and was pulled up onto the horse, blushing slightly. Once Cornelia was seated, Lady Elaine prompted Shadow into a sudden gallop, and cantered off towards the burning village, thus leaving the Bureau and Sir Gawain behind.

"We are usually much more useful than this," Haru murmured after a moment. "This really is an off-day for us." She turned and saw that Sir Gawain had taken a seat on the grassy bank, looking so miserable that Haru would not have been wholly surprised if blue depression lines were cast over him.

As things stood, she merely knelt down near the knight and patted his shoulder semi-encouragingly. "It's okay…"

"What am I if I cannot protect even a single fair lady?" he lamented. "What is my purpose?"

"Uh, well, knights are meant to protect those weaker than them, right?" Haru asked. She wasn't entirely sure whether that was true, but it probably worked out in this story universe. "So perhaps Lady Elaine isn't someone you need to protect–"

"But she is a fair maiden–"

Haru resisted the urge to slap some sense into the man. As things were, she gave in to a heavy eye-roll. "And she's pretty strong, too. She wouldn't have busted out of the dragon's castle, otherwise. There's no harm in admitting that someone is stronger than you. Life isn't a competition."

"But what am I to do?" he wailed.

"Go and help those who need help. I expect there are plenty of people in the village who need help right about now," Haru reasoned. "They matter too, right?"

Sir Gawain pursed his lips together as he contemplated Haru's words. "I suppose the peasants may require some assistance…"

"Please slap him, Chicky," Muta sniggered, seeing the murderous intent in Haru's eyes. She nudged at him as a warning to shut up before she gave way.

"I'm sure they do," she replied instead, gritting her teeth to avoid snapping anything she might regret. "So why don't you run along and do that?"

He eyed her cautiously. "You give sound advice for such a foul witch."

"'Foul witch' me another time, and you'll find I give sound slaps too," Haru growled. "Get going."

Perhaps sensing he was pushing a limit, he clanked to his feet and indeed disappeared in the direction of the village. Haru groaned and rubbed tiredly at her forehead. "Why do I always have to deal with the nutcases?"

"Right, so… now the crazy lady is off to fight a dragon and that flouncy knight is gone, can we just wait out here?" Muta asked. "It ain't like we've got a lot to do. Might as well camp out here until the story ends and we're spat back out into our world, right?"

"Usually, I would be tempted to agree," Baron said. At Haru's raised eyebrow, he went on to elaborate. "What I mean is, considering our situation in a story, I would usually advice that we kept our involvement to a minimum, to avoid sending the story on another course–"

"Which we have already done," Toto said.

"Sorry about that. I didn't realise I would mess things up by dropping Gawain into the wrong part of the story," Haru apologised. "Then again, it would have been a lot easier if I hadn't dropped us all into this mess in the first place…"

"What's done is done, Haru," Baron assured. "There is nothing to be done by lamenting the past. Our only option is to look forward and tackle what's ahead. Given our involvement in the story so far, it may be wise to keep a close eye on the story events, to make sure nothing more goes… astray…"

"Ya mean go towards the horrifying, fire-breathing flying lizard."

"That is precisely what I mean."

"Oh, jeez. Oi! We're not going now, are we?" Muta demanded, even as the rest of the Bureau started towards the terrorised village. "Can't we wait a little longer? Give that lady a chance to charm it first? Hey, don't leave me behind!"

As dragon-knight showdowns went, the scenario they soon found before them was somewhat predicable. The dragon had found a perch atop a strained church tower, its spiky tail curled around the steeple as it blazed fire across the sky. One would have thought that it would have run out of fire, or enthusiasm, by now, but it appeared to still be going strong.

And, in the shadow of the church, there was the form of Lady Elaine atop Sir Gawain's borrowed steed.

As the Bureau edged around the remains of a stone wall – all flammable substances had long burned away – Cornelia came scurrying towards them. It seemed she had declined the offer of being too close to the action.

"Oh, good. You got here!"

"So it seems. What's going on?" Haru asked. "Shouldn't Lady Elaine be enchanting it to sleep right about now?"

"It's not paying her any attention," Cornelia said. "We've tried everything – clanking pots, shouting, even throwing a few things its way. But it just won't even look her way. She needs it to be listening – or, at the very least, much closer – when she plays the flute."

"Much closer?" Muta echoed hoarsely. "You want that monster closer?"

"If we don't do anything, it's just going to sit up there all day and spew fire over the village," Cornelia said, ignoring Muta and the fact that most of the village was already in shambles. "In the book, Sir Gawain attracts its attention, so perhaps this isn't going to work without him…"

"What does Sir Gawain do in the novel?" Baron asked.

"Clanks about a bit, really," she said. "But Lady Elaine can't move around too much or she won't be able to play the flute. Is Sir Gawain with you?"

"We sent him off to help the villagers," Haru said. "We thought it would be a good idea. Sorry."

"Oh."

Baron sat on Haru's shoulder, watching the scene play out before them. They hadn't seen the dragon quite this close before, but there was something familiar about its form. There was an almost feline element to its design, even in the way the tip of its tail twitched. He glanced back to the exhausted Lady Elaine, and an idea of sorts came to mind. "Miss Cornelia, we're going to need to borrow some of Lady Elaine's armour."

"What?"

"I echo that statement: What, Baron?" Haru twisted her head to stare over at the cat. "What are you thinking? None of us are able to fight a dragon, Baron–"

"I know, and you won't need to. We just need to attract its attention…"

ooOoo

Haru weighed the helmet dubiously in her hands and glanced over to Baron. "I hope this is going to work, or we're all going to look really stupid."

"Given the fire-breathing dragon atop the church, I think that will be the least of our problems. Ah, Toto has moved into place – now, Haru."

Thinking that they had nothing to lose, Haru stepped out of the shadows and raised the helmet above her head. In the glimmering sunlight, the helmet cast a reflection down across the village square. On the other side of the plaza, Toto raised the breastplate up and caught the light on the metal piece too, while Cornelia sent reflections by way of a gauntlet.

The roaring stopped. Haru flicked the reflection further across the square, making it jump to and fro across the ground. "If you jump after it, Baron…" she whispered.

A stream of fire smashed into one of the reflections, and then curved round to hit the other two. Haru leapt back, nearly dropping the helmet in the process. She felt Baron's claws bite through her coat.

"No fear of that happening," he murmured. "Quick! Keep moving the reflection!"

Shaking, Haru raised the helmet again, catching the light a second time and sending it scattering on the ground. On the other sides, Toto and Cornelia also hesitantly resumed.

There was the sound of cracking cobblestones as the dragon landed right on top of Haru's reflected light. It slammed a paw into Cornelia's light, but – of course – there was no impact. The dragon circled round and chased after Toto's light, becoming more and more confused as the lights continued to evade its claws.

"Lady Elaine, now!" Baron cried.

From the shadows of the church, Lady Elaine brought the flute to her lips and began to play. A simple, clean melody rang clear from the flute, caressing the ears of all who heard it.

The dragon halted in its frenzied chase and turned to face the woman. Eyes narrowed in her direction, and the beast began to twist round to approach her. One huge paw stepped towards her, and then another. Lady Elaine began to play faster, even as the dragon's eyes started to droop.

It dragged another foot her way, but there was a definite heaviness in its movements now. It shook its head, as if to shake away the fog of sleep, but it couldn't resist the enchanted flute's melody. Its mouth opened up and smoke began to curl at the edge, but then it gave way to a yawn that swallowed back the fire.

"It's... It's working," Haru whispered. "Given our recent luck, I wasn't sure…" She lowered the helmet in her grasp and stared as the dragon staggered slowly towards Lady Elaine.

Just as it was nearly on top of her, the music won the creature, and the monster toppled solidly onto its side. The ground rumbled with the impact, but now – finally – there was silence across the land.

The dragon was defeated.

And… the Bureau were still there.

"I hate to be a downer," Muta said, as the Bureau reconvened, "but ain't this the point where we're meant to go home? This doesn't look much like home."

"The kiss," Haru groaned. "That's how the story ends."

"We can't just wait for Lady Elaine and Sir Gawain to fall in love," Toto said. "If they ever do."

"Agreed. We shall have to find another solution," Baron said. "Perhaps Lady Elaine will know of some item or magic that enables one to travel between worlds?" They looked over to the lady knight and saw her in bright-eyed conversation with Cornelia. A knowing smile twitched at his lips. "Although… perhaps we shall not have to resort to a back-up plan."

"It worries me when you make that expression," Haru murmured. "Even as a cat."

"This is my normal expression."

"No, it isn't. That's your 'I've just come up with a fantastic plan' expression. Tell me, did you make that face when you thought of a way to power-up your temporary-human spell? You know, the one that left you as a cat and Toto as a human?"

"I think it's time we congratulated Lady Elaine," Baron said quickly.

Haru rolled her eyes, but did approach the other two woman. Lady Elaine and Cornelia were admiring the felled dragon as they spoke, Cornelia kneeling down by the creature's head and prodding at the head's horns.

"…just unlike anything I've ever seen," Cornelia marvelled. "No one at home would ever believe this if I told them…"

"That's assuming we're ever gonna get home," Muta snorted as he came close on Haru's heels. "Baron's plan fell through. Looks like we're stuck here."

"No, we're not," Haru said, scowling at the cat. "We'll find a way home."

"The plan didn't work?" Cornelia asked.

"Are ya deaf?"

"It looks like we didn't bring the story to a satisfactory ending," Baron said, steamrolling over Muta's mocking tone. "But, do not fear, we have been in many worst situations before. We shall find a way home. Perhaps you can aid us, Lady Elaine."

"Of course." Lady Elaine smiled sadly, too solemnly for someone who had just rescued a village from a dragon. "I had forgotten you had travelled here from another world. Of course, you must find a way home. I have heard tell of a genie in the west that grants the wishes of whomever possesses its ring – perhaps they will be able to take you back."

Cornelia slowly stood up, dusting off her clothing in the action. "Well, it's not so bad. This place is pretty nice… well, now it hasn't got a dragon about. I wouldn't mind staying for a little longer."

"If you decide to stay for good, you shall find a place here," Lady Elaine promised. "You shall always be welcome here." The woman hesitated, and then, added quietly, "I've known so few people – well, none – during my time guarded by the dragon, but I am glad I met you, Lady Cornelia of Dressler."

Cornelia blushed, turning a deeper red than her fiery hair. "Thank you. And… out of all the stories I could have fallen into, it could have been a lot worse. I take it back what I said about this book. Well," she amended after a moment, "not all of it. But I'm glad the author wrote you."

"I do not fully understand what you mean, but I understand the sincerity in your words. Are you sure you must seek a way home?"

Cornelia's blush deepened. "It's my home. I have my family, and my friends, and my work…"

"Of course." Suddenly, Haru was aware that Lady Elaine was beginning to redden also. The lady knight tugged at her collar, as if it could hide her embarrassment. "Lady Cornelia of Dressler, it has been a pleasure to meet you." She bowed and echoed a gesture of a bygone time when she placed a brief kiss upon Cordelia's hand. "I truly hope we meet again."

With a blur, their surroundings dissolved away and reformed as the library office where they had started out. Everything was as it had been left, and, in fact, the clock showed that they had only been gone for ten minutes.

"As it turns out, the story merely required a kiss to finish," Baron said, breaking the silence with his smug proclamation.

"That was a wild guess, Baron," Toto said.

"An educated guess."

Haru picked Baron off her shoulder, gently setting him down on a desk, and approached the other young woman who had been transported back with them. "Cornelia?"

Cornelia, however, was merely lightly touching the kissed hand while her face coloured with a returning blush. "Oh, drat," she said. "Now I have another literary crush."

"The book is still here," Baron said. He padded the covers of the novel with his paw.

"Haven't ya had enough of that book?" Muta snorted. "We've just lived it!"

"The story within will now tell the story that we created," Baron said. "Only this copy, however, but it will forever mark the actions of today."

"Wait, so we're in it?" Haru asked. She grinned. "That's cool."

Cornelia picked up the book and flicked through it. Haru looked over her shoulder, spotting their names turn up in the print again and again, recapping their little adventure. The occasional picture occupied a page, capturing in inky quality their story. And, on the last page, was the final image of Lady Elaine kissing the hand of 'Lady Cornelia of Dressler.'

Cornelia smiled to herself. "Now, this is a story I'll enjoy reading to the kids."

ooOoo

As things often went, the Bureau returned to normal quickly. Within a day, Baron and Toto's magic had separated out again, rendering them back to their original forms, much to the relief of the both of them. Baron agreed to be more cautious with his spells in future, although Haru couldn't help wondering how long that would last.

"I finished it!" Haru swung into the Bureau several days after everything had cleared up, a book in her hand as she swept in through the doors. She stopped by Baron, who was in the middle of preparing a fresh batch of tea.

Baron smiled. "Ah, yes. How did you enjoy The Kraken Wakes?"

"It's more digestible than H. G. Wells, and I liked how it occurred over many years," Haru said. "I mean, I couldn't get all the references, because its, like, fifty years old–"

"Closer to sixty."

"Ah, well," Haru said with a wicked grin. "Some of us aren't old enough to have lived through that era. But, hand on my heart, I liked it. Do you have any of his other books?"

"Try The Day of the Triffids." Baron turned back to his tea, trying to work out whether the new blend would work better with lemon or milk. "Have you seen Muta? I believe he was at the Crossroads earlier today."

"Oh, we met coming back. He's just reading the newspaper out on the bench," Haru answered. She browsed through the books until she came to John Wyndham's other novels, returning The Kraken Wakes and taking out The Day of the Triffids.

Baron, with his back to her, heard the rustle of pages, which then gave way to silence.

Scheming silence.

It was the kind of silence made by someone who was trying to make no sound at all. However, Baron had not been leading the Bureau for so long without learning a few things along the way. He slowly lowered the tea and started to turn. Haru's name was already halfway uttered when his gaze descended on a red spot on the carpet.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, hidden behind years of respectability and tea-making, basic instinct came rising back up without so much as a 'please' or 'thank you'. He felt the feline cogs whirr away in his mind.

'No. I have a reputation. I am civilised. I…'

The dot flashed across the floor, skittering about by Baron's feet. He knew what it was – of course he did, which somehow made the situation so much worse – but he could not override the instinct howling away inside him.

'Dammit.'

He pounced. Not subtly, either. One moment he was standing making tea – as any respectable, half-cat, immortal doll would – and the next he was on all four paws with the dot dancing merrily between his gloves.

There was the beginning of laughter. Well, howling, really. It was not dignified laughter by any stretch of the imagination. Then again, he had no room to comment. With a sinking heart, he looked up to see not only Haru, but also Muta, watching him.

Haru had a laser pointer in her hand and was giggling uncontrollably. "Pay up," she just about managed to Muta. "You lost."

Muta reclaimed the last slice of cake from the cupboard and passed it over to her. "I don't even care. That was too funny. Wait until birdbrain hears what he missed."

Slowly, Baron rose back to his feet. A kind of hallowed silence enclosed the Bureau as he dusted down his suit and reclaimed his fallen hat. The hat was firmly returned to his head. "This…" he said calmly, too calmly, "will never be spoken of again."

Unsurprisingly, Haru avoided the Bureau for a week after that.

ooOoo

Inspiration: Inkheart. Written by Cornelia Funke.

References:

The Mummy. Directed by Stephen Sommers.

Tangled. Produced by Walt Disney Animation Studios.

The last scene is partly a homage to InkyManipulations' story: The Incident. It can be found in my favourites, and is a TCR oneshot story that is WELL worth reading.

ooOoo

Next story: The Prison. Written by KuraiArcoiris.

Teaser: Awkwardly holding the box in her arms, Haru stared after the stranger, his dark suit already darkening as he turned the corner. Her gaze dropped down at the unassuming brown package and Haru knew one thing for sure. She wasn't giving the box to Mr. Banner. / An instant later, Haru was left staring at the empty spot where Baron once stood. / "Baron's out there somewhere, and somewhere for us is so much bigger than somewhere for everyone else," Haru said. "How are we supposed to find him?" / "But Baron, you are hopeless, you know that?" Louise warned with a smile. "Even if people are in need, as you put it, they do not need your help. It will only make things worse for those around you." /

A little boy with a newsboy's cap stared at the silent Baron with interest. This one would be particularly hard to break.