My body is writhing… I need it… I need my fix…
"You look so cute while you're like this, Deano. So broken, alone and needy." Seth looked at me as I was a case of charity, "This is why nobody loves you. You don't deserve to be loved. You are fucked up and useless. But you can feel lucky because you found the only one that will love you. The only one that will never leave despite the useless one you are."
"My mom told me the same. That I was useless and a burden." I softly said.
"Because is the truth. A mother never lies." Seth is smirking, "The first moment I laid my eyes on you I knew it. I knew I had found the right person for me. You are mine and you will obey, don't you?"
"I'm not your slave, Seth. This is not how I am," I try to fight back.
"That's why you are alone. That's why your mother never loved you. That's why men just use you and dump you as the whore you are… then it's me. I am the only one that proudly takes you by the hand and calls you mine. But you need to behave or I dump you too." Seth was rolling a joint in front of me.
In that moment I truly hated Seth, "I hate you. I don't care… I want to change my life. This is killing me."
"You can't change your life, this is the right life for someone so worthless like you. This is the life and the treatment you deserve, Deano." He pulls my hair and is painful. "You love me, Dean. Say it, say you love me because I am the only one that will put up with your shit. You're so worthless."
"Give me my fuel please." I pleaded.
He handed me the joint and I inhaled for dear life. Everything felt blur and soft.
"I'm worthless. You're the only one who would ever love me." I said shaking.
What I've felt
What I've known
Never shined through in what I've shown
Never be
Never see
Won't see what might have been
Sami always said Seth is the demon. That he is a master in manipulation and he's fucking me up even worse than when I was alone. But I know Seth's words are truth. I am worthless, he is the only one that would ever love me and I'll be with him no matter what. Even if I've never admitted it… I don't wanna be alone.
"Deano, Deano I love you. This is our life and is goddamn great."
Now we're both high as a kite.
I giggle, "Yes, Seth and we're going straight to hell…"
"The important thing is that we will do it together." Seth smirks, "If I'm going to hell you'll go with me."
We kiss.
…
I feel a soft hum in my ear and fingers softly petting my hair. It feels good and warm and I feel protected. Then I open my eyes and I see Roman's face leering at me as his gray eyes twinkle. We are sat on the ground in the bank of the black river and I'm resting over him, he tightly embracing me. I quickly release myself of his embrace.
My whole body shakes. I'm nervous and sweaty, I need my fix.
"Oh my darling Dean. You want those drugs, do not you?" Roman looks at me and his gaze looks soft.
"You said it. I'm a junkie." I feel so worthless. Seth is right I'm fucking worthless.
Roman wraps his strong arms around me again and begins to hum something that I never ever heard before, but I like it. It's soft and makes me feel safe.
"Close your eyes and breathe my little one." His voice is deeper but full of emotions.
I obey. Commonly in moments like this, Seth gets our fix and after some mean words that I deserve to hear and then, he lets me intoxicate my body with our fuel. He says I need to hear the truth or I will lose my way. Then we fuck like rabbits.
Roman is doing something different. I know there's no way he can get me drugs in this weird place, or at least I guess it's not. But this is working too. I feel my body melting in the soft embrace and I can feel his heartbeat. He has a heart, though. I bury my nose on his neck and the smell is sweet and musky, so intoxicating. Better than any drug I've ever tried. I breathe deeply, wanting wrap myself with that smell.
I don't even notice I'm nuzzling my face against his neck, rubbing the rest of my body against his. It's making me feel so good. The horrible pain in my chest and the trembling fade away. The warmth envelops my body and I feel calm and content. It's better than any other sensation and I'd wish to stay like this forever.
It's better than those drugs…
"You look so cute when you are like this, satisfied, appeased, and content." His voice is soft and deep and I can feel something warming my body. "Are you feeling good, little one?"
So different. Seth liked me broken and Roman likes me content… but he's a demon, this is sure a trap. He's fooling me. Anyways feels so good.
I remember we reached the river bank, moments after we left the kingdom of Mammon. Then we sat because he told me we had to wait for a boat. I surely fell asleep and had that dream about Seth and my need of drugs. Whatever Roman is doing to me seems to have worked, now I feel better, the only problem is I'm getting hungry.
I am about to answer but my stomach steps forward. The sound is audible in the middle of nowhere. This place is a grim and silent forest. Just the sound of the stream, that is actually very mild, can be heard. The wind is very slow and there are no sun or moon, the day remains the same way, as if eternally cloudy. I wonder how will be the night at this place, if that ever exists here.
"Across the river, it is the kingdom of Belphegor. It is a good place for you to eat something. After all you are still alive, your body still works the same way it always has done." I could swear that Roman's smirk is softening. "That is why you have these needs."
I nod without speaking. Truth be told this creature leaves me speechless. I prefer to keep being cautious and collected. Even if he's making feel a lot of stuff I can't even recognize.
A strange light shines in the river and there it is, an old boat with a female creature in it. Roman stands releasing my body and I can't help but whine. Roman looks at me and smiles, I'm ashamed again, he just caught me. Roman bows and the boat stops. She's still looking at the river, I can only see her left side. Then, she stood in front of us.
On her left side, she is a beautiful woman wearing a navy blue dress with a tribal work in a blue a little lighter. The strapless dress is fitted on her waist in a kind of corset and the skirt ending torn a little below her knees. There's a kind of jewel on her feet, which begins in her thumb and wraps around her ankle. Her skin has a darker, almost brown color. She's absolutely beautiful, every part of her body and face is perfect. Her hair is very black and curly, long to her waist. Black eyes with no pupils.
But in her right side she is a... man. His hair is the same, but his clothing is masculine. He wears a one-piece suit that ends in a kind of pants. He has the same skin and eye color, barefoot and equally beautiful that his left side.
"This thing is alive!" This creature said scared. Its voice is weird, can't define whether it's male or female.
"Rishva, it is a pleasure to see you again. He is Dean and I am taking him with me to the last kingdom. It is a long story that I will tell you later. I need you to help us to cross the river."
"I will not allow a living creature that does not belong to this realm to be in my boat. No matter if it comes with you!" Rishva says looking at me with a mixture of fear and contempt.
Roman takes the necklace of the jewelry he took of the Kingdom of Mammon from his pocket. Rishva's eyes shines at it.
"You are insufferable. Get in the boat with this creature." Rishva said taking the necklace, "Just keep this creature away from me, I do not want to be touched by it."
Rishva is rowing the boat in one side. Roman and I are sitting on the other side.
"This creature despises me..." I mumbled, realizing that Rishva is staring at me from time to time.
"It is envy. I think it has never seen someone as beautiful as itself." Roman suggestively smiles and looks at me straight in the eye. "You are beautiful, but do not have the vanity that all beautiful creatures possess. At least not at the levels that someone as beauty as you should have."
I can feel the warmth on my cheeks. I want to avoid this from happening to me but can't help it. I know I'm completely blushed. I stare at the river trying to ignore him. Its water is completely black and Roman told me it would be poisonous for someone like me. But inside the mines of the kingdom of Mammon, the water is filtered, it becomes pure, becoming transparent.
"Why do not you get close to me? I know you like the way you feel in my arms. It is not like I am taking advantage of you or making you feel insulted or unworthy." Roman softly says.
And that made it. I can't argue with that. I hesitantly crawl to his side. Roman smirks and I'm feeling nervous again. I just lean onto him and he tightly holds me. He feels warm and cozy and I can't help but purr. He softly pets my hair and I just surrender.
I hide my face on his neck and decide it's better to stay silent. However, although I'm not seeing Roman, I can feel he hasn't stopped looking at me. I just want this trip ends quickly and see Seth again. I don't want to get used to Roman and his weirds ways. However, I don't know which could be the circumstances where I'll find him.
…
Finally we cross the river. Rishva keeps looking at me with a mixture of fear and repulsion as we leave the boat. Now we are a few meters from the next door. My stomach makes a loud sound again.
"Keep calm little one, here I will see that you eat, and we can also take some more food for the rest of the journey." Roman takes me by the hand, "That is the advantage I have over you, I do not need to eat."
"You talk as if I had any advantage over you." I tell hesitating to release my hand from his or not.
He tightens my hand gently, "You have several advantages over me, sweet one. And I feel that you know which they are, but I know that is an issue that you would not like to touch, so we are not talking about it... yet." Then he hold my waist with one of his arms. My back is pressed against his chest.
I still try to get loose but he gently holds the grip. His face gets close to mine and I can feel his breath in my ear. "I told you should stop the paranoia. Honey, I am not attacking you. I do not think you can see me as someone threatening. So just let me take you like this. Inside that gate, that will be very useful."
I'm shocked and feel like a jerk. I can't decipher Roman's intentions, I know nothing. I want to be cautious and end up feeling like a fool who is overreacting. I begin to walk being held by him and without saying anything, not trying to free myself of his grip. He mischievously smiles at me as we reached the gate and he announces himself with the guardian.
The guardian opens the gate. Roman is still holding me while we saunter in this Kingdom. To be honest he's making me feel nervous. But as he said, we need to stay this close inside this place.
He told me something similar as in the first kingdom: "This place represents the gluttony. The souls of all those that succumbed to this sin are inside those buildings. They are paying the price of his weakness."
This Kingdom isn't beautiful like the other. But inside is the same, an enormous road that ends with a huge palace, and big buildings on each side of it. Inside the buildings I can hear a lot of cries of the people that is being punished inside.
Roman, holding me even closer, announces himself again and we're entering into the palace. Outside this palace, the kingdom isn't really a beautiful place, but inside it's a different matter. This place is stunning. The floor is made of polished black marble, I can even see my reflection in it. There are beautifully woven red carpets with intricate work on them. There are several tables with all kinds of food, I can recognize things and others not. But everything looks very appetizing, perhaps because I'm hungry.
"Does someone eat in this place?" I ask.
"Of course not. All those food are for punishment purposes." He foxy says.
"Let me guess." I whispered to Roman that is beside me, "Another cliché punishment in that those unfortunates who fall here should look at the object of their desire but they're not allowed to have it."
"You learn fast, sweet Dean." He whispers back and I can feel his lips feather in my ear, "I begin to believe that I am paying a similar punishment." He holds me even tighter.
I immediately regret my words, since they are being used against me. Anyway I have to forget about it because Belphegor appears in front of us. Roman holds me even tighter. His big, firm arms and hands protecting me. I can feel that he isn't nervous nor afraid. He's just trying to protect me.
Belphegor is a creature not as horrible as Mammon. It's a little more human, if that's the right word. He even has hair, it's black, short and slightly curly. His body is twice as high as Roman's and looks ragged, his skin is very tough and tanned. His eyes are completely black just like Rishva's and he's only wearing pants. His appearance inspires awe and I'm not surprising that being the king of this realm, he's fat. He reminds me of Pete, the villain of Mickey Mouse.
"What the fuck is that thing you bring with you?" Even his voice is like Pete's.
"My most recent acquisition, it is a very valuable thing." Roman answers immediately.
"It is pretty obvious that you appreciate it. It is wearing beautiful earrings, something that belongs to our world. That is something unseen before and plus you have not lost your grip on it." Belphegor tells him approaching us.
"You think I am stupid?" This is the first time that Roman changes his astonishing tranquility for a tone a little threatening, "If I let him go even a little, you will try to use him as a bait for your sinners. You think everything is like the food you use as punishment."
Ok, that's not what I was expecting. Now I understand why Roman keeps me embraced. Now I just turn my body and I am hugging him hard, burying my face in his neck. His musky smell intoxicating me. I can't help looking at him and he gives me that sultry gaze.
"That thing is scrawny. Nobody would see it as something desirable." Belphegor looks at me with contempt.
"He is clearly idiot and blind." Roman whispers in my ear, barely moving his lips.
I have no time to react because Belphegor speaks. "That thing is a living being! I can not use it, you idiot."
"First at all brother, this thing is my living being." Roman says in a stern tone, almost territorial, "And you can not use him but is still dangerous if you try. So brother, if you dare to touch a strand of his hair you will regret it."
"Even if you are more powerful than me. You can not get that thing out of my kingdom without my permission." Belphegor says still looking at me as if I were... food.
"Actually that is all I need. Oh and I also want some food for my human." Roman says firmly.
"Why would I do it?" Belphegor announces, "What benefit do I get if I help you?"
"Tell me what you want and we can negotiate. Everything that not includes Dean."
"So that thing has a name, uh? I need help with the harvest. My servants have not had a moment of freedom since... ever. If you want the authorization, you and that thing you are protecting have six hours to collect the harvest and put it in the containers."
"You have always wanted to feel how it is like to give orders to any of us, right?" Roman deviously says, "I will make your wish come true, but he can not help me if he is still hungry. Give me some food."
"Give food to this weird thing and the permission is a small price to pay if I can see my powerful little brother working as a slave." Belphegor's smile scares me.
I almost died yesterday watching Strowman beating Roman. I swear I wanted to throw a Genki-Dama to the crowd on that show, ugh they're despicable. But they are predictable as well so their reaction was not surprising. I hope all this is a strategy for Roman to have free time to be with his wife and kids and surrounded by all the love he deserves.