AN: Here is the ridiculously long chapter I promised! It's over 4,000 words, but I couldn't find a good place to break it up. I may not get a chance to post again until the weekend, unfortunately. I have three tests this week, training for a research project I'm on, and the normal woes of work and college classes. Don't be too disappointed; there's still so much more to come. Speaking of future chapters, leave me a review so I know what to do better! I mostly write this because it makes me happy, but I also want to be better at it. Any feedback you have is welcome! A special thank you to my guest reviewer on the last chapter as well as those that have followed and favorited my story!

All the Science in the World

Miranda

The shuttle ride to Freedom's Progress was unpleasant. I watched as Shepard became visibly more agitated as time wore on; it became even worse when her eyes passed me or Jacob. Maybe it was the Cerberus logos on our uniforms, but I couldn't be certain. Shepard had shown willingness to help the colonists, but I could sense her anger underneath the surface, simmering. I just hoped I wouldn't be at the receiving end when it finally exploded. Was the anger because she was working with Cerberus? It was likely a large part, but earlier she had seemed at least resigned to the notion, if not happy about it. When biotics started swirling around Shepard's hands, I stood up. Apparently, the woman couldn't be left to her thoughts any longer.

"Is there a reason you look like you're going to rip the shuttle in half, Shepard?" I asked casually. When Shepard looked up at me her eyes were dark, swirling with anger and memories. I shivered at the pure malice directed towards me in that look, but continued to hold her stare. It almost felt like a challenge.

"Yesterday…yesterday I was on the Normandy running a routine mission. Now I'm on a Cerberus shuttle with goddamn Cerberus operatives, and I'm not trying to kill them. On top of that, I've been informed that my old crew is 'unavailable'. So I look at you, and all I see are the people that should be going on this mission with me. The people that would still have my back if…" Shepard said before I interrupted.

"…if the Normandy had never been attacked? If an accident, that was nowhere near related to Cerberus, had never happened? Or do you refer to the lovely neighbors you would have had if we had left you to be buried six feet under? Cerberus has granted you a miracle, by any definition of the term. If you're mad about dying, you can hardly direct your anger at me. I rebuilt that magnificent body of yours," I countered.

Shepard was definitely thinking about killing me. I could see it in the twitch of her lip and the way her left brow dropped below the other in a mask of anger. I might even have felt a small spike of fear run through my body. But while her jaw clenched and her knuckles turned white, Shepard didn't move from her seat. It was a good thing we were landing soon; maybe we could find something else for Shepard to focus on. I sat back down and glanced at Jacob. He gave me the look meaning, 'what the fuck were you thinking?', but I just shrugged my shoulders and looked away.

The minute the shuttle touched down and the door opened, Shepard was out on the ground taking point. The place was eerie. The colony lights were on, but there was no movement from within the structures or around them. No one came out to greet us. The first home we entered still had plates on the table; the food hadn't been completely cleared off of them. I had been to the other colonies before, but this was the first colony we had managed to get to before anyone else. It surprised me how much the emptiness unnerved me.

We passed through the outskirts of the colony and moved through a large gate only to be attacked by a squad of mechs.

"What the fuck is this, Lawson?" I heard Shepard shout.

'Those mechs should have recognized us as human. Someone reprogrammed them!" I shouted. They were easy enough to take down and so was the next group around the corner. What I kept trying to figure out, though, is how someone managed to reprogram the mechs to attack on sight. It would have taken too much time. None of the other colonies had even gotten off a distress beacon, and that took less time than reprogramming the colony's mechs. It was more likely that someone had done it after the attack.

"Shepard, we aren't alone here," I said. Her head turned to me, but I couldn't see her face through the helmet. She gave me a small nod and led us forward. My statement was rendered superfluous as we opened the door to see a group of quarians. Their guns went up and trained on us immediately.

"Guns down, Praza, we don't need another fight," Tali'Zora vas Neema said.

"I'm not taking a chance with Cerberus operatives," Praza said, keeping his gun up.

"Tali?" Shepard spoke, and her voice was strained. She pulled off her helmet so the quarian could see her face. Only, the face Tali remembered wasn't the one in front of her.

"Who are you? How do you know my name? Wait…Shepard? That's impossible!" Tali said.

"Cerberus," Shepard threw a glare in my direction, "rebuilt me, Tali. I'm here to look into these colony abductions."

"You mean you're working for Cerberus?" Tali exclaimed. "How could you? You hate them!"

I saw the look of doubt that flashed over the commander's face. She had had the same thoughts and she was struggling with how to answer Tali, when she wasn't sure of the answer herself. I decided to intervene; I was much better at lying through my doubts.

"Shepard is the same woman as before, if that's what you're insinuating. I rebuilt her personally. Her armor had kept the majority of her body intact, if heavily damaged. All I had to do was switch the lights back on. She's not a clone, and she's not an AI. If not those two, what else could she be but herself?" I said. The last question rang straight to my heart, containing the answer that I desperately needed to be true.

"Do you remember those geth outposts, Tali?" Shepard finally spoke up. "You guys let me drive you in that horrible Mako. We got data from each post and I gave the data to you to take back to the Flotilla. Did it help you on your Pilgrimage?"

Tali relaxed visibly and forcefully shoved Praza's gun down. She took a hesitant step forward and then wrapped the commander in a fierce hug, though I also saw her omni-tool run a quick scan. She seemed pleased by whatever it showed, or that's what I thought; I couldn't be sure with her face hidden by her suit helmet. I found myself a little jealous that Shepard would have such a loyal friend, even after being gone for two years. Most people would have a little more…hesitation. But Shepard had always been different; everyone loved her and would follow her to the end of time. I'm not jealous, I reprimanded myself.

"Yes, Shepard. That data was an invaluable gift. But, look, we've got to keep moving. A quarian on his Pilgrimage, Veetor, was in this colony before the attack. He hid in the warehouse when our ship landed, and we think the mechs were reprogrammed by him as well. We're trying to get to him to take him back to safety," Tali explained.

I watched as Shepard processed the situation, taking in the still wary stances of the other quarians, though they had backed off momentarily. I could see it in her eyes the moment she had made a decision; they became clear, almost bright in anticipation. She had decided we would work together with the quarians and find Veetor. Veetor was likely our only source of information on what happened in the colony; it was the first colony where someone had been left behind. I saw displeasure in the other quarians' stances when Shepard voiced her plan. They didn't like working with Cerberus, with good reason after we almost blew up that ship in the Flotilla, so I tried to stay in the background. However I couldn't refrain from directing a sarcastic smile at the most ornery quarians grumbling at the back of the group, and they almost started towards me before Tali stopped them with a look. In my mind, it was a look, anyway; you couldn't really tell through the quarian helmets.

My group with Shepard was slowed slightly by a group of infuriating drones. I was the only one with overload tech and none of us were distance fighters. We stayed in cover, hit them when we could, and eventually disabled them all, albeit slowly. It was then that Tali came over the comm to say that Praza's squad had rushed ahead hoping to get to Veetor first. Veetor had then sent out a heavy mech that was destroying the small quarian group. I balked at Praza's idiocy. If you're forced to work with people you don't trust, at least send them first so they take the most fire. It worked out well for us though; at least we wouldn't be surprised like the quarian squad. I looked at Shepard's face, which was actually visible through the visor that she hadn't dimmed, thinking that she would be angry at the betrayal. Instead, her face showed nothing. She had known that Praza wouldn't listen, but followed the plan anyway, I thought surprised.

Against an unknown, it would make sense that the quarians and humans attack together: that was the reason Shepard had suggested it. But if she knew that Praza would disobey, it meant one of two things: either she hated Cerberus so much that she wanted the quarians to get there before us, or she intentionally used the quarian squad to find out what Veetor would do. I wasn't sure which one was worse. If she hated Cerberus so much that she was willing to sabotage her own mission, she wasn't the right woman to save these colonists. But if Shepard had just used the quarian squad as bait…it meant something was off. Shepard would never have been so cold before, or so I thought, and she wouldn't have wanted Tali in danger. The meeting between Shepard and Tali was the first time I had seen warmth in Shepard's gaze, though she had spoken with indifference towards the other quarians. If she had guessed Tali would be fine and only Praza's squad would go off, it was very possible that she allowed those quarians to die for our benefit. Or I was simply overreacting. Shepard might not have even suspected Praza's betrayal, or she thought Tali would hold him back.

I ran a hand through my hair in frustration. Would the old Shepard have done this? Damn it, I didn't know.

We made short work of the heavy mech and found the quarian, Veetor. Veetor even showed us video footage of the attack that showed the Collectors as the culprits. And still, I couldn't tear my thoughts away from her face, that beautiful, scarred, terrifying face. It was that face that looked at me with such an unrestrained hatred that my hands trembled, but in the same moment could look at the dead quarians that were laid about us with nothing more than a slight frown. However, I cared little for the morality of her actions, only if those actions were those of the real Commander Shepard. Such uncertainty I had never felt in my life, and I hated the feeling. How were the motivations of a single woman so difficult to ferret out? I finally brought my mind back to the conversation at hand, sighing.

"Alright, Shepard, let's grab the quarian and take him with us. He could have more information," I said.

"What?" Tali said, outraged. "You aren't taking him anywhere, especially not with Cerberus! He is sick and needs medical attention. Shepard, please, if our friendship meant anything, you won't let Cerberus have Veetor. I'll send you his omni-tool data, anything you need." She was pleading.

"Tali," Shepard seemed taken aback by Tali's tone, "of course Veetor would go with you. As if I would let Lawson get what she wanted." I frowned at her. "Tali, our friendship still means a lot to me. Are…are you afraid of me?"

Tali considered the commander and responded, "I suppose I am a little. This is too good to be true, and Cerberus could have done any number of things to modify who you are, even if you do have Shepard's memories."

"Let me prove it to you, Tali. Come back to the Normandy with me, and help me stop these abductions. It'll be just like old times, and you'll see that I'm me," Shepard said.

"I wish I could Shepard, but I have a mission that is too important for me to abandon right now. But maybe…maybe when that's over," Tali said.

"I can't say I completely understand, Tali. I thought we were friends, and that you would come with me. I thought you might help me figure all this out. I…I've missed you and the crew," Shepard said. I wanted to laugh. Shepard had been conscious a whole two days and she had only been forced to experience their loss for two days. Compare that to Shepard's two year absence from Tali. In a dark moment of humor, I found the situation all too funny.

Tali looked over her shoulder as she was leaving with Veetor. "We're still friends, Shepard, and your crew has missed you too, more than you could know. You should…you should see Liara, when you get the chance. She's pushed us all away, but I kept an eye on her. She took your death a lot harder than the rest of us," Tali said and then fully left the room.

I watched Shepard's face and saw the pain that flashed across it. Her eyes held darkness and anger as her hopes were once again thrown across the rocks of this new world I had revived her to. Another friend walked away from Shepard, leaving her alone with Cerberus and an as yet undefined mission of helping some colonists. On top of it all, to hear of the heartbreak Liara had experienced must have made the commander want to rip someone apart. Only two crew members had truly known the extent of the commander's relationship with Liara T'Soni; it was no wonder Tali didn't understand Liara's grief.

I had actually worked with the asari when she was acquiring Shepard's body for us. I had eventually given a grudging respect to Liara's perseverance, but had witnessed firsthand the darkness that was eating her on the inside. It was that emotional commitment that had led me to discovering that the two had been in love, and my revelation allowed us to use her personal motivations to our gain. However, when she finally possessed Shepard's body, Liara's convictions had wavered. Liara saw the damage done, and didn't believe we would be able to bring Shepard back. Obviously, I forced her to turn the body over to us anyway, but Liara's last words to me continued to echo in my ears, giving voice to my doubts.

You'll never do it, Ms. Lawson. All the science in the world can't bring my Shepard back to me. You may make her body get up, walk, and talk, but how are you going to bring back who she was? I can't look at that body and not see how the soul has fled. How do you plan to bring that back? Can science recreate compassion? Can science recreate love? Don't you dare promise to return my love to me, when I can see that it can't be done! Liara had then paused and walked away from me, but turned and spoke again, quiet and determined. And if you do manage to do the impossible—if that body gets up and walks again and is truly Shepard—then it will not have been your doing, Miranda.

I still pondered over those words. Whose doing was it, if not mine? Was the woman breathing in front of me truly the Shepard that Liara knew? Had I managed the impossible? Was a soul returned? I shook my head at these silly sentimental notions. There was no such thing as a soul; science had disproven that long ago. I had restored Shepard's brain and her body and therefore she was back. There was little else to be bothered with. So why do I doubt if I brought back the real Shepard, if there is nothing else to it?

While my thoughts had captured me, my body had moved along with Shepard. We were quickly aboard the shuttle and off to speak to the Illusive Man about our 'success'. Shepard kept a stoic face, but I could see the fire that blazed beneath the skin. She wanted someone to blame, someone to bleed.

I opened my mouth to say something reassuring, or just anything that might help, but the shuttle landed with a jolt. Shepard gave me a frown and stalked off the newly landed shuttle, not even pausing as she went off to talk to the boss.

XXX

I walked back to my quarters and shut the door, rubbing my temples as I tried to get rid of the pounding headache that had taken up residence behind my forehead. Freedom's Progress had confirmed the Illusive Man's suspicions about the Collectors, suspicions that he hadn't thought to share with me. It was infuriating. Sighing, I sat down at my desk and pulled up the feed to Shepard's cabin. It was a gross invasion of privacy, to have a camera watching her every move, but it was my job to make sure she was doing well. Cerberus didn't care about her personal feelings, or mine for that matter, but I promised myself I would back off on the observation once she cooled off and was fully committed to the mission. I was surprised when the cabin was empty. I could've sworn I had seen Shepard taking the elevator up. I soon found the reason when the woman herself barged into my cabin. Her eyes blazed and she walked right up to me and shoved her face close to mine.

"What. The. Fuck. Is. This?" Shepard asked, deathly quiet as she pointed to her face. I paled. Of course, it was the first time Shepard had looked in a mirror.

"We weren't sure. It would seem some of your genes mutated during the reconstruction, and we didn't know how fix it. It's harmless, really," I said.

"Harmless?" Shepard yelled in disbelief. "This is not my face! These are not my eyes and this isn't my hair! It's not harmless! I don't even look like me anymore. If you're going to rebuild someone, you could at least get the fucking details right! No wonder Tali almost didn't believe me!" The commander paused, calming slightly as she rubbed at her temples.

"I don't know who this is," Shepard said quietly, touching her face. I started to reach out, to try and comfort her, but she saw my arm move and flinched away. Her eyes filled with anger again as she took a step back, out of my reach.

"I'm sorry, Commander," I said. There was nothing I could do.

"I don't care," she growled. I watched as she stomped away and took the elevator back up to her cabin.

This time when I opened the camera feed to her cabin, the room wasn't empty, but the woman in the video was such a wreckage of anger and sorrow that I could hardly bear to look. I had a sudden sense that this was not something meant for my eyes; this was a Commander Shepard that few were ever supposed to see. I hit the minimize button quickly, but then pulled it back up and hit the red record. Later, I checked again and saw that Shepard was asleep, and I forwarded the video to Liara T'Soni. Was I messing with her? I wasn't sure. Was I actually starting to care? I hoped not.

Liara

It was late once again when my omni-tool gave another buzz. My heart stopped, knowing it would be from Miranda. I wasn't sure if I wanted to know more. I had spent two years mourning the love of my life, and there she sat in that picture. I had pulled the picture up over and over the past few days, unable to believe what my eyes were showing me. I missed her familiar violet eyes and unruly blonde hair, but the more I looked, the more I thought the new colors suited her. If she had been bald, it wouldn't have mattered because that was still her face, the face I never thought I'd see again. Finally, I realized that I had never expected Cerberus to succeed in any part of reviving Shepard. I never thought I would actually see Shepard again, and now there was the chance that I would see her again, and soon. But would it really be her? Her body could walk up to me, an empty shell given a fate worse than death.

Would it be better if she had truly returned? What would she think of me now? I shivered, thinking of those eyes raking over my body. My memories still brought forth the smell of almonds mixed with something earthy—the scent that followed Shepard out of the shower in the evenings. Shepard's body temperature was much warmer than mine, and her skin always felt like she had been sitting in sunshine. The heart in my chest ached at the thought of her in my arms. But I wasn't the same person. I had become colder, harsher. I had a goal, and I didn't want Shepard involved. I didn't want her to know how I had betrayed her, how I had given her body to the very people who had originally scarred it. But, even lost in memories, I couldn't contain my curiosity at what Miranda had sent me. This time it wasn't a picture, but a video. Shepard stood paused at her desk, both palms on its surface. I hit play.

Shepard paced back and forth, biotics crawling over her skin like fire. It reminded me of how she had reacted after Virmire, and I knew her mind was on violence. First she grabbed the chair and threw it against the wall. Next went the bed covers and everything on her desk. She threw the framed medal Cerberus had provided for her cabin. She reached for the picture next to it and was about to throw when she paused. She stopped, trembling as she held the picture in her hands. When she shifted positions, I could see over her shoulder that she held a picture of my face. I was momentarily shocked. However, it did make a certain amount of sense that Cerberus would provide it. The Illusive Man had figured out our relationship and exploited it mercilessly. Shepard took a few steps and then folded to the floor, still holding the picture. I could hear the sobs that wracked her body as she sat in the wreckage of her cabin.

"What am I, Liara? Am I even the same person? Is this real?" Shepard was saying. "I don't understand how I got here and why everyone has abandoned me. Why aren't you here, Liara? Why wasn't it your face that I opened my eyes to?" My heart broke at her words.

"They've got me fucking trapped and I don't see a way out, not without abandoning those colonists. I know I have to stay, but I don't trust them. They were the reason my life was ruined and now I'm forced to work with them. I'm so angry and confused."

"I wish I was back on the old Normandy. I wish I had you in my arms again, like that morning before the attack. I thought we were going to have so much time together; I love you so damn much. Where are you, Liara?

Oh, my love, I miss you. Would you still love me if you saw what I had turned into, what I had to do to get over losing you? Where were you then, Evelyn? Why were you taken from me?

I found that tears had started pouring down my face. The video had stopped and deleted itself off my omni-tool, Miranda's doing, but I could still see Shepard's face imprinted on my vision. I could hear the pain in her voice as she talked to the picture of me and questioned what had happened to her. Evelyn. The name still sent a tingle down my spine and heat in my cheeks. I had recovered Shepard's dog tags and there was her first name printed for all to see, the name she had never shared with anyone, including me. Maybe she had just never gotten the chance, or maybe she hadn't thought it meant anything. But it did. I picked up the blackened tags that I kept in my desk drawer and slid my thumb over the surface, feeling the engraving. Evelyn M. Shepard. I wish I was there with you. I wish I was the Liara you remembered me being so we could pick up where we left off and live happily ever after. I turned my omni-tool completely off, wishing I could do the same to the memories that tortured me with their happiness.