Pip stared sadly at the sky, listening to the alarm sound early the sixth day. She and her team had failed, and it was her fault. All her fault. Kon was unconsciousness under a tree, and Hideo was wrapping up a nasty leg wound. Pip herself nearly looked like a living mummy, burn marks and needle thin cuts covering her. Her lungs burned from poisonous gas, and her left ear had a fuzzy ringing in it. She in her inexperience had dragged her new team down as they tried to protect her. Tears welled up in her eyes as the frustration built up. She couldn't even protect herself, she should've told the Hokage she couldn't be a ninja, that she wasn't cut out for it. Whats worse, for the second night in the forest she cried non-stop after seeing Kon kill a boy younger then herself. But he was holding a knife to her throat. He would have killed her.

She could still see his glassy brown eyes looking right through her. Kon had yelled at her for being completely useless. Hideo tried to comfort her. Pip could only think of how her hero of a father would have been disappointed. If she had died or if she had killed. She couldnt do either. The third day they made progress, but the Fourth night some kids from mist had filled the air with miasma, effectively putting her out for the count, the Fifth night she woke up on Hideo shoulders watching Kon get slammed into a tree, knocking him out. Hideo was able to "dispatch" two, while the third left after Pip herself through the scroll at him.

Now here they we're watching sunlight filter through leaves, the faint outline of the tower just above the tree tops. It wasn't until a ninja wearing an animal mask showed up that Pip passed out.

Pip woke p to the sound of a heart moniter again. The sterile air burning her nostrils. Light blinded her but as she adjusted she saw a patch of silver.

"Kakashi?"

"Oh Pip you gave us a real scare there! We thought you were going to die in all honesty" Kabuto came into focus, and he heart moniter picked up pace.

"Get out."

"What? Are you feeling okay?" He reached his hand over but she knocked it to the side, the moniter racing.

"GET OUT!" Kabuto took a step back, Pips chest was heaving and she was struglging against the blankets. More nurses ran in trying to calm her down but Kabuto was already gone, and with a prick to the neck so was Pip.

This time there was silence. And gold sunlight illuminating the room. The Hokage stood at the foot of her bed. Tsubaki by the window. Kakashi by the door. Ibiki in the corner. Pip looked at the Hokage, and glared.

"You're a monster." Pip struggled to sit up, propping herself on her elbow. "They were children! CHILDREN DAMMIT! How on EARTH do you sleep at night knowing that babies are killing each other!"

"They are considered adults the minute they graduate the academy."

"Yeah well the boy Kon had to kill was shaking as he held that knife to my neck. That boy was a baby looking right through me as blood leaked out. You made your children into killers, but you," She pointed at the Hokage and glared at the rest, "are the fucking monsters. You tried to make me one."

"We told you that you would protect others and the village."

"And I thought you taught to incapacitate. Not go for the jugular."

"In a situation of war-"

"But are you at war? Do you not have adults that can handle that? Do you not have trained people to fight the ugly battles? What if your grandson had been there?"

"One day he will be and he will understand that he has to choose his life or the mission. His life or the people."

"Well I choose my fucking life." Pip tore the headband off and through it over the edge of the bed as it landed at the Hokages feet.

"What you do is sick. I will NOT be a part of it no longer."

"You can't leave." Ibiki said glaring her down. "You know too much now about our village and people."

"I wasn't planning on leaving. I just CAN'T be a killer, not like that. I could never live with myself, they are people, not some mannequins." Tsubaki smiled.

"I figured this would happen."

"Then why make me a ninja at all? Why pt me through that hell?!" The Hokage looked down in regret, the first time Pip had ever seen it.

"I can't honestly answer that, but I will try and make amends."

"You can't bring that little boy back to life."

"But maybe you can try and learn to save others." Pip looked weary at the old man. "How would you like to work in the hospital, learn to heal people."

"I think we've established I dont take death well. I think if I'd lost someone I'd die inside."

"Then maybe a teacher. I need you to be near ninja so we can keep an eye on you, I can't keep sending ANBU to look after you."

"I never asked you to do that."

"It was precaution."

"And what would I teach? I don't have chakra and I don't have any special justsu."

"Teach them to defend themselves. Basics on self defense." Pip drew her mouth into a firm straight line. "I'll give you til after the Chunnin exams, but if you can't decide, I don't know what we'll do with you." Pip nodded, but turned her gaze down, no longer looking at the Hokage. Ibiki, Tsubaki, and the Hokage left. When Kakashi spoke, it startled Pip.

"We are not heartless killer. We do feel the weight of what we've done."

"Yeah, well your an adult, youve been doing this since you we're young. You've learned to desensitize yourself."

"Yes, but you know what."

"What?"

"We fight to protect the ones we love, more often than not. We fight to save the ones we care about." Kakashi, for once, walked out the door, and closed it gently, leaving Pip to her tears.

And her guilt.

"Everyone I care about is gone, you idiot."