If Life Was a Game

Hey y'all, I'm back after a very long absence! I know I should be working on projects that actually matter (like my HUNK story that I have pathetically abandoned ...) but this came to mind instead. I was talking with some friends about the pros and cons of 'if life was like a video game'. Well, this is the result. I chose Revelations for the medium, since it is my new favorite thing ever. Why Raymond instead of a more mainstream character like Chris or Jill? Because Raymond and his hair of awesomeness kick ass! I don't expect many people to even read this, let alone enjoy it, but if you do either, a review is always appreciated with much appreciation. :)

Raymond Vester was very confused. He had been sitting on the couch in his apartment one moment, eating Top Ramen and watching Kung-fu Hustle, and the next minute he was standing in a deserted room with a gun in his hands.

What the hell? he thought. Do I have amnesia or something? What am I doing here?

There was an odd sound above his head. It sounded like someone typing on a keyboard. Looking up, he saw text floating in the air. It read: Get to the heliport. And under that, Stage 7, Chasm.

Weird, thought Raymond. Well, at least I know what to do. Looking around, he realized that the surroundings were horribly familiar. Terregrigia. God, he had been here so many times in his nightmares.

As he approached the double doors, they swung open as if on a sensor. Just like the supermarket. Cool, thought Raymond. They must have updated their technology since I was last here! Then he realized how stupid that sounded. Who was 'they'? And wasn't the city supposed to be in ruins?

He proceeded down the staircase as a slow jog. Fire flickered behind glass windows, but curiously it emitted no heat or smoke. He was just about to step closer and investigate when a loud growl behind him caused him to turn – just in time to duck the swinging outstretched claw of a hunter. He noticed even through his shock that it had a little orange bar floating above its head.

His body reacted on pure instinct. Lifting his gun, he pulled the trigger. Every bullet in his clip blasted out at once, surprising the hunter and Raymond equally. What's wrong with this gun? He reloaded and fired again, with the same result. A lot of very high numbers cascaded out of the creature's body where his bullets hit. The orange bar disappeared as the hunter died.

More of them were coming now – a swarm of muscular green bodies hopping about like demented crickets, each with a decorative bar that moved with it. Raymond backed up and continued to fire. Within seconds, he had burned through every single round in his gun. The hunters had him backed into a corner and were slowly advancing with their arms raised to strike.

Shit! I'm so dead!

Then he noticed that his pockets felt really heavy. Inserting his hand, he discovered a bunch of loose rounds rolling around. When did those get there? he wondered. I could have sworn they were empty before.

Not wanted to question his stroke of good luck too much, he refilled his weapon and continued to blow away enemies. Before long, he was alone again, the vanquished hunters having melted inexplicably into the ground without leaving a trace.

Well, the heliport (if that was his destination) was located further up in the building. He crossed the bare expanse of the lobby, avoiding the eerie noiseless, heatless and smokeless fire, and ascended the stairs on the other side. But as he rounded the corner, a concealed hunter suddenly jumped out and swiped at him, knocking him flat on his back. The edges of his vision turned red, but Raymond felt no pain. Nor was he bleeding, although the claws had obviously scored him deeply. As he lay there, dazed, there was a flash of green and a rather pleasant sound, and his sight was restored to normal.

My bulletproof vest must have saved me again, he thought.

He killed the hunter and got into the elevator, where something even more puzzling happened. As he reached out to the panel, a large X appeared in the air, next to what looked like a magnifying glass. Raymond tried to reach past it, but he was unable to. Finally he touched the X, and the elevator started.

During the slow ride upwards, he glanced around, noting for the first time that on his right and slightly upwards, there was a map of the building. He appeared on it as a blue dot with a little cone spread outwards. Experimentally, he walked to the other side of the elevator. The dot moved.

That's pretty handy, he thought, impressed. I wonder what makes that happen? Do I have some new gear or something?

When the elevator reached the top floor, he got out and proceeded through the rooms, killing every hunter he encountered. Several of them, he noticed, had little icons beside their orange bar. These seemed to take longer to die, and they were either big and slow, or tiny and very fast.

There were a few side passages, but he ignored them, figuring that the sooner he reached the helipad, the sooner he would understand what was going on. Maybe someone was up here who would explain it all to him.

In one of the rooms two leafy green plants were growing in pots. They had X's over them, and Raymond curiously touched one. The plant vanished into thin air, and his pockets felt a bit heavier. But when he tried to touch the other, a red circle with a line through it appeared, along with the words green herb. Raymond tried a few more times and then gave up.

He was beginning to get the hang of this. Ammo filled his up his pockets when he killed hunters. That was pretty cool, even if it was mystic as hell. Somewhat more annoying were those strange X's that he seemed to be required to touch if he was to do anything. He also discovered that he had two other weapons at his disposal (which thankfully did not unleash all of their rounds in one fell swoop when he pressed the trigger) as well as a lot of different grenades. How and where he was carrying all of this stuff he could not tell, but it seemed to appear randomly in his hand when he required it.

Things were going pretty well until he reached the second elevator. Suddenly he was swarmed by hunters again, many of them very large. He retreated back down the hall and tried to open the shutter that he had squeezed under only moments before, but no X appeared and it obstinately refused to budge without one. Gritting his teeth, Raymond leveled his shotgun and prepared for a fight.

He held them off for several minutes. The shotgun blasts knocked them down, and he was able to finish them off with powerful rounds from his sniper rifle, or full bursts from his magnum. Occasionally, if there was a tight knot of several, he would chuck a grenade. These never seemed to damage him no matter how close to him the blast was.

But eventually he had to reload, and then they were on him. A jumping attack that he was not quick enough to dodge knocked him flat. No sooner had he jumped to his feet than a second hunter swiped at him, and he fell over again.

And he could not get up. Panicking (was something damaged? His legs? God forbid – his spine? What if he could never walk again!) he tried to shoot the hunters before they killed him, but his arms were like lead. Then he noticed the X in the air. Frantically he punched it, and kept punching it until the weight on his shoulders suddenly lifted and he was able to rise to his feet. He made quick work of the remaining hunters and continued.

The elevator was blocked off by chains and a padlock, but he must have had a key, because when he touched the stupid little X, they disintegrated to let him through.

Finally, after an excruciatingly long elevator ride, he emerged into the glorious sunset light on the roof. Two helicopters was waiting there, blades whirring. No one apparently was present to pilot them. Raymond wasn't worried. He had been trained to fly.

But as he crossed the empty space, the biggest hunter yet rose up out of the ground and came for him. Raymond reached into his pockets. Out of ammo. Shit.

He felt for a grenade. Empty. Shit, shit!

Well, it wasn't like he had to fight the thing. He could just get in the chopper and leave. Raymond ran forward, neatly dodged the attack, and … stopped dead. He could not move any further. There was an invisible wall separating him from his escape.

Shitshitshit!

As the hunter closed in for the kill, Raymond in desperation pulled out the last resource available to him: his combat knife. He slashed the blade across the creature's chest, and it reeled. Went down on one knee, it's absurdly tiny head bowed low as its shoulders heaved. There was an X. Raymond hit it as hard as he could.

The next sensation was indescribably bizarre. He began to kick high, but even though there was no strain on his muscles whatsoever, he was moving in slow motion. His foot creeped upwards towards the hunter's head. It was still stunned, but for how much longer?

Finally normal time kicked back in, and his toe connected with the hunter's jaw. It flew back, writhed, and vanished. The number 9999 hung in the air, and Raymond stared. His kick was more deadly than a full chamber from a high-powered magnum? What the hell?

Turning around, he saw that a slowly rotating golden disc was now hanging in the air between the helicopters. He moved cautiously towards it, not knowing what to expect. An X of course, what else? Touching it, Raymond was mildly surprised when he kicked again (this time at normal speed) and shattered the thing into pieces. The world when black around him.

Oh God, he thought. I'm dying. Without even knowing what happened to me. Oh wait, I get it. Maybe this is a bad dream. Someone hit me with their car when I went out for groceries, and I'm in the hospital in a coma. I'm going to wake up soon and I'll be just fine. Right?

Words and numbers infiltrated the blackness. Raymond stared.

Accuracy 71%

Enemies routed 11

Damage 2882

Clear Time 00:18'22"

2010 BP

387 EXP

Okay, Raymond thought. Maybe this was some sort of simulation? In that case, I suppose I'm being graded on my performance. Well, I did pretty well (except for the few times I got hit). I should get a pretty high rank.

A single capital letter swam into being. Raymond's eyes bulged and he threw down his gun in a fit of rage.

It was a C.