So we're studying mental disorders in my psychology class, and one of them is PTSD. Trigger warning for rape. Consider this a chapter not only to let out my own pain and frustrations at the moment, but also as a PSA that PTSD isn't just for war veterans. Anything traumatic can cause this.

Regina sighed comfortably from her spot on the bed. She had gotten off of work early, and was just enjoying some alone time without Henry in the house. Eventually she would have to pick him up from school, but for now she was enjoying the peace and quiet.

As she lay there, Regina began to contemplate her life at this moment. She tended to do that when she was alone and no one was there to drag her out of her thought. Specifically Emma.

Regina couldn't help but smile at the thought of Emma. They had started dating a couple months previous, and so far things had been great. Regina prided herself on the fact that she hadn't managed to break down yet.

She knew that she wanted a relationship with Emma. But as things got more intimate, Regina had to force herself not to curl up in the fetal position and start crying at the memories that haunted her mind.

It wasn't that she didn't want Emma to touch her. She longed for the day that she and the blonde would do certain...things. Regina shook her head and laughed at the thought. Even in her mind she couldn't think about it without using other words.

She did want to feel Emma's arms around her, she really did. But being touched was her trigger.

It was fine when Henry did it, because it was a different kind of hug. He was her son and didn't expect anything more from her than a hug and an occasional kiss on the cheek. And their love was different.

But with Emma, even the holding of hands could turn into something more. And that terrified Regina more than anything.

The last time that someone had tried to touch her romantically, he had ended up having his heart crushed. Regina hadn't meant to, and she hated herself for it afterwards, but the visions had been so real and she had thought that it was the King above her.

Granted, she had been a thing with Graham. But that was different. She had felt nothing for him, and the panic and memories only seemed to happen whenever she loved the person who was doing the touching. Because when she loved and gave into the passion, then the King came out to play.

Regina shook her head to clear her thoughts. Thinking about him would get her nowhere but to a very dark place that Emma would see instantly. Regina didn't want to talk about what was going on in her mind. That was her burden to carry, and hers alone.

At that moment, the bedroom door opened and Emma walked in. Regina had texted her to say that she had gotten off early, and would love the chance to meet the blonde somewhere for a walk in the woods or by the beach.

Emma, however, knew that Regina would go home first to relax, providing her with the perfect opportunity to do what she had wanted to for a long time. Actually touch Regina.

She knew that Regina had a thing about being touched, but it seemed like Emma was the only one she avoided being touched by. It worried her. Had she done something wrong that made Regina not want to be touched by her, and only her?

Regina's eyes widened at the sight of Emma, and she sat up quickly. "What are you doing here?"

Emma shrugged. "I got your text and thought that I could come here instead."

Regina felt herself begin to panic. If Emma stayed here with her, chances are she would want to watch a movie. This would most likely involve sitting closely on the couch, and that could lead to touching. Touching wasn't good.

"I would prefer that we do some kind of activity," Regina said, her voice even and calm. She patted herself on the back for concealing her emotions so well. Showing any kind of discomfort or fear would have Emma all over her in seconds.

"Why?" Emma asked. She was thoroughly confused. Why wouldn't she and Regina just have a day to relax and be together without having to do some kind of activity?

"I don't like relaxing," Regina said, getting off of the bed.

"Then what do you call what you were just doing?" Emma asked, crossing her arms. "Because that looks pretty close to relaxing to me."

"I, um," Regina said. "You know, it's really not important. We can watch a movie if you'd like."

"Hey, we don't have to do anything you don't want to do," Emma said, reaching out and grabbing Regina's hand. "It was just a suggestion."

Regina froze at the feeling of Emma's hand in her own. Touching her.

Emma felt Regina tense and quickly released her hand. She had broken their unspoken rule. No touching.

"I'm sorry," Emma said quickly.

But Regina didn't hear her. She was lost in her memories.

Regina looked around the room in a panic. She had already experienced this night once. Why did she have to go through it again?

The night in question was her wedding night. Handed off by her mother to the King, Regina had completely forgotten that this was a part of married life. She knew what was expected of her, but didn't want to do it in the least bit.

Regina whimpered as she looked around the room in distress. There was no way out. She was stuck here, forced to relive the night that had changed everything. No longer would she be innocent. Tonight would be the final tipping point towards becoming the Evil Queen.

Leopold opened the door to their bedchamber, clearly drunk. Regina shuddered. That was probably the only way that he could bear to do this with her. He had already slipped up once and called her Eva at the party. They had only been married for 10 minutes.

"You look perfect," Leopold slurred.

Regina swallowed her disgust. "Thank you."

As he began to undress her, Regina closed her eyes to suppress the tears that were threatening to spill. She couldn't cry. Taking a deep breath, Regina did what she could to numb herself. What was coming would be easier this way.

Emma was panicking. Regina was lost in her own head, relieving some kind of awful memory. And all because Emma had touched her.

"Regina? Please, come on. Look at me," Emma pleaded. "Come back to me, please. I'm so sorry for what I've done."

Regina started to come out of her flashback. Emma watched as the lost look in her eyes went away, indicating that she was back in the present.

"Regina?" Emma prodded gently.

Regina jumped at the sound of Emma's voice. "What happened?"

"You tell me," Emma said. "I touched your hand and then you disappeared on me. What happened?"

"You touched me?" Regina asked, her eyes widening. "I didn't do anything to you, did I?"

Emma looked at her in confusion. "What? No. You didn't do anything. Why did you think that you did something?"

"No reason," Regina said quickly. "I'm sorry. I'm sure I ruined our afternoon together."

"Don't worry about it," Emma said dismissively. "Instead, explain to me what just went on in that wonderful head of yours."

"Nothing," Regina said.

"Regina," Emma said gently. "Why can't I touch you? You let everyone else touch you. Is this your way of telling me that you don't want to be with me anymore?"

"No!" Regina said quickly. "It's because I want to be with you that you can't touch me."

"Tell me why," Emma pleaded. "I just want to know what's going on. Please."

Regina bit her lip. "Being touched by someone that I love is my trigger."

"Trigger?" Emma asked. "Like, for flashbacks?"

"Sort of," Regina said. "Try more like PTSD. Archie diagnosed me a while ago. Not that his medical opinion counts for much, but it's better than nothing I suppose."

"His medical opinion counts," Emma said. "Why wouldn't you tell me about this? We could have worked through it."

"There's no cure for it," Regina said.

"So I'm just supposed to accept not being able to touch you?" Emma asked. "I don't think so. People support each other in relationships, Regina. We're in this together."

Regina bit her lip. "But anytime you touch me I'm triggered. I have to relive that night."

"What night?" Emma asked.

Emma watched, as Regina seemed to visibly curl in on herself, shutting down completely. "I-"

"Regina, I'm not going to judge you," Emma said. "Please, just let me help. What night are you reliving through your flashbacks?"

Regina bit her lip, hard enough to draw blood, and squeezed her eyes closed. "My wedding night. The tipping part towards who I became as a villain."

"What did he do to you?" Emma whispered.

"He was drunk," Regina said. "And was every time after that. It wasn't like he knew what he was doing."

"Regina, what did he do to you?" Emma asked. "Did he hurt you?"

Regina winced. "Something like that."

Realization visibly registered in Emma's eyes. "You don't want to be touched because he touched you in ways that make awful things be relived in your mind."

"Yes," Regina said. "I can't help it. No matter what I do, I always manage to be triggered just by being touched by the person I love. I can't help it."

"Don't do that," Emma said gently. "I can feel you beating yourself up from here. You went through a traumatic event, and I don't blame you for having these flashbacks."

"I should be over it by now," Regina said.

"When was the last time you talked to Archie about this?" Emma asked. "Actually talked in depth about it."

Regina looked down at her feet. "We never have. I always leave before things can get too deep. I don't like talking about it."

"Tell you what," Emma said. "I'll agree to not touch you until you're ready. But in return, you have to go see Archie. Please. For me."

She had thrown those last two words in there, knowing that those words were a weak point for Regina. Regina would do anything just to make Emma happy, and Emma knew it.

"Okay," she relented. "I'll go see Archie. And maybe someday, you'll be able to touch me without sending me into a panic."

Emma smiled. That was all she needed to hear.