Anakin laid a bouquet of flowers in the grass and then sat beside it.
"I wasn't sure what kind of flowers you liked," he said, "So I got one of each." He looked at the bouquet and smiled a little at the mish-mash of purple lilac, pink peony, white tuberose, and yellow tulip, with blue Rominaria flowers and funnel flowers from Tatooine as the surrounding flora. He picked up the bouquet and brought it to his nose.
"You probably would have wanted a wedding bouquet that matched better, huh?" Anakin asked the air. "But I think you'd like the smell of the Rominarias. It's just like baby powder."
He set the bouquet beside him again and looked out to the edge of Makeout Cliff. Then he wiped his eyes and set his gaze on his lap, brows drawn together.
"I know you're not here," he said, throat closing up, "You're with the Force. But the Force is with me and that's something." Anakin laughed. "You always could hear everything. You better hear me now."
Anakin waited quietly but there was no sign from Elan.
"I haven't gone to see you yet," Anakin said, "But I'm going to. I might go to your funeral too. I'm just not sure I can handle seeing your father." Anakin pulled at the grass to his left. "Was it him?" he asked.
A slight breeze blew through Anakin's hair. He covered his face. "I don't know what that means!"
The breeze weakened and Anakin took a deep breath. "Fine," he decided, "I'll ask him myself."
Padmé had gone back to work the day after the Fall Festival. She hadn't expected Rex to kiss her. And she hadn't expected Obi-Wan to come rushing over like a chaperone at a high school dance to break them up. But she'd had fun up until that point. Maybe it was best she answer no to Rex's invitations. If there were going to be any more invitations.
Rex was in his office, looking at pictures and discussing motives with the other investigators. Padmé couldn't stand to look at Elan like that, and with lack of experience in murder cases she gladly took on guard duty.
Only one person resided in the station's holding cell at the moment. Padmé just had to watch and make sure the Clawdite didn't try anything.
"Can I get some water?" called the Clawdite.
Padmé watched her carefully as she went to the water dispenser and poured her a cup. She walked back calmly and passed the cup through the bars, her other hand free to grab her blaster if she needed it.
The Clawdite took the water and drank it dry, then crumbled the paper cup in her hand and went back to sitting on the thin bench of her cell.
"What are you in for?" Padmé asked.
The Clawdite looked at her curiously with big yellow eyes. "Hunting," she answered. "The laws are different here and I didn't realize I was breaking any."
"So you shot something you weren't supposed to?"
"Yeah," there was a pause, "A doe. I think my buddies will have me outta here soon, once they're done laughing at me."
Padmé considered what the Clawdite had told her and asked, "Do you need a place to stay? You and your friends?"
She thought about it. "Sing's cabin isn't that far from this little town. But it's always been cramped with all of us in there. You know a place?"
Padmé smiled. "My father owns the Kenobi Motel. It's opening today, so tell your friends."
"Sure," she said.
"What's your name?" Padmé asked.
"Should be on the record."
Padmé countered, "I'm asking you, not the documents."
The Clawdite sat up straight. "Cato Parasitti."
"I'm Padmé Kenobi. I'll let my father know you'll be staying with us." Then she added, "About how many others should we expect?"
Cato counted on her fingers as she mouthed their names. "Ten."
Padmé smiled. Almost every room would be filled. "Perfect."
Rex had called Obi-Wan back the day before to say Anakin could visit Elan anytime as long as he did it within the next several days. Elan's parents weren't going to be able to afford much of a funeral, so his body was only waiting in the morgue for the investigators' benefit. He also told Obi-Wan they didn't have much in the way of suspects, but that Elan's injuries might suggest a crime of passion, or possibly a hate crime.
"By who?" Obi-Wan asked.
"We're unsure," Rex said, "But you might be able to help."
"Sure."
"Anakin was with you the entire evening?"
Obi-Wan balked. "Yes, of course. We made dinner together."
"And Elan was only dating Anakin?"
Obi-Wan held his head, then adjusted the phone by his mouth. "Most certainly. They made plans to get married."
"You allowed that?" Rex asked.
"I didn't know!" Obi-Wan replied. "But I can tell you they were happy, and Anakin was with me the entire time. Have you considered Elan's father?"
"That was my next question. His records have him down for domestic abuse and substance abuse… Oh, and Obi-Wan, I'm not supposed to share this information, really, so—"
"My lips are sealed," he said.
"Good. So he's on the list, but the records show he never abused Elan with this much severity. Do you know otherwise?"
Obi-Wan thought through the things Elan had told him. "No," he sighed, "I don't know the extent of it, either."
Rex shuffled some papers around on his desk. "Do you have any other suspicions? We don't have all that much evidence, besides size of the knife used… Some brown hair, either his or Anakin's… Skin particles, likely from the three of you. We need to do some lab work with you two. But nothing's standing out so far. The killer may have used gloves, and then it wouldn't be a crime of passion, but premeditated."
Obi-Wan frowned. "I don't know, Rex. There was someone who beat on Elan's face the same day, because Elan didn't sell him drugs. Or her, I guess. Elan didn't say. And Anakin was worried about some comments a classmate of his made. I don't think they were threats—more like insults—but Maul Opress has attacked Anakin before."
"Alright, thanks. I've got it written down here. I'll let you know when we have more news."
Obi-Wan sighed. "Alright. Goodbye, Rex."
"Goodbye."
After the phone call, Obi-Wan had told Anakin they would visit Elan soon, and not to push himself if he changed his mind. Anakin fervently replied that he still wanted to. So the next day, Obi-Wan called the hospital and scheduled a time. Anakin said he was going out for a walk. And now it was nearly time for them to leave and Anakin hadn't returned yet.
Obi-Wan called Anakin on his cell phone. It was getting old, not knowing what Anakin was up to, although Obi-Wan had tried to be patient and understanding. Obi-Wan had been through grief himself. But he hadn't had a worried parent waiting for him to come home.
Obi-Wan shoved his phone in his pocket, grabbed his keys, and opened the door to go get in his car and find Anakin when he saw his son walking up the stairs. Obi-Wan rushed down the stone steps to meet him and clasped his hands to his cheeks, noticing a few flecks of blood on his face.
"Anakin, what did you do?" Obi-Wan demanded.
"Nothing," Anakin replied grumpily.
Obi-Wan pinched his cheek. "What's this, then? Where were you?"
Anakin batted his hand away. "I went to talk to Elan's father, alright?"
Obi-Wan's eyes widened. "No, it's not alright. It's dangerous. Tell me whose blood this is."
"His," Anakin said.
"How?" Obi-Wan asked.
Anakin tried to shove past him but Obi-Wan grabbed his arm and pulled him back. "You don't get to walk out on a conversation, Anakin!"
Anakin made a face but didn't try to struggle out of Obi-Wan's grip this time. Gradually, Obi-Wan let go of him.
"Answer me, please," Obi-Wan said.
Anakin took a breath. "I had to know if he killed Elan, so I went to his house and knocked on the door. He let me in and we talked for a while. He was hard to read. I couldn't tell if he was mourning Elan or not. Whenever I tried to bring it up, he'd dismiss it—so finally I asked if he cared about Elan at all and he said Elan was worthless from the beginning, just something he had to pay for. I lost it, okay?"
"So you attacked him?"
"Yes! He has no idea what Elan was worth, but I do! Someone needed to make him pay for treating Elan like shit."
"Anakin," Obi-Wan started.
"Sorry, bantha fodder."
"No, Anakin—listen to me. You can't live outside the law. We're not Jedi, as much as I've taught you differently. You're only a minor for so much longer—and you have no idea when the person you say needs to pay is going to make you regret it. Elan's dad is addicted to narcotics, Anakin. He could have killed you."
"He's skin and bones," Anakin replied.
"What's to stop him from picking up a blaster? Or a knife? You've got to think things through," Obi-Wan countered.
"I did. I'm the only one who is! Rex doesn't have any leads? Is he even talking to people? Has he left his office? Right, he went on a date with Padmé while my Elan was alone in the morgue!"
Obi-Wan sighed, then ran his hand through Anakin's hair over and over, trying to soothe his stress. "I know how you're feeling," he said, "but despite that you have to let Rex do his job. I gave him a few ideas for where to look."
"Like what?" Anakin asked.
Obi-Wan gave him a knowing look. "We're going to be late to see Elan," he said, taking Anakin's hand and walking to the car. Inside, Anakin insisted, "What ideas did you have?"
Obi-Wan started the car and pulled out onto Tosche Street. He remained silent.
"Father," Anakin snapped.
Obi-Wan turned to Anakin briefly before his eyes went back to the road. "Do I need to call Rex?" he suggested.
"Why?" Anakin said hesitantly.
"So he can show you what a night in jail is like."
"Father!"
"That's where you're heading, Anakin! If you don't restrain yourself, you're going to hurt someone, and yourself, and the consequence will be jail! Do you understand me now?"
Anakin's brows made worry lines at the same time that his mouth pouted. "I understand," he relented.
"Okay," Obi-Wan said. They traveled quietly for a few minutes.
"I forgot something!" Anakin exclaimed.
"What?" Obi-Wan asked.
"I need a ring for Elan."
"Sweetheart, we don't have that kind of money—"
"I'll pay you back," he promised.
Obi-Wan's shoulders were going to be permanently slumped if he kept sighing like this. "Where?" he asked.
"The pawn shop?"
Obi-Wan smiled a little. "We can see," he said, "but we'll be late."
"Elan's not going anywhere," Anakin said softly.
Obi-Wan held out his hand and Anakin took it. They parked by the pawn shop and went inside.
One ring later, they were at the hospital, standing in the hallway outside the morgue as Elan's body was prepared. A doctor exited the room and told them he was ready.
Anakin turned to Obi-Wan. "Could I be alone with him for a little while?"
Obi-Wan looked to the doctor, but he was on his way to another part of the hospital. "Alright," Obi-Wan said, " I'll be right here if you need me."
Anakin nodded, took a deep breath, and entered the morgue, the door closing behind him. In the center of the cold room was a thin, elevated table, on it a body covered with a white sheet.
Anakin approached the table slowly, but unflinchingly, and when he was standing above the contours of Elan's body he gripped the white sheet and pulled it back, folding it carefully at Elan's shoulders. He looked pale. Anakin swallowed and touched Elan's cheek. Cold. He took his hand back, then relaxed. Elan's eyes were closed, just as they were when the paramedics took him. Anakin reached for him again, this time running his fingers through his hair before stroking his cheek. "I missed you," Anakin said.
Elan didn't reply.
Anakin tried to squash the horrible hope that he would. But the urge to talk to him was too much. "I brought you something," Anakin said, then pulled the ring out of his pocket. He held it up as if Elan could see. He turned it over, looking at the small, damaged engraving on the inside. Someone else's love letter. But it was theirs now. love conquers all.
The outside of the ring had a few scrapes through the gold. Anakin had frowned at the imperfections—the ring Elan had given him was obviously new, shiny—but nothing seemed perfect now. Except Elan. Elan was perfect. Anakin tried to memorize his face for the second time. His cheeks still had just the right amount of curve to make him boyishly cute—another year and he could've looked like the hottest new actor at the holovids. His eyes, Anakin decided, would still sparkle mischievously, but he wasn't going to check. He didn't want to disturb him. However...
"I'd like to look at you, if that's alright," Anakin told him. Words Anakin had appreciated a week ago. Maybe not enough. Elan remained quiet, so Anakin pulled the sheet back a little more, to rest at his bellybutton. He blinked a few times at the sight of him.
Obi-Wan had healed him, completely, almost. Anakin regretted placing the blame on him, even if he knew how irrational it was in the first place. Elan's chest was free of any marks. Lower there were pink scars where Obi-Wan had worked too quickly. But no open wounds. Anakin fought tears and held Elan's hand, then used the other to curl Elan's fingers around his.
"How did this happen?" he said. "How did I lose you?"
There was a little knock at the door.
Anakin wiped his face. "One second," he called. He straightened out the fingers of Elan's left hand and slipped the ring on his finger. He leaned over him and gave him a quick kiss, his voice deserting him. Anakin took the sheet in both hands to cover him up but tore it off instead. His boyfriend. Who had the right to cover him? Like something shameful? Anakin's eyes raked over him and he moved to the edge of the table and lifted Elan's foot slightly. The scar from stepping on a piece of glass was still there. Anakin traced it with his finger. Elan didn't jerk back from the tickle.
Anakin let go of him and sobbed, his fury gone. Elan wasn't going to feel anything from Anakin ever again. Anakin picked up the sheet and laid it over him. He wanted to keep him warm despite it all. He left his face exposed so he wouldn't forget it. Sometimes Mother's was hard to recall, it had been so long.
Anakin went to the door and gladly accepted Obi-Wan's open arms. Warm, living, breathing—so why didn't Anakin feel the same inside? Like happiness would never be his again? He raised his head and kissed Obi-Wan.
Obi-Wan took his shoulders in both hands and separated them, his face aghast for an instant. Anakin felt a sick shiver run down his spine. Obi-Wan's expression morphed into sadness. "Remember what we talked about?" he whispered.
Anakin felt another sob rack his body, then hate returning—but not because he wanted to hate. He wanted to love.
Obi-Wan's hands were on his face, thumbs diverting long streams of tears. "Don't cry, Anakin. I can't stand to see you cry."
Anakin didn't know what else to do. Obi-Wan hugged him again, hand moving up and down his back to warm him. Or comfort him. But Anakin wasn't comforted.
"I love you," Obi-Wan whispered, "I love you, I love you. I'm sorry."
Anakin didn't believe him.
Padmé was up and on her feet as soon as Obi-Wan and Anakin walked through the front door of their house. She stopped them at the base of the stairs and announced, "I have great news!"
Obi-Wan smiled. Anakin didn't care. "What is it, Padmé?" Obi-Wan asked.
"I've got eleven guests lined up to stay in the motel! You have to open it as soon as possible!"
Obi-Wan felt relief he didn't know he was waiting for. "How did you manage that?" he asked.
Padmé replied, "Well, it won't be as good of a surprise if I tell you."
"I don't think much can surprise me now," Obi-Wan said good-humoredly. Anakin sensed the bitterness underneath it.
Padmé told him what had happened at the station, and to her surprise Obi-Wan stepped forward and hugged her, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "Thank you so much, Padmé," he rejoiced, "I'll go down to the motel now. Want to come with?"
She smiled. "Of course. Ani?"
Anakin had started to take the stairs to his room.
"Darling, please don't isolate yourself anymore," Obi-Wan pleaded, holding an arm out to him.
Anakin shook his head and continued up the stairs, almost to the top. Obi-Wan followed him and grabbed his hand. Anakin's anger hit the ceiling and he pulled his hand free before shoving Obi-Wan away. Obi-Wan stumbled, a few stairs lost to him before he caught his balance, his hand a death grip on the wooden railing. "Anakin," he breathed.
Anakin was dismayed. Was this who he was now? He'd act against his own father? Would he be striking him next? Anakin turned swiftly and locked himself in his room.
Obi-Wan turned to Padmé, speechless.
"Did you do something to upset him?" she asked.
Obi-Wan thought he knew. But he said, "We visited Elan today." He walked tentatively down the stairs and Padmé followed him to the motel.
"What did he look like?" Padmé asked.
Obi-Wan said, "I didn't end up going in to see him. Anakin was too upset. And... And I want to remember him as he was before."
Padmé nodded.
"Why do you ask?" Obi-Wan questioned. "Did you want to see him?" He pulled out his keys and unlocked the motel office.
Padmé followed Obi-Wan into the office and said, "No, it's just... I was thinking about Mom."
Obi-Wan sat at the desk and turned on the computer that had started gathering dust there. "Satine?" he asked.
Padmé sat in a small foldable chair next to him. "Her too," she replied, "but I wasn't all that aware when she died."
"Of course," Obi-Wan said reassuringly, "You were just a baby. But it's Shmi who's on your mind?"
"Yes," she said somberly, "Anakin and I weren't with her when she died, only you. Seeing her at the funeral didn't make up for that."
Obi-Wan's face seemed gray with mental fatigue. He reached out to hold her hand, and she let him. "I'm sorry, Padmé. I did everything I could, and so did you. But I will say that you may not have wanted to be with her, had you been there. She was sick, and tired. She loved you and I don't think she wanted you to see her that way."
"It's not fair," Padmé replied, those memories of being so young not far from her mind.
"If I'd known she was so close," Obi-Wan said passionately, "I would have taken her home, so she could be with you, even if she was unhappy at the state of herself."
Padmé smiled shakily. "Thanks, Dad."
Obi-Wan's lips parted in shock.
Padmé quickly composed herself. "Open the motel already. Don't let me stop you."
Obi-Wan breathed a laugh. "Start gathering the bed sheets for me," he told her.
"To wash?"
"Yes."
"But no one's slept in them."
There was one room that had been "slept in" and another that needed fresh towels. But Obi-Wan said, "Well, they're probably as dusty as this computer. I'm going to update the holosite and turn on the sign, and then I'll be right out to help you."
Padmé stood and rolled her eyes. "Alright, perfectionist."
Obi-Wan shook his head, a smile on his face. "There's a little of me in both my kids," he said, and handed her the ring of room keys.
"Is there now?" she asked.
"Yes," he said, "Go."
Padmé turned, her curly hair swinging around her shoulders, and then she disappeared into Room 1.
After all the sheets had been stripped, washed, dried, and replaced, Padmé went back to the house to change out of her uniform. In the upstairs hallway, she spotted Anakin looking around the frame of his bedroom door and called to him. "Ani," she said.
Anakin's expression froze for a second as he realized he wasn't alone in the house anymore. Then his eyes fell to his feet.
"Ani, why don't you talk to me for a little while?" Padmé offered, gesturing to her room.
He was still.
"Come on," she said sweetly, "I know you need it."
A moment passed and Anakin followed her to her room. He sat on the bed and Padmé went to her dresser and pulled out soft, shapeless pants and a similar shirt. "What's wrong?" she asked gently, her hands working off her belt.
"I don't want to talk about it," he said, watching as she placed the belt and blaster in the bottom drawer of her nightstand.
"Maybe you don't want to," Padmé replied, "But you need to." She untucked her button-down shirt from her pants.
Anakin stayed quiet. Padmé unbuttoned her top. "Is it Obi-Wan?" she asked. "Something he said?"
"I…" He looked the other way as she pulled the top from her shoulders, a black tank top underneath. "No," he told her.
Padmé peeled off her pants and sat on the bed next to him. "Something he did?" she asked.
Anakin frowned at her and looked away again. "If you wanted to change, you should have just said so."
Padmé looked down at herself, boyshorts and tank top, bra underneath. "I don't see what's wrong—"
Anakin turned back to her, fire in his eyes. "I don't want to talk, so I'll just go." He stood.
"Anakin," Padmé tried. He left the room and went back to his.
Dinner was uncomfortable. Anakin remained nearly wordless throughout its entirety, only voicing an answer when asked multiple times. He didn't eat much either. Obi-Wan looked at him longingly, and Padmé noticed. She made up her mind, again, to leave. It seemed like she was no help to Anakin. She could be of some help to Obi-Wan, but the way he was acting now wasn't normal, she thought. His eyes were glued to Anakin. Padmé tried to unearth what sort of emotion was there. She couldn't place it, not with certainty, but it seemed familiar, somehow. She cleared her throat and caught Obi-Wan's attention, but not Anakin's.
"I did some research earlier," she began, "on apartments in the area."
"Oh?" Obi-Wan said. He sounded like he was okay with it. It was hard to tell.
"Mhm," Padmé said, "And there was one available apartment nearby."
"That's great," Obi-Wan replied, the greatness in it being her proximity to them.
"Anakin," Padmé called. Obi-Wan's brows snagged with apprehension. Anakin met her eyes.
"It's Elan's apartment," she said.
"No," Anakin responded.
"No?"
"I don't want you to live there. That's his apartment."
"Ani, I know how hard this is for you," she said calmly.
"I don't think you do!" he replied, "I don't think either of you do!"
"Trust me, Anakin," Padmé tried to soothe, "We've all had our hearts broken. We've all grieved. At a certain point you have to accept how things are, as hard as it is."
Anakin shook his head, muscles aching from his anguish. "It's his apartment. His things are there."
"Not now," Padmé said quietly, "They gave his things back to his parents."
Anakin felt like his head was going to explode from his frustration and helplessness. He stood with his glass of water in hand and threw it against the tile, pieces of glass scattering everywhere. Padmé's mouth parted and Obi-Wan flinched, just slightly. But he reminded himself he didn't need to be afraid of Anakin.
Anakin had the tiniest bit of satisfaction from seeing something break, so he picked up his plate, and threw that down too. The sound was slightly different, but the fragments were pleasing to his eyes. Uneaten food joined the spreading water on the tile. Padmé felt ill. She attempted to say something, but Obi-Wan rose to his feet and told her he would handle it, just go to your room. Anakin turned and grabbed the vase in the center of the table, ripped out the flowers, and cracked the vase on the floor, then tore the petals from each flower, puncturing them with his nails, and then his palms were around the stems, snapping them and getting cut on the thorns. Padmé left without his notice.
Obi-Wan moved around the table to face Anakin and stood carefully where the fragments wouldn't pierce him. "Anakin," he said.
"I don't care!"
"I care," Obi-Wan replied.
"Why? It doesn't matter! We're all going to die."
Obi-Wan moved minutely closer as Anakin wrung his hands around the flower stems. A few drops of blood fell from Anakin's hands to the mess on the floor. "Is that what you think? You think I'm going to die?"
Anakin's jaw clenched hard.
"I'm not going anywhere," Obi-Wan said.
Anakin let go of the flowers, the pain in his hands overwhelming him. He looked at them, palms up, small wounds sending blood down his wrists. Obi-Wan stepped forward once more, wincing at a shard. He wrapped his arm around Anakin's waist and led him to the sink, pointing out the safe spots in the tile. Anakin leaned into him against his will.
"Alright, youngling," Obi-Wan said, lightness in his voice, "Put your hands under the sink. It seems you've forgotten roses have thorns."
Anakin did as he was told. Obi-Wan ran the water at a trickle and placed soap in his palm before smoothing it across Anakin's, one at a time. Anakin didn't like the sting. He did like that Obi-Wan was pressed against his side, reaching around him.
"My sweet little Anakin always did like pretty things," Obi-Wan mused, "You loved to ignore my warnings."
He had to try. He had to. At least one more time.
"Once, you climbed a tree to wait for a bird to come back to her nest," Obi-Wan said. He patted dry Anakin's hands and hugged him. Anakin held his hands out away from him. "You were very still and she did come back," Obi-Wan told him, "but then you fell." Anakin let his hands rest against Obi-Wan's tunic. "My poor boy," he continued, "you got all scraped up. Could've broken your leg if you hadn't caught yourself with the Force." Anakin pulled back enough to look at Obi-Wan, eyes intense, heart beating loudly. Obi-Wan grew quiet. Anakin waited, and waited, gazing at him and his pretty lips, urging Obi-Wan to do something—
Obi-Wan thought of Padmé upstairs and disentangled himself from Anakin. He brushed Anakin's nose with his knuckle. "Let's get you to bed, what do you say?"
Anakin felt empty. He wasn't even sure he minded being treated like a little kid.
Obi-Wan hooked his arm with Anakin's and walked with him for a ways. "I'm still proud of you, Anakin," he remarked, "I always am."
Anakin fell asleep not long after being tucked in.
Morning came and Obi-Wan was waking up Anakin before the sun had its chance. Anakin blinked awake, a sudden pang of fear entering him. "What's wrong?" he asked.
"Nothing, honey. I just think you should try going to school today," said Obi-Wan.
Anakin looked at him as if he'd been betrayed. "I hate school," he replied.
Obi-Wan sat on the side of the bed. "Don't you want to see your friends?"
"What friends?"
Obi-Wan felt sadness deep inside him. "You still have Ahsoka," he said.
Anakin turned away from him, pulling the blankets up over his shoulder. "I don't want to see Ahsoka."
Obi-Wan was exasperated. "You're going anyway."
"What?" Anakin blurted, peeking back at him.
"I said you're going to school. Get up."
Anakin frowned at him. He had no energy for school.
"A little routine will do you good, get your mind off things. Now come on, Anakin. I'll drive you."
Anakin went through the motions of getting ready, packing his things. Then sitting in desks, feigning attention, small talk. Most everyone acted like he hadn't been gone for over a week. Like no one had died. It was all too predictable.
At home, Padmé carried a box of her things down the stairs as Obi-Wan hovered around her nervously.
"You're really leaving us?" he asked.
"Yes," Padmé said, irritated, "I need the space."
Obi-Wan put a hand on her shoulder so he could face her. "Are you really going to live in Elan's apartment?"
She plunked her box down on the floor behind the couch. "Where else would I live?"
"I don't know," Obi-Wan said, still shocked at her choice to live with a ghost. "With Rex?" he asked.
Padmé scoffed.
"Because if things are moving that quickly between you two—"
"They aren't," Padmé cut in.
Anakin came home and shut the door behind him quietly when he heard them arguing.
"You haven't told him anything about us?" Obi-Wan asked.
"I've hardly had the time," Padmé replied.
"Be clear with me, Padmé. You haven't told him Anakin killed Ventress? Not so much as a hint?"
Anakin froze where he stood.
"No!" Padmé said, "I want to protect him as much as you do. Maybe more than you do."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"There's something… off with you two. Something wrong. I see it in the way you look at him."
Obi-Wan's brows furrowed. "There's nothing new about the way I look at him."
"I agree," she said, "It's not new. It's just how Rush Clovis looked at him."
"How dare you compare me to him?!"
"Do you deny it, Obi-Wan?"
"Obviously!"
"I don't believe you."
Obi-Wan took a sharp breath in. "I would never, ever touch him. For you to think I might hurt him—that I'd take advantage of him—is the greatest insult you've ever thrown at me. He's a child, for Force's sake! He's still growing into his adult body! You think I'm attracted to that? His skinny legs and round baby cheeks? You must be delusional. He's my son. I have never and I will never want anything sexual from him."
Anakin's heart shattered into a thousand tiny pieces that bounced around inside his empty chest.
Padmé crossed her arms. "That's quite the denial."
"Get out of my house!" Obi-Wan shouted.
Padmé tried to take a step back and met the back of the couch. Anakin went upstairs silently.
"I said, get out! Go! Leave! I don't want you here!"
Padmé set her jaw and grabbed the box of her things and started the trek down to her car.
Obi-Wan let himself crumble and sat on the floor of the family room. A few minutes later his phone buzzed. It was from Padmé.
I can't find my blaster, it read.
Obi-Wan sighed. Thought I saw it on your belt.
No, that's the officer's gun. The one Rush gave me is missing.
Obi-Wan groaned. Rush gave you a gun?
That's beside the point. Will you check my bedside drawer?
Okay.
Obi-Wan heaved himself off the floor and went up to Padmé's bedroom. Old bedroom, he thought. He walked in and pulled the top drawer of her nightstand open. No blaster. He checked the bottom drawer, and then her dresser, then a few increasingly less likely places like in her laundry basket and under the mattress. Nothing. Just then he heard the front door slam shut.
Obi-Wan rushed down the stairs and called, "Padmé?" No answer.
He went to the door and opened it, seeing Anakin getting smaller as he took the stone stairs down to the gravel lot.
"Anakin!" Obi-Wan called.
Anakin looked back and then doubled his pace. The missing blaster was in his hand.
Obi-Wan started running. "Anakin! Wait!"
Anakin shifted into a sprint as soon as his feet met even ground.
"Anakin!"
He crossed the road, nearly missing a car. He dove into the forest and ran recklessly, branches tearing up his face. He couldn't see clearly. Which direction was Makeout Cliff? It was the only place that didn't try to cut him, or trip him, and it smelled like wild flowers and surely Elan would be there, in the air, in his memories, waiting—
Desperately, Obi-Wan called, "Anakin! Stop! Wait!"
Anakin turned but he didn't see Obi-Wan through the foliage. He tripped over a thick branch before continuing into the forest with no sanctuary in sight. It was just enough, though, for Obi-Wan to catch up and grab ahold of Anakin's arm.
Anakin whirled around and pointed the blaster at Obi-Wan.
"Anakin," Obi-Wan said, his voice cracking, "Please give me the gun. Please."
"Give me one good reason!" Anakin begged, his hands shaking around the blaster. "One good reason why I shouldn't turn this thing on myself!"
"Because I love you." The words were softly spoken. Obi-Wan stepped minutely closer.
"You're a liar!" Anakin countered, taking a step back. "I heard what you said!"
Obi-Wan's face seemed to pale even more. "What did you hear?" he whispered.
"That I'm a killer! A murderer! And you were keeping it from me! You and Padmé!" Anakin took a shuddering breath, tears rushing down his cheeks. "Is it true?"
Obi-Wan held out his hand at the blaster still pointed at him. "It's true," he replied calmly, "You were protecting me. But you don't remember."
Anakin dragged his sleeve across his face and held the gun again. "You're a liar," he repeated. "All the times you said you loved me. How could you love me?"
"I am a liar, Anakin!" Obi-Wan said, "Everything I told Padmé was a lie!"
The blaster wobbled in Anakin's hands. "Was it?"
"Yes," Obi-Wan replied, his own outstretched arm shaking, "I love you. You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Your face makes me cry! And your body—your body is perfect, Anakin. You're a man already."
"Lies!" Anakin cried. "If you loved me, you'd have shown me by now. If you loved me like I love you, you'd let me show you!"
"Anakin," Obi-Wan said, reaching for the gun as slowly and non-threateningly as he could, "Give me the blaster so we can understand each other. It's scaring us both." He didn't want to say You're scaring me.
"You don't understand me? What else is new! Maybe I should spell it out for you," Anakin yelled, hurt and angry, the version of himself that never fully made it to the surface before. "I want you," he said, "And before you say I'm just getting older, it's just a crush—it's not. It never was. Do you know what I'm saying? I'm in love with you. I want to sleep with you. I want to fuck you. I want to make love to you! Can't you see? I should just get it over with—" He started to turn the gun on himself.
Obi-Wan lurched forward and knocked the blaster out of his hand. Anakin watched it land in the brown leaves only a foot away from them. In the next second Obi-Wan had Anakin tight in his arms, before Anakin could reach for the weapon. Anakin tried to escape him, crying, "Let me go! Just let me go!"
Obi-Wan was crying too. "I should have told you," he said, "I thought you knew."
"What?" Anakin demanded, still trying to twist free of Obi-Wan.
"I love you too. I want the same things. It was too much to ask of you," he confessed, adjusting his hold on Anakin in one arm while the other cradled his head. Obi-Wan breathed in unevenly. He said, "Now I realize it was wrong to hide it, to make you think you were all alone. Oh, Anakin... I have failed you." He turned his head and kissed Anakin, not unlike what they'd shared before, but short, because Anakin couldn't contain his sobs. Anakin's knees gave out and they both knelt in the grass, clinging to each other.
"You l-love me?" he questioned.
"So much. I couldn't live without you. I won't live without you! You mean everything to me."
"I thought..."
"You aren't alone, Anakin. I've felt the same way. The most terrible longing you can imagine."
Anakin nodded fiercely, feeling such a tremendous relief from talking about it. "And guilt beyond belief."
Obi-Wan caressed his face. "That's right. But always a sense of hope. I love you, Anakin. Will you live for me? Am I enough?"
Anakin couldn't stop crying, despite the heaviness in his heart that was beginning to lift. He held Obi-Wan tighter.
"Come home with me, and I'll show you how much I love you," Obi-Wan pleaded, "I won't ever let you forget."
"Okay," Anakin said, muffled against his shoulder. Obi-Wan stood with Anakin before carrying him, Anakin's arms around his neck, his legs around his back. Anakin watched the blaster grow smaller and smaller as Obi-Wan walked back through the forest. He found it hard to be excited about Obi-Wan's promise, a glimmer of disbelief still clinging to him. But in his current position he could feel Obi-Wan's heart beating in his chest, a few inches from where his own was racing, and that was a start. There was silence except for the steady crunch of leaves underneath Obi-Wan's feet. Anakin couldn't pinpoint any small animals or birds making noise. He couldn't see the blaster anymore, either, just trees in front of trees and—a deer?
"Father," Anakin said.
Obi-Wan stopped walking and answered, "Yes, Anakin?"
"Turn around. Slowly."
Obi-Wan did, saying, "What is it?"
"Shh," Anakin shushed, then pointed to the deer grazing in the space they'd previously occupied.
"Oh," Obi-Wan uttered. They watched it quietly for a minute or two. When the deer was satisfied with its snack, it wandered off, weaving calmly through the trees. Obi-Wan turned to face Anakin and smiled. "I knew you were still in there," he said.
Anakin wasn't sure what he meant, but he hadn't seen that smile in ages, it seemed. Not the way he was seeing it now. No longer chased with fear, but happiness instead. Anakin felt himself smile before he leaned down and kissed Obi-Wan.
With each brush of their lips, Anakin felt a sense of ease wash away his despair. Obi-Wan was holding him like he weighed nothing, and kissing him like a feather, slowly and gently. Anakin was starting to remember all the fantasies he'd had that started this way. He broke the kiss and looked at Obi-Wan.
"Home?" Obi-Wan asked.
Anakin nodded and hugged Obi-Wan as best he could.
Obi-Wan began walking towards the house again.
"Are your arms getting tired?" Anakin asked.
"No," he replied, and adjusted how his hands were clasped underneath Anakin's bottom.
"What about your legs?" Anakin said.
Obi-Wan smiled slightly. "I'm okay, Anakin. How are you feeling?"
He thought about it. "I want to kiss you some more."
"Is that all?" Obi-Wan asked, not teasing.
"No." Anakin nuzzled into Obi-Wan's neck, remembering his earlier confession.
"When we get home," Obi-Wan started, "...you know what you want to do?"
Anakin turned pale. "What I said before—I—I didn't mean I wanted to—" he spoke a little quieter, "to fuck you, always, I mean, I don't wanna hurt you—"
"You're not gonna hurt me, I promise. Think about what you want and then tell me, okay?"
Anakin thought about it as they crossed the road parallel to the motel. "What do you want?" he asked.
Obi-Wan said, "I just want to make you feel good, however I can."
"You want to top?"
Obi-Wan breathed a nervous laugh. "It's crossed my mind a few times, yes."
"Then that's what I want."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"Okay." They reached the edge of the stairs leading up to the house and Obi-Wan put Anakin down and held his hand. Anakin held Obi-Wan's tightly. After a few steps, Obi-Wan said, "You can change your mind at any time, darling. I won't be upset."
Anakin just nodded. The excitement was starting to get to him. They climbed the stairs to the porch and found the front door slightly ajar from when Obi-Wan had run after Anakin. Once inside, Obi-Wan shut it behind them and took Anakin's hand again as they went upstairs.
They took a small detour to the bathroom where Obi-Wan wet a towel and smoothed it across Anakin's face, wiping away all the teary, dirty residue from the forest. And he kissed Anakin's cheeks when he was done, forgetting that he'd been crying himself. But Anakin didn't mind. It felt good to start with something familiar. Obi-Wan took his hand and they went to his bedroom.
Anakin stood still as Obi-Wan closed the door behind him. He felt so nervous suddenly. What if he didn't impress Obi-Wan? What if Obi-Wan didn't want to do this ever again?
Obi-Wan placed one hand behind Anakin's neck and caressed his face and hair with the other. "Remember what I said?" he asked.
Anakin closed his eyes and tried to relax. Obi-Wan's hands felt good. They always did.
"Any time, Anakin. Just say when."
"I'm ready," Anakin replied, "Kiss me."
Obi-Wan smiled slightly and leaned over. It started soft like before, tiny touches between lips, as if they were kissing for the first time. Then their lips were overlapping, pulling at each other, craving more connection, more contact. Obi-Wan reached for Anakin's hands and placed them at his waist before wrapping his arms around Anakin. Anakin mimicked the embrace, surprised that Obi-Wan had basically said, "Hold me." But it was a pleasant surprise, and Anakin liked that such a simple gesture could make him feel wanted. He moved his fingers along Obi-Wan's back, but it was layer after layer of robes that greeted him. He let his hands drift to Obi-Wan's belt and fumbled with unclasping it.
After a few seconds of fumbling, Anakin broke the kiss and bent down so he could look at the belt in its stupid face. Obi-Wan held in a laugh. When he got it off, Anakin let the belt hit the floor with a thud and grinned triumphantly. Obi-Wan pulled him close and kissed him again, his mouth open slightly, and Anakin took full advantage and pressed his tongue against Obi-Wan's. Obi-Wan made a small humming noise and Anakin wondered if he could get a better moan out of him. But the same thoughts were on Obi-Wan's mind as he unclipped Anakin's belt, pulled the tabards from his body, then tucked his fingers under Anakin's overtunic and pushed it over and off Anakin's shoulders, followed by a slow unfolding of the inner tunic. His fingers curled around the hem of Anakin's undershirt and Anakin stepped back and raised his arms so Obi-Wan could take it off. This time when he drew Anakin near he tipped his head to the side and kissed Anakin's neck, licking a wide area before sucking the skin above where a vein was pulsing.
Anakin felt his whole face heat up. If he wasn't exactly ready before, now he was. As Obi-Wan left hungry kisses from Anakin's neck to the edge of his shoulder, Anakin worked off Obi-Wan's tunics as best he was able to while Obi-Wan was trying to hold onto him. The robes ended up draped around his arms, the lack of undershirt making Anakin stare at Obi-Wan's chest, but then Obi-Wan made a trail of kisses down Anakin's body, slow presses of his mouth to Anakin's chest and stomach and bellybutton, until he was kneeling before Anakin and looking up at him, fingertips curled underneath the waistband of his pants.
Anakin's mouth parted. Obi-Wan was being so wonderful to him, and now this? He almost couldn't comprehend that all this was really happening. Then it occurred to him that Obi-Wan was waiting for an answer, so he nodded and stroked Obi-Wan's hair and said the first thing that came to mind. "You look so perfect like that."
Obi-Wan's cheeks reddened. "I haven't done this before, so go easy on me."
Anakin smiled. Maybe Obi-Wan was nervous too. "Of course," he said. And Obi-Wan pulled down his pants and underwear and let Anakin step out of them before he wrapped his hand around the base of his cock and put his mouth around the head.
Anakin's hand tightened in Obi-Wan's hair instantly. He forced himself to relax and not pull Obi-Wan's hair too hard. He wove his fingers through it instead, the movement jagged as Obi-Wan took him a little deeper, but not too much. Obi-Wan moved his hand up and down, working out a rhythm to follow with his mouth. Anakin bit his lip to keep from moaning. Obi-Wan slowed down and tried to fit more of him into his mouth, successfully. He adjusted his grip on Anakin's cock, holding on tighter as he pulled back, mouth sliding with it. Anakin's lips parted and he made a sound against his will. Obi-Wan looked up at him for a moment, his lashes fanning out prettily as he concentrated again, and Anakin watched himself disappear into Obi-Wan's mouth, unable to keep his moans restrained. Something caused Obi-Wan to take him a little too fast, a little too all at once, although Anakin had kept his hips still, and Obi-Wan made a choking sound before pulling off and coughing a few times, a dribble of spit clinging to his chin. "Sorry," he muttered, his cheeks pink.
Anakin cupped his hands to Obi-Wan's warm cheeks and said, "Come here." Obi-Wan stood and observed Anakin's smiling face, feeling more than a little embarrassed. "It felt good," Anakin told him, wiping the spit from his chin before kissing his beard and cheek and ear in quick succession. "It was perfect, Father."
Obi-Wan closed his eyes at the words in his ear. To hear Anakin call him that now… It sent a tingling feeling through him. Whether it was guilt or excitement, Obi-Wan couldn't tell. He breathed in deeply and looked at Anakin, the shine of sweat on his brow and still smiling face. He wanted more of that. Slowly, Anakin reached for his clothes, and Obi-Wan shrugged them off. Anakin ran his hands over Obi-Wan's bare chest and arms before Obi-Wan pulled off his pants and guided Anakin back towards the bed.
Anakin eyed Obi-Wan's gray boxer briefs, almost hoping Obi-Wan would leave them on so he could be the one to take them off. Anakin scooted back onto the bed until his back met the pillows and Obi-Wan followed, the underwear still in place. Anakin stayed sitting up as Obi-Wan bent down to meet his mouth, his weight balanced on his hands and knees, on either side of Anakin. Anakin let his hands drift down Obi-Wan's back until he met the curve of his ass, and squeezed with both hands through the fabric, making Obi-Wan jump. They met each other's eyes and this time Obi-Wan wore a small smile. "I suppose you want these off?" he said, teasing just a bit.
"You always were modest," Anakin replied, rubbing where he'd squeezed. "Can I do it?"
Obi-Wan swallowed and gave him a nod. Anakin sat up more and inched off the underwear, eyes going wide when he saw what they'd been hiding. "Wow," he said.
Obi-Wan furrowed his brows before tugging the boxer briefs off the rest of the way. "Is that a good wow?"
"Yes, it's a good wow!" Anakin exclaimed, still staring.
"Anakin, you look the same as me," Obi-Wan said dryly.
"No, you're bigger, for sure."
"Not true," Obi-Wan replied, looking between the two of them once again, "We're the same."
"You wanna bet on that?" Anakin teased.
"I am not going to traipse around the house looking for a ruler. Besides, you're just used to yours. You've never seen mine, except maybe when you caught me getting out of the shower."
Anakin laughed. "I told you I didn't see anything."
"But were you being honest?" Obi-Wan countered, grin on his face as Anakin looked the other way.
"S'not like I did it on purpose," he mumbled.
"I didn't say that," Obi-Wan replied.
Anakin glared at him in response, before it turned into more of an appreciative gaze that spanned from his head to his knees, which had wrinkled up the sheets even though they hadn't moved very much. Anakin moved just a little closer to Obi-Wan and tipped his head up to kiss him. Obi-Wan tugged Anakin closer still with a hand at the small of his back. Anakin resisted slightly.
You okay?
Anakin almost smiled at the thought in his head. "Yeah," he said, "I'm getting used to it."
"Me too," Obi-Wan said, before holding a hand to Anakin's cheek.
Anakin leaned into it and asked quietly, "What did you want me closer for?"
"Nothing spectacular. Can I show you?"
Anakin trusted him. "Okay."
Slowly, Obi-Wan shuffled forward before planting himself in Anakin's lap, their cocks brushing as Obi-Wan pulled Anakin snug against him, his arms curled around Anakin's small frame.
Anakin balked at how warm he was, the light friction between them still keenly felt.
"Not bad, huh?" Obi-Wan breathed by Anakin's ear. He ran his fingers through Anakin's hair and pressed a few kisses to the side of his face before nibbling on his ear. Anakin pulled away from his teeth, the tickle too much for him. He hid his smile against Obi-Wan's shoulder. Obi-Wan hugged him again and said, "It feels good to have you this close."
"Wanna get closer?" Anakin asked, fingers grazing over the muscles of Obi-Wan's back.
"Mhm. But we don't have to rush."
Anakin looked down at himself and said, "A certain part of me wants us to rush a little bit."
Obi-Wan laughed slightly and replied, as his hand moved to grip their cocks, "If you wanted me to focus my attention somewhere, you could have said so."
Anakin felt heat course through him again as Obi-Wan's hand worked a steady rhythm. He wanted it faster, and liked the idea of rubbing their hips together, but with Obi-Wan's legs on his lap he was pretty much trapped sitting the way he was. He let out a groan and said, as though well-rehearsed from childhood, "I don't get to tell you what to do."
Obi-Wan added a little twist to his movements and Anakin gripped his shoulders tight. "Now you may," he replied, "but whether I give in to your requests..."
"Faster—ah!"
Obi-Wan slowed down.
"Father, please! Faster!"
Obi-Wan scooted back and placed a hand on Anakin's chest so he'd lie down.
"Now you're just teasing!" Anakin whined.
Obi-Wan leaned over Anakin and said, "I could never be so mean to my baby."
Anakin pulled their hips together and moved against Obi-Wan, wicked grin on his face as he got some of the friction he'd been seeking. Obi-Wan took Anakin's hands away from his hips one by one and pinned them by his head and supported himself with his knees again, ending the contact between them. Before Anakin could complain, Obi-Wan bent down and kissed him passionately, hardly allowing a gap between them for air. When Anakin was sufficiently breathless Obi-Wan moved down his body, still pinning his hands to the sheets as he swept his mouth over collarbone, then over each nipple, which sent Anakin squirming.
"Fatherrrr," he said.
Obi-Wan looked up at him coyly and said, "Yes?"
"You've been planning this," Anakin accused.
"So have you," Obi-Wan replied, before sending a mouthful of air into Anakin's stomach, causing him to roar with laughter. Obi-Wan kept his fingers interlocked with Anakin's, so there was no escape from the second blow. Anakin wiggled and glared at him between giggling fits. When Obi-Wan gave him some mercy, Anakin declared, "Not sexy, Father! And not fair, either!" He fought against Obi-Wan's hold.
"Well, my dear, what else do you want? Are you ready for my huuuge cock?"
Anakin laughed so hard he sat up and covered his face, taking in gulps of air as he tried to recover. Obi-Wan smiled at him as he looked him over. He couldn't recall when he'd last laughed like that. Anakin lurched forward suddenly and stole some kisses, saying, "Yes Daddy—" another smooch, "I want—" smack, "your huuuge cock—" he draped his arms across Obi-Wan's shoulders and looked in his eyes, "Now please."
Obi-Wan pretended he was thinking, bringing one hand up to stroke his beard. Anakin raised his eyebrows at him.
"Well, since you asked so very nicely, I have no choice but to grant your request."
Anakin giggled again, and Obi-Wan moved with him as he lied back, and made sure his pillow was fluffed—Anakin smiled at that. Obi-Wan thought he looked like a cherub, with rosy cheeks and curly hair. "You look beautiful, Anakin."
Anakin avoided his gaze for a second, but he happened to think the same about Obi-Wan, with his hair slightly disheveled and his lips pink, his skin pale or blush colored. "You too," he said, long brown eyelashes pointing back at Obi-Wan.
Obi-Wan smiled and let his hands drift over Anakin's body, spending longer at his thighs, willing them to drift apart without being too pushy. Anakin got the idea and propped his legs up slightly, and then Obi-Wan propped them up a little more. Anakin took a shaky breath.
"It's okay, honey," Obi-Wan said, "No rushing, remember?" He rubbed the side of Anakin's leg as Anakin nodded. Obi-Wan kissed his knee and then reached over to the drawer of his nightstand, returning with a bottle of lube.
"When did you buy that?" Anakin asked, supporting himself on his elbows. His earlier comment about planning seemed to have some truth to it.
Obi-Wan sort of furrowed his brows and said, "It doesn't matter. Now it'll actually get some good use." He poured a little into his hand and spread it onto his fingers.
Anakin thought maybe that had something to do with a bad memory. "Sorry, Daddy," he said.
"It's alright, Anakin." He slicked up the pad of his thumb and rubbed it around and around Anakin's asshole, causing Anakin to jump before relaxing into the sensation. Obi-Wan watched him consider it as he continued, "We should be able to talk about these things now."
"Yeah," Anakin agreed, eyeing Obi-Wan's wet fingers.
Obi-Wan decided on his pinky first. No reason to start any bigger. He placed his other hand on Anakin's chest lightly, telling him, "This might feel a little strange. Just relax, okay?"
"Relax, okay, got it," Anakin said, grinning at Obi-Wan. His smile faded as Obi-Wan's pinky slid into him. Obi-Wan twisted it from side to side, and curled it slightly, asking, "Okay?"
"Yeah," Anakin said, "Definitely feels strange."
Obi-Wan smiled a little and took it out of him, slicking up his index finger next. "You ever do anything like this with Elan?" he asked, rubbing Anakin's chest before he put the next finger in.
Anakin's brows came together for a second, more from anticipation than any stretch. "No," he answered, "but I thought about it. We talked about it, too."
Obi-Wan left that finger in a little longer, his free hand reaching for Anakin's.
"You ever do this with anybody?" Anakin asked, tilting his head slightly.
Obi-Wan gave Anakin's hand a squeeze and added more lube to his fingers. "No," Obi-Wan said simply. He made sure Anakin was paying attention so he didn't surprise him with a second finger.
"Ah," Anakin mouthed, even as Obi-Wan's fingers moved heroically slow and patient. After a few tense seconds, Anakin relaxed and asked, "Not even Mother? Satine?"
Obi-Wan blushed and answered, "My attention was to the front of them, not the back."
Anakin laughed a little, and then groaned as Obi-Wan's fingers moved apart inside of him. "So no boys your age growing up either?"
"Nooo," Obi-Wan said, "The Order was very strict. I was under the best supervision there is that doesn't go by the name 'Mom and Dad.'"
"Oh, poor Father," Anakin said seriously. "What did you do?"
Obi-Wan met Anakin's eyes with a knowing look and said, "I did what boys your age do. But it wasn't very glamorous, you know. I was usually nervous about getting caught, or not cleaning up properly, or offending one of the Masters with my thoughts."
"That sounds just like me," Anakin said.
Obi-Wan slipped his fingers out of him and readied a third. "Sorry, sweetheart. I suppose I should've given you more privacy. Padmé's room, maybe."
"I like being next door to you, though. The closeness was only part of it."
"I know. You ready for a third finger?"
"What? Oh." Anakin tried to look at himself unsuccessfully and huffed. "I guess so."
Obi-Wan gave him two again and leaned down to kiss his thighs. Anakin became very conscious of Obi-Wan's warm breath, and the motion of his fingers, and he wondered if Obi-Wan was gonna find that spot he told him about soon. "Father," he said.
"Mm?" Obi-Wan's mouth had moved very close to Anakin's cock again as he sucked on the soft skin of his thighs.
"Finger," Anakin said simply.
"Alright," Obi-Wan replied, sitting up and making sure he had a good amount on his fingers. He started with the three and Anakin tensed, so he stopped and waited, watching Anakin bite his lip, sweat forming on his chest. "Anakin," Obi-Wan called, "Talk to me. It's okay."
"Talk about what?" he returned, nearly breathless.
"Next time," Obi-Wan supplied.
"Next time doing this?" Anakin's eyes widened. So there would be a next time.
"Next time you can top."
"Really?" Anakin asked, and flopped back onto the pillow when Obi-Wan nodded, his arms sprawled out to either side. "Thank the stars."
Obi-Wan eased his fingers the rest of the way in and asked, "Decided you don't like this already?"
"Well—"
Obi-Wan curled his fingers.
"Ah!" Anakin covered his mouth at the noise.
Obi-Wan curled his fingers again in the same spot.
"Ah!—Actually—I just changed my mind. I really like that, keep doing that."
Obi-Wan did one more time before spreading his fingers apart.
Anakin groaned. "Can you fuck me now?"
Obi-Wan smiled at him and said, "Where'd you get such a potty mouth?"
"Stop stalling."
Obi-Wan removed his fingers and leaned over to kiss Anakin right on his dirty mouth. And he dragged it out for as long as possible until Anakin was hardly able to keep from touching himself. He let out a lengthy moan to try to motivate Obi-Wan.
It worked. Obi-Wan sat up and slicked his cock from base to tip before putting the bottle of lube on the nightstand. Then he spread Anakin's legs wider and met his eyes before lining himself up and pushing slowly into Anakin.
Anakin thought he saw a shiver run through Obi-Wan's body. And he made the most restrained moan possible—Anakin wished he'd open his mouth and just let him hear. When the slide in finally ended, Obi-Wan let out a breath and looked at Anakin again.
"Do I feel good?" Anakin teased.
"You have no idea," Obi-Wan whispered, and gave Anakin's hand a squeeze. "Do you feel okay?"
"Your huge cock wasn't as bad as I thought it would be."
Obi-Wan smiled. "No pain?"
"No pain."
"Perfect," Obi-Wan said, and held onto Anakin's leg as he pulled back and pushed into him again.
Anakin gripped the sheets and sucked in a breath. Obi-Wan adjusted and repeated the movement, slower, watching Anakin take every inch. Anakin's toes curled in on themselves and he said, "I don't think I'll ever get used to that."
Obi-Wan leaned over him and teased, "I wouldn't want you to get used to it." He rubbed his nose against Anakin's before slipping his arm underneath Anakin's shoulders. Obi-Wan tucked the other under his head and bent down to kiss him, smirking when Anakin's tongue met his lips. He rolled his hips out and in again, felt Anakin break the kiss and squirm. Anakin huffed and pressed his legs against Obi-Wan's body and wrapped his arms around his back, holding on tight.
Obi-Wan held onto Anakin lightly at first as he moved in and out of him in a never-ending slide. Anakin tried not to be too noisy on the off chance he'd miss Obi-Wan break his composure. That soon became impossible as Obi-Wan used his grip on Anakin's shoulders to pull himself forward, pushing in deeper as a result, and sending Anakin into a euphoric state. He squeezed his eyes shut and hid his face in Obi-Wan's shoulder, his grasp on Obi-Wan slipping as they both shined with a layer of sweat. Anakin's exclamations were preceded by a slap of skin, each of which seemed to be coming faster. He struggled to keep his arms around Obi-Wan, who shook slightly. Obi-Wan slowed down suddenly and rocked into Anakin, causing Anakin's nails to dig in and scratch all the way down his back.
Obi-Wan gasped. He propped himself up, panting as he looked down at Anakin.
"I'm sorry!" Anakin cried.
Obi-Wan smiled a little and kissed Anakin's rosy cheek. "S'fine, my dear," he replied, "Are you doing alright?"
"More than alright!" Anakin said, breathing heavily. "Don't stop!"
"My pleasure," Obi-Wan replied, and rocked into Anakin again.
"Ahah!"
"Poor baby—" Obi-Wan leaned down and gave him a sloppy kiss.
"Mmm—"
"To endure such…"
"Ah!"
"Torture—"
"Ooohhh…" Anakin stroked himself in time with Obi-Wan's thrusts.
Obi-Wan slowed down even more.
"Father!"
"What?" he answered sassily.
Anakin raised his voice. "Faster!"
"I don't know what you're talking about." His voice trembled over the last word.
"Faster, please!"
"Sorry, who do you want to go faster?" He'd stopped moving completely.
"You!" Anakin clawed at Obi-Wan's hips.
"It's rude to shout, Anakin. Say my name when speaking to me."
"Father-r-r…" he cried, shaking.
"No, Anakin, my name."
Anakin felt his whole body shudder. "Obi-Wan!"
Obi-Wan let out a breath and started moving again, his eyes closing briefly. "Say it again," he whispered, with a particularly deep thrust.
Anakin's voice caught in his throat and he thought he saw stars. He had to remember how to breathe. "Obi-Wan!"
"Again."
"Ohh—Obi—"
"T-try again."
"Obi-Wa—ah!"
"One more—"
"Agh!"
"…time."
"Oh!—Obi—Obi-Wan! I—"
Anakin came all over his stomach and chest, his body going limp after a few seconds.
Obi-Wan came right after, sweat dripping over his closed eyes. "Anakin…" he moaned.
Anakin wanted to twist away from Obi-Wan, heat building in him from a different source. He felt overly exposed and helpless, his body unwilling to follow his commands after such intense pleasure. Obi-Wan gave him some relief and pulled out of him, letting himself lie across Anakin's warm body and slip his arms underneath him. Anakin returned the hug loosely, still catching his breath, his curls plastered to his forehead. Tingles ran through his skin again. Obi-Wan pressed leisurely kisses into Anakin's neck, ignoring the sting of the scratches on his back underneath Anakin's arms. His breath across Anakin's wet skin provided no reprieve.
"Doing okay, baby?" he asked.
"Overwhelming," Anakin replied, complete sentences failing to form.
"That's normal, honey. Keep breathing."
Anakin did. After a few minutes his heart stopped beating so wildly in his chest. He curled his arms around Obi-Wan's shoulders and buried his mouth in his hair, leaving kiss after kiss. "I love you," he murmured.
Obi-Wan raised his head to look at him. "I love you too, Anakin. I love you so much."
Anakin smiled weakly.
Obi-Wan ran his hand through Anakin's hair, wiping the curls away from his forehead and cheeks. "Shall I get something for us to clean up?"
Anakin nodded. It felt like they both had fevers.
Obi-Wan cupped his hand to Anakin's cheek. "I will be right back. Don't go anywhere."
"Like I can even walk," Anakin muttered.
Obi-Wan laughed and shifted so he could stand and make a trip to the bathroom. He kissed Anakin's hand and gave him one last look from head to toe.
"My eyes are up here," Anakin said, grinning.
"My apologies," Obi-Wan joked. He turned and left the room.
Anakin closed his eyes for a second. He didn't hear Obi-Wan come back into the room a minute later.
"Oh, no you don't," Obi-Wan said.
"What?" Anakin said groggily.
"You don't get to fall asleep without me," he told him.
Anakin finally opened his eyes and observed the bath towels in Obi-Wan's hands. "C'mere, then," he called, raising an arm towards him.
Obi-Wan smiled and sat on the side of the bed, about to bring a towel to Anakin's stomach. Anakin stopped him and sat up as he eyed the long red marks on Obi-Wan's back. Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow at him.
"Let me get your back first," Anakin explained.
Obi-Wan gave him a towel and turned, almost blushing at how thoughtful that was of Anakin. It had been a long time since anyone had given him any aftercare.
Anakin frowned at what he had done. "You're bleeding," he said. The scratches weren't all that deep, but the skin had broken in some places, especially in the center of his back.
Obi-Wan turned his head to look at him as Anakin started dabbing at the scratches. "Honestly, I don't even feel it," Obi-Wan replied. But he hissed a bit when Anakin found a soapy part of the towel to work with.
"You do too," Anakin said quietly. "I'm sorry."
"It really is okay, Anakin. You did wonderfully."
Anakin folded the towel and brought a cool corner to Obi-Wan's back. "But you did all the work."
Obi-Wan reached back and rubbed what he could of Anakin's knee. "Now, that's not true. What are you doing right now?"
"This doesn't count."
"It most certainly does. We're still naked with each other, aren't we?"
"Yes," Anakin admitted. He folded the towel again and wiped Obi-Wan's forehead and nose and cheeks, then brought it to the skin of his neck, two wipes in front and several little ones at the back of his neck. Obi-Wan hummed contentedly. He continued, "And, dear Anakin, you followed all my advice and we had a fun time together, didn't we?"
"It was fun," Anakin agreed, fighting the smile on his face. He hadn't expected to laugh so much. He hadn't expected to laugh at all. He pushed at Obi-Wan's shoulder slightly so he'd turn around.
Obi-Wan sat with one leg on the bed and used the clean towel in his hand to wipe Anakin's face. His cheeks had lost most of their roundness. The towel followed Obi-Wan's gaze as he looked at Anakin's chest, his ribs showing through his skin. He scrubbed some more at Anakin's stomach, which displayed a similar gauntness—Anakin's hips a distinct carving in his body. Obi-Wan felt his eyes well with tears.
"Father?" Anakin called, sensing the change in Obi-Wan's mood.
"You're so skinny," Obi-Wan tried to explain.
Anakin peeled the corner of the comforter off the bed and enveloped himself in it, avoiding Obi-Wan's scrutiny.
"No, no, I don't mean that you're bad to look at," Obi-Wan spilled, wiping at his eyes. "I wish I'd known, Anakin. How you were feeling. How it was changing you."
Anakin was afraid if he looked at Obi-Wan, he'd cry too.
Obi-Wan crawled over to him and pulled him into a hug, comforter and all. "I love you more than anything, Anakin. You're worth more than every star in the sky. You're here because you were meant to live, and you deserve all the love I can give you and more. I'm sorry I didn't show you sooner."
"I love you too," Anakin whispered.
Obi-Wan held him with one arm and sought his face with the other. When he had Anakin's blue eyes locked with his, he said, "I will always be here for you. If it feels like I'm not, tell me. Get mad. I'll move heaven and earth for you. My baby. I love you so." He pulled Anakin against him again.
Anakin closed his eyes and melted into Obi-Wan's warmth. After a moment, Obi-Wan had Anakin lie down and finished cleaning them both before tossing the towels aside and wrapping the covers around them snugly. Anakin appeared to already be sleeping, his face so calm the day's earlier events could never be guessed. Obi-Wan held onto him and blinked a few times, tears sticking to his eyelashes. He tried to stay awake so Anakin couldn't slip away from him. Eventually darkness welcomed him and he dreamed of being back at the Temple, after Satine had been lost. He held Padmé in his arms, just a tiny thing. He'd dressed her in tiny clothes and read every word of the parenting book Satine had bought three times over. The first time was with Satine at his side, the both of them nervous about being young parents. The second time was by himself. And the third was quickly becoming part of an obsessive habit.
"You may stay at the Temple with your child until you find another way to support yourself," one of the Masters said, "but as of now you are no longer a member of the Jedi Order."
Obi-Wan adjusted the bundle in his arms and glanced down at Padmé. If he stayed and she turned out to be Force sensitive, they'd take her from him!
Black fog curled around the edges of the dream.
He would be alone, completely alone in the world. He said, "Your offer is very kind, but we won't be staying long." Padmé made a gurgling sound that sent Obi-Wan's thoughts to the "Choking Hazards" section of the book. But Padmé was fine.
The fog swallowed them whole and placed Obi-Wan at 22 years old, Padmé 5, and Shmi 3 months pregnant.
"What do you think?" Shmi asked, "A boy or a girl?"
"As long as both of you are safe..."
Anakin, wrapped in a blanket, a dusting of blond hair on his head.
"Want to hold him?" Shmi asked, exhausted, and smiling.
"Yes!" Obi-Wan replied, and carefully took the baby from Shmi. He was beautiful.
"How dare you?!"
Obi-Wan stared at Shmi in confusion. This wasn't how he remembered it.
"My baby!" she screamed, "How could you?"
Obi-Wan stepped away from her, holding Anakin tight.
"Your baby!" Shmi yelled, stepping out of the hospital bed and advancing on Obi-Wan. "What sort of monster! How dare you. I trusted you!"
And finally Obi-Wan understood.
He was hovering over Anakin, begging him to say his name.
Obi-Wan looked down and Anakin was missing from his arms. "Give him back!"
Shmi had little Anakin, 7 years old, balanced on her hip. She looked frail and sick.
"He needs me!" Obi-Wan said desperately.
Then Shmi was hitting Obi-Wan, and throwing chairs and picking up scalpels like only Asajj would think to do.
Obi-Wan jumped out of bed, pried his lightsaber off his belt, and ignited it in the darkness. The blade emanated blue, and he waved it around the room, looking for enemies that weren't there.
"Father?" Anakin called. He sounded scared.
Obi-Wan blinked a few times. Hesitantly, he turned around and clicked on the lamp closest to him. He deactivated the lightsaber. "Just a dream," he said, as though to convince himself.
Anakin waited for him to get back in bed. Obi-Wan was wide-eyed as he sorted through his guilt and treasured memories. He pulled the covers up to his neck, and Anakin decided it was safe to snuggle up to him. It felt funny being completely naked in bed. But Anakin didn't second-guess bringing his fingertips to the side of Obi-Wan's face, lightly grazing his beard before smoothing Obi-Wan's errant bangs out of his eyes.
"What did you dream?" he whispered.
Obi-Wan turned to face him, a soft glow from the lamp illuminating Anakin's features. "Shmi," he said, "She's upset with me."
Anakin furrowed his brows. Gently, he said, "Mother can't be upset with you. She's dead."
"But I feel like she knows."
Anakin took that to mean they'd done something irrevocably bad. He replied, "She can't know. She's been reunited with the Force. Isn't that what you told me?"
"Yes," Obi-Wan said, "Which means she's with us, always."
"Father," Anakin started. He didn't know what to say. "You don't regret…"
"No," Obi-Wan answered, "I couldn't regret loving you."
"But it seems like you do."
"It's not an easy situation we're in, Anakin."
Anakin let his hand rest on Obi-Wan's shoulder. "It feels better than before."
Obi-Wan nodded. "I had hoped so. We'll work it out together, I promise you."
Anakin said, "Okay," and closed his eyes.
Obi-Wan watched him for a minute, marveling at Anakin's trust in him even as Anakin was going through something that makes trust lose its meaning. He raised his arm and turned off the lamp with the Force before holding Anakin with both arms, daring his dreams to try to take his baby from him.