A/N: Hi :) New chapter as an early Christmas gift! The title comes from a song by RHODES. The main scene in here was inspired by The Words video clip. Hope you like it and enjoy your holidays!
She actually said it.
Her mouth formed the four letter word and said it. The thoughts race through his mind.
"Killian, could you come for a second?"
He hears Tink's muffled call from behind the door.
For a few more seconds he stays there and then his feet move back to the coffee room. When his ears pick up the sound of the chatting customers, he's pulled out of his thoughts.
Tink is clearly struggling with the stream of clients. How long did he stay there for it to become this busy?
"Sorry," he says to her, so fast that it's hard to understand.
He rolls his sleeves up until they reach his elbows.
"No problem."
They quickly work their way through all of the orders and the calm returns.
Tink is looking at him with an expectant gaze, but he doesn't respond it. Emma left him confused, yet again. Killian considers telling Tink but decides not to.
He knows that he can trust her and Aurora as well and they are the only people he can tell. Sadly, Killian isn't that very good in the whole friends thing.
There is the possibility to write Liam, but that will take far too long. By the time his responding letter arrives, another month will have passed.
No, he first needs to replay everything that happened before he can do or say anything, but this is not the time nor is it the place.
From now on, until the moment that the shop is locked, there is only work and nothing else.
His breath temporarily becomes a cloud of smoke and then vanishes into thin air.
The dark night is soothing, but Killian isn't calm yet.
The usually loud traffic has become silent again. His eyes scan the street before he crosses it. He takes a step left to avoid a brownish puddle that formed in an irregularity of the asphalt. His white earbuds blast loud music into his ears.
The genre or the lyrics don't even matter, it just needs to dominate everything on his walk home.
Killian reaches his building and steps into the brightly lighted corridor.
His mailbox is empty except for some folders he'll probably never read.
No letter from Liam.
Killian was so excited about Emma and life in his last letter, that Liam's letter will probably reflect that and Killian doesn't know if he wants that or not.
He climbs the stairs.
It feels as if every step to the first floor is a Mount Everest on itself. The last one is conquered but he doesn't feel victorious. He fishes for his keys. Killian feels tired and there's no actual reason for it. Killian just feels tired.
The lock clicks and the door opens. His satchel is instantly thrown in the corner. He hears the clutter of a newly forming mess but doesn't pay attention to it.
It can wait.
With reluctance, he walks towards his kitchen to satisfy his stomach. The plastic refrigerator shelves are still nearly empty. He closes the door.
There isn't anything there.
He takes a look in the cupboard and finds a can of tomato soup. The music changes into a new song and Killian boils some water for the few strings of uncooked spaghetti he found in the back of the wooden box. He mixes them together and voila: a five-star dish.
After devouring his, quite honestly, pathetic meal, he stands still in the living room.
His hands move in front of his eyes, temporarily drowning them in darkness.
He stretches the muscles in his back. They feel sore. He rolls his head and again he feels the pull of his muscles.
After she left, he had worked alongside Tink.
It wasn't really alongside.
He mostly worked in solitude, moving heavy boxes. There was no need to move them, but he still did. Tink's worrying was clearly etched on her face, but he chose to ignore it.
Box after box was lifted and when all of the boxes were moved, he chose the 20 pound bags of coffee as his next victim.
Tink put him to a stop, but he just continued.
He knows that he shouldn't have, that he pushed himself too much earlier and that he's now paying the price.
Killian clenches his jaw and sighs right after it. Before a new song can begin, he pulls the music out of his ears.
He needs to relax.
A calming shower will help with that. Killian walks towards the bathroom.
The previous owners chose an indigo accent for the bathroom and he kept it. His shower was decently sized. Killian had space to move and could pick up his shampoo without banging his head against the wall.
The indigo influence can also be found there in the form of blue tiles that are placed against the wall. He is still holding his phone and quickly scrolls through his music.
He is finally ready to ponder over the recent events and that calls for another playlist.
Killian has made a playlist for every situation possible. He has one filled with film music, taken from the soundtracks of his favorite motion pictures. Another list is filed as "Wretched Songs I Should Hate" In there are his guilty pleasures that reach from Journey to, dare he say it, Spice Girls. (Wannabe is catchy, alright?)
He taps on the playlist that he wants and when the first notes play, he lays it on a stool.
Off goes his shirt and other clothes, and in the shower, he goes. He opens the tap and shivers.
The first drops are icy on his skin, but soon the stream heats up. Through the dripping of the water, he hears the playlist continue.
The temperature has become scorching, but he doesn't want it any other way.
A piano piece fills the room and Killian closes his eyes. He hums alongside the music and the melody evokes a small smile on his face.
The tune perfectly represents the things he felt on his and Emma's date.
The seriousness in contrast with the carefreeness.
A smile on Emma's face, her fragrance filling his nostrils, her big, green eyes stargazing, the sound of their laughter, the silent whispers of her past, the feeling of her lips on his.
Classical music has the power to make everything clearer.
It soothes him.
He thinks back. He met Emma about 4 months ago and in those months he has always secretly admired her. She was a mystery waiting to be unraveled and each week the mystery grew. She asked him out little over a month ago.
In that short span of time, they have kissed twice and she has run out on him thrice.
That is quite an amount.
He can't comprehend why she keeps doing that. If she wasn't ready to go out on dates, why did she ask him out?
Did she think he would say no?
Or did he do change her mind? No, she had clearly said it wasn't something he did or said.
Why then?
The water trickles down on him with a regular rhythm. A drop falls just above his cheek and he sees Emma's face before him.
Eyes full of tears and not far from breaking down. She is so critical of herself. He can't understand why this stunning woman dislikes herself so much. It's clearly deeply rooted into her.
He wants to know what happened to make her like this and he wants to show her that it is completely unneeded for. He thinks back to everything that was said and the last thing she said appears in his mind again. "It's impossible for me to love someone." What does she mean by that?
She was certainly referencing to situations of her past and possibly current circumstances. Is she distancing herself from him because there is a possibility that she might fall in love with him? She panicked after she said it.
Killian goes over every little detail.
He turns his palms into a bowl and collects the clear liquid. He splashes it over his face. He places his hands against the cool surface of the tiles.
He loves her.
At least he thinks he loves her.
The song is still playing and the violins kick in.
No, he's sure. He does love her.
It only took him a total of four months to fall in love with her.
It's strange he didn't see it before but now the signs are so obvious. It didn't come up once in his thoughts until Emma said it.
It all clicks. That's why he wanted to break down her walls, why he challenged her. Killian loves her and wants to show she deserves to be loved.
The relief that comes with the understanding is countered by worry.
She ran.
Right after mentioning that familiar word. Dare he say she feels the same way? Emma is the one that brought it up.
Killian won't go as far as saying she loves him as well, but she has to have some feelings towards him. They have to talk.
He turns the shower handle and steps out of the cabin. His hair is dripping wet and he quickly reaches for a towel. When the black locks are somewhat dry, he wraps the towel around his waist. His skin is pink as a newborn, but his shoulders already feel better. He grabs a pair of trainers and a cotton shirt to sleep.
The lock screen of his phone is illuminated and Killian quickly taps the four digits of his code. He clicks the green icon and stares at his screen. His conversation with Emma has been very one-sided recently. There are only green boxes on his screen.
Does he want to discuss this with a text? He doesn't. It's far too impersonal and this is a delicate matter that needs to be discussed in real life. The question now is: how is he going to do that? The phone is locked again and Killian puts on the table.
There is no use in staying up, so he goes to bed a little less confused as he was before.
"Killian, we need to talk."
The blonde is looking angry.
"Go ahead, Tink, and don't hold back."
He already knows what this is about. He wants her to be frank. His behavior yesterday, especially the second part of the day, was terrible and he deserves what he gets.
"Oh, I will. I don't like the way you were yesterday. I know that stuff happened between you and Emma, but that doesn't give you a free pass to be a dick."
"That's harsh," he comments.
Tink raises her hand.
"I wasn't finished yet. I know that we all have this weird relationship in here, but, whether you like it or not, Aurora and I are your friends and you should talk to us. We could maybe help. I just can't take it when people avoid me, so don't do it again. Or just tell me that I need to leave you alone and I will."
Tink has quite a temper, but she is also completely right.
"Tink, I apologize." Killian huffs. "It seems that is all I do lately. I was in a bad place yesterday and I should have told you."
He shrugs and suddenly two small arms come around him. Killian is so stunned that he shortly freezes.
"Tink, what are you doing?" he asks with curiosity.
"I'm being your friend," she states while still holding him.
For such a small person, she does have a tight grip. Killian doesn't have any counterarguments and hugs her back.
If that's what friends do...
"Now, let's get to work."
"Aye aye, boss!" She says with a smile and walks to the front.
"Oh and Tink?"
"Hmm?"
She turns back around.
"Don't tell Aurora about this."
"No, I won't."
Her tone is so unconvincing that Killian already knows that his other employee will know about it in about 10 minutes.
He is going to have to prepare for a lot more unprofessional hugs and caring speeches.
A small fraction of hope tells him that she'll come to him, to talk, but she doesn't the next day or the day after that, nor does she on Monday.
Killian wants to- No, he needs to talk to her.
To let her know that he doesn't care about the past and that she doesn't ruin everything. He needs to know how she feels. To be sure this isn't all unilateral.
Her face doesn't magically appear on Wednesday and Killian doesn't know what to do.
Besides her name and number, he has nothing he can really use to contact her without crossing the line. He already knows that she won't pick up the phone.
It isn't the first time Emma Swan ran out on him, but he truly hopes it's the last one.
He should have known. It's like it's embedded into his soul. The story feels quite familiar. He meets a gorgeous woman, full of intrigue and she disappears.
A tale as old as time.
A/N: The song that Killian listens to while showering is called Divenire by Ludovico Einaudi. It's a really gorgeous piece of contemporary classical music.