Title: Love Me (Like I'm Not Made of Stone)
Genre: Movies
Series: The Hobbit
Characters: Fili, Sigrid, Kili, Tauriel, Thorin, Fem!Bilbo
Spoilers: N/A
Rating: PG-13 to R (Mature)
Summary: Events didn't turn out as expected, and the ripple effect cascades over all things.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Erebor Rising
The first thing he remembered was feeling cold. Despite all appearances to the contrary, Erebor was actually quite warm. Between the furnaces and the natural hot springs deep in the mountain, rarely was winter a concern for dwarves. At least, decades ago it hadn't been. Wandering dwarves, no shelter and no money, they faced the cold and found it unflinching and unrelenting.
The first winter outside of Erebor killed more dwarf children than even Smaug had been able to.
There was ice under his back, biting through the leather of his clothing, freezing the blood that leaked out of him but not fast enough to save him. It was appropriate, he supposed, that death was cold. Dwarves lived their lives around the flame, using it, worshiping it, sacrificing to keep it going. They did not burn easily...
"Thorin?"
...but this was different. He could feel himself turning to stone. They would bury him in the mountain, with his slain kin, amongst the ashes of his forefathers and wouldn't that be grand to be buried in the same place he'd been born? To finally be home, permanently.
"Thorin? You're not dying, I won't allow it. If you would help me, I could get us down to help, otherwise I swear by the Valar, I will sew you up myself. I didn't come this far for your nephew to be King under the Mountain. I faced a damn dragon for you, you know."
Thorin stared into the cloudless sky, blinking slowly. "Bella?"
She leaned over, her unbound hair tangled and covered in blood and dust and dragging across his face. "You're extremely heavy, Thorin. Why must dwarves be so oversized?"
"I am dying," he replied, touching his chest and showing her the blood oozing from a particularly deep wound between his ribs.
"Not if I can help it, and I can," she retorted. She turned her head sharply, narrowing her eyes at whomever she saw. "Dwalin, come carry him! He's bleeding and we need a healer! Oh! Is that an elf!? Tauriel! Thank Eru, we need you, please!"
Then they were all there around him, and that was appropriate too. His kin and his friends to keep him company as he faded.
The she-elf leaned over, looking the worse for wear as they all did, scrapes and dirt smudging her angular features, but she spoke with a calm soothing tone. "I will help you, King Thorin, but this is going to hurt."
He felt hands holding him down, pressing him harder into the cold beneath him that had seeped all the way into his bones.
Then a sharp searing burn began in his chest and spread outward, taking all sense of self and place with it.
The next thing he remembered was the smell of home. He didn't open his eyes, he didn't even know if he was capable yet, but it felt like he was in the mountain. There was a musky scent of disuse in the air, but underneath it was the sharp tang of copper, the moist thickness of dew, and the cool whisper of stone. Gold was spicy and fizzing in the back of his throat, audacious and overdone and surrounding him.
He was home.
He forced his eyes to open, blinking rapidly but thankful that someone had had the good sense to leave the light low. Bella and Gandalf sat across the room, speaking low and sipping tea, neither noticing that he'd woken. "You'd think a hobbit would have the good sense to offer a guest something to drink."
She jumped up so quickly that Gandalf had to brace himself on the wall so he didn't fall. "Technically, I am the guest," she defended, "but since you're incapacitated I guess I'll play hostess. Oh, I'm so glad you're awake!" She dashed over, bringing a cup of water with her. She assisted him with sipping, grinning at him widely. "Told you you weren't going to die."
"It felt like a possibility," Thorin answered, waving off her wordless offer of more. "What's going on? What happened?"
"After you dispatched Azog, the Orc army fell apart, scattering under the forces of Dain and Thranduil," Gandalf started to explain, "though not without heavy costs to all."
"My nephews?"
"Alive, injured but alive. They dispatched Bolg, saved Tauriel's life, who in turn saved yours. Fili has a broken arm, Kili some bruises on his side but the elves don't seem to think they'll cause him more than some pain."
"Elves in Erebor?" Thorin scoffed, grimacing when it caused a stab of pain in his side.
"They were invited," Bella supplied, grinning at him, "your cousin Dain appears to be more reasonable than you. I'm going to gather your kin. They'll want to see you."
Thorin waited until the hobbit was gone before speaking again. "How many dead?"
"Too many to count, but it was...a victory."
"It doesn't feel like one."
The old wizard sighed. "They rarely do."
He remembers home...but this is not it.
The tall columns used to seem majestic but now only seemed to emphasize emptiness. The ringing of hammers were not echoing to the rafters, firelight did not cause shadows to dance on the ceiling, and there was no music or laughter to speak of, not here, not after war.
Thorin had hope that they could reclaim that sense of life, however. He walked among fallen elves and dwarves and knew that this was a new beginning. He resolved that he would not let his pride keep his people in a place of vulnerability like his grandfather before him.
Two taller figures moved through the crowd, the she-elf's long red hair shining like a beacon even in the gloom of a dimly lit cave. At her side Bard's older daughter assisted, handing her tools and bandages as they moved their way through the few remaining people that hadn't been seen to. The dwarves huffed and puffed and grumbled that they would rather wait for a dwarf, but gave in quickly. Sigrid need only give a soft smile and she had many an older dwarf blushing in his beard.
Thorin turned to his nephew, glaring when he saw the soft look in his eyes. "Try not to look so befuddled in front of our kin."
"She is the most beautiful warrior I have ever seen, uncle. And she saved your life," Kili responded, shrugging and almost dislodging Thorin's arm where he helped support him as they walked to the front gate.
"She's still an elf. She'll be returning to Mirkwood soon."
Kili paled a bit and avoided Thorin's gaze. "When she came to help us in Laketown, and then again on Ravenhill, Thranduil banished her. If he's anything like you, he hasn't changed his mind."
"Would you have me offer her a place here?" Thorin asked, carefully making sure his face showed no emotion and that his voice offered no censure. Truthfully, he wasn't sure what he would do or say to Kili's response. There had never been an elf in residence of Erebor and he'd prefer to keep it that way, but when a dwarf loved it was completely. They would forsake all others, all needs, all wants, to be with their love.
He did not want to lose his family when he had only just made it possible for them to be home again.
"I think it depends on what she would like. She wants to travel, see the world, outside of the lake and the woods. I..." he swallowed, "I wouldn't mind going with her if she'd have me."
They reached the broken gate and Thorin leaned on the rock in support, grasping Kili's shirt as he sternly reminded, "Give her a bead before you leave, it's not appropriate to travel with a lady and have no ties."
"You would allow it?"
"Since when have you or your brother waited for permission to do anything?"
"You think she'd take it?"
"I don't know how elves think. Go ask Gandalf."
"I apologize for not offering suitable condolences when you first arrived," he began. "I was not well."
Sigrid sighed softly, gesturing for him to enter the room and take a seat. "That's quite alright, King Thorin. None of us were really ourselves at that time. Would you like some tea?"
He nodded, watching as she moved through the room with a serene grace that would've suited someone much older than she. He imagined she'd had to grow up very quickly, if he recalled her mother had died young, and now her father gone too. "Fili tells me that you'd like to stay here."
She paused mid-pour, her eyes jumping to his, before looking back down and completing her task. "He has invited that Tilda and I can stay. While we would have no family to go to should we leave, I believe we could make a home else-"
"I am not telling you to leave, child," he interrupted, only to be interrupted in return.
"I am not a child."
He nodded acknowledgement of that fact, sipping quietly before continuing. "I would honor the debt we owe your father."
"And brother."
"Aye, and brother. They killed the creature that we could not, only that we accidentally sent down on your town. I can provide you with whatever you need."
"I don't want your gold," Sigrid stated, taking her seat and pushing her drink away. "But the townspeople who went to Bight, they were promised coin for their help. Send it to them."
Thorin studied her face in silence, could tell it made her uncomfortable. "What would you have? What would you ask of me?"
"When the dragon took Erebor all that time ago...more than the mountain, more than the gold, more than the Arkenstone, what did you want?"
They let the questions sit between them in the air for several minutes, both thinking deeply on the possible answers. Finally, Thorin cleared his throat. "I wanted to not have to worry anymore, to have some place that we could be at peace and be safe."
"That's what I want. I want to not have to worry anymore. To know that I am here today, I will be here tomorrow, and no one can take it from me any day after that."
He knew of a solution for that, but he wasn't sure how she would respond. The offer had never been made to a child of man before, but as king he could do as he wished, even take his people down routes they'd never been before. "You are too old for me to offer, but I could make Tilda my ward. It would mean that for any dwarf or kingdom, she would be one of my kin and welcome there. As her sister, the hospitality would be extended to you as well. There would always be a place for you and she, among my people."
"Would you...would I still-"
"You'd stay here, raise her as you would, but I would provide for everything."
"To repay the debt to my father?"
Thorin stood, shaking his head. "To repay my debt to you. The debt to your father...it is too great to repay. He has given my people back their home. There is nothing equal that I can offer."
"Do you know why you never see dwarrow children?"
Bella set down her sword, Thorin had been teaching her how to clean and maintain the blade. She tilted her head in confusion. "I've never spent much time around dwarves before now, so I wouldn't be expected to have seen them."
He rolled his eyes but continued to speak. "After Smaug decimated us, the women stopped having them. It wasn't just the loss of Erebor, we lost family, children, our way of life. The first few winters that we wandered, many children died and in their grief the mothers couldn't stomach having another. Between the battle for Moria and Smaug...we were a diminished people. Now, though...they can return. My people can flourish once more."
"I'm glad I helped you, Thorin. That is...there is no greater feeling than knowing that I was able to help bring your people home."
"Will you stay?" He asked, blurting out the question that had been on his mind this past month as he recuperated. "I know that Gandalf has offered to escort you home, but I'd like it if you could stay a little longer. When my sister arrives with the first of the returning dwarves, there will be celebrations, and we would all like to honor you as you deserve. I would like you to see what you have brought about, see the forges lit up again, the music of creation that fills the halls."
Bella bit her lip and thought for several minutes. "I do miss the Shire, but I think I'd like to see that. And I do hate traveling in the cold. Just until spring, mind you," she assured him, "I'll see if Gandalf can return then to escort me home or I'll just make my own way."
"I can have someone escort you if need be," Thorin reassured her.
"And have them torn so soon from Erebor? No, I would be fine. I'm an experienced traveler now!" Bella boasted, pointing Sting at him in jest. "I can take care of myself."
"If you say so, Mistress Hobbit."
"I've even rescued you a time or two, Master Dwarf."
Thorin scoffed, "I merely needed more time to take care of the matter."
The snow drifted down thick and heavy, obscuring the distant view of the lake and the forest beyond. They stood on the now repaired ramparts and looked out, spending the time in silence and appreciating the view.
"If I hadn't left the Shire, right now I'd be watching this from my den window with a hot drink and some fresh cookies and I'd be wearing my winter robe made from wool and I'd probably have a fresh hen in the oven..."
"Is that regret I hear?" Gandalf asked, though the look on his face told her that he already knew the answer.
"Oh, no. Sounds terribly boring. This? This is a better view by far. It's a strange one though, and sometimes the familiar is what you want, something that doesn't change, something that looked as it did when you were a kid, as it does now, and as it will in the future."
"You'll be back there soon enough, Belladonna Baggins. And the Shire will welcome you with a hero's return."
Her laughter was so loud it echoed into the valley below. "No, they won't. I'll be strange Belledonna Baggins of Bag End, proof that Took blood wins out. Wandered off with a company of dwarves and a wizard and disappeared for years. Entirely inappropriate sort of woman. It's going to be delightful." She sincerely meant that, to her surprise.
After this adventure, there would be no getting back to normal. She would always be considered odd and unsuitable, and somehow that made things easier to go home to. She didn't have to worry about fitting in or being on time or what to wear, she could just be herself and if that was weird, then no one would be surprised.
"Where will you go from here?"
Gandalf lifted his pipe, lighting it and sending small plumes of smoke dissipating into the winter air before speaking, "I believe I will head south. There are things I must attend to in Gondor, and people I wish to see. There are dark times coming, Bella. Best you be back in the Shire before then."
"Do you think you could look into something for me? I found a ring while we were traveling, and Thorin was showing me how to keep the gold looking shiny using oil from the fire when we noticed some writing on it. He can't read it but he says it looks like a language from the South. Could you see if anyone can read it? I copied it as best I could."
"I can," the wizard agreed, taking the small paper she handed him and sliding it into his robes. "It will give me an excuse to come see you in the Shire. Perhaps this time, you'll even be hospitable."
"You came barging in with thirteen dwarves. I think I can be forgiven a lack of hospitality," Bella argued back, "but come see me and I will show you all the grace and welcome of hobbitkind."
It was truly a sight to see, the small dark blemishes moving through the snow and growing closer with each passing minute until the short forms of dwarves could be seen. Thorin stood with his company at the door, the fires blazing high in the braziers and guiding his people the doors even through the still falling snow.
Bella stood at his side, just abit behind so his taller form could block the snow. "Is that your sister Dis?"
"Yes, she leads our people when I cannot," Thorin explained.
"You allow women to rule?" She asked in surprise. It was not out of the ordinary for Hobbits to allow such a thing, but she'd garnered from observation that it was very much not expected in the world of man.
Thorin smiled down at her. "Women are our greatest asset, they keep their head when men cannot. Yes, they can rule. If I were to die, though Fili is my heir, I do not doubt that Dis would serve as regent and carry on until such time as he thought himself ready."
"You'll like our mother, Bella," Kili added, leaning back so she could see him wink at her. "She's the only person besides you I've ever seen yell at uncle."
"Well, he needed it," Bella assured, grinning at herself though she was a bit nervous. The company had told many stories of Dis on the trip, and she cut an intimidating figure even across the snow.
When she strode across the bridge, though, she was just a mother seeing her children again and that wasn't intimidating at all.
She hugged Fili and Kili to her for several minutes, none of them speaking and Bella found herself getting a bit teary eyed at the sheer relief on Dis' face. Thorin grasped her elbow and pulled her with him as he approached the trio. Dwarves streamed past them on both sides, gradually growing louder as they greeted the company and moved inside. Some of them tutted at the damage, already making plans to start repairs and how to improve things, and some of them cried, touching the walls as if they couldn't believe this was real.
"Sister, this is Belladonna Baggins, our burglar; Bella this is my sister Dis. Bella is the reason we have retaken Erabor," Thorin explained, subtly pushing Bella so that his sister could see the small hobbitess.
"It is a pleasure to meet you," Bella announced, holding out her hand to greet the dwarrowdam. Dis eyed the hand before reaching out to grasp and yank her close, hugging her so tightly she squeeked in protest.
"Thank you, wee one, for this. I also understand you saved my kins' lives, many times over. I thank you for that, too."
"It was no problem," Bella wheezed, wriggling her way free and putting her feet back on the ground. She refused to touch her ribs because of pride, they ached just a bit from the hug.
"Tonight, we will feast and celebrate!" Dis announced and everyone cheered. "But first, we clean." The crowd wasn't as happy about that pronouncement.
Bella had thought that hobbits threw the best parties, but she'd never been to a dwarven party before. The feast lasted two days and nights, and even the elves that remained nearby were invited to partake. The returning people had brought a surplus of supplies with them, ale and meat, even fruits and vegetables. They set up instruments and played music until their fingers bled and when they couldn't play anymore someone would swoop in to take over. If you grew tired, you could sleep were you lay and then wake up and start over again.
Bella slept in her bed, but she returned several times to the festivities. By the time she returned the last time, it was late into the night of the second day and most of the dwarves had finally fallen asleep, with only two of them still playing music. It was a slower tune, of which very few had been played the last few days. Several couples still danced, to Bella's surprise Fili and Sigrid among them.
Thorin gestured for her to join him at the high table and she cautiously made her way through sleeping bodies to reach his side. The small girl Tilda was asleep next to him, her head resting in his lap, and her surprise must have shown on her face.
"She is my responsibility now."
"I knew you helped raise your nephews, but I don't think I ever imagined this," Bella admitted, taking a seat and pulling the plate of roast boar closer to gather a late night snack.
"Children deserve gentleness sometimes. It's like creating a blade, you require force and pressure, but a soft polish makes it shine."
"Sigrid and Fili look good together," Bella noted, nodding towards them where they circled slowly, Fili showing her how the dwarven dance was supposed to go.
"He feels responsible, so he is her friend. He tries to ease her burdens, helps with the child."
Bella smiled knowingly. "They are friends now, but that's how love is supposed to start, Thorin. That's how the best ones do, at least."
Next chapter, Kili and Tauriel.