Disclaimer: The Mass Effect Universe and everything in it belong to BioWare.

A/N: Just a reminder that this chapter (and the next) still takes place the same evening the suicide mission ended. We'll be getting to brand new days soon.

[Chapter Four: Sitting Here]

What the HELL just happened. His mind raced as he made his way towards the elevator. Everything had been going so well. The night before their mission was…amazing. Now this? He didn't understand. What did he have to prove to her that he hadn't already said or shown? He tried to take the relationship slowly. He always went at her pace. If she wanted to be touched, he'd touch. If she wanted space, hell he was on level one and she was on level four! When she wanted silence, he didn't say a word for sometimes hours on end.

So what did he do wrong?

As he entered the elevator he realized he'd been holding his breath for the longest of time. He released a long exhale as he pressed the green button to go up a level. He needed to eat. By this point there was no energy left in his body. He needed something hot, filling, and something to satisfy his bodies' want for comfort. Maybe freshly baked cake? Did Mess Sergeant Gardner even make cake? As Shepard thought quietly to himself the elevator doors opened to level three. His eyes were down as he thought of comforting cake, "Nevermind. Doubt he makes it anyway. It's a military vessel Shepard, not a cruise ship."

Shepard had taken two steps through the elevator doors when suddenly with a soft "Oof!" one Ms. Tali'Zorah vas Normandy was nearly toppled over.

Shepard was quick to act, arms reaching out for her and encircling her protectively from the hard floor of the Normandy. "Be careful there, Ms. Vas Normandy. We got enough people in the med bay to last us at least a week or two. Don't need to add to the pile now do we?"

He smiled down at her warmly, causing Tali to blush furiously beneath her visor. Of course Shepard couldn't see that. He held onto her for a moment before he felt she was steady enough to release.

"Oh keelah, Shepard, I'm so sorry. I should have been watching where I was going and I'm clumsy and stupid and—"

"Tali. It's okay. Really, I wasn't looking where I was going either. I think I was thinking about…cake?"

Tali raised a brow beneath her helmet, "Cake, Shepard?"

John scratched the back of his head, a small chuckle leaving his lips. "Yeah. It's been kind of a long day. I just suddenly had the craving for something comforting."

Tali nodded, "I see. I think I would like that too, however nutrient paste can only come in so many flavors."

Shepard smacked his face with his palm. How could he have been so insensitive? He was bitching about cake while Tali has been stuck eating the same crap for years. At least Shepard had different dinners every other day.

"Tali, I'm sorry…I didn't meant to sound—"

"I'm teasing, Shepard. Only teasing."

Shepard smiled, nodding slowly. "Well I was about to make my way towards dinner. Where were you heading off to?"

Tali knew she was going somewhere, but the little mishap that just occurred completely threw her off track. "I…don't remember?"

John laughed, "Well then Ms. Vas Normandy, would you care to join me for dinner? I could use the company."

Tali cleared her throat, "…m-me, Shepard? What about Ja—" She caught herself and didn't want to say it. "Mm…won't there be practically the whole crew sitting at the same table as you would sit?"

Shepard pondered her question. "I suppose you're right, I guess. Sorry."

Tali waved her hands at him, "Nono, Shepard! No need to apologize! I was just simply trying to state a fact. I didn't mean that I would not enjoy your company or would not want to join you. Because I do! It's just…I don't think I should. It wouldn't be good for me and…I'm ranting aren't I?"

Shepard raised an eyebrow at her, "Wouldn't…be good for you?"

Clueless.

Tali froze in horror. Did she really just say that?

Shepard then realized, offering a smile and nod of the head, "I understand, Tali."

Tali had the most horrific face plastered on; It's just no one could tell behind her coverings. "Y-you do?"

Shepard nodded. "I don't' blame you. I'd hate being stuck with a bunch of bo'shtets that continually stuffed their faces and talked out of their asses too."

"Shepard just murdered the word. But it was cute that he had tried," thought Tali.

She relaxing only somewhat, "R-right… Bosh'tets. Asses. Ahem."

"Well, don't let me keep you from whatever it was you were going to do, but forgot, but are now trying to remember."

Tali blinked vacantly, confused by the play of words. "I think I'll just…go back to engineering. I need to make more modifications if we're going to make it to The Citadel. I'll talk to you later, Shepard." She quickly walked passed him and into the elevator, smashing the button with her middle finger, not even bothering to turn around.

"Bye Ta—" The Elevator door shut, leaving him talking to himself. "…li…"

Shepard let out a long sigh. What the hell was going on with everyone?

xxxxxxx

The mess hall was noisy and Shepard found himself actually liking it. It didn't' leave him alone with his thoughts, with the words Jack had told him. He grabbed a tray from the serving table and plopped down next to Jacob and Kasumi.

"Shepaaaard, are we getting loud and spillin' drinks yet? Lord knows you earned it after today. We all did!"

Shepard laughed softly, shaking his head, "Not yet, Jacob." He shoveled a spoonful of what looked like mashed potatoes into his mouth.

Kasumi looked at him and laughed.

John looked up, the realized what he must look like. He slowed down his chewing, and shoveled less, "Sorry. Didn't realize how hungry I was until the food was done."

Kasumi just waved him off happily, "Oh relax, Shepard! I'm pretty sure we were the same way."

Shepard looked to the two of them in a questioning gaze, "You two have been spending a lot of time together, hmm?"

Kasumi shrugged, a playful smile forming on her face. "I just keep him around because he's nice to look at. All that working off really paid off but really… that's about it." She poked his obviously ripped stomach.

Jacob shook his head and covered his eyes with the palm of his hand, "Cruel woman: Only using me for my good looks."

Shepard smirked, "I'm sure it's working both ways."

Kasumi's eyebrows raised in feign shock, jaw slacking only just. "Why Shepard, did you just call me attractive?"

John shook his head and laughed, dodging the implication. "It's not what you think. It's not that I called you attractive; it's just that when you join the Normandy you have to have 'attractive' on your resume. It's just a well known fact. Ya' gotta' be good lookin' or you're out!"

Just then Garrus passed by on the way to his room, "How the hell you'd get here then?"

Jacob and Kasumi both let out loud laughs while Shepard shook his head and leaned down onto the table with his elbows. "Ouch."

Garrus walked proudly to his room, slightly strutting while lifting his finger into the air and making an invisible point to add to his invisible score board. "Count it!"

Jacob covered his mouth with his hand and mocked the voice of a sports announcer, "Garrus: 41, Shepard: -5!"

Just then Shepard looked up at him, "What! How the hell did I manage to get a negative?"

Right as he asked, Grunt passed by on his way to the elevator, "Because you have little quads. Ha!" He slammed his fists together then he disappeared into a closed elevator.

Shepard raised his hands in the air in surrender. "What the hell! Is this beat up your Commander day? I surrender, damn it."

Kasumi was leaning into Jacob due to her laughing a little bit too hard. Jacob's face was pretty much purple from lack of oxygen. John raised a brow, "Alright, laugh it up. But next time if a Collector chooses to take either one you, you better pray someone comes to save you cause' I won't be it!"

Kasumi reached over for him, her laughs dying down. "Oh come on, Shepard! It's all in good fun!"

John laughed, nodding his head and taking her hand in a good-sportsman shake. "Now you two get outta' here and let me eat in peace. My food is all cold and the only thing you two have been good for is hurting my pride."

The pair laughed whole heartedly as they rose. Kasumi gave Shepard another quick hug from the back and Jacob patted him once on the shoulder. "Later, Shepard."

"Bye, you two."

Suddenly it hit him. It was already late. How long were they all talking for? The mess hall was pretty much empty save for a few who liked eating at that hour. But they were off at their own table and involved in their own conversations. Shepard stared down at his half empty plate. He moved around the vegetables with his fork, smooshing them with the potato-like substance. He found that he just wasn't very hungry anymore. After a small sigh escaped his lips, John pushed his tray away, "Might as well go to bed."

As he began to rise from his seat, another person's plate slammed down on the table next to him.

He raised a brow as he stared at the plate then back around to the person it belonged to. "Jack?"

The Biotic took her seat next to his, "Got hungry. Sitting here."

John had half a mind to just leave like he planned but…he just couldn't. He sank back into his seat quietly next to her. His jaw clenched then loosened, the muscles in his cheeks flexing. They sat there for the next twenty minutes in complete silence. When she was done with her food she pushed the tray away and got up. Shepard did the same. But this time, he didn't wait for her to make the first move. Without a word he walked passed her and into the elevator. If she wanted to come, it was her deal. He was tired. Jack stood at the table for a moment, not looking to him. But soon, and much to John's surprise, followed him into the elevator.

"I'm going to my cabin, Jack."

She looked at his face, studying him with a well groomed, raised eyebrow that made her look cocky. "I know?"

Shepard returned her gaze, clearly confused. She had been driving him on all sorts of roller coasters today. What now? "…you're coming with me?"

"The fuck does it look like, Shepard?"

The elevator seemed to take forever. Shepard sighed at her predictable response and rubbed his eyes, "Jack, you can't keep doing this crap to me. One minute you're there with me, I mean really there with me, and then the next you're acting like I tattooed my name on your ass without your permission."

"You would like that, huh Shepard?"

"I'm being serious, Jack. What's going on? Because I know I'm confused as hell. And I don't like being jerked around… because as far as I can tell, you're the one who walked away."

"Shepard I know. I know okay?" Jacks tone became softer, almost broken. "Maybe that wasn't right but…I'm trying."

John couldn't help but lighten up his mood. She was right. She had been trying as screwy as that might have sounded. He had to give her that. She'd changed drastically in only the few months they'd known each other. And she said it herself earlier that day: she wanted to be better, wanted to do better. He knew in his heart he could never give up on her, that this was a battle he needed to walk with her. He just wished she could see that he wasn't going to leave. Maybe he just had to make it clearer. And soon, he'd find out a way to show her just that.

The elevator door opened, still shaky from the damage the ship had previously taken. John exited and stopped in front of his cabin door, turning to look at Jack, "Do you want to come in?" He watched her face carefully for any signs of discomfort.

Jack thought quietly, a whole line of emotions playing across her face. In the end she stepped out of the elevator and stood behind Shepard, "Yeah."

John turned to face his door and inhaled lightly. He had no clue what was going to happen or why she even wanted to come up here. He knew she wasn't ready for anything. She knew she wasn't ready for anything, so all possible conclusions fell empty on the Commander. But…despite it all, he was glad she was there with him and not three levels below.

He smacked the green button in the middle of the door and stepped aside so Jack could enter first. She eyed him curiously but didn't back down, stepping through with the commander close behind. His doors hummed quietly, shutting the large doors behind them.

[End of Four: Sitting Here]

"Nobody said it was easy, No one ever said it would be this hard." -Coldplay