Hey guys! So we're up to the very last chapter/epilogue/whatever you want to call it. This chapter is mostly fluffy space puppies, with a little bit of angst thrown in. I hope you like it and I'm so grateful for all of you wonderful readers. And thank you so much for all of the reviews! It fills my heart with love when my phone makes that noise telling me a new one has been posted. If you have any feedback or ideas for new fics, do let me know. I love you all.
Talis xxxxx
And the water is risin' quick
And for years I was scared of it
We can't be sure when it will subside
So I won't leave your side, no I can't leave your side
Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire, 'cause I just want something beautiful
To touch me, I know that I'm in reach
'Cause I am down on my knees, I'm waiting for something beautiful
Oh, something beautiful
In a daydream, I couldn't live like this
I wouldn't stop until I found something beautiful
When I wake up, I know I will have
No, I still won't have what I need
Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire, 'cause I just want something beautiful
To touch me, I know that I'm in reach
'Cause I am down on my knees, I'm waiting for something beautiful
Oh, something beautiful
NEEDTOBREATHE
Kara was screaming in agony, crying out against the cold floor of Rhea's ship. Mon-El looked down at the remote in his hands, "I'm so sorry, I have to. She's making me." He turned the dial up.
Kara's screams rose in pitch and he shuddered, but he kept turning the dial. She writhed in anguish and he turned to his mother to beg her to let him stop… but there was nobody there – he was doing it all on his own. He looked back at the woman he loved, only to find her dead on the floor, eyes glassy, a kryptonite sword sticking out of her chest.
"You killed me." Her dead mouth opened, but her voice was all wrong.
"And me." Rhea appeared, another green knife in her chest, "This is all your fault."
"You killed me." Kara and Rhea said as one and he shook his head frantically and smashed the remote on the floor.
"No, I didn't, I didn't, it was you Mother, I would never hurt Kara." He felt something in his hand and the control had returned, whole and buzzing, inviting him to flick the switch. He turned the dial up to full strength and Supergirl started seizing, but he couldn't make himself turn off the machine.
"No, Kara I'm so sorry! I'm sorry Kara… Kara!"
"KARA!" He yelled out, thrashing, until something heavy was on top of him and had pinned his arms down.
"Mon-El, it's okay, I'm here, I'm right here, it's okay!" Kara's voice broke through the dream and he opened his eyes to find hers barely centimetres away. It was dark outside the window and the bedside lamp was on, bathing the room in gold. It was 3am, and they'd returned from Barry's Earth some time earlier – he'd only been sleeping for four hours. He took a deep breath and let his head roll back on the pillow, but she stayed where she was: her arms pinning his to the pillow and her knees either side of his hips. She regarded him carefully, concerned, "Mon-El? Are you alright?"
"Yeah, fine." He said noncommittally.
"Mon-El." She sounded more disapproving than worried now, even as she let go of his wrists and slid her fingers down his arms to his shoulders.
"I'm fine, seriously, I'm okay. I'm sorry I woke you."
"That's okay, you didn't."
He pushed himself up on his elbows, "What?"
It was her turn to look skittish, "I-it doesn't matter."
She looked away, but he was paying close attention now, and he saw the flicker of fear she was trying to hide behind her features, and that famous crinkle appeared above her nose. He sighed and pushed her hair behind her ear, "Okay."
"Okay? Okay what?"
"Okay… I lied. I'm not fine." He murmured. She glanced back up at him and extricated herself from his lap, moving over to sit cross-legged beside him.
"Really?"
"Of course I'm not fine, Kara! We just went through hell. I tortured you… I… you nearly died, I nearly died, we went to another universe and fought an army, and then I did actually die. I don't think I'm going to be alright for a while."
"Oh thank god!" Kara exclaimed, relieved.
"Uh. What?" He looked confused and sat up, shifting to face her properly.
"I thought that it was just me internally freaking out! I'm so glad I'm not alone!"
"So, when you said I didn't wake you, what you meant was…"
"That I never went to sleep," Kara admitted, "I couldn't. I tried. But all I could think about was watching you die. Every time I thought I had pushed it out, I would remember again. It just keeps playing over and over and over in my head, and I can't get it out."
He reached for her hand, "Me too. The second I fell asleep, it started. I was right back in that cell, torturing you, except this time my mother wasn't there: I was doing it on my own." He hung his head in shame and she scooted closer.
"Mon-El, you know it wasn't your fault."
"And then you were both there with knives in your chests… and you were saying it was all my doing. And it was, I had put them there. I'd killed you."
"That's just your guilt talking."
"Is it? Because I did actually murder my mother a few hours ago."
"No, you were protecting me. She had kryptonite, she was going to kill me, and you had the sword in your hand – it makes sense, no matter how horrible it feels."
"That's just it, Kara. It wasn't in my hand." He couldn't meet her eyes.
"What do you mean?" She touched his knee.
"I pulled it out of my chest and then I dropped it. I remember, it landed funny next to my leg. But then when she moved towards you, I didn't question it, I just reached for the sword and swung it. I reached for it. I meant to kill my mother before I'd even touched the hilt."
"Ah, Mon-El, don't." Kara said pityingly.
"Don't what?"
"Don't do this to yourself. She would have killed me, without a second thought. She did kill you, because she was trying to kill me. You died because of her. There's no evil in killing your mother to stop her, even if that was your intention."
"Then why does it hurt so much?" Mon-El broke down, the crushing pain of the last two days weighing down on his chest.
Kara pulled him close and wrapped her arms around him. He sobbed into her hair and she stroked his back. His fingers raked across her shoulders, trying to tug her yet closer.
"Oh, Mon-El. Mon-El, look at me." She instructed gently. He sat back and stared at her, noticed the tears in her eyes mirroring his own. She opened her mouth to continue, but she'd never seen him so broken – he was always grinning and cracking jokes: ever the optimist. Even when he found out Daxam was no more, even when he was kidnapped by CADMUS, he still managed to keep his spirit. But looking at him now, it was like all his hope was gone.
"I'm looking." He said, and she snapped out of it. He sighed, "I tortured you. I lied to you for months. I killed my own mother, Kara, how can you be in love with me? How can you even look at me? I'm a bad person. I'm a monster."
"No, that's just it, Mon-El, you're not! Do you think Rhea would have felt remorse about killing me? Do you think she felt bad for being the cause of your death, or do you think, despite delivering the blow that killed you, she still refused to take responsibility? Do you think she deliberated for more than ten minutes over the decision to kill your father? No – and that is what makes her evil. What makes you so good, what makes you different from your mother, is that you care. Despite everything, she was still your mother, and even if she hadn't been, you would still be beating yourself up, because you can feel empathy. It's what makes you better. You saved my life, more than once in the last 48 hours, and even if it doesn't feel like it, you made all the right choices, I 're better than her. You're one of the best people I know." Kara said softly.
He stared at her for a moment, trying to formulate a response, but his body reacted first. He leaned in and kissed her, yanking her into his lap. His hand idled up the back of her shirt, and he hummed deep in his chest at the warmth of her skin against his. She had fistfuls of his shirt in her hands and he caressed her cheek as he curled his other arm tighter around her waist. She released his shirt and brought her hands up to his face, brushing his temples as she knotted her fingers in his hair. Her palms were hot across his cheeks and he leaned into them, angling yet closer to feel the warmth of her whole body. When they finally ended the kiss, they were both out of breath, but neither of them moved an inch. Their noses were pressed against each other's cheeks, and they were a mess of tangled limbs.
When they'd arrived back, Eliza and Maggie had rushed them, demanding to know how it had gone, and Winn had disappeared to the dive bar to find Lyra. After explaining everything to their friends, and the relelvant members of the DEO, Mon-El suddenly became uncomfortable with how much attention he was getting. Random people were coming up and clapping him on the back, or nodding respectfully at him, and it made him feel weird. He'd died - he hadn't won an Oscar.
"Hey, are, are you okay?" Kara asked.
"Fine, just..." He looked at her, "Can we go home?"
She nodded, relieved, "Yes. Yeah, let's go home."
"Mon-El! A word?' Eliza called out just as Kara was dragged off by Maggie and Alex to talk about alien weapons.
"Yes, Mrs Danvers?" He said jovially.
"Look sweetie, I know you're not coping very well, and I understand how hard this has been for you, but... I just want you to remember that Kara is going through just as much."
"I know." He said.
"I know you do, but I needed to remind you. I want you to remember that you're not alone, Mon-El. You're never alone when you're on this Earth. We're a family."
"I don't have great luck with family." He noted bitterly.
"The way I see it, you didn't have a family until Kara found you... What I'm trying to say, sweetheart, is that we all love you."
"Even J'onn?" Mon-El quipped.
"Even me." J'onn said from behind him, "Especially after the courage you showed today. It won't be forgotten in a hurry."
"I stabbed my mother with a sword made of the only substance that can definitely kill Supergirl, because she tried to kill her. The only reason the sword hurt my mother was because it was covered in the lead it had been exposed to while it was in my body. I can't think of anything less courageous." He said darkly, and Eliza opened her mouth to contradict him, but Kara bounced back over.
"Ready to go home?"
"I've never been so ready for sleep in my life." Mon-El quipped, trying to shake off the uncomfortable feeling in his gut.
They walked towards the window, as as they reached the ledge, Eliza called out, "Remember what I said, Mon-El."
"I'm not complaining, but what was that about?" Kara panted.
Mon-El shook his head and kissed the corner of her mouth, "Empathy. I put myself in your shoes–"
"No, you don't get to quote Funny Face at me right now, because if you finish that line we are not going to get any sleep." She warned seductively, and he groaned into her lips.
"In that case–"
"Nope! No, we are both exhausted! We need the rest."
"Urgh, you are no fun." Mon-El pretended to sulk.
"Uh-huh." She raised an eyebrow.
"But that's why I love you – I need someone boring to balance out all my fun."
She snickered and hit him gently, but there was no heart in her objection, "I'm not that boring."
"And I'm not that fun." He countered and she kissed him briefly.
"We should go back to sleep." She said.
"Back to sleep? Were either of us actually recuperating, or was it just anxiety insomnia and PTSD fever dreams?" He quipped.
"We'll sleep better this time." Kara said confidently, laying down and yanking him down next to her. He rolled over so that he was as close to her as possible, their noses grazing together.
"How do you know?"
"Because I know. And because this time I know you feel the same way. And if either of us wakes up screaming in the middle of the night again, we'll be there for each other."
"Yeah, we will." He agreed. He kissed the tip of her nose and she smiled that goofy smile of hers that he adored so much, "I love you, Kara Zor-El."
"Huh, that's weird. You only ever say my name like that when you're annoyed at me." Kara pointed out.
"I get the feeling I'm always going to be a little mad at you." He repeated something she said to him back when they first became friends, and she laughed.
"Hey, that's my line!"
"Maybe, but I feel that way too; you're so infuriating – sometimes you drive me crazy." He grinned.
"You drive me crazy too." She said, and the tone dropped again, and the looks they shared became more serious, more heavy.
"Y'know, I'd known you for three days, and I already knew I was going to be in love with you for the rest of my life. Even if you didn't feel the same way." Mon-El said.
"Oh. That… wasn't where I was expecting that to go," Kara said, "But it was nice."
"Just… promise me you'll let me keep driving you crazy? For as long as possible?" Mon-El pleaded.
Kara gave him a flash of her celestial blue eyes and he melted inside, "Only if you promise never to stop letting me lecture you."
"I couldn't stop you from doing anything if I tried." He reminded her.
"Especially not loving you." She said earnestly.
"What did you just say?" He asked, wide-eyed.
Suddenly shy, she shrunk back a little, "that I love you."
"Yeah, but… you said it all… romantic…" He waggled his eyebrows in her direction.
"Shut up."
"Oh my god, Kara Danvers, talking about her feelings?" Mon-El teased, and raised his voice to the empty apartment, "Supergirl just professed her undying love for me!"
"I wouldn't say undying," She warned, shushing him.
"You're right, I did die."
"That's not what I meant."
"Oh I know what you meant, but you already said the gooey romantic thing, so I'm going to just relish this moment for a minute," he lay back and stared at the ceiling. Kara could sense his heartbeat pick up the pace slightly as he reminisced upon her words. She was glad to be even hearing his heartbeat at all, but feeling it speed up because of her was one of the loveliest sensations in the world.
"Okay, the moment has been sufficiently relished, can we go to sleep now?" She said, tired, but mostly just wanting to get closer to his heart so she could feel it thrumming against her fingertips.
"Whatever you say," Mon-El murmured, and turned the lights out. Kara snuggled into his chest and he drew the blankets around them tighter.
"Hey Mon-El?" Kara whispered.
"Yeah?"
"Who'd have thought – a boy from Daxam and a girl from Krypton…"
"I did." Mon-El tucked his chin above where her head rested on his collarbone, and Kara interwove her legs with his. She smiled into his chest as it skipped a beat once more, and she was sure that even without super-hearing, Mon-El heard hers do the same.