Chapter 6

Optimist

Sakura and Hinata were sprawled across her humble mattress with empty sake glasses littering the floor. Hinata hiccupped, she had drunk a lot more than Sakura, but she seemed able to hold her alcohol well.

„Hinata are you sure it's okay for you to drink? With the rehab and all..." Sakura slurred tiredly.

"Oh, it's fine. My addiction is with, str-stronger stuff." Hinata replied, thoughtful.

"Hinata-chan…I've been worried about you." Sakura admitted, she was feeling quite mournful actually. There was a knot of confusing and complex emotions stuck in her stomach.

"About me? Look at- Look at yourself Sakura! You've probably lost 10 kg since three weeks ago. That's not normal." She said incredulous, throwing her hand in a gesturing way to Sakura's direction.

"Hmm." Sakura hummed in reply. Then she continued.

"It's all for a… client of mine. I'm not supposed to talk about it though." She said mysteriously, giving Hinata her best James Bond 007 look.

"Uwaa…. Is it a secret?" The curiosity was painfully obvious and her eyes widened.

"Yeah, it's confi-somfidential… Hahaha." Sakura couldn't help but giggle. This spy act was just too ridiculous. Her nose felt hot and her ears too, maybe it was time to put a stop on the sake consumption?

"Confidential?" The Hyuga replied.

"I signed this contract… Which was filled with promises about not telling anyone that…" Sakura lowered her voice and brought her pink lips close to Hinata's ear. Hinata waited eagerly for the scope of gossip.

"-that Sasuke Uchiha is fucking me." Sakura could tell that Hinata stilled. All humor suddenly evaporated.

"B-but you said client. Does that mean…?" She was hesitant, wary but clearly more alert than Sakura had thought.

"He pays me well for it and he's rough too. But Sasuke is paying for this apartment, so I can't really say anything. I'm lucky I guess."

She waved, indicating to the roof over her head.

Hinata's skin had gotten flushed and she was shaking. Her eyes blinked rapidly.

"…The Sasuke Uchiha?"

"Yep." Sakura nodded.

"Sakura-san! Th-this is not okay, you're a junior and Sasuke is over twenty years old!" She was surprised at seeing the emotion reflecting in Hinata's eyes. This certainly seemed to have triggered an overreaction.

"Hinata…-" Sakura started.

"Hold on. Wait. You said he made you sign a confidentiality contract?"

Wordlessly, Sakura nodded again.

"A confidentiality contract relating to underage prostitution? " Her disbelief was obvious.

Sakura nodded again, feeling irritated. Hinata was sucking up all the fun. What was her point? By her shocked look it seemed that Hinata was the one who wanted to shake Sakura. Man had their roles turned around.

"Prostitution in Japan is not legal. That means that whatever contract you signed is void. Making you sign it is r-ridiculous and is just probably to make you keep quiet!" She continued forcefully.

Sakura paused, then opened her mouth, then closed it again.

"Did they…?" She started but trailed off. Hinata looked frustrated. Sakura had never seen her look so alive.

"Yes."

Sakura's face scrunched up, she felt like she was about to start crying again.

"Oh Hinata. It's of no use if the contract is void. I'm getting an education here, an apartment and a crazy amount of money. I'll never get this opportunity again." She sighed tragically and threw herself backwards on the mattress.

"Sakura… What is that?" Hinata's voice was emotionless.

Sakura didn't realize it until it was too late. Her pajama shorts had lifted up the tiniest bit, but Hinata's eyes had still caught it. Hinata's hand was quick to lift the material up, revealing angry red dots after Sasuke's try at "sculpting".

"He's hurting you!" Hinata was getting increasingly worked up and Sakura could see that the blue haired girl was beginning to shake. Hinata maneuvered herself onto Sakura and lifted her shorts higher, attacking her with her speed and agile movement.

"W-What even is this?!"

"Hinata it's not that bad, really! Please don't go do anything rash!" Sakura pleaded desperate. She couldn't lose her apartment and her shot at an education, not now.

"It's- It's just some scratches after sandpaper, he's into some BDSM shit. It looks way worse than it is!"

"Look at you! " Hinata screamed. Sakura wasn't sure but she might have heard something inside Hinata's mind snap.

"You look so skinny you might fall apart! Your body is covered in scars after some- some old sicko who's r-raping you-…" Her rant was broken by a sob.

Tears were running down her cheeks and her nose had gotten runny. Her chest heaved like she was about to suffocate. Sakura could feel panic rise in her chest.

"It's not that serious, Hinata-chan! It's actually consensual since he pays me for it. I mean, I agreed to it. And he compensates me for it." Her voice was soothing, trying to console the girl in front of her.

She didn't really know what to do in this situation, her girl time with Hinata had never involved something as intense as this. Her mind was slow and she could practically feel the gears in her head turning with strain. Had she just made a grave error telling Hinata about Sasuke? It was just a joke, it was just a drunken ramble! It wasn't meant to be taken seriously.

Throughout all the time that Sakura had known Hinata, she had never seen her show this range of emotion, let alone this… sobbing, miserable wreck before her. Hinata didn't reply to her rationalizations and just gave a low whine.

"Oh god." Sakura muttered and hurried to hug the trembling girl besides her. Sakura's arms reached around her small form and pulled her close.

"I'm so sorry, Hinata, I'm so sorry. Please don't judge me. It's not like it seems." Saying anything that came to her mind.

Hinata sniffed against her neck.

"You… Y-you really think… I-I'm judging you?" Sakura pulled back to stare at Hinata, at loss for words.

Yes? Hinata gave a groan of agony in reply to her expression.

"Hinata… I'm literally a disgusting whore. I got myself into this situation all by myself… I'm just a filthy gold digger and I won't blame you for not w-wanting to be my friend." Sakura let out a long breath, as she had finally confessed to her deepest fault.

Hinata was silent for a moment.

"Sakura-chan… When I see you, I see myself. You are making the same mistakes I did. Y-You're even saying the same stuff word for word!"

Sakura took a sharp intake of breath and her eyes snapped to Hinata.

"What do you mean by that?" Her voice was but a stray whisper but the bluette caught it.

"I'm mad at Uchiha for doing this to you and… I'm mad at Neji for having done the same to me. "

"Wait! N-Neji as in your mean cousin?!" She gasped, horrified at the girl in front of her.

Oh no. I get it now.

"Hinata… Are you saying-… Did he-… Was he the reason you started using?" Her solemn gaze told her yes.

"That son of a bitch! I'll kill him!" Sakura growled.

"Don't you- you understand Sakura-chan? I felt the same. I couldn't leave my Hyuga compound behind. I had so much going for me there, I was guaranteed a university fund and everything-."

Sakura could feel more tears fill her eyes. This hurt to listen to.

"Everything I knew was the compound, so I stayed even aft-after Neji started making moves on me… But Sakura-san, it only got worse! It was so horrible ha-having his hands all over me.-"

Sakura couldn't take it anymore. She whimpered and all the tears that she'd tried to hold off escaped from her. She pulled the soft girl into her arms again and hugged her.

"H-Hinata, I know. It's horrible. I'm so sorry you had to go through something like that. You don't deserve any of it. This explains so much! I'm sorry, I- I just didn't know this whole time-"

Hinata tried to shush her, but Sakura was having none of it.

"All those times I argued with you and yes, even thought less of you for leaving your wealthy home behind… God, I'm so sorry Hinata!" She hugged her tighter like the soft girl was her life line.

"Thank you Sakura… I know I wasn't easy to live with either… Some days I got so caught up in my dark thoughts that I couldn't even muster standing up from my bed. I was so depressed. I really wanted to die. I don't want you to go through that."

Sakura hiccupped and shook her head as she cried.

"The reason I moved out… The stone that tipped the scale was when I tried to commit suicide. I barely survived and had to explain to my family why I was lying in a hospital bed having just pumped clean of an overdose of benzodiazepines mixed with alcohol out of m-my stomach. My mom was there… My father… Even Neji. But it wasn't that I had to lie to my family about the reason for my suicide attempt, it was that I had to watch Neij's smug smirk as I did it. " Hinata's petite face hardened.

"Please, Sakura-san. Let me help you. It's too late for me since all DNA evidence is long gone. But it's different for you. I don't want you to die Sakura."

Sakura grimaced and replied.

"But-."

"No! No "but"! You won't make it, Sakura, no matter how much money he throws at you. You'll die. This is what men like him do! They drain you and spit you out when they're done, leaving you to deal with the aftermath!"

"I don't know what to say…I mean, of course I'd like having other options… I hate Sasuke, I sincerely hope he dies. I'd like to get away, but then there is so much stuff I'd have to take care of. Find a new apartment, work two jobs again, and all chance of education is long gone…I'm not sure I can do that. I feel so aimless."

"S-Sakura-san,-." Hinata continued, trying to reign in her feelings.

"Please just think about it, I'm going to search for more options for us. C-Could you get a copy of that contract? It would be invaluable."

"Why? I mean I could try, but you're not thinking about just running away are you? The contract… Talking about DNA evidence…You want to take them to court!" That sly vixen, of course her family's legacy hadn't gone over her head. She had been a straight A student aiming for law school like most Hyuga.

Her stern gaze confirmed it.

"Hinata, that's insane! This is the Uchiha we're talking about! Even if you got a Hyuga to represent it, we would still lose. Those bastards are way too rich." She gaped at the female in front of her.

"Sakura-san, let me worry about the details. I won't do anything without your permission. Just get your hands on that contract and we'll take it from there."

"Well-. But we-." Sakura licked her lips and tried again.

"O-Okay Hinata. I trust you." Sakura said slowly and she could feel that she meant it. Something was gone, the knot had disappeared.

All the ill directed irritation she had for Hinata when she lived with her was gone. Hours of racking her brain why someone could leave such a beautiful home behind; Why Hinata abandoned her family. She had a deeper understanding of the person in front of her now. She might have flaws but Sakura couldn't blame her anymore for it. It was a miracle that Hinata was still alive.

Besides, Sakura realized, the main reason for how vexed she was around Hinata was because she considered Hinata to have everything that Sakura couldn't have. She had been jealous.

She tried to project herself through Hinata, attempting to get her to stop using drugs, to start school again and do something with her life. Reconnect with her family, just do something worthy with her life.

Mainly, Sakura added in her mind, because she hadn't really done anything with her own.

How painfully obvious it was in retrospect. And her misdirected frustration had caused so much friction in what could have been a wonderful friendship.

Sakura looked to her side.

And all it took was a bit of sake.

-

When Sakura awoke the next day in her apartment, Hinata was gone. She was surprised to see that the bluette had cleaned up the sake bottles and washed the dishes. That was very out of character.

Maybe rehabilitation was making its mark on her. Or maybe it was their talk last night.

She thought over the events of night, with some kind of foreboding settling in her stomach. Had she made a mistake telling her about Sasuke? She felt so confused. Hinata had gone through a very rough patch in her life. She didn't know all the details but she could see their similarities.

The event had offered her a profound realization of Hinata and her behavior, let alone Sakura herself. She would have to talk to Hinata more about it later when it was appropriate.

Hinata hadn't been able to deal with herself years after the sexual abuse and she was only now starting to bounce back. But Sakura knew in the back of her mind that there was no clean recovery for addicts like Hinata. She would inevitably fall off the horse while having a low month.

But that's okay. I'll be there to pick her up if it happens.

Whether her sobriety would last or not was up to chance, but Sakura felt proud of her… Dare she say it, friend? For at least trying to make a change.

Sakura looked in the mirror and saw her ribs protruding out when she lifted her shirt. Why wasn't she making a change? Did she really want to follow Sasuke Uchiha's instructions?

She went to the bathroom, fetched the scale and promptly weighed herself. It was hard trying to stop the influx of thoughts.

Don't look at the number. Don't look at it!

I've really gained some weight, haven't I?

I'm so disgusting.

I should just step off it and forget it.

She looked at the number.

46,7 kg.

-

Sasuke pushed her to the bathroom, manhandling her when she resisted. He forced her upon the scale, threatening her violence if she would step off it. Violence that she knew he would deliver on.

59 kg.

"Look at that number Sakura. That number defines you. The more you gain, the more I'll fuck you into the ground. If you lose weight, I'll be lenient." He was pissed. She had gained 2 kg from binge eating the previous week. This was when he had recently met her and didn't have as strong of a grip on her mental state. Her conscience hadn't been able to stop her from scarfing down pizza and soda.

"Okay." She said dully.

She did think she was unattractive. Her body lacked form, courtesy of her fat that seemed to cover every inch of her. She wasn't as fat as she used to be but she still wasn't adequate by acceptable standards.

Her body always felt tired. Purple bags hung under her eyes and her nails sported various long lines formed by a lack of nutrition. But the physical symptom that she hated the most was the slight growth of hair that appeared above her upper lip. She just plucked it off. She had pink hair. It was pale and not that noticeable.

But you could see it up close and that bothered her, considering how much time she spent in front of the mirror.

She had read about it, it was a direct effect of her dieting. Her body wasn't able to stay warm so it tried in vain to use extra hair called lanugo to keep some body heat.

There was some on her arms too.

She regularly got a heartburn and she wasn't able to eat foods that were too acidic. She'd puke involuntarily right away. She tried to pop some omeprazole to keep herself from spewing all over the place.

And her binging tendencies… They were the most despised part of her eating disorder. She ate and ate like a whale that couldn't be sated. Forcing food into her stomach until she couldn't hold it anymore and would reflexively puke it out again.

Then she'd go eat some more.

Constipation and the bowel pains that followed were a bitch too.

Hinata, Sakura realized had given her a bit of inspiration; an inspiration to be healthy.

Maybe not too healthy. She added, slightly worried.

I can't get fat again.

Her eyes wandered to the stretch marks on her hips. What a sore sight to see. She didn't need to be obese to get stretch marks, but rapid weight gain certainly did help. And God knew that Sakura's weight was like a pendulum. Up and down, up and down.

But it never swung towards healthy. She could give it a try. Just a bit.

-

"Sakura-chan I'm seeing quite a lot of improvement in your studies. I've already crossed off evaluation of radical and rational expressions. I think you're ready to start on properties of addition and multiplication."

"Thank you, Kakashi-sensei." Sakura replied, satisfied with her performance as she munched on a small tangerine fruit.

"Have you done your 500 word report on chapter 1-2 on Lord of the Flies?" He said lazily.

"Yes! I have it over here…" She reached into her bag and pulled up the paper.

"Here you go." She quipped.

"So what is your impression so far? Would you like to pick a different book?"

Sakura thought about it.

"No, I don't think so. The character Jack makes me really mad though. What an ass."

Kakashi chuckled and Sakura smiled back.

"It's true, Kakashi-sensei! It's like his mission is to ruin things for the other boys." And that behavior reminded her of a certain someone… Seemed like every story had a Sasuke.

"Just you wait Sakura-chan. It gets a lot worse later on." He rumbled ominously.

"Don't spoil it!" Sakura replied alarmed. Kakashi laughed.

"Looks like you're enthusiastic about it. That's great. Well, take a look at practice 2.3 and 2.4 for our next class, we'll call that your homework for Wednesday. I'm off then." He gave her a light slap on her shoulder and Sakura could feel her body flinch and go rigid.

Kakashi noticed her reaction and paused awkwardly.

"…Are-."

"I'm fine!" Sakura said, cursing when her tone was too high pitched to be considered normal.

"I just zoned out for a second and was startled. It's nothing. It's fine." She excused herself and her teacher nodded unconvinced and left after some fake pleasantries.

Sakura went to her mattress and laid down. What was that?

-

A/N:

1. So a bit about the honorifics in this chapter. Under regular circumstances Sakura and Hinata are inclined to call each other by –san. Hinata more so. As they grow closer they are ready to go to the –chan part. However a lack of honorifics is used for people you feel really close to, and since Sakura and Hinata are spilling their hearts out, I thought that would be appropriate. But as their emotions change and when their minds go on the defensive, their honorifics reflect that.

Their friendship is still new and hesitant and they are quick to backtrack.

When Hinata referred to Sasuke and Neji by no honorifics it was a way of showing them disrespect.

2. Is Hinata cooking up a plan…?