I apologise for the late-ish update :( university applications are sucking the life out of me! It's so hard picking out unis in Europe that have decent arts and humanities/social sciences programmes in English for international students… Gosh. I'll be glad when this is over! I'm getting my exam results in the first week of March, oh my gawd –bites knuckle- I WISH FEBRUARY HAD MORE DAYS. LIKE, SIXTY. OR SEVENTY-EIGHT. WHY CAN'T FEBRUARY HAVE SEVENTY-EIGHT DAYS? I am totally calm. Not freaking out at all, no. Deep breaths. Ffffhhhnnnnnnnnnn –inhales-
On with the story! Jim knows Spock's secret, and continues with his visits to the Library! What will happen next? :D Jim Kirk, Spock and Star Trek do not belong to me!
~o~
A week later, Jim was comfortably settled into what, for lack of a better word, could be called a routine. Any break between periods longer than forty-five minutes would see him take his PADD to the general vicinity of the Library counter, either at one of the nearby tables, or (if the content on the PADD was particularly tricky) at the counter itself, on a borrowed chair, so that he wouldn't have to keep getting up and sitting down to ask something like a jack-in-the-box.
Today, however, Jim was feeling a little on edge. He had been staring at the same sentence on his PADD for ten minutes, and nothing was registering. He might as well have fallen asleep with his eyes open, which Jim was not even remotely close to.
"Cadet?" came a soft, inquiring voice. Jim, affixed on a word in the sentence ('the'), took a moment to look up. Mr Spock was looking at him. During the past week, Jim had come to the conclusion that 'looking' was interchangeable with 'staring' when it came to the Vulcan… There was something about how he could give you his undivided attention. Currently, his eyebrows were arched slightly… Well, they were arched slightly beyond the usual, which was an angle you could bend metal over.
"I'm a little distracted today, Mr Spock." That was something of an understatement. He was so distracted he wouldn't take notice if his PADD sprouted legs and walked away.
"Indeed. You have not progressed in the reading of that tactical assessment for the past eleven point three four minutes."
Jim smiled at this. "I guess I haven't. But I have a good excuse. I mean reason."
This was true. The reason that Jim had been swanning* was that he had put his name down for a simulation taking place the next day. This in itself was not much to get excited about, a Cadet went through dozens of simulations… But this one was different.
The Kobayashi Maru.
The name itself sent a thrill of excitement through Jim. The infamous mother-of-all-simulations. The Big One. The simulation, almost a rite of passage, known for reducing even stalwart Cadets to a bundle of nerves, speechless, at a loss of what to do in the captain's chair while they were pulverized by a squad of Klingon cruisers. No one had ever beat it, a fact Jim had every intention of changing the next day.
"I've put my name down for the Kobayashi Maru," he said simply. He doubted much explanation was needed. Even the canteen lady probably knew about the Kobayashi Maru, or alternatively That Infernal Simulation, as many Cadets referred to it after their failure, while queuing up for their dinner.
The Vulcan's expression did not change. "I see."
"I can't wait to beat it."
Up went the eyebrow. "You are aware of the 100% failure rate?"
"Of course. There must be something they've missed." Jim replied dismissively. "I'm going to find it, and I'm going to beat that test."
The other eyebrow followed. Then they lowered simultaneously, and the Vulcan turned back to his PADD. Jim watched him with narrowed eyes, the challenge rising in him, unbidden.
"You don't think I can do it."
The Vulcan looked up. "It is logical to include the statistical probability of success when reaching a conclusion. I have weighed the probability-" Jim pursed his mouth. "-and I have reached a conclusion."
They watched each other. Jim tapped his knee with his stylus. "The last thing you should do around me, Mr Spock," he said, "is make your own conclusions."
* a term Jim learned after it was used by Bones to describe the state of something being calm on the outside but a flurry of activity underneath; like a peaceful-looking swan swimming like heck under the water.
~o~
There was something he had missed.
That was the only way Jim could explain it. But where? When? He had run the simulation through his head dozens of times from start to finish, right up to the point where the monotone beep had indicated his ship had been destroyed. But there was nothing. The whole simulation was incredibly tight.
There had to be something. Jim bit viciously into his bran muffin.
Was it the decision to enter the Neutral Zone to rescue the Kobayashi Maru? Or the moment the hull was breached? Maybe there was a point where the Klingons' shields weren't up?
Jim stood by his decision to enter the Neutral Zone, so it had to be the hull, unless the ship sensors were faulty… That would be such a dirty trick by the examiners he could just imagine the offices being stormed by incensed legions of Cadets demanding justice. Besides, a Captain had to trust in his ship. So, the hull. It crippled his shields, so he couldn't do anything when the Klingon reinforcements came. But his hull was damaged by the entry into the zone. Did that mean he'd have to remain outside it to beat the simulation? Leaving the Kobayashi Maru to fend for itself, facing certain destruction?
No, no way. The mission was to rescue the ship, and he sure as hell couldn't do any damn rescuing by waiting along the side-lines. So that couldn't be the way. He regarded the half-eaten pastry in his hand thoughtfully.
The problem with simulations was that the programming was very precise- if you missed the crucial point, bam! you failed. That one turning point was the 'make or break' factor, and the fail rate just proved how tiny that crucial point was. Hadn't Jim missed it too?
Damn. So frustrating. He could just see the knowing looks on everyone's faces when they heard he had failed the simulation too… Maybe being so vocal about his intention to beat it had not been such a swell idea. Even the Librarian… "I have reached a conclusion." Hah! Well, he'd show them. Conclusion my ass. He would beat the simulation, even if it took a second try. Heck, even a third…
He vengefully chewed the last of the muffin. This all meant, of course, that his record was tarnished. He had managed to find the crucial point in all the previous simulations; things like a phaser burnout, a blind spot caused by a passing asteroid, a magnetised system anomaly… There had always been something that he could use.
He passed his empty tray to the canteen lady. "Don't think about it too much, dearie," she told him kindly. He smiled back at her.
"Thanks, but no can do, Mrs Beeswell." He shrugged. "I'll work it out." He left the canteen, but not before hearing a few comments and resulting sniggers that followed him out and made him grind his teeth together. He'd show them…
His feet took him automatically to the doors of the Library, where he hesitated for a moment. Then he mentally kicked himself. Jim Kirk didn't avoid anybody. He knew he could count on the Librarian's poker face being in place, but the fact that the Vulcan would not show any smugness did not make him feel much better.
He pulled a chair up to the counter with practiced ease, and sat. "Good afternoon, Mr Spock."
"Greetings, Cadet."
Jim waited. He watched a couple of female Cadets sorting through some discs until they noticed, blushed and hurried down an aisle, whispering in hushed excited tones. The silence between him and the Librarian stretched, and Jim looked back at him, brow creasing minutely. Was this guy seriously going to just sit there and stay silent?
"Well?" Jim asked impatiently. Mr Spock looked up and met his eye.
"Cadet?"
His voice sounded completely neutral. As if nothing notable had happened recently at all. That ground into Jim's nerves hard. He folded his arms.
"Aren't you going to ask me how the simulation went?" He momentarily regretted not being able to raise his voice because of course they were still in the Library, but damn, he wanted to be loud. He knew he must sound like a petulant child, but that silence was louder than any snigger he had gotten.
Mr Spock looked at him. "That would be illogical, Cadet, as I already know the outcome."
Jim felt anger close around his lungs like a giant fist. There it was again, the expectation that he would fail. Heat washed over the back of his shoulder and he dug his nails into his forearms before forcing himself to relax his hands. He could feel his heart thumping against his ribcage. He pushed his chair back and manoeuvred it back to its table. "Excuse me, sir."
The Librarian was staring at him again. "Are you unwell, Cadet?"
Jim, who had been turning towards the Library doors with every intention of striding through them before he did something he would regret later, shrugged the question off. "I am perfectly fine."
"Your breathing is more shallow and at an elevated rate compared to regular levels."
"My breathing is none of your business, Mr Spock. I'll hyperventilate if I damn well want." What kind of normal person noted how other people breathed on regular days, anyway?
"A wish to hyperventilate is highly illogical, as I believe it is a highly unpleasant experience. It would also 'be my business', as you might say, if your health is compromised in the Library during my shift."
Jim couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Oh, you're concerned about my health now? That seems to be beside the point, doesn't it? Besides-" He placed his palms flat on the counter and leaned forward, glaring. "-Faster breathing might be a sign of anger, and not sickness, Spock."
If the Vulcan noted the lack of the usual honorific, he didn't show it. He didn't, also, rise to his feet to mirror Jim as Jim had hoped he would, and remained instead sitting in his chair. "Anger is an illogical emotion, Cadet."
Jim fumed. The anger that bubbled through him didn't abate in the slightest. He forced it down, swallowed it until it boiled like acid in his stomach, and turned towards the door again. "While we're on the topic of sickness, I do hope you are taking your allergy medication as Doctor Broum prescribed." Finally, a reaction! The Vulcan's eyes blinked and narrowed slightly, and his fingers moved towards the pouch under the counter, before being stilled by what Jim sensed was a conscious effort. Jim followed the movement and looked back into the brown eyes with a smirk. "It would be a shame if we lost such a logical Librarian." And he left.
~o~
Jim vented his anger and annoyance in the Academy's gym, pumping iron and hitting the punching bag until his knuckles were sore and throbbing under the protective gloves. Then he hit the showers, purposefully setting the water to cold and letting its frigidity leech the heat off his skin. It felt great.
He wondered at his anger. The Kobayashi Maru was the root of it, definitely. He had been looking forward to it, more than anyone knew, with the probable exception of Bones, who was so attuned to Jim's body language that he could almost tell what he was thinking. He had wanted to be the first to beat it. To prove he was better than the simulation that had bested all those Cadets before him. After all, nobody ever cared who made it there second, or who failed in the attempt. For anything, there was only meaning in being the first. That was what people remembered.
He thought about the Librarian. A twinge of annoyance went through him as he remembered his unaffected silence. Then again, on hindsight, maybe he was taking it too personally. Everyone else had failed, after all. Maybe his silence hadn't been mocking, and maybe he had just tried to avoid the subject since Jim was feeling sore about it?
Aargh. Whatever.
Outside the showers, he inexplicably ran into Gaila, who grabbed his arm enthusiastically. He momentarily wondered whether she remembered they had agreed to be just friends, but she quickly dispelled his worries. "Oh Jim, I'm so happy! I think I've finally found the right guy for me!" Her face was flushed as she looked up at Jim, eagerly awaiting his reaction.
"Really? That's great, Gaila.. Do I know him?"
Gaila's smile spread wider, and the sides of her eyes crinkled. "You do." She giggled, as if privy to some secret that eluded him.
"Well, don't just leave me hanging! Who is it?" He couldn't help but smile too, she was so obviously happy. "Not the good doctor McCoy, is it?" She squeezed his arm playfully, shaking her head. "Who, then?"
"You have to guess!"
"Aw come on, there's no way I can guess something like that!"
"Try." She pouted.
"Geez. Um." He rubbed the back of his head, still damp from the showers. "A third year?"
She nodded. "Go on."
"Honestly, Gaila, how am I supposed to guess… Is it someone from Piloting?"
"Yes." She giggled again, a blush creeping into her green cheeks.
"Someone from Piloting, huh…" He thought of the guys he knew in the course, mentally crossing off those that had girlfriends, or preferred not to. The list wasn't very long. "That guy Chekov is still underaged, you know." She flicked his elbow.
"I wouldn't go with a child. No, he's a real man. Guess again."
"Francis? Yassin?"
"Wrong on all counts! He's-"
She was interrupted. "Hey, Gaila!"
They both turned towards the male voice. Beside Jim, Gaila giggled again before breaking away from his side and running into the arms of the man who had spoken. Jim could only stare, disbelieving, as she tightly hugged Gary Mitchell around the middle, laughing and blushing.
~o~
Jim's Kobayashi Maru attempt, numero uno! And Gaila finds herself another man, Jim's own good friend Gary himself! Oh my. I apologise that it's quite a bit shorter than the previous chapter, chap6 was pretty long, haha! Sit tight for the next chapter! Please review, and happy belated Valentine's to everyone! Especially all you single people out there, the time has come to claim back the 364 days of the year that are rightfully ours xDD Cheers!
~Aiji