A/N: listen... i got a little carried away. like, maybe, 5,000-words-more-than-i-expected carried away and now this is gonna have 3 parts ! hahaforgivemehaha
i SWEAR the 3rd part will be the final part and it should be up within the next couple days because i have most of it written, i just thought that close to 20,000 words was a bit much for pt.2 when pt.1 was only close to 5,000.
so maybe just, call out sick from work, abandon your responsibilities for the day, grab a snack, settle in with a box of tissues and enjoy this excessively lengthy part 2!
The fear and regret morphed to bitterness. Julia no longer cried herself to sleep, shoving her face into a pillow to quiet her sobs. In fact, she rarely slept at all, anymore. Instead, she stayed up for days on end, scouring the web for information on Reynard, gathering every ounce of research in a red spiral notebook. And when her mind couldn't hold any more details on the trickster god, she devoted the leftover time to finding any proof that the girl who abandoned her the day of the attack was still alive.
She had little evidence, a few stories from the streets, talk of a girl performing miracles for a quick fix. It sounded enough like Kady for Julia to pursue the lead, but none of the tips included anything substantial enough to find an address. And she was getting tired of selling beer to the homeless for information she had already heard.
It was an early morning after an especially sleepless night that a knock came to her door. The sound reverberated in her mind, startling her from the half-sleep, half-scrolling-through-a-forum stupor, and pulled her back to reality.
Momentarily she pondered on the noise's origin, long forgetting the sound of knuckles against wood. She didn't get visitors anymore, anyway.
But when her sleep-deprived mind registered the fact that someone was standing outside her house, she jumped to her feet, eyes wide in anticipation.
Before she could rationalize it, every ounce of her being convinced itself that when she opened the door, she would find Kady behind it, wearing her signature smirk and open arms, ready to welcome Julia back into her life.
God, what she would give to have the taller girl wrapped in her embrace, one last time.
Her hands were working the lock and tugging at the doorknob as soon as they could reach, her breathing suddenly heavy and labored.
When the door was open, she dragged her eyes up a pair of baggy jeans and a stained t-shirt until they connected with brown eyes and short, scruffy hair. Her stomach dropped.
It was only Quentin.
"Why do you have wards up around your apartment?" He immediately asked, tapping his hand on his thigh nervously; a common activity for the awkward boy.
"Hello to you, too, Quentin." Julia growled, raising a few fingers and moving them in a complex pattern until the invisible shield around her home dissipated, allowing for Quentin to step inside.
Julia wasted no time reestablishing the barrier as soon as her friend was safely past the door, letting out an undetected sigh of relief when they were both locked in.
"I have so much to tell you." Quentin's eyes were wide with wonder, the effort being used to hold back his excitement was painstakingly obvious. She wanted to mumble 'me too' under her breath, but held her tongue, unsure if she was prepared to delve into the horrendous experience she had been through since leaving Brakebills.
Julia shoved piles of pizza boxes, soda cans, and dirty laundry from her couch, ignoring the disgusted glares from the boy beside her, and motioned for him to sit down.
"Fillory is real." He sputtered before his back had hit the fabric. Julia's eyebrows involuntarily heightened on her forehead at the claim. Had her mind not been in a million different places, she would have shown more enthusiasm.
Quentin didn't seem too phased by the uncharacteristic dullness and continued his explanation, spouting on about buttons and beasts and kings and queens and everything else that sounded vaguely familiar, as if Quentin had taken bits and pieces from the actual novel and morphed them into his own reality.
By the time he was finished spewing nonsensical details about the mythical land, he had caught on to Julia's disinterest.
"You're not as excited as I expected." His face scrunched up in confusion- and possibly a bit of hurt. Julia heard him speaking but the meaning of the words were lost to her, easily getting jumbled up inside her mess of a brain. There was a long silence before Quentin spoke again.
"Jules," it was enough to pull Julia from her thoughts, but not enough to convince Quentin that her mind had just simply wandered.
"Sorry, I'm just- I'm processing it." She half-lied, truly still trying to piece together the information, but not in the way the boy thought. Again, she didn't get far into her 'processing' before her thoughts took their own path, flashing brief moments of the memories haunting her in front of her eyes.
"Are you okay?" She wasn't, but she nodded, anyway, barely noticing Quentin had even begun to speak again. "You don't look okay."
Tears were forming in her eyes before she could recognize them, and she mentally cursed herself for allowing the emotion to slip past her eyelids. He noticed that, too, immediately scooting closer and placing an arm gently around her shoulders.
She couldn't cry in front of him.
That restriction didn't last long before tears were trailing down her cheeks, leaving shiny, transparent trails behind them.
Quentin repeated his question, receiving the same response.
They stayed in the position for a few minutes, the only sound between them coming from the quiet sobs shaking through Julia's chest.
"Something happened." She choked out, searching for the last bit of strength she needed to pull herself together.
It was her turn to talk. Her turn to explain everything that had happened since she left Brakebills. She started from the beginning, telling him of Free Trader Beowulf. She told him about Richard and Kady and religious magic. She told him about gods and goddesses and how summoning one proved to be the greatest mistake she had ever made.
He listened patiently, struggling to keep up when Julia came to the most gruesome part of the story. Yet, his face remained neutral as Julia recounted the scene- her tears long since disappeared, leaving her numb, her mind on autopilot- and she was thankful for the lack of sympathy. She didn't need his pity.
But when she was through explaining what went wrong- what Reynard did to her- she could see the compassion painting over his face and it was enough for her to realize she needed to stop it from furthering.
"This is my problem. I'm not letting you get involved." It felt forced. She wondered if Quentin could tell she was inwardly begging him to stay, begging him not to leave her alone any longer than she had already been.
"But Jules-" his arm pulled from behind her back, falling into his lap, as his eyes scanned her face rapidly for answers.
"No, Quentin." Her chest tugged as she said it, well-aware that Quentin was not one to push a subject. If Julia said he shouldn't, chances were, he wouldn't.
And by the looks of the expression taking over his body, Julia had already convinced him.
"Just- go back to Fillory. I have to figure this out on my own."
Quentin protested the idea at first, claiming he couldn't leave her in the danger she was in.
Ultimately, Julia's retorts were enough to persuade him out of her apartment, with promises of him willing to do anything to help the situation. All she had to do was name what she needed, and he would be there. He wanted to help. Julia couldn't tell if the claims were sincere or just a cop-out of the uncomfortable circumstances.
"You're more important than Fillory." He assured her.
Julia didn't believe it, because if she was, he wouldn't have squeezed the button in his pocket, moments later, vanishing without another word.
She didn't need him, anyway.
After her run-in with Quentin, Julia realized she could not be alone any longer, figuring that she wouldn't be able to kill a god if she barely had the motivation to get out of bed.
Abandoning her research of Reynard, Julia furthered her search for a certain curly-haired girl, deciding she deserved to know whether the girl was still alive and purposely avoiding her, or if she hadn't made it out of the attack unscathed. Julia wasn't sure which option would hurt less.
The idea of Kady deliberately steering clear of Julia seemed to loom heavier over her already broken spirit.
But once Julia began to devote all of her time to finding Kady, the answers seemed to flow in effortlessly. Before long, she had a specific apartment complex pinned as a location of interest- an address-less, abandoned building, well known for its staggeringly high crime rate. All Julia could think was: what the hell had her friend gotten herself into? And if she was in jail, Julia was going to kill her for being such an idiot. Well, first she would bail her out, maybe hug, then kill her.
The building was in the outskirts of uptown New York, unsurprisingly placed between, what Julia believed to be, the shadiest gas station she had ever seen, and an equally as eerie neighborhood park. At one glance, she found a slide with a gap of plastic missing in its center, and she was almost positive the swings had rusted into a permanently rigid posture. There was also a bench with no seat, just a backing, and a sandbox filled with more cigarette butts than sand, leaving it tinted an ashy gray. And that was the extent of the park. Certainly every child's dream to play on.
The abandoned apartment complex had one glass door in tact, the other covered with a cut up plastic tarp to act as a barrier from the outdoors. The closer she got, the more nervous she felt towards what condition Kady would be in.
Upon opening the better side of the double doors, Julia was immediately hit with the overwhelming scents of spray paint and smoke, forcing something between a cough and a gag from her throat. The sound of a baby crying met her senses next, instilling disgust deep inside her. The poor kid wouldn't even have a decent playground to run around at when it grew up. Unless it's idea of 'decent' included tetanus and splinters.
Julia encountered a room full of drunken persons, either on their way to passing out or already snoring on the moldy tile floor. It wasn't easy to spot a mess of brown curls amongst the bodies, considering the look seemed to be a common theme for the inhabitants. But when her eyes found a familiar face attached to the curls in question, her heart lurched at the sight, tugging some of her stomach contents with it.
Kady was leaned lifeless against a wall, forehead drenched in sweat, with one arm stuck out in a way that looked terribly uncomfortable. The closer Julia got, the clearer the needle marks became, confirming her mental suspicion.
She wondered if, perhaps, she wasn't the only broken one.
Stepping over a few bodies, Julia knelt down in front of the girl, desperately trying to control the shaking of her hands as she brought one to Kady's shoulder.
Her eyes couldn't focus enough to find if her chest was rising and falling, but she hoped her arrival wasn't too late.
"Kady," she spoke loud enough- too loud according to the protesting groans of the others that followed- to ensure that Kady would hear, her breath hitching in her throat when the brunette stirred slightly. "Hey," she tried again, this time using a gentler tone and bringing her hand to the girl's face and tapping it softly.
Her green eyes fluttered open, most likely too high to register any details of what was happening.
The movement was enough to make Julia's heart jump, again, unable to contain her excitement towards seeing her friend alive.
She refused to let herself dwell on the excitement, scooping an arm behind Kady's back and doing her best to pull the unsteady girl to her feet.
Kady tried to shove herself away at first, but soon realizing she was too weak to object, gave in and followed Julia out of the apartment, leaning on the shorter girl for support.
The cab back to Julia's was an equally as odd experience; the driver acted as if seeing drugged up girls in the back of his car was the norm for him. It probably was.
Finally arriving at their destination, Julia lugged Kady from the backseat, throwing a wad of cash at the driver without counting it, and yelling for him to keep the change.
Julia's heart began to pound out of her chest as she pushed her way through the front door of her apartment complex, memories of what had taken place weeks before replaying through her mind. The idea of Reynard finding her, once again, forced her to quicken her pace until the two of them were safely guarded behind the wards surrounding her home.
Kady must have noticed the change of scenery, suddenly gaining the strength to push Julia away and stumble her way to the couch, an inch away from missing the furniture and face-planting into the floor as she sprawled out on the cushions.
Julia soon realized how badly the other girl needed a shower, her slightly less disgusting house highlighting how terrible Kady smelled. She also knew how much more the brunette needed sleep, and Julia was not about to assist her in the bathroom as she washed off.
Julia fell into a recliner adjacent to the couch that was currently being used as Kady's bed, letting out a shaky breath as her body finally relaxed into the chair.
Kady was alive. And nothing else felt important.
Eventually, the unknown drugs (which Julia later learned to be heroin) filtered out of Kady's body, leaving her with a massive hangover and heavy confusion.
Initially, Kady was angry- furious that Julia found her- yelling at the shorter girl that she should have left her to die. The words seared into Julia's chest, like a hot knife stabbing her behind the ribs, leaving her to hope that the anger was just a side effect of the hangover, rather than a truthful outburst.
In between her shouts of rage, Kady would doze back to sleep, only to wake up moments later with another argument, until Julia couldn't take anymore and forced herself to find busywork cleaning up her messy apartment.
The silence only allowed her self-deprecating thoughts to fester; her fingernails were chewed to the skin by the time Kady had woken up in a mood far different from the one Julia was growing used to.
This new side was one filled with apologies and regrets, begging Julia to forgive her, and tearing up at the idea that Julia survived the terrible incident that took place. (Apparently, a high dose of heroin was all it took to make the strongest, most stoic girl Julia knew cry.)
Julia appreciated the sensitive side of Kady, far more than the irrational, irritable one, and even sat on the floor next to the couch as Kady shifted from conscious to unconscious. Julia held the pathetic girl's hands in her own and rubbed her thumbs along the tops so Kady knew she wasn't alone each time she broke the surface of awareness.
Every awakening brought Kady further from the high she was experiencing, and when Julia figured she was capable enough to support herself in the bathroom, she helped the brunette into a sitting position.
"You should shower. The bathroom's down the hall. I'll bring you a towel and some clothes." She spoke softly, still tracing her fingers along Kady's palms.
The brunette tugged one hand from her grasp, using it to wipe away the drying tears on her face and nodded slowly, pushing onto her feet, holding perfectly still until she gained her balance. After verifying that Kady was okay to make it to the bathroom unassisted, Julia hurried off to her bedroom to retrieve towels from the linen closet and articles of clothing that seemed most like something the girl would wear.
She met up with Kady in the bathroom- thankfully, before she had begun undressing- and placed the necessities on the sink. She started up the shower, setting it to an ideal temperature before placing a hand on Kady's shoulder, telling her to take all the time she needed, and hurrying out of the room.
She didn't see the girl until an hour later, eyes puffy and glossed over, the smell of sweat and smoke fading from her body and replacing itself with the flowery scent of shampoo and soap.
And when Kady did emerge from the bathroom, her demeanor had changed, yet again. She was quiet- sullen, and unable to hold Julia's gaze. But when Julia asked, she claimed to be feeling better. The shorter girl found it hard not to believe, already noticing some humor starting to coat Kady's words. Humor she never thought she would hear again.
"Thanks," Kady muttered, suddenly returning her gaze to her feet and retrieving her previous glum expression. "For all of it."
Julia couldn't find the composure to do anything other than nod. 'You're welcome' didn't feel like an acceptable response to the gratitude.
"You- you saved my life." Kady pursed her lips, nodding, too. "And," she stopped herself, probably noticing the build up of emotions threatening to spill past her eyes. "You know, I thought it would be okay to run. If I got the calvary and I came back to help you, but I-" Kady had to pause again, her chin quivering more and more with each word.
Julia could barely stand to watch the apology unfold. She didn't need an apology and seeing Kady on the verge of tears made it hard for Julia to stop herself from leaving her place behind the counter and enveloping the girl in a tight hug. She managed to refrain, however.
"I just ran. I hid." Her voice finally broke on the last word, but she disguised it with a scoff, averting her gaze to the granite that her elbows rested on.
"Yeah, well, there was nothing you could have done then." Julia spoke, finally stopping Kady from taking the monologue any further.
"But you can help me now."
The details were left unspoken for the time being, Julia, too drained to explain them, and Kady, too tired to listen.
Instead, Julia led Kady to her room, motioning to her bed to wordlessly invite her to sleep in it.
Kady didn't think twice about pulling back the blankets and sinking into the mattress, face-first, moaning something into the pillow that sounded vaguely like a 'thank you'.
And Julia didn't think twice about crawling in bed next to her. And while the two never closed the respectable distance between one another, just knowing and feeling the warmth of another body was enough to help Julia doze off and- for the first time in weeks- sleep soundly.
This peaceful resting was short-lived, however, interrupted after what felt like only minutes after Julia finally closed her eyes.
"Julia," the voice saying her name was masculine, holding a tone that spoke the urgent, yet irritated tone that the sleeping girl barely recognized to be from a psychic student she had met at Brakebills.
Yet, when she opened her eyes, she didn't find herself lying in bed. Instead, she stood in a room that looked somewhat similar to the place she had found Kady, but the details fumbled, getting mixed up and manipulated through the illogical dream world she was in.
Yes, she was definitely dreaming, she came to realize. And when her mind adjusted to the scene around her, the face she had been suspecting came into her line of sight.
Penny Adiyodi.
"What the-" were the first words to escape her mouth, sounding quite loud in her ears. The situation felt different from a dream somehow, like she was fully-awake, but only inside her mind. It felt terribly unfair that even sleep couldn't shut her thoughts off completely, but at that point, injustice barely phased her anymore. Penny stopped her- holding his hand up- before she could finish the thought.
"Yes, you're dreaming. Yes, I'm inside your dream. No, you're not high. No, you haven't been roofied. Does that cover everything?" He listed impatiently, counting on his fingers as he spoke.
Truly, it didn't. It only added to the confusion swelling inside her.
"I'm a psychic. I'm in your mind. Is it really that hard to piece together?" Penny clarified, his eyebrows knitted together in distaste.
Julia felt like saying something along the lines of 'it's my dream, I'll take as long as I'd like to figure things out,' but held her tongue, settling on a slow nod, instead.
"Listen, Quentin's got something for you. A knife. He said it's powerful. Should be able to get you out of whatever the fuck you got yourself into." Penny continued, so obviously bored of the conversation that Julia began to wonder if it was possible to kick him out of her dreams. The topic of the discussion prevented the idea from developing, piquing Julia's interest (and her skepticism).
She expected her heart to begin beating rapidly, but the sensation never came; she felt surprisingly calm- unaffected, even.
"But I can't travel past wards. So you're gonna have to take them down." The stipulation brought Julia back to her senses a bit, reminding her of the situation she was in, and how the god she was trying to rid the Earth of was a trickster. For all she knew, the dream could all be a scheme to get said god closer to the girl he was on the prowl for.
"How do I know this isn't a trick?" Julia mentally praised herself for the cynicism, proud of the fact that she was aware enough to doubt the claims, but also slightly hurt by the fact that she had to question the boy's intentions at all.
"I don't know and I don't care. Do you want the weapon or not?" Penny managed to grow more impatient as the seconds rolled by, telling Julia that the time she had left to make a decision was decreasing rapidly.
She did want the weapon. Because if it was what Quentin said- powerful enough to fix her current problem- why wouldn't she want it?
And she had been through enough in the past months that the possibility of things getting worse felt like an impossibility. She'd already hit rock bottom. There was no where to go from there, other than up.
After agreeing, Penny explained that he would wake her up, and that she needed to take the wards down immediately (only because Penny 'had better thing to do than sit around with his thumb in his ass, waiting to solve other people's problems').
He vanished as abruptly as he has appeared, leaving Julia alone in the dream-like world around her. It wasn't long before Julia could see the room fading from her sight, as if someone was tugging the image from her head. It dulled into blackness, darker and darker until Julia's eyes snapped open and she was laying in bed, the memory of the dream still clinging to her subconscious.
Without thinking, she jolted upright, her exhausted body instantly protesting the action, and forced herself to ponder on what she had just experienced.
Her eyes scanned the room until they landed on the sound-asleep brunette beside her, one arm tucked under her cheek, and the other curled at her side. An uncontrollable grin came over Julia's face as she stared at Kady, wondering how someone so troubled could sleep so peacefully.
But she shoved the question aside, remembering why she was awake at the ungodly hour and pointed her hands at the back wall of her bedroom, preparing to undo the wards surrounding it.
Her heart thumped loudly in her chest, each beat filling her with more apprehension towards the decision she was about to make.
Piecing together every last bit of courage scattered inside her, Julia shakily moved her hands in a way that lit up the invisible guard, twisting and turning her wrists until the wall dissolved, leaving Julia unprotected and unsure about the future outcome.
She whispered curses aloud to herself for a solid minute, squeezing her eyes shut and hoping- begging something or someone that didn't exist- for her choices to not prove to be the wrong ones.
A whooshing sound filled her apartment and she forced her nervous eyes open, almost feeling tears begin to form in them when she realized it was, in fact, Penny.
The psychic boy's eyes flashed between the floor and Julia, until they held a longer glance at the girl sleeping in the bed beside her. His face read an expression of confusion- and Julia briefly remembered the two as a couple at Brakebills- that quickly shifted to what Julia pinned as a mix of anger and hurt. He masked it before Julia could find any depth behind it, bringing his eyes back to her and flashing an eyebrow raise that questioned what had gone on the night before he arrived. Julia returned a face that probably advanced his speculations, though his ideas were certainly not correct.
"I could wake her up if you wanted to-"
"No, don't." He urgently denied. Julia had hoped the suggestion would irritate him. If he could tease her about sleeping in the same bed as his ex-girlfriend, the least she could do was return the favor.
"Just take your knife." Penny latched his hand around a sheath of leather tucked behind his belt, tugging out a black handle attached to a shiny, white blade. The appearance reminded Julia of opal. Otherwise, the weapon look fairly average, and Julia even found herself doubting the legitimacy of it's power.
He tossed the knife onto Julia's bed, both of their eyes focusing on it as it bounced on the mattress before settling into the deviation it made in the comforter.
"Don't get yourself killed." His eyes held steady to Kady as he said it, as if he had intended for the deeply asleep girl to hear it. Julia nodded a confirmation, still insecure in whether or not the order was directed towards her.
She didn't have the necessary time to clarify the misunderstanding, because Penny was shutting his eyes as soon as the words filled the previously silent room, dematerializing him from within it.
She knew it was childish to let giddy excitement set her hopes at an incredibly high standard, especially before doing the adequate research needed on the weapon, but she allowed the emotion to bubble inside her.
Nothing had changed, really. She was still going to attempt to kill a god. But something about the shimmery, slightly transparent blade made the ordeal seem far less confrontational. Like, she was still fighting the school bully, but now she had the principal tucked away in the corner, ready to hand out suspension slips if the chubby kid started to throw punches.
The research began almost immediately after Kady was filled in on the events of the morning (though Julia was unsure how much of the knowledge stuck with the hungover girl).
It wasn't hard to find answers, making Julia seriously question how she hadn't heard about a god-killing weapon weeks ago when she spent hours reading every article the internet spat at her about killing one.
Nonetheless, Quentin was correct in his claims. The weapon was rumored to hold enough energy to send a god or goddess to a painful grave, even going as far as to state that the knife in question was the exact kind used to rid Fillory of its ram-god, Umber.
But if the speculations were correct, Julia could kill Reynard. And her hands itched for nothing more than to watch the man- who was currently hiding himself behind the body of Richard- suffer the slow, painful death he deserved.
Kady didn't seem to mind the blood-thirsty reasoning, just smiling as Julia enthused on about possibilities of how they could go about the revenge.
"I owe you, anyway," was Kady's response when Julia explained that the entire plan would essentially be one grand scheme of wishful thinking.
It wasn't every day that Julia came across someone who was willing to risk their life for nothing more than a broken girl's revenge. She wondered what she did to deserve such a blessing in her life. Looking back, she didn't find anything worthy enough to suffice.
And if it took crashing with rock-bottom for Julia to feel so apathetic as to what would become of her if things went wrong, she wondered how low Kady had fallen to agree with the logic.
The details of the strategy they would use took days to work through, long hours filled with frozen pizza and energy drinks, working out kinks and snags until the final draft unfolded like a neatly ironed shirt- no wrinkles.
And even when they were sure- absolutely positive- that nothing would impede their goal, they still worked tirelessly at the formula, considering every possible hiccup they could encounter.
They were proud- excited, even- when the night before they were set to put their ideas into action rolled around. Though, the excitement wasn't enough to drown out the constant anxiety looming over them.
"This is dangerous." Kady broke the bubble of silence surrounding the two as the lay in bed, on their backs, gazes fixed on the white ceiling above them.
The plan was to use Julia as bait. To lure Reynard into an alleyway using the original incantations said to summon him in the first place.
"No one said killing a god would be safe."
Reynard would show up, in all of his disgusting glory, and Julia's job was to stall. Hold him back in a way that would give Kady enough time to find her way to the same alley, an iridescent knife tucked away in her belt.
And she would offer a signal as soon as she was in range to throw the knife- a skill Kady somehow already had knowledge in, prior to their situation, claiming it easy to sink the tip of a blade deep into someone a few yards away from her- cluing Julia to duck out of the path of aim. It needed to be fluid. One concise movement. No room for hesitation. No room for error. Signal. Duck. Throw. In a split second, or Reynard could catch on.
And if the rumors had been incorrect, the blow would still (hopefully) do enough to wound the god, rendering him weak enough to give them time to rush back to Julia's apartment, even if they needed a few spells of battle magic to hold him off their tails. Kady even managed to scrounge up a handgun and two bullets from a few deals made on the streets, and while bullets would certainly not kill Reynard, they could potentially hurt him enough to slow his pace even further.
It was a good plan. Truly, both girls felt confident in their parts, even if their stomachs twisted wildly at the idea of ever attempting the strategy.
"Can't I be the bait?" It was typical. Julia could have bet on her asking it. Of course she would rather risk her own life than let Julia do the same. It built her up in a way, reminding her that she wasn't alone as she felt. She had Kady, and while the girl didn't have much insight into the feelings Julia was experiencing, she tried her best to be sympathetic- to give Julia space when she needed it, but always just a minute away, ready to offer the shorter girl a shoulder to cry on and a consoling hug if it's what she needed.
"He doesn't want you. He'd just kill you if he had the chance." Julia explained, squeezing the bottom of her shirt into a fist. The words had long left the bedroom before Julia spoke again. "But me-" she didn't have to finish for them both to mentally fill in the blank.
Kady released a heavy, exasperated sigh that ended in a quiet groan.
"We're really doing this, huh?" Kady masked the words thickly with disbelief, smothering any of the fear that would have shone through. But Julia knew the girl too well to fall for the affectation.
"Yeah, unless you're scared." She managed to find the bit of humor that was still easy to access inside her, collecting it in the words she spoke.
The taller girl scoffed at the implication, in a way that asked if Julia really thought she, of all people, was scared.
"How could I be scared when I'll have you fighting with me?" Kady was suddenly on her side, facing Julia in the queen-sized bed. It felt necessary for Julia to mirror the movement, flipping over until the two were staring, eye to eye, just inches from each other.
Julia didn't follow the question at first, unsure how Kady Orloff-Diaz could somehow feel more secure fighting with plain, old Julia Wicker. Kady clarified when she saw the look of perplexity spread over the smaller girl.
"You're vicious, remember?" Julia couldn't stop the smile or the playful eye roll from taking over the previous expression on her face.
God, she loved how Kady could add humor into any situation. She envied the skill.
A few flustered giggles later, the room was quiet, leaving Julia to stare into Kady's green eyes and contemplate how they seemed to grow brighter every day.
"Are you scared?" Kady broke the stillness again, slightly catching Julia off guard with the inquiry. She wanted to feign bravery, act completely indifferent to the possibility of death, but something didn't feel right when she started to build up the facade.
"Honestly?" It was out of her mouth before she could stop it, but the feeling that washed over her wasn't regret. It was relief. Kady raised her eyebrows as if she were asking Julia why she wouldn't answer honestly. "Yeah, a little." And she was never one to be so truthful- so willing to open up- but Kady seemed to hold the key that was needed to send Julia's walls crumbling to the ground, exposing the tender, vulnerable heart that hid behind them.
Said heart was pounding fiercely for an unknown reason. Julia wondered if Kady could hear it, and the thought only furthered when a hardly noticeable smile- probably only seen by the smaller girl because of their close proximity- spread across Kady's face. It didn't last long, quickly fading from the curly-haired girl's face until she was neutral and unreadable, once again. Kady propped herself onto an elbow, her hand pushed against the side of her face for support.
"Listen," Kady brought the other arm- the one not holding her in a semi-upright position- to Julia's hair, twisting a loose strand around her fingers as she spoke. "If something goes wrong, I just want you to know-" the green eyes fell slightly, landing their attention on the thin area of sheets between them.
"Nothing's going to go wrong." Julia cut her off. She couldn't allow herself, or Kady, to think about the risk. And when the green irises brought themselves back to the brown ones in front of them, Julia fully registered how close Kady was to her. The silence made the gap between them feel even smaller. Julia deemed it necessary to bring conversation back to the space to keep her heart from pounding any harder than it already was. "And I thought you said you weren't scared."
The teasing brought the signature smirk back to Kady's lips.
"I'm not. I'm just worried about you." The confession was enough to make Julia's heart flutter and she went as far as to wonder if not talking would've been a better idea to slow her heart rate. Kady averted her eyes, pulling her hand from where it was entangled in Julia's hair.
Julia followed the gaze, already missing the soothing sensation that spread through her scalp when the girl's fingers had tugged at the strands.
"Scared and worried are synonymous." She continued anyway, unsure where the sudden boldness was sprouting from.
A seemingly involuntary laugh escaped Kady's lips at the lighthearted jibe. It was, without a doubt, the most amazing sound to meet Julia's ears. It echoed through her thoughts until Kady speaking broke her from the trance.
"Shut up." She joked.
Julia was chuckling, now, too.
Both girls felt comfortable with the conversation ending there; Kady even let her eyes fall shut momentarily before they snapped back open and reconnected with Julia's as if the taller girl could tell she was still staring.
As usual, the absence of noise only heightened the fear building inside her, until it was overflowing, presenting itself as shaky hands and uneasy breathing that only seemed to calm itself slightly when Julia rolled to her previous position on her back. Kady failed to notice the sudden change in Julia's demeanor, instilling a familiar feeling of loneliness inside the anxious girl, but suddenly remembering that there was someone right next to her that could help, Julia reached under the blankets and patted her fingers along the sheet underneath until they found Kady's hand and snaked their way under it.
Kady didn't seem to mind, adjusting the grip and offering a tight squeeze of reassurance before scooting even closer.
Julia would have been perfectly happy to fall asleep in the position, but Kady must have had other plans.
Using her own hand to guide her, Kady led Julia into laying on her other side, facing away from Kady and at a window on the wall that shone dim moonlight through the thin curtains.
Only when Julia's back was pressed fully against Kady's stomach did the girl let out a quiet sigh, squeezing her hand one last time before letting the world around them fall still.
They barely slept throughout the night, not that the lack of sleep surprised either of them. How were they supposed to sleep with the idea that it could possibly be their last time in the bed at the forefront of their brains?
Either way, they both stayed in the position until the sun rose, just thankful to be close to one another. And despite the danger awaiting her in the morning, Julia couldn't have been happier.
Had Julia known her stomach would not only protest, but outright refuse the idea of having breakfast, she would have eaten a bigger meal the night before.
Her apartment was eerily hushed as the morning dragged along, both girls in no rush to hurry along the inevitable.
It was nearing eleven when Julia stood from her seat on the couch, declaring that if they waited any longer, she'd go into a nervous breakdown. Kady flinched slightly at the decision, probably thinking the same thing, just too afraid to say it.
The front door was only a few paces from the couch but Kady insisted on following her there.
They stared wordlessly at each other, desperate for one of them to speak first, but neither of them quite sure what constituted as an acceptable start to their goodbyes.
"Just be safe, okay?" Kady broke, the words spilling from her like the only thing that had been holding them back were her closed lips. Julia felt surprisingly secure and satisfied with the request.
"I'll try." Her hands were tucked into the pockets of the trench coat she wore, mostly to hide their fidgeting from sight and prevent Kady from thinking she was, at all, fearful. The response was tense, however; it felt indescribably awkward, as if they both had an idea of where they wanted the conversation to take them but- yet again- were too scared to take the initiative.
Something was missing.
Despite that, Julia lifted her hands in a way that had almost committed itself to her muscle memory, she'd done it so many times. The wards fell, washing a wave of familiar anxiety over the shorter girl. She wondered if exposing herself to the dangers of the world would ever get easier.
A long, knowing glance was shared between them before Julia reached her hand out for the doorknob, only to have it tugged away, seconds before her fingers collided with the cold metal.
The hand that stopped hers was clammy. It was shaking faintly, vibrating the wrist it held, until the taller girl tightened her grip to distract from her obvious nervousness.
"Wait,"
Julia was waiting. She had been waiting, quite possibly since the day she retrieved Kady from the disgusting, drug-infested apartment. But even as Julia brought her line of vision back to Kady's face, she waited longer.
Kady was stalling; it was painfully obvious. She opened her mouth to speak, closed it, opened it again, closed it again. Honestly, Julia was suffering second-hand embarrassment, just from watching.
So, she took the first step.
Pushing onto the tips of her toes (at coincidentally the same time Kady gave a short tug on her hand), Julia tilted her head to the side and closed the gap between their lips, holding back from gasping when the connection was made. It was slow and clumsy at first, both girls testing the waters before diving in and allowing their lips to move in sync, getting lost in the symphonies it created in their heads.
The kiss lasted for all of a few seconds, but when Julia pulled away, her breathing was so rapid, she could have convinced herself they had been kissing for hours. Kady's breaths shared the same quickening pace, her body managing to shake even more than before.
"Do more than try." Kady untangled her fingers from Julia's offering a sad smile to make up for the emotion that was slipping to the front of her eyes.
Julia nodded, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth, while actively wishing it wasn't her own teeth tugging at the skin. Her mouth was still tingling as she turned away, again, only this time, a hand left her grasp, rather than entering it.
And moments later, Julia was out the door, suddenly unsure if revenge was what she truly needed to feel better anymore.
The alley welcomed Julia with the smell of rotting wood and stagnant sewage. It looked like the type of area Kady would have hung around when she was strung out on heroin. But soon, it would be the location of an epic battle between two girls and a despicable, rapist god, where only one party would leave victorious.
Julia pulled back the coat covering her tight-fitting v-neck, reaching into one of the inner pockets and revealing a thick chunk of white chalk. Clumps detached and crumbled through the spaces in between her fingers, bouncing on the cement below. She kicked away the pieces as she bent over, pressing the powdery substance against the ground and dragging it into a design that would doubtlessly look like useless graffiti to most, but to Julia, it held far more meaning.
The memories of the only other time she found herself drawing the pattern flashed through her head, turning her stomach sour and her hands shaky.
The last time she found herself standing in a white, drawn circle, she was left with jagged edges and broken pieces of herself. That, and a whole list of regrets. She just hoped history wasn't planning on repeating itself.
Her back was pressed against the cool brick behind her, feet planted stiffly in the space uncolored inside the circle.
After a steadying breath, she was calling out the menacing incantation, pausing frequently to clear her throat or swallow, in an effort to calm the trembling in her voice.
Even with her eyes squeezed shut, Julia recognized when the man she was summoning arrived, the bumps spreading up her arms coinciding with that recognition. And when she snapped them open, Reynard stared back at her, yellow, reptilian eyes glaring daggers into her.
His eyes squinted, hungry expression faltering momentarily, before his hand was around her neck, shoving her harder into the wall she was already pressed against.
Even if the overpoweringly strong grip hadn't been impeding her ability to take a breath, Julia still wouldn't have been able to breathe, too consumed with paralyzing fear to do so.
Reynard's hot breath fanned over her face as he held her, but neither spoke, allowing the alleyway to grow intimidatingly quiet.
Seconds passed disguised as hours, leaving Julia to wonder what the hell was taking Kady so long.
"I know about your little plan." He growled before the thought was able to cultivate any further. The statement sent new forms of fear bubbling through Julia's blood.
And if he knew about the plan, was he expecting the curly-haired girl to come blazing into the shady alley, ready to impale him with a weapon that would end him once and for all?
His face drew closer to Julia's until he turned it and focused the attention on her barren neck, the cold tip of his nose brushing against the exposed skin. It was a feeling Julia never wanted to remember; Reynard's body against her own. She could hardly wait to drive a deadly knife inside the man and watch him gradually bleed out.
A slow, exaggerated breath sucked in through his nostrils. He groaned revoltingly at the smell.
"I'd forgotten what fear smelled like on you." He purred into her ear, sniffing in again as his regard trailed to her collarbone, then her shoulder.
The pain that spread through her arm moments later, didn't register immediately. Instead, it took a glance at her shoulder that caught sight of white teeth sinking into the skin for Julia to finally feel the searing heat radiating down her arm, into her fingertips.
The yelps of agony echoed through the alley, forcing Julia's eyes shut as if the ability to see had a direct correlation to the amount of pain she would feel.
And it was thanks to that lack of sight that Julia missed a certain green-eyed brunette sprinting down the path, desperately waving her hands and offering the agreed upon signal to the shorter girl against the wall.
Only when Kady called out, demanding for Reynard to let go of her, did Julia's eyes snap open, landing on the girl that arrived just a few seconds too late.
The command only added to the god's anger, though it did have its desired effect. Reynard dropped his hand from Julia's neck, allowing her to fall to the cold cement below, clutching her upper arm and groaning through gritted teeth. And though the wound pouring blood from behind the cuts in her shirt didn't feel all that deep, it must have sunk far enough below the skin to render any movement of her lower arm impossible. Or she was just far too overwhelmed by the pain for her body to even consider moving the limb. It was unclear which possibility reigned as most likely to be the truth.
His hands now free, Reynard focused his next spell on Kady, lifting one and thrusting it forward, sending the taller girl flying into the opposite wall, quite similar to the position Julia had been in moments ago. She was grabbing at something invisible around her neck, mouth agape as if she were choking. And she was. Though Reynard's hands were far from Kady's body, he had somehow managed to conjure a spell that pinned her against the bricks, obstructing her airways and holding the tips of her toes just centimeters from the ground.
Even suspended in mid-air, Kady's hand found its way to the sheath attached to her belt. In one fluid movement, the shimmering blade was uncovered, pointing ominously at the fairly amused god in the middle of the alley.
Julia was unsure of the mechanics, but with a few flicks of the fingers on his other hand, the grip appeared to tighten, labored coughs being the only sounds escaping Kady's darkening lips.
"Drop the weapon, Kady." His sickly delighted smile burned a permanent image in Julia's eyes and she was almost positive the experience was no different for the other girl.
It wasn't long before Kady's face began it's skew from normal, humanly colors to a far less typical, blueish hue. She was suffocating. And Julia refused to watch it happen.
"Drop it, Kady!" Julia found the strength to yell across the space between them.
Kady's eyes- which happened to be growing heavier by the second- met hers in an instant, scanning her face in search for the answer to whether or not it was okay to surrender the only tool they had that could kill the god. Whatever emotion that was splayed across Julia's face gave Kady the confirmation she needed to allow the weapon to fall from her grasp.
As expected, Reynard dropped his hand, too, unraveling the spell that held Kady against the wall- she sputtered and coughed, gasping for air and sending Julia looks of pure terror and regret- before he was breaking into a different set of hand gestures. Hand gestures that left the newly unclaimed knife levitating in the air, spinning sluggishly like a piece of meat, skewered on a metal rod, roasting over an open flame.
With a few short chants that Julia recognized to be Latin, the knife erupted into a cloud of dark smoke, fluttering to the concrete as specks of ash.
It was just a bad dream, Julia found herself thinking. She was still in bed, Kady's arm draped comfortably over her chest, the girl's untamed curls tickling the back of her neck. Their plan was flawless. There was no way it could have gone so wrong. She was just living out her mind's uncertainty in a terrible, realistic nightmare. She was going to wake up any second with warm hands brushing against her sweaty forehead, promising her that everything was alright and that she was safe in the tight embrace of Kady's arms.
But the awakening never came, and when Julia brought her watering eyes up to the panting girl across from her, she found terrified irises staring back at her.
Kady's eyes seemed miles deep, and the further Julia looked, the more she saw of a green-tinted landscape of pain. Pain that spoke the words too lengthy to say in the split second between realizing things hadn't gone according to plan and deciding to make a Hail Mary decision in hopes that it would save them both.
Kady's eyes were apologetic at their core, even if the outer layers displayed the fear and discouragement she was truly feeling. Kady knew.
Julia knew, too.
There was no easy way out of their situation.
Julia knew whatever Kady had in mind would be deeply flawed, at best. She knew that the second Kady returned her gaze to Reynard, she was as good as gone, no matter what tactic was deployed. Reynard would kill her, then take Julia as his main course.
Julia's mouth opened to yell for Kady to run, but the words caught in her throat and never surfaced, because before they could, Kady's determination returned its aim to the god in front of her. Her hands were moving hastily, mumbles falling from her lips in such a hushed tone that Julia couldn't make out what the girl was saying.
Whatever it was, Kady had never done it before, yet she was surprisingly confident in her gestures, fumbling hand over hand, winding up some sort of spell that seemed far beyond her expertise.
And Reynard didn't try to stop her. He just laughed, taken aback at the fact that some human was actually attempting to kill him with magic.
Julia was confused, too. Kady should have known that the man in front of her could snap her neck in one effortless swipe of a finger. But she continued building up the energy in her body, ready to send whatever ball of fire she was conjuring flying towards the amused man.
It didn't make any logical sense.
Not until Kady's breath began to quicken, her fingers illuminating with sparks of light. That's when it clicked for Julia.
She was turning into a niffin.
"Kady, no." She meant for it to be shouted, but what came out instead was too quiet for even Reynard to hear.
And when Kady looked up from the magic swirling above her arms, Julia was too overcome with shock to attempt the call again.
Kady's eyes shined an electric blue. She was screaming, clawing at her skin as if there was a fire growing underneath it. The fire showed itself moments later, engulfing Kady in it's blinding flame. Julia was yelling, too, begging for it to stop, pleading with whatever was out there to not steal the last glimmer of hope- the only source of happiness- she had left in life. No one answered.
Kady descended deeper into the heat until she was surrounded, her face long lost behind the intense brightness, the fire's deafening roar masking any of the shrieks for help coming from inside it.
But as gradually as the blue flames built up, they extinguished in an instant, transforming into wisps of lightly-tinted smoke, until the exact spot where Kady had been standing succumbed to vacancy, leaving the emotionally and physically injured Julia to fend for herself.
Julia wanted to be angry at Kady, because history had truly began to repeat itself. Things went wrong and Kady fled the first time, and the current events seemed to correlate strongly with the past.
Twice. That would be twice that Kady left her, alone and damaged, unsure what the powerful god would do with her now that he had her exactly where he wanted her.
The amused, maniacal laughter continued its monopoly over the silence, ringing through what little Julia could hear past the thunderous beating in her chest.
Spinning on his heels, the gleaming yellow irises connected with her own as he sauntered to where she lay, blood pooling under her arm.
"I thought you were smarter, Julia." He feigned hurt, bending over with his hands on his upper legs. Their faces were close enough; Julia could probably spit at him if she aimed correctly.
So, she did. The saliva hit his chin, barely filling her with any satisfaction, and only made him laugh harder.
She hoped he was angry at her. Hoped he would skip all the torture and just get on with killing her. She was ready to die. In fact, there was nothing more that she wanted in that moment than death.
He straightened, swiping away the spit on his face with the back of his hand and sighed, contently.
"I was going to leave you alone. But since you called for me-"
She swore all she did was blink, but when her eyes reopened, Kady was there, standing behind Reynard with blue-toned fury written on her face. The blood loss must have been making her delusional.
That's what she thought, at least, until Reynard noticed the figure in his vicinity, his feigned expressions hardening to true fear.
Again, the intentions behind Kady's action revealed themselves clearly to Julia in that moment.
Now, a niffin- essentially a being of pure, unadulterated magic- Kady cocked her head curiously at Reynard, who held a good, few inches on her height. She didn't express any intimidation.
Julia choked on her words as she attempted to call for Kady one last time, watching as the niffin spread out her fingers on one hand, letting each blood vessel swell with electricity that sparked static as it grew.
She could hear the magic intensifying until it was loud enough to drown out the words that Reynard seemed to be saying to her.
Julia hoped he was begging for her to be merciful. Hoped his life was flashing before his eyes as he pleaded. She hoped he saw every single terrible act of hate he committed, and she hoped he felt guilty.
Storm clouds were swarming as if Kady had been conjuring all the lighting in the world, ready to send its energy into the man in front of her, frying him to a crisp.
And when she lifted her hand into the air, her breathing was heavy, her cheeks puffing out with each forced exhale through her gritted teeth.
The glowing hand shot into Reynard's chest, filling him with violent shakes and jerks until he fell to the ground, blood and foaming spit seeping from the corners of his mouth.
But for some reason, staring at the god, no longer breathing on the alley floor, Julia only sobbed louder, turning her face to the cement and pressing her nose against it as if pushing hard enough would cause the ground to open up and swallow her whole, saving her from the state she was in.
Of course, the ground cruelly denied that request, leaving her a shivering mess on the pavement.
Kady was coming closer, body still ablaze in light, so luminous that Julia had to squint when she returned her eyes to the girl.
The same, curiously mischievous air surrounded Kady as her hand began to light up, again, this time with the intention to use it on Julia.
"Kady," she finally sputtered, incredibly confused as to why the towering girl would suddenly want her dead, too.
And Julia wanted to die, but not by Kady's hand. Kady didn't deserve to have her blood tainting her no-longer-existent conscience.
But Julia was rendered useless, at that point. Niffins could kill gods, and all Julia had left was a lightly-loaded handgun.
Her upper back itched, directly beside the oozing wound on her arm. It burned like a hot coal was resting directly on top of the star-shaped tattoo between her shoulder blades. A star-shaped tattoo that had been purposely bestowed upon her for dangerous situations- ones that looked bleak with no sign of making it out alive.
The condition she was in seemed to match that description precisely.
A cold, painful breath gathered in her lungs as she prepared to speak.
"Julia says go free." The aftertaste of the words clung to the inside of her mouth, which suddenly felt far too dry for her liking.
There was no discomfort that followed, just the sensation of her already torn shirt ripping further, unveiling the shadow-like entity beneath it.
Kady's inquisitive expression faded, morphing to straight up disbelief, as if she hadn't considered the idea that Julia would have a secret weapon up her sleeve (or imprinted on her back).
Julia couldn't watch the scene unfold, forcing her eyes shut as the cacodemon enveloped Kady in its being, refilling the alley with shrill screams.
It lasted for minutes, but dragged on in Julia's mind for far long after the space fell silent.
Reynard was gone, but Kady was gone, too, and nothing felt real anymore. She was numb as she lay on the bloody ground, each gasp for air building up to another choked cry.
She had lost everything. Her happiness, her friends, her will to live. Her Kady.
There was no coming back from the depression encompassing her.
Next chapter: But as the days passed, the words became harder to ignore, burying themselves deep below the surface of the tough facade Julia was attempting to hide behind. Kady was breaking her.
A/N: if you guys thought this was bad you probably won't survive pt.3
so go ahead and recover from this for a few days and then i'll hit you with some real bad angst. until then, i'm callieincali on twitter if you wanna party