Cubbi drummed an abstract design on his desk with his fingers. It was back to tutoring for today and Cubbi had never felt so exhausted in his life. He tried to focus on what Lady Ivori was saying. She was a sweet lady, young, about her late twenties and kind as could be. She always tried to include all her students in their studies and Cubbi was especially fond of her.
But life was dragging on for Cubbi. He had thought that the fear couldn't hit him during the light. But it had. While he had been getting the limited amount of sleep he could get before Plucki woke him up, the nightmares had struck. He was out of options. He couldn't sleep. He would just…he wasn't going to sleep. He couldn't. His plan was hopefully that once his body was sleep deprived enough he could get just sleep with no dreams. But even if that didn't happen, he was too terrified to go back to sleep. Every time the dreams came, they were more vivid…
Cubbi shuddered internally. They never dulled. He always heard that horrible magician's voice, over and over again, telling him that he was no longer in control, that his body was no longer his. He always saw the dead lying still and cold, all over again. He always saw those he cared about fall dead right before him and when he turned to face their killer, he found only his reflection and their blood on his hands.
It horrified him. More and more so with each passing night, it was wearing him down. He was fighting to concentrate on anything. He was faltering in training. He knew Plucki saw it but so far he hadn't said anything. Cubbi wondered how long that'd last. He was trying, Gum knew he was and he figured that was his saving grace so far. And as far as he knew, no one knew he wasn't getting sleep. Tavi's cream hid a great deal of it. But Cubbi knew nosy Tavi. She was starting to pry. If anyone found out, she would…
"Cubbi?"
The cub sat up immediately, his eyes alert. He felt the other snickering at him and he felt his cheeks burn red for a brief moment. But Lady Ivori just gave him her gentle smile.
"Could you read that last passage out loud for us, Cubbi?"
"I…sure…"
Corvi chuckled, "Wanna do it before we turn fifty this time?"
"Corvi Gummi!" Ivori snapped at him and he shut up but the others snickered. Cubbi knew it was all in fun but it still hurt. He'd never admit it, he just went along with the crowd but his reading ability was always a tender spot. He knew he wasn't as fast or quick a reader as the others. Even the younger ones seemed to catch on faster. He always saved his reading homework for late because he never wanted Plucki to figure out it took him almost twice as long as the others. Bad enough to be too chicken to sleep…he wasn't gonna tell Plucki he was stupid too.
Cubbi stalled quite a bit but he stumbled through the paragraph, with each pause, he felt his cheeks burn although all Ivori gave him were hints of encouragement. Even the other squires and paiges stopped their snickering but Cubbi still felt self-conscious. He'd never felt that way when he'd been home-tutored, with Zummi. He supposed he'd just have to get used to it.
"Very good, Cubbi. Much better than last time. Corvi, will you continue?"
Cubbi hid his face in his hands, laying his head on his desk. Everything…everything, was everything against him…
A sharp pain in his leg brought him back to the present. Turning, he saw that Toni had kicked him and that Ivori was scolding Corvi and Flynn. They'd started to throw things at the board and her back…they never did that! Sweet Gum, Blastus was their mentor and he was very strict on respect, if nothing else. Toni leaned over and whispered in Cubbi's ear,
"They distracted her. You fell asleep about five minutes ago! You owe them. You know what Plucki'd do if he knew you fell asleep?"
Cubbi didn't want to even think about it. Sweet Gum ABOVE! He'd fallen asleep! What if the nightmares had come here! Cubbi was petrified of that…he had to fight the sleep harder, that was all…
"All right," Ivori was talking again and she sounded agitated. "Class dismissed for today. Corvi, Flynn, your mentor leads you all back today, does he not?"
Both cubs winced but nodded.
"I want to speak to him."
Cubbi winced himself. He knew Blastus well enough to know that it took a lot to make him angry and that he was usually laid back but that respect was big with him. He gave Corvi and Flynn a grateful look and they just mouthed,
"You sooo owe us."
Ivori led the boys outside, to wait. She stood by Corvi and Flynn, no doubt keeping an eye on them. Cubbi stayed by the wall, rubbing his eyes when someone grabbed him arm. Turning, he found himself face to face with a familiar girl.
"Tavi!"
"Cubbi, what's with you?"
"What do you-"
"Don't lie. I'm a sorceress in training, don't forget."
"So that makes you a mind reader?"
"No," she touched Cubbi's face, underneath one of his eyes, "But I know my blending lotion when I see it."
"Tavi-"
"You aren't sleeping, are you?"
"TAVI!" he hissed.
"I know you Cubbi Gummi! You're usually so full of spunk you could be my brother. And you fell asleep in class; number one pupils usually try to not do that-"
"You were spying on me!"
"Tell me the truth…am I your best friend or not?"
"I…well, yeah but-"
"Then tell me!"
Tavi was put ill at ease by her conversation with the Gummadoon Captain. Plucki generally didn't inquire about things that he did unless he noticed them and it bugged him. And to some extent, Tavi's sorceress senses were becoming fine tuned. And there was also the simplest explanation of all: Cubbi was her best friend, the sole gummi she could honestly say she trusted with her life and she was worried.
"Fine, no I'm not sleeping. I haven't slept well for almost a month and starting tonight I plan on not sleeping at all, happy!"
Tavi blinked. "Cubbi…" she didn't have to ask why. She saw and felt his fear.
"Tavi, please…don't tell anyone…please…promise me."
"Cubbi…"
"As a friend, promise me…"
"All right…I promise. But-"
Whatever she'd been about to say was never said.
Sir Blastus had arrived.