Tune Me Out

Chloe marched up the stairs, each step oozing with determination. It was time to do this, just let go, silence the voices of uncertainty and worry and just take the plunge – waiting for Beca to come to her was an exhausting experience and quite frankly probably something that would never happen.

So the moment was now, Chloe was going to tell her best friend; after three years of friendship; she was one hundred percent hopelessly in love with her. It all seemed far too quick, but Chloe was already at the top step of Beca and Fat Amy's bedroom and out the corner of her eye, she could see said best friend sat in front of her laptop.

Chloe tightly closed her eyes, contemplating what to do next, before the same determination from a moment ago was back in full force and she was striding towards Beca and pacing the length of the two beds in the room. The younger woman's back was still turned away from her, but Chloe thought the lack of eye contact was probably a good idea – Beca might freak out and eye contact will only make things worse.

She cleared her throat, before closing her eyes again; she's not sure why she feels better doing that, she just does.

"OK, so I've had enough. I've been waiting two years for you to finally admit how you feel, but I'm getting tired, Beca and I'm scared if I wait for you to say it, it will never happen."

She sucked in a deep breath, the words tumbling quickly from her lips, her steps more frantic and hands waving circles in the air.

"I don't know about you, but I can't keep it bottled up anymore. If I don't say anything, I'll regret it."

The lack of a response made Chloe want to open her eyes, but the image of a wide eyed Beca, slumped in her swivel chair was the scariest thought she'd ever had, so instead Chloe paused, before continuing on, her eyes still firming closed.

"I don't know if you feel the same, but the way you bring me coffee when I'm studying, or buy my favourite candy when I'm down makes me think you might. I've tried my hardest to make it clear to you – but you're just really slow, Becs!"

She let out a sigh and a nervous laugh, "Like, really slow!"

"But, that's not important right now. What's important is that I don't kiss anybody else's cheek when they get me coffee and don't spoon anyone else at night unless that person means something to me, you know?"

Her words were barley separated by a breath anymore, but she wanted – no needed – to get them out. The steps she was pacing were starting to feel a little lighter, like the weight of keeping this to herself was finally easing.

The fear of seeing her best friend shocked and speechless was slowly being replaced by a slight anger; like why isn't she at least responding right now?! That's rude...

"Are you even listening?! Beca, I fucking love you!" she shouted, her eyes snapping open, arms slapping by her sides.

There was a sinking feeling in her stomach, Chloe could feel the regret wash over her, any signs of the determination or weightlessness she felt less than three seconds ago completely vanishing.

And maybe if Chloe was brave enough to address Beca upon entering the room she would have seen the headphones hanging over her best friends ears.

And perhaps if her words weren't rushed and her eyes weren't closed during the entirety of her brutally honest speech, she would have noticed Beca couldn't hear one single word she had just said.

XXX