A/N – I made a start and actually finished it. Once I began typing, I couldn't really stop – perhaps I've just found the missing inspiration I mentioned. This is dark and angsty and guest reader you better like it, because I really enjoyed writing it! OK, I'm going to sleep, I have to be up for work in two hours – help me!

Friends WithOUT Benefits Part 2

Beca wasn't sure how long she had been stumbling around the house, but the music was thudding inside her head and the alcohol was still burning the insides of her cheeks. The random redhead she was so sure would be returning back to Beca's dorm tonight was long gone; something about the brunette being too vacant and "somewhere else."

The DJ had been in and out of every room in search of the one person she wanted to see the most right now; Chloe. It was usually about this time (she's not even entirely sure of the time actually) Chloe would approach Beca - shy and cautious – and ask if she was ready to leave yet, which was obvious code for something both woman knew they wanted.

But it seemed tonight Chloe was nowhere in sight.

There was a panic burning inside Beca's body, a fear she had never experienced before. She needed Chloe right now, not just for sex, but for her company. The sex was merely a way for both of them to get the release from each other they had both come accustom to over the years, but for Beca the proposition was a ploy to have Chloe's attention. There was an undeniable content and calmness that washed over Beca whenever they were together and right now, drunk and stoned out of her mind she needed that, no she craved it.

But Chloe wasn't at the party.

XXX

Chloe had finally given up on trying to have a good time with her best friend. The pair went to some bars outside of campus with a few of Aubrey's fellow law students on the premise of having a good time.

But Chloe couldn't get Beca out of her head.

There were some many thoughts running through her mind, all while the group delved into casual conversation, but Chloe was mentally somewhere else – which didn't go unnoticed by Aubrey.

Is Beca at the party? How much has she drunk by now? Who has she kissed? Will she take anyone home that's not me tonight?

Her brain was an overload, more questions roused by her answers to the ones before. Chloe knew staying away from the frat party was a good idea and she knew all too well Aubrey had planned they get off campus in order to try and protect her; she was thankful for that, but no matter how hard she tried she was unable to forget Beca and enjoy being out with her friends.

"Chlo, you can go home."

Aubrey had placed a hand on her shoulder, and offered her a small smile.

"No, I said I'd come out and-"

"Chloe, you've done nothing but look miserable all night. Honestly, it's OK, you can go home."

The redhead let out a deep sigh, before giving her a sad smile.

"Thanks, Bree. For this..." she gestured to the table they were sat around, "...I know you were trying to help, I'm sorry for being..." she stopped, shaking her head, a bitter chuckle leaving her lips.

"I know. Go."

Chloe had called a cab back to Barden and unlocked her door. She stepped out of her black dress; mentally scolding herself for wanting Beca to pull it off her instead; and got into bed.

It was two forty in the morning when her phone rang. The ringtone had always been the default setting, until Beca gave herself a personal ringtone. 2 Live Crew's "Me so horny" filled the room, waking Chloe from her slumber.

After a moment of disorientation, she jolted upright in her bed and scrambled for the ringing device on the dresser, already aware Beca was calling. Chloe let her mind wander to the younger woman's naked form as she sat up in her bed and moved to hover over a similarly unclothed Chloe with a mischievous smirk playing on her lips.

"So now when I call you, you'll already know what I want."

The words were ghosted over her lips and if Beca hadn't have kissed her right at the moment Chloe is sure she would have burst into tears – the sheer truth in that statement ran deep. The worst part to it all being the fact that Beca never had to call first, it was always her, unable to give their nights of passion up.

Chloe hastily swiped answer on her phone, a breathy "hello" almost yelled down the speaker.

It was sad and desperate and she hated herself for it.

The sound of loud music and voices muffled through the device Chloe had so tightly pressed to her ear.

"Where are you?" Beca's words were delayed and slurred. There was a hint of desperation in her voice, along with an underlining tone of annoyance.

"You said you'd be here and you're fucking not."

Beca was less annoyed now, her voice sounded like a plea and it made Chloe's heart soar, a strong and uncontrollable amount of happiness spreading through her body because this was the closest the younger woman had ever come to admitting she wanted or needed her.

Chloe knows she should say it's late; tell her to go back to her dorm and not call her again, but she can't – she's too weak.

"Beca, are you OK?"

There was a long pause, before Chloe could hear a long sigh.

"No, because you're not here; I ne-I want you to come and meet me."

And just like that, Chloe was up out of bed in the early hours of the morning, pulling on some jeans and a hoody and rushing over to the frat house to meet the girl that so blatantly owned and constantly mistreated her heart.

Chloe was weak when it came to Beca.

Chloe was always weak when it came to love.

XXX

Beca had abandoned Tom and pushed through the sea of people blocking her way to the front door. Chloe was coming to meet her outside and she'd promised to be quick.

Beca didn't really want to have sex tonight; the joint she'd had outside on the patio with a group of freshman had doubled the amount of alcohol she'd previously drunk and now she was feeling the full effects of it.

She dropped down on the curb, attempting to control the dizziness swimming in her head. She unscrewed the cap of the bottle of water she'd grabbed on her way out and drained the bottle of its contents. There was a constant buzzing in her ears and Beca couldn't stop the continuous bobbing of her left leg.

She leaned back onto the grass, bringing her hands to face; she had to get herself together. If she didn't sober up soon Beca knew hooking up with Chloe was going to get more vocal than usual and actually honest.

The sex was always honest for Beca, always. It wasn't just sex to her, but she made very little conversation before, during and after in order to convince Chloe it was.

"Becs?"

The sweetness of her voice already seemed to be calming her head. There was a warm hand stopping her knee from its previous jerking and Beca felt like she'd just returned home after a long vacation. She removed her hands to see Chloe sat beside her with a concerned look on her face. Beca just focussed on her eyes for a while, letting them pull them her back to reality.

"Come on, let's get you home."

XXX

It had been two years since that night and Chloe had spent a long time trying to forget it. The sleepless nights and the body wracking sobs had subsided now and she tried to tell herself she had moved on.

Chloe thought about the girl that still had her heart frequently; more so at night when she was alone, engulfed in darkness. Her mind would always wander back to the time they spent together and the last night they ever saw each other.

Beca had swayed on her feet the entire walk home, her arm wrapped tightly around Chloe's waist. Despite her current state, the DJ was still softly drumming her fingers onto the redhead's hip; it was distracting. It had Chloe thinking about where those fingers had touched her and how meticulous they could work – she shook the thought away.

Once they reached Beca's dorm room, Chloe had set her down on the bed and started untying the laces of her converse.

"Thank you for helping me" Beca said, pulling her feet away and kicking them off herself. The need Chloe had felt less than five seconds ago completely shattered, causing her to feel the dull pain of Beca's rejection before they'd even slept together.

Chloe stood up; a newfound resistance rising inside of her; as she made her way to the door.

"NO!"

Beca's yell cemented Chloe's feet to the floor.

"I want you to stay."

The redhead turned.

"Please don't go" Beca added with a vulnerability Chloe had never seen before.

The brunette held her gaze, before pulling her shirt over her head and shuffling in between the sheets as she peeled off her jeans. She waved Chloe over, sitting up in bed and pulling the duvet back; a subtle invitation.

Chloe moved towards the bed, her shoes already off. She was unzipping her hoody, revealing a black bra, before Beca stilled her hands and pulled the zip the rest of the way. She was kneeling on the edge of the bed now, placing a soft kiss to Chloe's cheek.

Another one to her neck.

A third to her collarbone.

And one more to just above her breast, before she pulled the jacket down Chloe's shoulders and unbuttoned her jeans.

Chloe was already pushing them the rest of the way down, before stepping out of them and getting into bed. Beca followed suit, laying down beside her and resting on her side.

Beca wasn't really one for eye contact; her eyes fleeted away from Chloe's whenever they were intimate together, but for some reason tonight, Beca never removed her eyes from Chloe's. They were transfixed and still, as if she was getting lost in them.

That feeling alone made Chloe melt. It made her think perhaps all this time Beca had felt the same intense love for her all along.

The brunette was peppering delicate kisses to her lips; chaste and loving kisses that Chloe would never forget.

"I need you" Beca whispered.

The redhead instantly trailed her hand down the DJ's arm, pausing on her hipbone, before caressing her stomach and quickly reaching lower. Beca held her hand, stopping it and squeezing it in hers.

She shook her head, "Not like that. I need you to be with me, forever."

Chloe led in silence, processing the words in astonishment.

"I'm sorry I treat you like shit, it's wrong and unacceptable."

There was a pause, another kiss against her lips.

"I love you and I'm so fucked up as a person that I don't know how to deal with it. I want to be someone that treats you like you deserve to be treated. Someone that respects you and gets to call you theirs, because you're the most amazing person I've ever met and I am so completely undeserving of you – even if we hadn't have started this in the beginning."

"No, Beca-"

Chloe brought her hand from under the sheets and swiped a thumb under Beca's eye, wiping away the tears.

"Can we just pretend we've only just met?" Beca asked hesitantly, her newly free hand resting on Chloe's waist. "I've never fucked you, the whole time we've been doing this. But tonight I just want us to knowingly make love to each other – which sounds clichéd and corny – but that's what I want to do. I want to show you how I wish I could have treated you from the beginning."

Chloe didn't even give her an answer, she just expressed her agreement with a kiss, a passionate kiss that was rushed and needy but unlike the hundreds of times before it tasted different. It was an almost promise and a symbol of love that Beca had never admitted before.

In the morning, the redhead awoke, hair tangled and unclothed in an empty bed to a note that said "I'm sorry."

Chloe never saw Beca again after that. The brunette had quit college and seemingly disappeared without a trace, her phone calls unanswered and a less than informative explanation from Doctor Mitchell forcing Chloe to give up her search.

She shed countless tears for a woman that never deserved them.

But it was getting easier now, easier to move on.

Beca was always in her mind – even two years later - but she was never within reach. Even the times they were together and Chloe could stretch her arms out and hold her, Beca Mitchell was never truly within grasp. Beca's love was something she herself could never give and Chloe held onto as much of it as she could muster; a love for the both of them.

She's not quite ready to let it go yet and she's not sure when she will be.

XXX