Why Her?
Chloe was in a ball on the bed, tightly clutching her knees to her chest; an exhausted and sad attempt to hold herself together, but her continuous tries was no match for the gaping hole in her heart.
She closed her eyes, the tears still wet on her pillow, as the redhead inhaled the scent of the shirt held in her other hand and tried to ignore the banging on her apartment door. Aubrey had been outside; hammering on the piece of wood Chloe was sure couldn't possibly be a functioning door anymore.
She let out a shaky sigh, the stinging of her eyes reminding her of how much pain she felt throughout her body. The phone beside her began to vibrate for what seemed like the umpteenth time, as it finally moved further along the drawers and dropped onto the floor.
Chloe didn't even attempt to stop it or retrieve it once the device had fallen – moving hurt too much right now never mind actually having to speak. In all honesty, Chloe hadn't spoken a single word for the past four days, instead she just cried, sobbed, wailed and wept before retreating to her bed and restarting the process.
"Why her?"
They were the words that had kept her awake for the most part of the last few days and had caused so much heartbreak she was surprised she wasn't numb.
"Why her?" she mumbled into the plaid shirt, the tears sliding down the already present dry tear stains on her cheeks.
Beca was twenty-six years old, she had a career, great friends; she had Chloe. She was in the prime of her life, a genuinely good and caring person who was loved by many.
"WHY HER?!" she screamed into the pillow, ignoring the chiming of her phone and the persistent knocking on her door.
"WHY BECA?!"
The knocking stopped.
So did the phone.
All was silent again, but Chloe couldn't silence the hurt and grieve inside her.
Beca Mitchell was gone.
XXX
"So we're having dinner at Aubrey's tonight still?" Beca asked, sitting up in bed, her eyes fixed on Chloe as she got dressed into her running gear.
"Yeah, you're not working late, are you?" came the response muffled by the tank top over her head.
"No, I've basically finished producing the album, I just need give it one last listen and then send it off for review because apparently big shot recording artists have their own sound system to listen to it on" she deadpanned with a roll of her eyes.
Chloe smiled with the shake of her head as she moved closer to Beca's side of the bed and leaned over to peck her lips.
"And those big shot recording artists help pay half of our bills, so..."
Before the redhead could make for the door, Beca was pulling her closer and into her lap with a certain grin Chloe was more than familiar with.
"Do you have to go for a run this morning?" she asked between kisses to the other woman's neck. "We could both do cardio without leaving the room."
Fingers were curling under the waist band of Chloe's shorts as she leaned into Beca's touch. The other hand was snaking around her lower back, Beca's kisses slowly moving lower down to her chest and causing her breath to hitch.
"You used that excuse yesterday and I missed out on my workout" she breathed, trying to remain immune to Beca's persuasion.
The younger woman stopped her movements before looking up. There was a glimmer of mischief in her eyes before she quickly surged forward, pushing Chloe's back onto the bed with her hands pinned above her head.
"Well clearly we didn't work hard enough" she mumbled, the legs around Chloe's waist squeezed a little harder as she softly tugged at the taller woman's earlobe with her teeth.
"That sounds like a challenge?" Chloe hummed, feeling her resolve breaking.
"Shall we start with a warm up?"
As soon as the words were spoken, Chloe felt Beca stiffen before bringing panicked eyes back to hers.
"God that was bad" she sighed, causing the redhead to burst out with laughter.
"Extra points for sticking with the theme?" Chloe offered once she had sobered.
Beca smiled and brought her lips back to hers.
There was something cute and endearing about Beca's shy and nervousness to Chloe. The younger woman had a very hard and emotionless exterior the moment they first met in college. Beca seemed confident, careless and unapproachable but when she was alone with Chloe, she became someone more entirely – caring, sensitive and selfless.
After eight years of knowing each other (four of them as a couple ) shy and nervous Beca didn't make an appearance that often but when it did Chloe found her heart swelling with love and the wide eyes and slight blush made it difficult for the redhead not to laugh.
The not so shy and innocent hands moving further south down her torso made Chloe lose her train of thought, her mind focusing on nothing but those very hands and their precise movements where she needed them most.
XXX
Chloe stirred for a moment, slowly opening her eyes and allowing them to adjust to the dark surroundings of the bedroom. She stretched a little before turning over and placing her hand to the other side of the bed, searching for a sleeping Beca beside her. Once she felt the coldness of the sheets beneath it, she snapped open her eyes and remembered the events of the past four days. Suddenly her sleepy haze was replaced by a tight and harsh hurt as she yet again came to terms with everything.
Beca wasn't there and nor would she ever be sleeping beside her again.
Sleep did not come easy to the redhead anymore and once it did she dreamed about her girlfriend - the memories of a chaste kiss, a light touch, a warm embrace or a ridiculously 'Beca' joke would fill her subconscious. The minute she opened her eyes, half asleep and dazed, Chloe would forget the reality of her situation. It was a mere sixty seconds of how things were, until it was quickly snatched away and replaced with an overwhelming feeling of emptiness.
Chloe felt for one of Beca's old plaid shirts in between the sheets before she shuffled over to the opposite side of the bed, tightly hugging the piece of clothing to her chest and inhaling the scent of Beca's shampoo still lingering on her pillow. She stayed there for a while, numb and motionless unable to think of anything other than the love of her life that was so suddenly taken away from her.
It seemed like hours had passed before Chloe sat up on the edge of the bed. The bottom of her foot collided with the abandoned phone that had fallen off the bedside the last time it rang. She reached down and picked it up; the home screen instantly lighting up to display the time and wallpaper.
A picture of her and Beca shone back at her; a weekend away at Chloe's parents house last year. Beca had her arm draped over Chloe's shoulder with a goofy grin on her face, as the redhead was pressing her lips to Beca's cheek. She remembered that night as if it were yesterday; Chloe's family had held a barbecue in their backyard with a more than generous helping of alcohol. Both women had gotten quite drunk - Beca considerably more than Chloe - and the picture staring back at her was photo evidence of her girlfriend unable to handle her wine.
Beca had hated Chloe using it as her wallpaper but Chloe saw through it; Beca had the same photo as the desktop background on her laptop.
The redhead looked at it a while longer, her eyes tracing every feature on Beca's face, before they moved to examine the background intently and then back to the younger woman's smile. Chloe was sure the tears filling the corners of her eyes would drip down her cheeks, but before they did, she angrily threw the device against the bedroom wall, hard.
The moment it bounced off the wall and onto the floor, Chloe was on her feet racing over to it and scrambling to pick it up. Once it was tightly in her grasp, she moved closer to the drawers at Beca's side of the bed and repeatedly smashed the already broken phone down against the edge.
The tears were in full force now causing her vision to blur, the words 'why her?' repeated over and over again in her mind each time the glass screen collided with the wood. Chloe couldn't suppress the furious scream leaving her lips as the rage and animosity she felt for Beca's death was delivered with each strike.
Once she lost her grip, her knuckles hit the drawers causing a shooting pain up her arm but it was nothing compared to the feeling of hurt in her chest. Chloe slumped down on the floor defeated. She leaned against the bed with laboured breath before putting her face in her hands.
"Why my Beca?" she pleaded desperately into them, "Why her?"
XXX
Beca was leaning over the stove as she prepared breakfast. Chloe's eyes focussed on the long baggy t-shirt that was hanging around her mid thighs as she sat at the breakfast table. She took a swig of the orange juice Beca had already put in her place.
"We don't have long until we have to get moving."
Upon hearing Chloe's voice, Beca stilled before replying, "It's not my fault we got distracted" she mumbled and the redhead could already envision the smirk settling on her lips. Once Beca turned around with two plates, she made her way over to her fully dressed girlfriend.
"Why are you dressed right now?" Beca asked, raising an eyebrow.
Chloe chuckled and shook her head, "You have a one track mind, Mitchell."
Beca shot her a knowing look before putting the plates on the table and taking a seat.
"So how long did they say your car would be in the shop?" the younger woman asked wrapping her mouth around the pancakes on her fork.
"Why, are you already fed up of chauffeuring me around?" Chloe teased.
"Never."
Beca feigned shock, "But when it comes to time keeping, we're like polar opposites. I'm always late, you're always early – now I have to be early all the time" she winked.
"Well it's ready to pick up on Friday morning, so you only have two more days to endure me in your car."
"Ah, so no more "goodbye, I'm going to work" sex in the parking lot anymore?" Beca joked.
"Sex in a school parking lot, really, Beca?"
"Hey, if you want to, I'm totally down for that."
"See, one track mind!" Chloe yelled, pushing the last of the food around her plate with a smile.
Beca stood up taking the plates away and placing them in the sink with a chuckle. She brought the glass of orange juice to her lips and took a sip, as Chloe made her way over.
"I love you" she whispered, interlocking her fingers with Beca's.
The brunette put her glass down, before reaching for the other hand, "And I love you" she replied, kissing Chloe's lips.
The redhead pulled away much too quickly for Beca's liking.
"Oh and before I forget, you don't have to pick me up tonight. Bree said she'd take me to hers, so you don't have to drive back on yourself."
"OK, that sounds very much like Aubrey's logical thinking" Beca hummed thoughtfully, earning her a light slap to the arm.
"God, you're so violent" she whined with a grin, "Right, give me a minute to get dressed and we can go and have sex in my car" she winked before rushing down the hall.
Chloe couldn't help but giggle at her antics, before she picked up the discarded glass and finished the last of Beca's juice.
XXX
"What are you doing?" Jesse asked from the doorway of Aubrey's home office as she furiously scribbled a pen across a piece of paper.
It seemed Aubrey had exhausted every possible opportunity to see her best friend. She was well aware Chloe was hurting and she needed space in order to process what had happened, but that was almost five days ago and Aubrey hadn't heard from or seen Chloe since she drove her home on Wednesday night.
"Beca needs a funeral" was all Aubrey said before turning her attention back to the paper in front of her.
Jesse stood still for a moment, trying to ignore the punch to the chest that sentence delivered. Beca was never supposed to have a funeral, not yet anyway and it wasn't up to Aubrey to plan it. He took a hesitant step forward and walked over to his work-busy girlfriend.
His hands rested on her shoulders before he softly kissed her cheek.
"Aubrey, it's not up to you to plan it. Chloe should-"
The blonde whipped around in her chair, shrugging out of his touch and throwing her pen across the desk in frustration before cutting him off.
"Chloe hasn't even talked to me, Jesse. I don't even think she's gotten out of bed since I put her in it the other night - how the hell is Chloe going to plan a funeral in the state she's in?!"
Jesse let out a tired sigh before he moved to rest his weight on the desk. He crossed his arms over his chest fixing his eyes on the light of the hallway. The quiet buzz on the desk lamp filled the room, as Aubrey waited for the man to speak.
"I know this is tough. What's happened has been such a shock, for all of us but we can't even begin to imagine what Chloe's going through right now. Beca has been in Chloe's life for the past eight years in so many ways than she was in ours and to lose..." Jesse stopped, unable to finish his sentence without letting his emotions get the better of him.
Aubrey placed a comforting hand on his arm.
"I'm worried about her, Jess."
Jesse squeezed her hand gently.
"I know, she shouldn't be on her own right now but planning the funeral isn't your job, Bree. Not unless Chloe asks you to."
The woman smiled a sad smile before pushing her scribbled notes away from her as if to communicate she agreed. She was about to speak before Jesse spoke again.
"Look, I thought Chloe had a right to be on her own for a little while after she found out. I know you're her best friend and you mean well but I didn't want you to suffocate her, but now it's been five days, I think you should know the lady in the apartment below them has a spare key."
Aubrey sprung to her feet with a flash of anger on her face, "And you knew this the whole time?" she questioned sternly.
"Yeah, I should have told you" he whispered guiltily stepping away from the desk.
"Should have told me?! Jesse I've practically been camped out in the corridor of their apartment every day this week, I even rented a pair of ladders to climb up to her window. I've been worried sick about her and thinking all kinds of horrible things and you knew someone had a key all along?!"
Jesse reached out for her hands but they pulled away.
"I'm sorry."
Aubrey turned away and started rushing to the door.
"Where are you going?" he shouted after her.
"To check on my best friend, Jesse! Where else would I possibly be going?!"
XXX
Chloe was sat on Aubrey's couch, the sound of her best friend and boyfriend teasing each other in the kitchen as they made dinner. The redhead was looking down at her phone, reading over the last message Beca had sent her from work.
BECA [18:37]: Sorry, babe just got out of work now. Turns out those big shot recording artists have a habit of changing their minds. I'm on my way now, looking forward to our car sex on the way home ;)
"What's so funny?" Jesse asked, taking a seat beside her.
"Oh you know, just my girlfriend being a huge dork as usual."
Jesse laughed before handing her a glass of wine, "Yep, sounds about right" he grinned, "Speaking of, I thought you had trained her to get places earlier these days?" he asked half joking, half not.
When it came to Chloe, Beca would pretty much do anything – so he wouldn't be too surprised if their current car sharing had made the younger woman change her ways and arrive in plenty of time.
"She got caught up at work but she's on her way now" Chloe smiled, locking the phone in her hand and placing it on the sofa arm.
"Good, because I totally owe her a beer" he exclaimed, "Did you know she fixed my mix board at work? Like, spent a full three hours rewiring the whole system and I didn't even ask" Jesse stressed with raised eyebrows.
"Yeah, she mentioned it the other day. Apparently, she owed you?" Chloe questioned.
Jesse shook his head with a smile, "College Beca would never owe me anything, I think you've been rubbing off on her for the past I don't know how many years" he laughed, lightly bumping Chloe's shoulder.
Before she could reply, Aubrey was loudly cursing in the kitchen.
"Duty calls" Jesse winked, standing up.
The rest of the night was a blur for Chloe. The curiosity at the lack of Beca's present developed into worry and the many calls that were sent straight to voicemail turned that worry into fear. Aubrey had tried her best to calm her best friend with reassurance, first with the typical "She's probably stuck in traffic" and then "I bet she's just stuck at work."
The words were doing anything but reassuring Chloe. Beca would call or text, the fact that she hadn't heard from her girlfriend caused her to panic even more; it was so unlike her not to call.
Eventually, Jesse was putting on his jacket, assuring his girlfriend and her best friend he'd drive by the studio because he was "more than certain that's where she'll be."
Just as he grabbed the keys off the table there was a knock on the door and all of Chloe's worries and fears were confirmed in the form of two solemn looking uniformed police officers. The older woman didn't register they're address nor did she remember if she replied or if Aubrey did it for her, but she more than remembers the sentence that took the breath from her lungs.
"Beca was in an accident."
It seemed the rest of the world turned to silence and sounds were replaced by a ringing in her ears. There was this horrid feeling swelling in the pit of her stomach as the officer continued to speak.
"I'm sorry, she didn't make it."
Chloe slumped all of her weight onto Aubrey who was standing beside her. Her eyes were watering and it seemed upon hearing those words the colour was sucked out of vision, everything replaced with a black and white film and Chloe grew breathless.
"No, she's just running late" she mumbled more to herself than anyone else.
"She text me not so long ago, Beca is just at work or stuck in traffic. You've got the wrong house. Beca is fine. We're going to have dinner and she's going to drive me home and-"
Chloe's rambling was cut short, as Aubrey's arm around her shoulders acted as a sharp pull into reality.
"She's just running late" she repeated, her sad blue eyes pleading with Aubrey's green ones for her to agree.
"Chloe, I'm so sorry" was the only response she got. The redhead was falling to her knees, the tears spilling down her cheeks as she let out a waling noise she had never made before. Chloe was unable to hold her own weight and unable to form a single thought or string a sentence together.
Beca wasn't dead.
She couldn't be.
They were going to be together forever; Beca had promised her that.
Chloe couldn't face a life without Beca.
XXX
Aubrey was cautiously making her way up the stairs, the spare key to Chloe and Beca's apartment in her hand. She paused for a moment at that thought; perhaps it was just Chloe's apartment now. She continued to walk, getting further down the corridor and closer to the sixth door from the stairs.
Before turning the key in the lock, Aubrey hesitated and tightly shut her eyes for a moment. The blonde was unsure of what was going to be on the other side of the door and the worst possible scenarios were rushing through her mind.
She clung to the hope of earlier. After another failed attempt to get her best friend to open the door, Aubrey was sure she had heard her yell something. It sounded bitter, angry, and distraught but she knew it was definitely Chloe's voice, even if the words were muffled by the door.
The drive back to this very apartment after the police had informed them a few days ago, Chloe hadn't spoken a word. Aubrey just remembers the look of pure heartbreak on her face and the way the taller woman had to literally steer her to the apartment building and physically put her in bed.
The need to know if Chloe was OK became too strong and Aubrey was hastily turning the key and opening the door. She shut it quietly, before looking around the living room and kitchen; it looked exactly the same since the last time she was here, right down to the dirty plates in the sink from the Wednesday morning.
"Chloe?" she called out softly, making her way to the bedroom down the hall in darkness, too afraid to turn the lights on.
Once she rounded the corner, Aubrey caught sight of the redhead sat on the floor, her knees tightly pressed to her chin as she stared at something in front of her.
"Chlo?" she asked again.
The redhead didn't even react to her presence, her eyes still fixed on the ground.
A few steps closer and Aubrey realised Chloe was in fact staring at her phone, completely shattered and broken beyond repair. She kneeled down next to her best friend, ignoring the lump in her throat.
"Chlo, please look at me."
Chloe turned her head; at first her expression seemed hard and angry, but it changed. Her lip quivered as tears filled her eyes and she lunged forward, clutching at the material of Aubrey's jacket.
"Why her?" she sobbed, burying her face into her best friend's arm.
"Why did it have to happen to Beca? She promised me forever, Bree. Why couldn't we be forever?"
Hearing the pain and desperation in Chloe's voice made the emotions Aubrey was trying so hard to surpass bubble over in the form of tears and quiet sobs. She tightly hugged Chloe, wishing she could take the pain away and wanting nothing more than Beca to walk through the bedroom door with that annoying smirk and fix her girlfriend.
Chloe Beale smiled almost every minute of every day and Aubrey had a horrible feeling now Beca was gone, she had taken that smile with her.
"I don't know why it was Beca, Chlo, but I wish more than anything it wasn't."
XXX
A/N: So this angst fest happened. It was dark, it was morbid, it was borderline cruel but angst is kind of where my heart is when it comes to writing – sorry.
Queue only fluff for the next few updates!