… Starkiller Base - five minutes later…
"Let go of me, dammit," I repeated, still refusing to stop struggling. Or yelling. I wasn't quite done doing either.
It was one thing to tell myself they kept me around to test how their brainwashed soldiers reacted to an actual human being, and a completely different thing to know. To have someone to blame for the weeks of progressively more suicidal thoughts and slow resignation to the fact that I'll live out my life right here, in these monochromatic rooms and if I ever wanted to see a color that wasn't either black or white I better get hold of something sharp and start cutting.
"It's an experiment, isn't it? It's a goddamn experiment to you people. How long does it take to break someone just by the proximity to all this… this… gratuitous villainy," I said, wishing I had a lightsaber to slash stuff with.
"You need to calm down," said Phasma.
"You need to tell me where I'll find Hux. No wait, show me where is the room with the evil dentist's chair first. I'll be needing that. And don't even try to tell me there isn't one. Of course there is. This place is called Starkiller Base… There's probably a whole level dedicated to torture devices."
She just looked at me, once again managing to let me know how she felt without removing her helmet. It was like a superpower with her. "You think this is just me being melodramatic… It's not. You can tell it's not by my last name not being Skywalker. I'm going to kill him. Well, eventually. First I'm going to kill his pet and make him watch. I'm…"
"Unarmed and unable to navigate the base without assistance. You're no threat to anyone."
"I'm desperate," I said ominously.
In the silence that followed I almost believed she understood what that meant. Something about her demeanor changed, just the slightest bit and I knew I was being taken seriously for once. Good. If there was something the First Order deserved it was for their captive comic relief to turn lethal.
We just stood there in that unpleasant tense silence as I tried to calm my breathing. I never even noticed when she dragged me into this room to keep me out of sight as I was very loudly coming to terms with the new information that completely changed my outlook on why my life sucked. I might have been a little too busy yelling. But now that I was paying attention to my surroundings... and my surroundings seemed to be made entirely of screens with security footage on them...
"What is that?" I said, momentarily forgetting how angry and murderous I was feeling. "I mean, I know what it is. It's the evil dentist's chair. But what is that unconscious girl doing in it?"
"She has information we need," said Phasma.
"He's watching her sleep. Are you seriously going to stand there and pretend it's not weird? Because wow," I said, glaring at her. I took a step closer to the screen. "This is where we should draw the line. I get that you guys have your evil quotas, but come on… That's a tied up teenager."
"It's not as bad as it looks."
"Yes, it definitely is. I mean what does he do – does he just go what would grandpa do and tries to go one further? What's next? Slaughtering toddlers? Strangling pregnant ladies…?"
"Calm down," said Phasma. I don't think she was ever closer to actually pointing a weapon at me and I was past caring.
"I mean what kind of psychopaths you have running this operation? Did I get really lucky to be fixing your broken stuff instead of being tied up in some dark room somewhere… you know what, don't answer that. I'm just… going to curl up in a ball in that corner over there," I said, feeling very tired all of a sudden. "I'll just sit for a while. Try not to cry. Fail, probably…"
To my surprise she let me do just that. Maybe she was glad that my anger burned itself out this quickly. Who knew? Who cared…?
I was done. This was it. They had what they always wanted - me with all my skill and calmness under pressure minus the attitude.
I thought I heard her footsteps as she left the room but didn't actually bother to look up to make sure. She was probably on her way to give Hux the good news - and even that thought didn't make me snap out of it. I could always hate him later. Right now I was going to just sit here and wait... wait for someone to come in and finally dispose me as they probably wanted to ever since they realized what a mistake they made bringing me aboard. Or simply wait. Just wait for galaxy to sort itself out and this Evil Empire to collapse, much like the last one did, under the assault of a magic teenager or a princess or someone...
But of course all I got was half an hour alone with my dejected thoughts before I saw a Stormtrooper poke a helmeted head into the room to announce they needed me on one of the upper levels.
I didn't even have the energy to give her a snarky comment about what I needed from the people on the upper levels. It would probably go right over her head anyway. Sense of humor was one of the things the First Order seemed especially interested in removing. In the end I just got up and started walking. And stopped walking as my field of vision once again filled up with screens running security footage.
Despite trying my hardest to tell myself I really didn't want to know what went on in that room I took one last look… which stopped me in my track.
"Did he just…?" said the Stormtrooper next to me, her voice conveying the same level of disbelief I was experiencing. Well, maybe not the same level, since mine actually left me speechless.
It even took me some seconds to realize that this was the first time I ever heard a trooper's voice that wasn't completely emotionless. I would have commented on it if only I wasn't too busy staring at the face of the man I blamed for my predicament for weeks now.
"So he's actually human," I said with a small laugh that was anything but amused.
"Why isn't there sound…?" said the Stormtrooper stepping closer to the console. I clasped my hand over hers before she could enact any changes to what we were witnessing.
"Do you really want to know what they're saying?" I sure didn't. I didn't want to know where that little scene was going. Part of me just wanted to run out of this room and maybe never stop running… too bad it didn't get a say as I stood here, completely paralyzed and unable to look away.
"I'm just going to go ahead and say it. That looks way too weirdly intense to be a normal interrogation," said the Stormtrooper.
Something about the confused quality of her voice finally made me snap out of it and really look at her. Because even her expressionless helmet could no longer hide that this was no ordinary trooper. This was the mythical creature I was looking for all along – someone who was actually capable of normal human reactions.
I hoped it wasn't just the shock of seeing the big bad wolf unmasked at last. "Who are you…? I mean don't tell me your damn designation number, that would just depress me. Just keep saying normal human things. This is doing me a world of good."
"I wasn't… I didn't…" she replied, sounding suddenly panicky.
So it was the shock that forced the humanity back into her voice. And now she was realizing that she would be sent straight back to reconditioning if I ratted on her. "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone," I said with what I hoped was reassuring smile. But who knew if the Stormtroopers even had the capacity to recognize what a smile was. "Look, you were sent here to get me. We should probably go before they get suspicious. Unless you want to tell them you couldn't find me so I can go up to the surface…"
"Why would you want to go to the surface?"
"I haven't seen the stars in forever," I shrugged having no better explanation than that. The whole truth was that I haven't seen s sky, any sky, for far longer than any human being should while still being expected to stay sane. And I meant to remedy that. It was on my to do list right after disemboweling Hux.
"There aren't any stars. It's really sunny out, actually," she said, sounding somewhat apologetic. This was officially my favorite Stormtrooper nanny, whoever she was.
"Oh well… Let's go wherever I'm supposed to go then," I said, deciding to just let her follow her orders. I was perfectly fine with getting myself killed over insubordination, but I drew the line at sacrificing anyone else so I can have a moment. "What do they want me to fix anyway? It better not be the damn trash compactor. It would be the third time this week. Or wait – is it the holo projector? I glanced that thing the other day and there's definitely something wrong with the settings. I mean the Emperor looks huge."
"Supreme Leader," she corrected me.
"Whatever," I rolled my eyes. No way I was calling him that.
"Actually I don't think they want you to fix anything. Captain just said to go fetch you. If you broke something to make you fix it first and then get you up to the control room as fast as I can."
I blinked a few times trying to comprehend what I was told. "Why?" I asked suspiciously.
"No idea," shrugged the Stormtrooper. Actually shrugged. I smiled at her and her suddenly rediscovered humanity as I followed in silence. I was a little preoccupied trying to decide if I was worried about Phasma's sudden interest in keeping me in sight or simply glad for this clear sign of being taken as a serious threat. Either way I felt like hurrying.
I had the feeling things were about to get interesting.