Sorry for the long wait, but the story is NOT abandoned!

Warning: This chapter was written while listening to Mary J Blige. In fact her albums made up most of the playlist that was the theme for this fic. So this is about to be full of angst. And plenty of more angst coming up

Trigger Warnings: Self-harm, underage drinking, drug use.

Chapter 9

"Your son?" Emma kept her hand on the door frame, not allowing him in. Her heart was nearly out of her chest, but she managed to keep a pleasant enough expression on her face, despite the war going on inside.

"Yes my son. I know he exists," Neal said with a grimace. "Tony told me you were knocked up when I was on the inside. Had a boy. Don't know much else."

"What makes you think he is yours?"

"I'm not stupid Emma. He'd be what...a little over five right now?"

"Neal…"

"Look he's my son. I have rights ya know!" he said a little louder and Emma jumped, glancing around the hallway to make sure no one heard. "I don't even know his name! And he's my kid."

"Can we talk about this tomorrow?"

"Emma, I've waited over five years since Tony told me. I wanna see-"

"He's not even here!" she yelled, then caught herself and lowered her voice. "He's at….at friends house for a sleepover since I wasn't home. We can talk about this tomorrow. I promise."

"Emma, I've been waiting outside your place all day-"

"Tomorrow. Just come back tomorrow during the day." Emma put on her best haggard expression and glanced down. " Neal, it's late. He has school tomorrow and I can't even think right. Tomorrow we can sit down and talk about this."

The older man stuck his hands in his pockets after scratching his barely there beard. She used to think that stubble made him attractive. Now it just looked lazy. "Alright. I can wait one more day." Emma nodded and carefully began shutting the door.

"Come around 1pm. It'll give us some time to talk before I get him from school." She didn't wait for his response before shutting and locking the door. As soon as she heard the footsteps retreating, the blonde slid down to the ground, her head knocking against the fake wood of the door.

"Fuck…fuck….fuck," she said in time with pounding her head on the door. She pulled her legs up and held her head in her hands. "Fuck!" she yelled into the empty apartment. She hadn't seen or heard from Tony since she left Boston. How the hell did Neal find her? How the hell was he out? Last she heard he had gotten sentenced to 8 years: burglary, armed robbery without a gun, and some possession charge.

"What the fuck have I done to you?" She yelled at whatever deity was listening as she got up from the floor and walked into the kitchen area. She kept the small bottle in the back of the cabinet for special occasions, better than the cheap whiskey in her room, and so far there had been no use for it. What special occasion was she going to need it for? Nothing ever went right in her life. There was never no good news. Every time she thought she caught a break there was something else. She'd never be done.

She took a drink from the bottle, grimacing as she felt the burn down her throat. She was supposed to be able to count on herself to make sure she was fine. To make sure Henry was fine. No one was supposed to be able to get to him. He was supposed to be free from the stress, the pain, everything she had ever experienced in life. But she couldn't protect herself, and now she couldn't protect her son. If Neal got to Henry, he'd grow up to be just like him. A no good drug dealer with a record.

She took another swig from the bottle as she leaned against the counter. She was shit and she knew it, but she'd always said at least she was making sure Henry was going to have a better life. No matter how much she fucked up her own life, she'd always made sure he had better. Now her shit was catching up to him. Her bullshit. Her mistakes. Her bad choice for sperm donor.

"My baby," she mumbled as she took another drink. She couldn't get a lawyer. She had only a few dollars in her emergency fund. Nothing that would pay for a decent attorney to protect Henry. "Fuck," she said noticing the bottle was about empty. Draining the bottle she threw it at the wall watching in satisfaction as it smashed and shattered.

"Bullshit!" she cried swiping her hand along her counter, sending the sales papers, a glass and other items crashing to the floor. "Fucking bullshit!" The mess didn't make her feel any as she slid to the floor, not caring about the small shards that were scratching at her legs through her jeans.

"B-b-bull," she rocked back and forth slowly, remembering how it used to sooth her. The gentle motion becoming more erratic as her hands took to pulling at blonde strands. "No...no...i gotta...i gotta do something." Emma didn't feel the pain as her nails began digging into her scalp, pulling and snatching at her hair. What was she supposed to do? It was always one step forward and three steps back.

She knew one thing; she couldn't stay here. Neal knew where she and Henry lived and he'd be back.

The blonde launched off the floor at top speed, drunkenly making her way down the hall to Henry's room and pulling out clothes for him. Several pairs of underwear, t-shirts, jeans and his school clothes. She threw all of it in a duffle bag, grabbing his school bag and doing the same. She didn't think of her own clothes as she continued to the bathroom, grabbing the boy's toothbrush and bubblegum toothpaste.

She slipped on her shoes, took what little money she had hidden and throwing the duffle on her shoulder. She grabbed her cellphone before exiting the apartment. Emma walked the two doors down, knocking at Ruby's door frantically.

"Emma," the blue-eyed woman answered. "Do you know what time it is?"

"Where is Henry?"

"Emma, it's…"

"I know what fucking time it is Ruby. Where is my son?"

"He's sleeping on the couch," Emma pushed past the leggy brunette into the small living space. She spotted Henry's winter coat on a chair and began carefully putting the jacket on the boy. She then reached down and picked up the sleeping child, cradling him gently in her arms. "Emma what is going on?"

"Its an emergency," she whispered, rubbing the child's back as she walked back out the door. "I have...I...I gotta go."

"Go where? It's the middle of the night Emma, and you smell like a liquor store."

"I can't stay here," was all she said. She carefully made her way down the stairs , ignoring the brunette calling her name, and out the front of the building. There was a bus stop nearby.

"Mama," Henry mumbled from her shoulder, the jostling waking him up. "Mama where we going?"

"Don't worry kiddo. Go back to sleep." She stroked his head as she waited until the next bus arrived. Hopping on, she didn't care what direction the public vehicle took her.

[SQ]

"Are you sure we're in the right place?" Regina said looking out the window at the motel they had just pulled up to. True, she had never been to a motel before, but this couldn't be right. It couldn't even be sanitary from what she was seeing. The sign was only half lit, but she guessed "MO_E_ "was close enough to motel for passersby, and she could see the grease and stains on the windows from this distance.

"This is Starlight Motel ma'am," Ben said from the front seat, keeping his reaction hidden, unlike Regina. She had received a frantic call, complete with a sobbing Emma, about 15 minutes ago. The blonde wouldn't tell her what was wrong, but that she was going to a motel nearby and needed the executive.

She really hoped they were in the wrong place.

Her hopes we dashed as she caught sight of the young woman walking toward a room, struggling to carry a bag, and a child whom she assumed was Henry.

"I'll get out now Ben. Keep an eye out." The old man nodded as Regina left the vehicle.

"Emma!" the brunette called out, causing the blonde to jump as she struggled to put the key in the lock. "Here let me have that," she said taking both the duffle bag and the key from the young woman, who reeked of liquor. The door opened easily and Regina wanted to gag as soon as the entered the small room. Mildew. She preferred the essence of Jim Beanthat Emma was sporting.

She set the bag on the small table near the door and glanced around at the brown and burgundy motel room. It screamed 80s. She almost went to go check the bathroom, but stopped. No need to make herself even more uncomfortable.

Emma said nothing as she moved to the bed with the sleeping child. It was as if she was on autopilot. Regina had heard so much about the little boy, but in her mind he seemed much bigger. As Emma placed him on the bed, he looked impossibly small. He didn't even move as she took off his heavy winter coat and maneuvered him under the blankets. The blonde stroked his forehead, placing a kiss on his hairline as the boy turned over the get comfortable in the double bed.

"Emma," Regina said after the young woman closed the door to the motel room. Still silent, she walked over to the middle of the parking lot. The executive waited patiently, trying to remain warm, watching as Emma turned her hands over and over, fidgeting rapidly as she began to pace back and forth. How she wasn't freezing in only a leather jacket confused the brunette.

"I need a drink," the blonde movin the direction of a liquor store next door only to be stopped by Regina.

"You need to tell me what's going on!"

"The fuck I do!" Emma said pushing against the surprisingly strong businesswoman. "I said I need a drink Regina."

"You've already had at least one, unless Jack Daniels is now making cologne," Regina said. "I smelled it the minute I got close to you. You don't need more. You need your mind clear to talk to me-"

"I don't have to tell you shit! You said I could call you if I needed help, and right now I need you to stay here with Henry. I didn't think that came with the right for you to know all my business. But I guess some platinum spoon fed, entitled, trust fund brat would have a list of requirements. I don't have to tell you a damn thing!"

"Emma…" Regina said stepping back from the fuming woman. She stood her ground, no longer touching the blonde, waiting patiently for her to think straight. Suddenly the young woman's face broke, and tears began forming in the green eyes. Regina knew what was coming seconds before the blonde slid to the concrete, her back against the nearest car.

"I can't lose him…" she whispered, rocking against the metal, digging her nails in her forearms. Regina looked down at the blonde's arms, just now noticing the fresh scratches and welts. She kneeled beside the single mother, capturing the young woman's hands to prevent more damage.

"I can't lose him, Regina. He can't grow up being exposed to that life. He can't. He-H-He is going to be successful. He's so smart. He's too smart. No...No. I can't let him…."

"Emma, I need you to calm down. I need you to tell me what's going on?" Regina could feel the shaking through the woman's hands as the blonde began to ramble. She remembered moments like this. She had them all through high school and college every time she felt overwhelmed. It had taken years, and thousands in expensive therapy, for her to get a hold on them. It was an overwhelming pressure that sat in her mind. Her hands, arms, legs feeling as though everything was overfilled and about to spill over. Nothing but the feeling and sight of bright red from a razor across her arms would relieve that pressure. She glanced down at the blonde arms, but besides the scratches from her nails, she didn't seen any marks, thank goodness.

"He's here. He is out," Emma said in a whisper.

"Who?"

"Henry's father. He's out." Regina shivered, not sure if it was the cold or the feeling of dread that passed through her. She didn't know Henry, but she knew how much Emma loved him and how she was doing her best to keep him from being exposed to anything that might lead him down a bad path. She knew that a convict father who had been associated with dealers fell into that category.

She was taken from her thoughts by the sounds of rapid breathing coming from the woman next to her.

"Emma," Regina said. "Emma! I need you to breathe!" She could see the blonde's face clearly, tears making their way down the young woman's face, which was scrunched up, her body shaking. Not knowing what the to, she did the only thing she knew. Regina pulled the blonde up from the concrete, holding the woman tightly in her arms. It was what her father did when she was young and upset. Whenever Cora would hit her, or yell, her father would grab her into his arms after. She didn't know that he was supposed to have prevented it from happening. In those moments his arms would sooth the wounds, mental and physical, that her mother had inflicted.

"It's okay," Regina whispered into the blonde's ear. "It will be ok mi querida." She had no idea if she was doing this right, but she had to try. Emma's body was still shaking as Regina held her, kneeling on the cold concrete, her stockings no doubt ripping at the knees. She rocked the younger woman back and forth as best she could, occasionally glancing toward the motel room and then towards Ben, making sure he was keeping an eye on them.

Emma was the closest thing she had to a friend, and she felt the urge to protect that friend. It was the strangest thing. She hadn't cared for another person since Mal. As far as she was concerned most people were of no consequence. And normally anyone who has this much drama in their life was someone that Regina wanted to stay away from. She didn't need that in her life.

But Emma was different. It was hard to see Emma going through pain so similar to what she went through. She had been at that point, hell at one point she had been on the edge of her own balcony wanting to jump, but she didn't. And since she had become friends with the blonde, she hadn't felt anything close to the feeling of emptiness that had driven her to the edge that night. She looked forward to a day off, knowing she was going to see the woman. She looked forward to receiving messages in the evening, telling the blonde about the nonsense Whale was speaking in meetings or how she wanted nothing more that to see her at dinner. To hear about something new Henry had learned in school, or listen to the woman rant about her evil manager. It all brought a smile to her face. And now, this woman who had brought such happiness and friendship into her life was hurting. And that was something Regina couldn't let happen. She wasn't going to allow her friend to remain in pain.

"Come on Emma," Regina said slowly standing and taking the still crying woman with her. "Let's go back to the room and we will figure this out."

"We?"

"Yes we."

[SQ]

Emma sighed as she drank from the bottled water Regina had gotten from the vending machine outside. It wasn't what she wanted, but the older woman was right, she needed to be clear headed.

"Neal was the second person in my life that I considered a friend," she said keeping her voice low so as not to wake Henry. "I met him when I was 16. I had just run from that family I told you about and...well...he was there."

"You guys...were...um...together?"she asked thinking about how old Emma was when she gave birth to Henry.

"Yeah," Emma said. "I mean I know it sounds bad, but it didn't feel like that. "At 16, he was this 23 year old man who was so amazing to me. I knew he wasn't an 'upstanding citizen' but as a teen, I thought that was cool. He was going to help me...protect me. He said he loved me."

"Oh."

"We stayed together for almost a year. He had some 'friends' who took me in when they saw I was with him. We did what we needed to live. Nothing bad, just some shoplifting and similar to get what we needed. Even stole a car once. I felt more alive that I had in a long time. I felt like I had a family."

"What happened?"

"Life. He had a friend who had stolen some watches, and Neal helped. He went to go get the watches, told me we were gonna sell them and use to money to go and live in Florida. It was supposed to be enough that he could stop dealing. We had it all planned out," she trailed off, taking another drink of water. "When he went to get them, the police were there. It had been a setup to find the merchandise. He told them I knew nothing about it. I was 17, and a runaway. They let me go."

"That's fortunate. You could have been considered an accessory."

"I know," she said. "He was charged with larceny, and some other stuff they were able to pack on. I cried when he was found guilty. Several weeks later I found out I was pregnant." Regina nodded seeing where this was going.

"You moved here?"

"Yeah. After Neal was arrested, I learned that...that," she knew it shouldn't have bothered her. It was almost 6 years ago. "Well I learned the truth about the world. it's what always happens. Everyone vanished. My so-called friends, family."

"Emma…"

"Don't. It was a long time ago." Emma raised her palm to the woman. She could hear the pity in Regina's voice but there was no need. She had learned her lesson a long time ago. Never get comfortable. Never get too close. People claim they care, claim they love but it's never real. It's only a matter of time before they no longer need you. She remembered how she felt. Family. Friends, words that left her in tears, with a pain in her stomach when she realized it meant nothing. She had expected them to help her. It was Neal's baby after all. But they didn't do a damn thing. Not even Tony, and he was supposedly Neal's "brother"

He had given her $20 and told her that they didn't have room for baby. Pointed her in the direction of a shelter and told her that if she got the money in a few weeks that he knew a place she could go to get rid of it.
She had to laugh at it now. The callous way they had spoken to her after Neal got sent away. Couldn't even put her up a few nights because she was a risk. Suddenly she was just some kid that might attract too much attention.

"So I moved out here. Worked a few jobs, got a state worker and got some aid. The rest is history." she wiped her hand against the back of her face, removing the few tears that had managed to fall while she was talking. "Been supporting myself and Henry. The two of us

"Well, we have to make sure it stays that way. First things first," Regina said, plastering what could only be a fake smile on her face, "We have to make a good impression on whatever judge is going to be handling your case. I'm sure step one will be finding you a different job. I don't think 'exotic dancing barista' is going to go over well."

"Well that's impossible," Emma said, leaning back in the chair. "There is nothing out there."

"You just have to look…"

"You think I haven't!" the blonde sat up, cutting the executive off. "You think I haven't looked desperately for something new. I told you, I dont have the education for something different Regina. Aside from a miracle…" the blonde leaned back in her seat, her voice lowering to a whisper.

"Emma, I know you don't want my help...but I know a few people," the executive held up a hand at the younger woman's obvious protest. "I can put in a good word. Say that you worked as a housekeeper or something for me. No one has to know about our real association."

"And if I fail?"

"Then you were a better housekeeper than anything else," Regina shrugged. "They can't blame me for that." Emma looked down. She knew this was a bad idea. She would really mess things up for Regina.

"Regina...I'm a fuck up," she whispered. "You go and put yourself on the line for me, and i'll just bring you down."

"Not that I don't appreciate your concern, but you flaking out of a job recommendation isn't going to affect me dear. I'm a little more untouchable than that." she said with a grin. "But let's talk about this in a few hours. We'll go see my lawyer in the morning, and see what he says."

"What about your work?"

"I can reschedule a few meetings to the afternoon; claim jet lag," she grinned, standing up and pulling Emma out of her chair. "I know this is important, Emma."

Regina led the younger woman over the one of the double beds where Henry was sleeping. She wasn't sure if she would lay down on the other bed, the possibility of bed bugs scared her. She looked down along the side of the mattress, using her cell phone as a flashlight.

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing," The brunette stood up quickly, giving Emma a quick grin as she pulled back the cover and sheets. "Lay down."

"Are you going…"

"I'll be over here dear, dont worry." Regina waited until the young woman was tucked in seemingly sleep before she went and sat on the other bed. She looked all around the bed, using her phone to check for roaches and bedbugs. She didn't see anything, but one couldn't be too careful. She sat propped up on top of the comforter, deciding she'd just throw away the clothes she had on when she got back home... just in case. She sent a text to Ben before closing her eyes.

[SQ]

Regina opened one eye, her body on alert as if she was being watched. She glanced down at her watch. 6:43am. She'd only been out a couple of hours. Still feeling odd, she turned to her left to find dark hazel eyes staring at her. Even though she was sitting on the bed, the eyes were looking up. The boy was short.

"Hello"

"Hi," he said. His hands appeared to be fidgeting with the sleeves of his pajamas. Despite his obvious nervousness, the boy gave her a toothy grin. "Who are you?"

"My name is Regina. I'm a friend of your mother's."

"Re-gee-na," he said slowly. "I know you. You gave me the tablet."

"Um…." she tried to think, "sure, the tablet."

"Yep. I heard Mama say your name before, but she said I'm not supposed to talk about you to anyone," he shrugged. "I am up to level seven on the surfer. I keep getting caught-ed by the policeman, but I unlocked-ed the boombox."

"That's...wonderful dear," she had no idea what the little boy was talking about but he seemed excited. She glanced over to see that Emma was still sleeping soundly. Turning back she found Henry digging through the duffle bag that Emma had brought with her. He pulled out a bookbag, wrinkled blue pants, a white shirt and a blue jacket, before standing back with his hands on his non-existent hips.

"Oh boy," he said with much personality. "Mama forgot my tie." he shook his head before getting out a pair of briefs, undershirt and a toothbrush. Deciding to let the blonde sleep, she got up, picking up the wrinkled pants and shirt.

"Henry, are you able to wash up yourself?"

"Of course. I'm five!"

"Of course," she couldn't help but smile. "How about you go do that and brush your teeth. I'll get your clothes ready."

He didnt wait for a response, leaving Regina to fumble quietly around the cheap motel. Despite everything, there was an iron. She hadn't ironed her own clothes in quite sometime, but it seemed to be like riding a bike. By the time the little boy came back in clean underpants and an undershirt she had a freshly pressed shirt and pants for him.

"Here."

"Mama is still sleeping?" he questioned.

"Yes she is," Regina glanced about the room, noticing it was just after 7 am. Most schools in the area began around 8:00am. "Do you know when your school starts?"

"8:15 sharp! We can't be late," he said seriously. "I'm hungry." Regina nodded. The boy would need a good breakfast before school. She had no idea what children ate before school. Was a heavy breakfast good, or would it make them sleepy? He continued staring at her, fidgeting with the buttons on the cuff of his blue blazer.

"How about we wake up Mama?"

"Good idea Regina." the brunette grinned at the way he said her name, emphasizing the "ee" making it sound like Ree-geena. The boy hopped up on the bed, kissing his mother on the cheek before shaking her gently. Regina took the time to go into the bathroom and refresh herself. She'd definitely have to stop by her place to shower and change her clothes.

"You're dressed," she could hear Emma say out in the other room "and...ironed…."

"You're welcome dear," Regina said stepping out of the bathroom. "We were just about to go get some breakfast."

"Oh," Emma sat up, using her fingers as a comb. "That sounds good. We got just over 45 minutes until he has to be at school."

"Maybe there is somewhere nearby to where we can walk? I can have Ben pick us up from there." Emma let out a loud laugh. The brunette frowned"What?"

"Nothing," Emma continued to snicker as she put on her jacket and shoes. "This is going to be fun."

[SQ]

Henry bit into his breakfast sandwich, which was nearly as big as him. They sat near the window of the tiny diner watching for Benjamin. Regina had opted for coffee and a bagel, which was untouched, but sat enthralled as Emma speedily ate from her to-go box containing a breakfast special. This was again some place she never thought she'd find herself. The diner appeared ok, but she could see the dust in the corners and the grease that stained the plastic glass. The eggs in Emma's breakfast special appeared to be swimming in grease.

"So where do you go to school Henry?" she asked to distract herself.

"Brooklyn East Preparatory," he said around a mouthful of eggs. "I'm in kindergarten." Regina nodded. She knew the school. It wasn't private, but very good for a charter school. Knowing where Emma lived, it had to be quite a ways to get him downtown.

"Is that Ben?" Emma said, using her plastic fork to point to the luxury sedan. Regina nodded, reaching over with a napkin to wipe off Henry's mouth as Emma packed up her leftovers. Emma grinned, wondering if the brunette even noticed what she did.

The three made it to the sedan, ignoring Ben's wide-eyed stare at the five-year old who got into the car with them.

"Brooklyn East Prep," Emma said rattling off the address to the school.