… almost home...

"... anyway, there I was yelling at Hux… can't quite remember what about. Pretty sure he deserved it though. And then I turned around and there he was," I said to the exasperated rebel captain who was probably used to debriefings to be a lot more to the point. All he asked me was how I got into the escape pod and I guess he expected to have the answer in under a minute.

That was half an hour ago.

Still, something in his expression changed as I said that. "So Ben Solo is alive?" he asked, sounding strangely relieved for someone who just had confirmed that one of his enemies was still breathing after his serious near-death experience.

"Just barely. I'm pretty sure he wasn't aware of his surroundings. I wouldn't be alive if he was. I… might have said something about the scar. To his face."

I shut up for a second, taking the time to fully appreciate how close to dying I got in that moment. It should have been my last one. Those should have been my last words. And yet… But no, I refused to blame that on the force. That was just grandma's superstition rubbing off on me. I didn't survive because some all-powerful force wanted me alive and insulting everyone in my field of vision. I survived because Kylo Ren wasn't conscious enough to know he should have force-choked me for that comment.

The rebel captain took advantage of my momentary silence to repeat his original question. I smiled at him. Something about him thinking that by surprising me by it while I was distracted might get him the short, simple answer he wanted all along was almost cute. I guess he didn't quite understand how this worked. "Someone wanted me off that ship, that much I'm certain of. I have some suspicions, but I just can't know for sure. It wasn't Solo," I frowned. "No way he was up to giving people orders…"

"Orders?" repeated the captain, visibly confused.

"Yeah. I was minding my own business, dealing with a faulty droid, telling it my life's story – droids are such good listeners, aren't they?"

"And what happened then?" he said quickly, trying to keep me from going off on a tangent again.

I just shrugged. "Two Stormtroopers showed up. Told me there was something that needed fixing. That was the standard procedure, so I didn't think much of it at the time. But when I realized we were headed for the part of the ship where they kept escape pods all kinds or warning lights started blinking up here," I said with an exaggerated gesture. "So I stopped walking and told them to take their helmets off."

"Why?"

"Because that sometimes worked. You know, since no one knew where exactly did I fit in within the hierarchy… like another Sith, just confusing people with how much authority I actually had. Some Stormtroopers just assumed that when I gave an order it needed to be obeyed. These two did," I shrugged. "Removed their helmets, anyway."

"Why is this significant?" he asked, clearly getting only more confused by my retelling of events.

"Because I was able to tell right away it wasn't their idea. They looked too… apologetic, I guess. They didn't want to be rid of me. But they had their orders."

"Of course you're just deducing that. They didn't actually say so."

"They didn't have to."

Thinking back to that moment I felt completely positive that was what happened. Someone got sick of me and didn't want to deal with the verbal abuse I'd unleash while being forced into the escape pod, so he sent a couple of underlings to take care of it. Deep down I knew who that someone was, of course. But that was not relevant to the resistance and only gave me a headache when I tried to understand the why behind it so I just kept that suspicion to myself.

"I still don't see why they didn't just… dispose of you," said the captain in a tone that told me he knew I just realized something and he was not happy about me not sharing it. "It would save them the cost of an escape pod."

"I know you don't see. But you will. You just need to spend some time around me and it will all become very clear," I smiled to myself. "I have effect on people. They know they should dislike me, that they are unable to recall a single instance when I was anything other than rude and short-fused… And yet…"

"Are you trying to tell me that someone within the First Order let you get out alive because you're likeable?"

"Not the word I'd go with, but… yes, basically."

He was clearly not buying it. Too bad – I had no better explanation to give him. There simply wasn't one. My tendency to get to people who should have known better had once again saved me. It also prevented me from having a go at insulting His Evilness himself. But with me apparently being in the resistance now there was still some hope I might get to meet Snoke someday. I was already making a mental list of things I'd like to comment on when that day came.

"Is there someone in particular you suspect of ordering your release?" asked the captain, as I knew he would.

"Nope," I said. He gave me I-can-tell-you're-lying glare so intense I was almost tempted to change it to maybe.

"Alright then. Let's talk about your list. One name in particular."

I sat up straighter, feeling strange compulsion to at least attempt to take this seriously. This guy was a lot better than I first suspected. Yes, it must have been that. No way I was that easy to read. "What about him?" I replied, since we both knew who we were discussing.

"You truly believe that if we were ever to capture him you can make him talk. Divulge First Order secrets," he added, speaking slowly. The way one does trying to simplify something very complex to a child.

"Yes," I said simply. I truly believed that, after all.

"We're talking about someone who ordered the destruction of a whole system," the captain added in that same I-know-you're-only-pretending-to-understand-this-youngling tone.

"Yes."

"How? I understand your personality inspires certain fondness in people…"

"Oh yes – in people. But we're talking about Hux," I said, giving up my serious expression right there. "You might know he ordered the destruction of the Republic, but I heard the speech he made as he did that. I have heard him use the words acceptable and losses. In that order. While talking about people. You have no idea who he is. I do. And yes, if you manage to apprehend him I will make him talk… Don't give me that you're-emotionally-compromised look. I'll have you know this is my calm face."

"Then why did you raise your voice…?" he said clearly not buying it.

"This is as calm as my voice ever gets. Alright, fine…" I sighed. "I'll tell you. I… had a friend on Starkiller. If I told you any more about her you would probably have some reservations about using that word – but you don't get a say. She was my friend. And I'm glad that she's dead. I was glad of it even back when I could still try to save her. It meant there was nothing more they could ever take from her. That she got to make at least one decision that was all her own. Have you ever felt relief as you watched a friend decide to die? I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy… I do wish it on him, though," I couldn't help adding.

"If that was meant to convince me you're not emotionally compromised…" started the captain.

"Of course I'm emotionally compromised. I'm also extremely motivated. I'm telling you – you capture him, I'll make him talk," I said, trying my best to sound persuasive.

And I must have done something right because after momentary hesitation he said "I don't know why but… I think I believe you."

I just smiled. Well… this debriefing sure went better than expected. "Now… do you have something that needs fixing? I think my nerves could do with some calming right about now."

… later, in the Ileenium system…

"Mom… I can't breathe…" I said, trying to disengage from the hug.

"She's actually turning blue," added Freya coming to my rescue. In the end it took my brother physically separating us for me to be able to get some air.

"I thought… Oh, thorny…" she said through tears. I had a feeling she'll be needing a few hours before she'll be able to articulate how she felt about this unexpected twist. Seeing her like that I was feeling pretty awful about the fact I didn't escape the Finalizer under my own volition. I hugged her again to distract myself from the guilt I absolutely deserved to be feeling. "Oh you look so skinny…"

"I look just fine, mom. Come on, let's take this somewhere private…" I looked around the completely unfamiliar surroundings and noticed that our family drama was drawing quite a lot of attention. Most of the people watching seemed pretty happy for us – still I didn't feel like doing this in front of an audience. Though I guessed the resistance was forever in a need of a morale booster, what with how badly outnumbered they were.

"Oh, pull yourself together girl," said grandma handing my mom a tissue. "Didn't I tell you we'll be seeing her again? Takes more than those fanatics to slow this one down. Just look at her," she smiled proudly. "Unstoppable."

For once I had no quick comeback. Not even a comment for all the rebels enjoying the show. I just stood there, my fingers itching for some exposed electrical components to play with as they usually did when I didn't know what the next obvious course of action was.

"General…" said someone in the murmur of onlookers. I turned around quickly, glaring in advance.

"I've heard a great deal about you, young lady," said the woman who immediately became my favorite general ever – which was pretty understandable considering the only competition she had. Of course that alone couldn't stop me from saying something completely inappropriate

"I'm pretty sure this has nothing to do with your parenting, but… your son is a mess. I'm sorry but it needs saying. I mean I thought I had a temper…"

I could see Freya in my peripheral vision, moving closer and clearly getting ready to put a hand over my mouth to stop me from making things even worse. "But," I said, because with that out of my system there was still a lot to add, "that seems such a minor issue now. The last time I saw him he was just… alive," I said quickly. That was the part she absolutely needed to know if she felt anything like my own mother. "He was very much alive. I'm sure he'll be just fine. Lightsaber wounds are self-cauterizing and…"

"You're exactly as advertised," said the general, exchanging a look with my grandma. That didn't quite manage to hide from me that I just gave her good news, even if I could have been more delicate when it came to the actual wording.

She was relieved to know he was alive and that didn't exactly surprise me. What did surprise me was how glad I was that I got to bring her good news. This was a woman who have been through some incredibly bad times and that made her someone one just wanted to give something, anything, to bring her hope.

"I'm sorry. That might have been a bit out of line. I just thought you'd want to know," I said quickly.

She gave me a short nod of acknowledgement and just like that the awkward moment that was waiting to happen just… didn't. Instead, as though some secret signal was given, all the rebels around us remembered they had work to do. The world begun moving again and that filled me with my own kind of hyperactivity. Until I remembered my toolbag was back at the Finalizer.

"We'll get you some tools," said Freya reading my expression.

"In under five minutes? I really feel like fixing something…"