"I can't remember ever being this nervous before," Dean said as they walked into the hospital the next morning.
"Relax. It'll be fine. Just remember to stay calm no matter what. She doesn't need you to raise your voice or anything," Roman said.
"I know that," Dean said.
He sighed and stopped, turning his head to look at Roman.
"Do you think she'll forgive me?" He asked.
"Only one way to find out," Roman answered.
Dean nodded.
"I'm gonna go find that cute nurse from yesterday and talk to her while you're in there sorting everything out," Roman said.
"Only you would try to get a date in a situation like this," Dean said and cracked a little smile.
"You know me," Roman said and winked.
Dean stopped outside her room. He inhaled deeply before pushing the door open. She sat up in bed, those dead eyes watching him as he stepped inside the room. He hated seeing her like that and he felt guilty about the whole situation. His feet felt heavy but he managed to force them forward towards the bed. He sat down and reached for her hand but she moved it away. He couldn't blame her for not wanting him to touch her.
"Please, don't look at me like that," he said, feeling so small.
"Like what?" She asked.
"You always get that dead look in your eyes when you're shutting down on the inside. I hate being the cause of that," he said.
"You should have thought of that sooner," she said.
"I know," he said, almost whispering.
He quickly reached forward, grabbing her hand before she could move it again. He didn't care at that point. He just had to touch her. He held on tight with both his hands as he brought it to his lips and kissed it.
"I'm so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry," he said as tears pressed in his eyes.
"You don't get to do stuff like that and just expect it to go away with an apology," she said.
"I know that. I'm a coward. I got so fucking scared so I messed up on purpose. I know better than that. I know what tricks my dark side and still I went there," he said.
"What tricks it?" She asked.
He looked at her but she refused to look at him. Her eyes were glued to the ceiling while she waited for him to respond.
"Whiskey, for one. Well, anything stronger than beer actually. Jealousy mixed with frustration or anger as you saw the day with Miz," he answered.
She slowly nodded, turning his words inside her head as she chewed on her buttom lip.
"So what are you gonna do about it?" She finally asked.
"I promise you never to touch anything stronger than beer. I actually haven't done that in years. I just got scared so when whiskey was handed out, I chose to fall in deep. I'm the one to blame for all this mess," he said.
"What are you so afraid of?" She asked.
He reached up and placed his hand on her cheek.
"Look at me," he said softly.
She didn't. Her eyes were still glued to the ceiling. He gently forced her head to the side to face him.
"Please, look at me, Sadie," he said in a firm yet still begging tone.
Her eyes finally landed on him.
"I got scared because I realized I loved you. I've never loved anyone before and feelings in general scares the crap out of me," he said.
"You don't treat people you love like that," she said.
"I know. I was an asshole. All I can do from here on is try to earn your forgiveness, one way or another," he said.
He kissed her hand again.
"Yes, that's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna make you forgive me. I'm gonna get that glow back in your eyes and I'm gonna make you smile again," he said, not sure if he was actually saying it to her or himself.
"Good luck with that," she said.
He stood up and leaned over her, his face close to hers.
"I am gonna make everything right again. I don't care what you think right now. That's a promise. I'm taking you home with me today and I'm gonna make it up to you," he said, his eyes never leaving hers.
"I'm not going home with you," she said.
"Yes, you are. Where else will you go?" He asked.
Her eyes flickered a little while she thought of an answer but she couldn't come up with one.
"Fine. But we're not sharing the bed, we're not together and you don't get to be in my personal space," she said.
"For now," he added with a little smile.
"Once I feel better, I'm gonna leave your place," she said.
"If that's what you need to believe," he said, the little smile still on his face.
"I'm gonna leave and never look back," she said, her voice starting to tremble.
"We both know that's a lie," he said.
She was about to argue once again but he put his arms around her and helped her out of bed. Once she was standing, she pushed him away.
"Personal space!" She snapped.
"I was just helping you out of bed. You better get used to it," he said.
"Fuck you!" She sneered as she made her way towards the door.
He watched her back for a few seconds, a wide smile spreading across his face. She was walking slowly, clearly in pain. He knew he had one foot in the door. Now he just needed to convince her to open the door all the way and let him back in. He wiped the smile off his face before walking over to her, gently grabbing a hold on her arm to make sure she wouldn't fall.