... long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…
"I'd ask you if you missed me, but you'd just lie again. And don't cut the connection. I'm not trying to get your system to malfunction again. That could only ever work once anyway…"
"So what are you trying to do?"
"Isn't it obvious? Oh. I guess not. I'm just checking up on you. You know, to see if you didn't lose a limb or something since the last time we spoke. And don't give me that look, that's a reasonable worry to have in this galaxy."
"Worry…?"
"Yes. Worry. I do that. A lot. People have been complaining. So can you please show me you still have both hands …?"
"I didn't get my arm cut off."
"Good. What? I mean that. That's good news to me."
"Is that because you're planning to cut off my limbs yourself?"
"No. It's weirder than that. I mean don't get me wrong, I'm absolutely a threat. One you should be taking seriously. I'm just not that obvious... I can hurt you without ever laying a finger on you."
"I see. You're just calling to threaten me. Again."
"That better not be your way of saying you don't find me terrifying."
"Terrifying? Aren't you the person that will do anything to keep me alive…?"
"I am. I'm also the person that will make sure you will spent a lot of time wishing I didn't… I know. That sounded evil. Really evil, apparently – you look ready to offer me my old job back…"
"Don't flatter yourself. What the… Just what are you doing in the Dagobah system…?"
"Well that was fast. I'm impressed. Don't bother sending anyone, though. I'll be gone long before they get here. You don't think I'd risk giving you enough time to trace my location if there was any chance you could catch up with me, do you? I think we've already established that I'm really good at what I do."
"Last time I checked what you did was fixing broken machinery."
"No, that was the thing you had me doing, clearly not quite understanding what my actual skillset was. Well, you're going to find out what an oversight that was one of these days. But hey, send a unit or two if you feel like it. Let's see how long the conditioning lasts after a day or two in the swamp of character development. That's what Dagobah is all about."
"I see."
"No, you really don't. But you will."
"Is this something you're going to do a lot? Letting me know you're still alive and well and very helpful to my enemies?"
"Yes. If you have a problem with that… well, that's on you, really. You shouldn't have let me go."
"You're not wrong about that."
"Last sixty seconds before I have to make the jump. Anything you want to tell me, here's your last chance."
"I have nothing to say to you."
"Liar."
"Why are you smiling…?"
"Oh, so many reasons. I can always find one – you know, like you with glaring. And there you go again... Fifty seconds. You sure there's nothing you want to get off your chest, general?"
"Anything I want to say to you I will say face to face when we have you in custody again."
"Oh, we're going to have a conversation through bars all right. But I don't think it will go quite as you picture it."
"We shall see."
"Is that your way of saying you have no more idea about what comes next than I do…? I'm going to take that as a yes. Isn't the wait just the worst? Knowing it's all up to these force-sensitive people and we'll have to pick up the pieces when they're done and… Anyway… Thirty-five seconds, so just say it. You know you want to. And it might be your last chance. This is a very dangerous galaxy, after all… I still have no idea how I survived that snake infested swamp down there…"
"What were you doing there, anyway?"
"Classified. So very classified. And yes, I'm only telling you this because I know how much not knowing will bother you… You're probably sending some troops here as we speak. Well, if they come back all rebellious, you'll know who to thank. And yes, this is me revealing to you my evil plan."
"I really..."
"Hate me? I know. But hey... use it. Let the hate flow through you."
"This isn't over."
"Promise?"