The view is breathtaking up here, that's for sure. He's almost too busy staring in awe to help Kate out of the car, but when he turns to help her she's already batting him away. He's just glad he's not her physical therapist. He can already tell she's going to try to push herself too hard, too fast. It's been three weeks since her surgery, two since her discharge from the hospital, and she's already determined to be her usual invincible self again.
"Beckett, you have to let me help you. You're recovering from heart surgery here."
"I'm recovering from getting shot," she corrects him, closing the car door behind her. "It's not like I had bypass or anything."
"It doesn't matter what kind of surgery it was, you still had it. And I would argue that getting shot is a lot more serious."
She rolls her eyes at him and moves to grab her bags from the trunk. He cuts her off.
"No heavy lifting, remember? I've got this. Go on inside."
She mumbles something inaudible under her breath, but digs out her key and slowly makes her way up the front porch steps.
He's fallen in love with the most stubborn woman in New York, he's sure of it.
Castle stops to stare at the view again once their bags are out of the car. The lake glistens in the sun, giving off an illusion that it's warmer than it really is in early June. There are tall trees everywhere, their presence a much welcome change from the tall buildings he's used to seeing. And he can just make out the crests of the mountains in the distance, his mind already trying to work Nikki and Rook into a weekend out here.
"You coming, Castle?"
His attention snaps back to Kate and he picks the bags back up, heading after her towards the porch. He notices a hammock tied between two trees in the yard, as well as a wooden swing that he can't help but picture a younger version of his partner enjoying on a daily basis. As he rounds the corner to the porch steps, he notices a fire pit off to the side of the house, and makes a mental note to buy supplies for s'mores when they head into town for groceries.
"This place is really incredible," he tells her as he walks past her holding the door open for him.
"I'm sure your place in the Hamptons is much more impressive," Kate shrugs.
He shakes his head, following her into the bedroom to drop off their bags. "There's no history there. Well, okay that's a lie, there's plenty of history. But it doesn't compare to this place. Here, everything is just breathing with a life, with a story to tell."
"Calm down, Writer Boy. You've got all summer to write your next literary masterpiece."
"And that view -" he keeps talking as though she'd never spoken.
"I never pegged you for the outdoorsy type, Castle."
"So much to learn, Beckett," he smiles, finally starting to take in the surroundings of the inside of the cabin. Even the interior fascinates him. "Can we take a tour? If you're up for it that is."
"I've been sitting in a car for nearly three hours. I could use the movement." She spreads her arms out wide to gesture at the room they're currently in. "This is the master bedroom. I didn't think the two of us would fit on my twin bed so I'm stealing this from my parents."
"Oh you didn't want to sleep on top of me?" he asks, waggling his eyebrows at her.
"Keep it in your pants, Castle. The doctor said I had to wait at least four weeks before having sex. This is week three."
"Who said anything about sex?" he asks, feigning innocence.
She rolls her eyes and leads him back out into the hallway. "There's a bathroom in the master, but there's also one down the hall to the left."
"And what's down the hall and to the right?" he asks, noticing another doorway.
"My old room."
His eyes light up and he heads in that direction with her trailing behind him. The twin bed sits just under the window. A blue duvet, that looks like it belongs to a much bigger bed, covers the mattress and matches the color of the curtains. There's a wall paper border up near the ceiling with little blue anchors printed on it. A bookshelf resides against the wall beside the closet. There's not much on it now, just a few stray picture books and a stuffed dog wearing a sailor's hat.
"When was the last time you came out here?" Castle asks.
"High school. My dad's been up here a couple of times since then, but I've...stayed away."
"Too hard without your mom?"
She nods, turning her gaze to look at a poster of some rock band he's never heard of. "We'd usually spend a month up here every summer. I loved it when I was younger, but as I got older, I just wanted to stay in the city with my friends. Spending a month alone with your parents at 16 is not ideal. Might have been different if I'd had siblings, but I guess I'll never know."
"I'm not much help in that department," he shrugs.
Kate hums, brushing at the layer of dust that's formed on the dresser. "It's kind of sad if you think about it. If we ever have kids they won't have any aunts or uncles or cousins."
"You've already thought about us having kids?" he asks, raising an eyebrow at her.
"No," she answers a little too quickly, shaking her head. "We were just talking about being only children and the thought popped into my head. What about Alexis? Does she have more family on Meredith's side?"
Castle nearly snorts. "Meredith's family is - let's just say more eccentric than she is. Even when she and I were married, they were never really a part of Alexis's life."
Kate turns to lead him back out to see more of the house.
"I'm sure Ryan and Esposito would be more than happy to play uncles," he calls after her as she rounds the corner into the living room.
She looks back over her shoulder at him, tossing him a small smile.
"So this door leads to the basement," she continues, gesturing to a door across from the front door he had assumed was a closet earlier. "There's not much down there, it's mostly storage. At one point there was a foosball table, but I'm not sure if Dad got rid of it or not. Although I'm sure that's something you'll be investigating later."
He smirks at how well she knows him.
"And then you've got your living room and kitchen and that's about it for the inside."
There's a dining table in between the kitchen and living room with four place settings, just enough space for a family of three. There's a TV in the living room offset by a fireplace that he wonders if still works. It may be too hot to use it this summer, but who knows how cold stormy days get out here right off of the lake? Picture frames line the mantel place, ranging from a toddler Kate laughing in pigtails to a teenage one pretending not to be impressed with the size of the huge fish her dad caught. It hits him then just how much she resembles Johanna, seeing them in these photos together. It hits him just how much of her private life she's opening up to him by inviting him up here.
Castle slips his hand through hers and gently tugs her out the doors to the back patio. There's a grill out here and some patio furniture. Perfect for lunches without having to worry about tracking the sand and lake water inside he's sure. He's only been here 20 minutes and he's already in love with the charm of the place.
"Thank you for inviting me out here. This seems like a very personal place for you, and to share it with me really means a lot."
Kate smiles. "No one else I'd rather share it with."
He smiles back before eagerly taking in the outdoor aspects of their property again. She laughs at him, leading him on the remainder of their tour. He's about to ask if they can go down and check out the beach when he notices her fall back, reaching out to a tree for support. She's bent over slightly, her other hand pressing on her lower thigh and her breathing uneven.
"Hey, Beckett, are you okay? What's wrong?"
"I just overdid it. Too much walking, need to sit." She looks back over her shoulder, probably gauging the distance to the patio furniture. "Here seems good."
She slides down against the trunk of the tree, her hair getting caught in the bark. Castle retraces his steps to join her, freeing the stray strands of her hair before he sits beside her.
"Take your time," he tells her, rubbing at her knee. "We're here for you to heal and get your strength back. And this is only day one."
"Yeah, day one of week three," she sighs, stretching her legs out in the grass in front of her. "I just keep thinking about how when we were in that freezer and I made that comment about how I always thought I'd take a bullet. Well I took one, and I'm still here."
"You're a fighter, you said so yourself."
"I think I'm still in denial that it happened and about how huge of an impact getting shot actually has. I just want to get back to work. Figure out who the hell shot me and what Montgomery had to do with all of this."
"Beckett -"
"I hate that I have to spend time healing and getting my strength back. I don't like not feeling like myself. I don't like feeling weak."
"You took a bullet to the heart and survived. You're a far cry from weak."
Kate lets her head fall to his shoulder. "I don't know if I could go through something like this alone."
He turns his head and places a kiss into her hair. "Good thing you don't have to."
He wakes up around 2 AM at the insistence of his bladder and notices the bed is empty next to him. The bathroom is the first room he checks for her, for more reasons than one, before he starts searching the rest of the cabin. She's not in her old room and he almost finds relief in that; sharing a bed with him isn't what caused her to leave. But there's no soft glow or quiet sound coming from the television. There's no fresh pot of coffee simmering in the kitchen. She's just...gone.
His first thought is this inane theory that whoever had her shot came to finish the job. But he quickly shakes that off, telling himself that would have woken him up and she's probably just outside. However, when he doesn't see her around the perimeter of the house, his panic intensifies. He tells himself that she has to be here somewhere, that no one took her.
Castle squints down at the lake, trying to make out shapes in the darkness. It's cloudy tonight; a puff of grey hiding the illumination from the moon. He can just barely make out a Beckett-like shape on the dock. At least he certainly hopes it's Beckett or else this stranger is about to be very confused. The closer he gets to the shoreline, the more his eyes adjust. He can now see the braid she put her hair in after her shower. She's sitting on the edge of the dock, her feet dangling in the water. She doesn't stir when his weight shifts the wooden boards, sending a soft creak into the night air. She must assume it's him.
Of course who else would it be? The guy who shot her? Okay, too soon, too soon.
"Isn't the water a little cold for that?" he asks, sitting down beside her and tucking his knees into his chest rather than letting his feet get wet.
"I've adjusted," she shrugs without looking at him.
"Couldn't sleep?"
"No. You?"
"I woke up to pee and couldn't find you. Had a little panic attack that you'd been taken."
She sighs, shifting her weight to her hands behind her on the dock. "At least I'm not the only one this whole ordeal is messing with."
"What do you mean?"
She kicks at the water, the splash sounding oddly loud in the quiet of the night. "I don't feel like I've slept in days. I've tried to. I want to. But the nightmares are getting to be too much."
He doesn't need to ask to know what the nightmares are about. And even if he did, he's not sure that he'd want to know the specifics, or to put her through them in her waking hours.
"There are sleep aids -" he starts, but is sharply cut off by the shake of her head.
"I'm on enough meds right now as it is," she tells him.
"So then why come out here?" he asks instead. "If you couldn't sleep, I mean. What's the appeal of the dock?"
"I didn't want to wake you. And before you protest and tell me that it would have been okay, I know you haven't been sleeping much either."
She's right about that. He's had plenty of nightmares of his own. Losing her in that freezer, to the bomb, to the sniper. That's why waking up to an empty bed had nearly scared him shitless.
"What can I do?" he asks, willing her to look at him instead of out at the lake. "How can I help?"
She does finally look at him for the first time since he found her down here. She reaches up to cup his face in her hands.
"I don't know if you can."
His chest aches for her. He's not just going to sit back and let her go through all of this alone. He can't. She didn't invite him out here for the summer to sit on the sidelines.
"Beckett, you can talk to me. I've been with you every step of the way."
"You haven't," she says, shaking her head and dropping her hands back down to the dock. "You weren't there when I was 19. You weren't there when I was in the academy or when I was a rookie. And having you there in book form to help me through it all doesn't count. You've been through a lot of it with me, that's true. But you haven't been there since the beginning. We didn't even know each other back then."
His brain sticks to something that she said, focuses on it more than he probably should. "What do you mean I was there in book form?"
"Castle, you know I was a fan of your books long before I met you."
"Yeah, but - they helped you?"
Kate looks back over at him, a soft smile tugging at her lips. "I can't explain it, but they did."
He returns her smile. "So then let me help you now, in person form. I can't help that I haven't been going through this with you since day one. But I've been with you on this ever since Coonan walked into the precinct. I followed you out to L.A., I tried to save you from the sniper. I'm always going to have your back, Kate. You just have to let me in."
She lets her head fall to his shoulder and he wraps one of his arms around her. "You don't want to be inside of my head right now, trust me. But having you out here with me, it really does mean a lot. I don't think there's anyone I trust more than I trust you. And I know that I'm stubborn and that I do a better job at keeping people out than I do at letting them in, but I'm trying. I told you going into this, that I was worried about me pushing you away."
"You haven't pushed me anywhere. I'm here for you. I'm always going to be here for you."
She turns her head up to look at him. "Because you love me?"
Her question catches him off guard, her need for affirmation giving her an almost child-like quality to her tough exterior. But he gives her what she needs, realizing he still hasn't said it when he was sure that she was conscious. He still isn't sure if it freaks her out or not. "Because I love you."
She hums, burrowing back into his shoulder. "I'm falling in love with you too, Castle. A lot harder than I've fallen before."
"I'll be here to catch you when you do," he teases, earning himself a groan and undoubtedly an eye roll.
But just knowing that he has her, that she's not running from this, that's enough for now.