Love Like Starlight

Disclaimer: I do not nor will I ever own Hetalia. Everything belongs to the respective owners.

The Moon

Lovino felt older than he was, older than he would probably ever be if he were honest with himself. His bond mate was a man by the name of Antonio and while he thought the other man to be perfect he was also oblivious. Lovino suffered every day since their bond had formed, not that he would admit that as the other man was just so damn happy he felt like he'd be the one to take all that away.

In all his life Lovino was insecure about the idea of love, the thought that he could be loved without pushing the person away and making them hate him in equal fervor to the love so proudly declared terrified him. He would never admit that, not even aloud and to himself, but in the back of his mind he knew it was the truth. It was why he so desperately pushed everyone away and was afraid of getting close or letting someone in. He didn't want to get hurt.

He had enough experience in love from watching people to know it was like the moon. Always changing, shifting, and illuminating different aspects of those involved. It was also filled with illusions that made people delude themselves into thinking a certain way, but he couldn't deny that he had already fallen into that category. He was lucky to have someone like Antonio who accepted him so openly, that Antonio fought for him even when he pushed the older man away. He was lucky to have Antonio in his life, and he would never forget that or take it for granted because no one knew how much it meant to him to have someone who saw him and looked past his flaws to find something worth loving.

…But what if it was all a lie? He was argumentative by nature, he didn't mean to say things, they just slipped. Lines were drawn and rarely did they ever cross them. Lovino had already been annoyed and frustrated beyond his limits of patience, he didn't mean for things to come this far.

Antonio's voice snapped him back to attention as he heard the last words of the entire speech that was meant to hurt thrown at him. "…you'll never be anything compared to Feliciano."

Lovino felt as if his heart stopped as he froze and his stance became rigid. The unadulterated rage in Antonio's eyes and lack of any sympathy or regret as his lover crushed his heart with knowledge that he was inferior even in his soul mate's eyes, he couldn't take it. It pierced him with such clarity and certainty that his mask slipped only for a moment before Lovino pulled himself back together and stormed to their, no, Antonio's room and lay in the bed they shared more often than not. He clenched his eyes shut as his hands curled into fists near his head gripping the pillow.

Of fucking course the moment he starts letting someone in they use his insecurities against him. Of course his own bond mate would prefer his brother over him, it was typical and he shouldn't have expected anything less…but it still hurt. He had thought a bond mate would look past it all and try to help him be a better person, hell he wanted to be a better person for Antonio. He just wasn't being given a chance. He growled, his own anger peaking at the thought. He didn't need a chance anymore as Antonio made the point fairly clear the minute he crossed the line and brought Feliciano into the fight.

He would never be good enough in Antonio's eyes so why bother? Why not release their bond and find someone who might actually like him for him? It would be difficult, but he could do it. Going off alone wasn't ideal, but maybe he could find some comfort elsewhere. He drifted off thinking of new plans for a new beginning releasing his love so Antonio would no longer have to put up with someone he didn't like and Lovino could leave behind his insecurities in hopes of finding someone who would understand and if not come to love him then at least care for him and his opinions.

It was evening when Lovino woke, the sun already down and the stars out. Antonio was beside him and he felt his lips twitch into a smile before it turned to a scowl as he remembered their earlier argument and the man's cruel words. He tore his gaze away from the man as he got up quietly and only briefly paused at the door, whispered words remaining behind as he walked away and didn't look back. "I'm sorry you don't think I'm good enough either, but I cared for you far more than anyone I ever have. Like the moon when it is at its fullest and shines brightest, radiating light reflected from the sun, you were my sun and would have made me shine best. I hope you find what you are looking for, Antonio. Find your happiness and cherish it. I release you from this bond that ties us together against your will."

He walked away, each step getting further away from the man he had slowly grown to love and had shaped his life around. The bonds fell, like strings cut loose until the last freyed strand snapped under pressure. A snap from the trees off to the side startled him into looking.

"Lovino?"

"Alfred?"

The incredulity in their tones equally matching the other's as they stared at each other. Alfred broke the silence. "Shouldn't you be home with Antonio?"

"Shouldn't you be with that tea loving bastard?" Lovino snapped back, before looking down.

"I guess I deserved that," Alfred said, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. "Arthur…was hurting because of the bond so…"

"You broke it," Lovino finished, the emptiness from the missing bond settling itself. He felt hollow, was this how Alfred felt? Like he was missing part of himself and was no longer whole? So incomplete?

"Yeah," Alfred murmured softly. "You too?"

Lovino nodded his head, both were unwilling to say more as they walked forward for a bit longer. It was Alfred who came up with the idea. "Do you…want to travel together? It's probably a bad idea to stay here."

Lovino looked at him strangely. "You wouldn't mind? Me being…" his words trailed, he really didn't want to think about it.

Alfred smiled. "You're not that bad. You're a good cook and besides, being alone would be lonely. At least we sort of know each other."

Lovino smiled at that. "You're probably the first person to even consider that a good thing. Everyone else spends time…"

"Hey don't do that!" Alfred said suddenly. "Stop trailing off like your gonna say something wrong or stupid. That's my job. I know I don't always act smart and everyone thinks I'm a joke, but it's wrong for you to make yourself feel like that! You're fine Lovino. Sure, you can be grumpy and short-tempered, but that doesn't make you a bad person or bad at the things you do. You're better than I am at cooking and art and all sorts of cultural stuff I don't get."

Lovino stared at Alfred. He was the first person to make anything he did sound like it was good, like he was good at something and not second best to his brother. It made him feel a little bit better and soothed away the numb feeling left behind by the broken bond.

"Thank you," he muttered softly, blushing and staring at the floor.

Alfred smiled largely at him. "No problem. So…shall we?" he asked, purposely bowing and offering his arm to Lovino in a show of friendship, earning him a small laugh from the other man.

"Fine, but if you try anything I reserve the right to cause you physical harm, bastard," Lovino said already half-fond of the man he never even thought knew his name. Alfred may not be the sun he had in Antonio, but some of the loss ebbed away. Alfred was definitely a ray of light in the darkness, a star shining and waiting for someone to make a wish so he might make it come true. He could let Alfred heal him some and maybe he could help Alfred too. The two continued down their chosen path, hearts aching from loss, but slightly uplifted in a new formed friendship that they knew would ground them and give them some hope.

A/N: So…this could have gone better and I totally could have done Arthur's POV…but I decided Lovino and Antonio should be in this and next chapter will be Antonio and Arthur. Basically their reactions to the broken bonds and a bit of Lovino and Alfred travelling will be the next chapter. Maybe an epilogue.