In the morning JJ was the first to wake up; Emily was snoring softly on the other side of the bed, JJ moved her hand under her head and watched the other woman sleeping; she looked so peaceful. JJ couldn't help thinking that she wanted to wake up like this every morning.

"No." She thought, trying to banish that desire from her head. "I've got to get over her."

JJ sighed softly and slid out of bed, she went to the bathroom and took an Alka-Seltzer out of the bathroom cabinet before making her way to the kitchen and dropping it in a glass of water; she was trying to plan ahead to cure the hangover Emily always got after drinking too much wine. She went to the fridge and got out the pizza box she had put in there the night before after they had finished eating, there were three slices left, she had learnt after many nights out that cold pizza and Alka-Seltzer were the best cure for a hangover. As JJ turned on the coffee machine, she paused for a brief moment and smiled about how at home she felt in Emily's apartment.

After JJ had drunk her coffee she took the 'breakfast' she had got for Emily into her bedroom and gently woke the other woman.

"Em, it's time to wake up." She said, putting the food on the dresser and shaking Emily's shoulders lightly.

"No." Emily replied, rolling over and pulling a pillow over her head.

"Come on, I got you pizza" JJ said, attempting to take the pillow from Emily.

"Tired." Emily managed before covering her face in her hands and exhaling heavily.

"Come on, Em. Get up. Please?" JJ begged, Emily opened one eye slightly and looked at JJ, she had a longing look on her face, she was so beautiful, even though she had just woken up; the way her hair was all tousled and framing her head like a halo. She really was angelic.

"Okay. But only because it's you, and your face is all sad." Emily said, sitting up slowly and frowning. "Ouch." She exclaimed, putting a hand to her head and shielding her eyes. JJ stood and got her the Alka-Seltzer.

"Here," She said, letting Emily take a sip of the medicine.

"Thanks, Jennifer." Emily said, grimacing at the taste of it.

"That's fine. Can I have a shower or do you need me to help you with anything."

"I'm just a little hung over. I'm sure I can manage, you go on." Emily nodded at JJ.

"Thanks." JJ said, going to the bathroom and beginning to undress.

Emily ate her pizza and was actually beginning to feel a lot better, at least she hadn't told JJ she was gay whilst intoxicated, that would've been bad, but the memory of the night before was kind of hazy. What surprised her most was that she hadn't had a nightmare, JJ's calming power must work on her when she was sleeping too.

JJ let the water run over her body and turned her thoughts to coming out. She had to tell Emily today, it was just a question of how and when. Nerves filled JJ's body and she scrubbed her skin with the loofa, trying to wash her nerves away. It didn't work. JJ sighed and reached out for a towel, without thinking anything of it she quickly patted her face dry and wrapped the towel around herself before heading into the living room.

Emily was quite startled when JJ walked into the living room, she didn't know what to say, so she just blurted out the first thing that popped into her head.

"Julie, you look beautiful!" She said, before she realised that, as a straight girl, JJ would have no idea how to react to that, she was actually rather daunted by the reply she got.

"Oh, Captain Stubing, thank you. Captain Stubing, oh god, is that a periscope in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? Oh! Oh, Captain my Captain! " A rather surprised JJ answered, almost mechanically. Emily was speechless, she had never been more attracted to the other woman. JJ watched the L word? But that was a lesbian TV programme, she must've misunderstood. She decided to make light of the situation.

"Finally! Someone to binge-watch that with." Emily said. Her voice sending chills through JJ's body, it was now or never, even if she was not appropriately dressed.

"Em, I need to tell you something." JJ said ominously. "Please, sit down."

"Um, okay." Emily said, sitting on her couch. JJ also sat down and took Emily's hands in hers.

"It's something very serious." She started, earning a concerned look from Emily. "It's okay, it's nothing bad. I guess I'll start at the beginning," Emily nodded. "You know William?" Emily nodded again. "Well, he's sort of, I guess you would call him fictional. The man you met, that's my friend Trevor, I, um, I bribed him to meet the team, there is no William LaMontagne." Emily looked shocked, but JJ could've sworn that she heard her breath a sigh of relief.

"Henry?" was all Emily could manage to say.

"Um, sperm donor." JJ said, embarrassed.

"Oh."

"Wait, there's more. I don't know how to say this, because this friendship means so much to me, and I really don't want to jeopardise it, but you need to know this. Before you hate me, I just want you to know that I think you are beautiful. " JJ continued.

"Go on, please, I'm sure it's nothing that bad." JJ gulped at Emily's statement.

"It's, I... It's just that I'm uh... I'm a le... there will never be a boyfriend, because it's not men I'm interested in. It's women, and in particular, you. I am completely and utterly, head over heels in love with you." Emily couldn't believe what she hearing, but before she had time to process the information, she felt JJ's lips moving against hers.

JJ felt as if her head was about to explode; kissing Emily was better than anything she had ever experienced. It was like the fourth of July, a meteor shower and a bird show all at the same time, she was sure Emily was kissing her back, positive even. She definitely felt Emily reciprocating her emotions. JJ could taste Emily's lips, they tasted like, well, there was nothing JJ could think of to compare them to, they just simply tasted like Emily. The kiss was even better than JJ had fantasized it would be like.

Emily had never been more happy, Jennifer was a marvellous kisser, she couldn't put into words the joy she felt. It was all that stuff you're supposed to see when you kiss someone: Stars, fireworks, birds. And even more than that. She had never even fantasized that kissing anyone could ever feel so good, or so right. Then, she somehow (she had no idea how she had managed it) regained control over her mind. Thoughts of Henry, the age gap, work and every other problem JJ and Emily could face in any possible relationship. She knew what she had to do. It took all her will-power and self control to pull away from that kiss, to not remove JJ's towel and to not tell JJ that she completely reciprocated every single one of her feelings, but she managed the impossible. Emily was biting back tears as she looked at the woman she loved, who looked utterly beautiful with her mouth half open and her eyes still closed, and then she did the hardest thing she had ever done in her life, it even outweighed her abortion.

"Jennifer, I think it's time for you to leave now." Emily said, breaking down on the inside.

"What?" JJ asked, looking at Emily in a forlorn manner. Emily took another quick look at the most beautiful woman she had ever seen before breaking both of their hearts.

"You need to go."

"What? Why?" Jennifer was so confused, she was so sure she had felt Emily kiss her back. Emily exhaled before feigning anger and letting her soul rip itself apart.

"GET OUT!" She yelled, willing her voice not to wobble, she had to make JJ believe that she hated her. JJ stood up, tears running down her face, and headed towards the guest room to get changed. "NO." Emily screamed, starting to push JJ towards the door, this was the worst torture for her. "OUT!" She opened the door and pushed JJ out of it, slamming the door in her face.

JJ was completely destroyed, she couldn't believe that just moments ago she had been the happiest she had ever been. Her clothes were still inside Emily's apartment, and she was just wearing a towel, but she didn't care. She was sure she would never care about anything ever again.

Inside Emily went to the guest room and picked up the clothes that JJ had left behind, she lifted them to her nose and smelt them, savouring the smell of the other woman, before returning to the front door and throwing them out of it. She took a deep breath, and said something she knew she would regret for the rest of her sad, lonely existence.

"Keep the towel, you freaking dyke." Then she slammed the door closed a second time, and broke down on her side of it.