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Disclaimer: I do not own Ouran High School Host Club. I only own my OC.
The Grade School Host Is A Naughty Type!
"Hey, kid, are you lost?"
Shun stepped out from where the other hosts were gathered and rested her hand on her hip, bending down to peer at the elementary boy that had fallen down from shock. The boy—who had just entered the club room—didn't even look at Shun, opting to gawk at the host club instead.
Tamaki gazed at the confused child with a prince-like softness. "What's wrong, little boy? Did you come to my palace in search of something?" he asked.
The boy picked himself up off of the floor slowly. "A-Are you the king of this place?"
At the use of the word 'king', Tamaki smiled contentedly. "Come closer, lost one," he beckoned.
The boy cautiously walked towards Tamaki at his command. "What was it you just called me, little boy?" Tamaki asked again.
"The king," the boy answered, more firmly this time.
Tamaki twirled around happily, holding his hand to his chest. "The king! Yes, I am the king of the Ouran Host Club! Long live the host king!"
Shun raised her hand. "I call for an anarchy," she said with an irritated look, which caused the sparkles in Tamaki's eyes to fade.
The boy, who looked about as annoyed as Shun, decided to speak up. "I'm an elementary fifth year, Shirou Takaoji!" he said with sudden conviction. "I want the host club king to take me on as an apprentice!"
During open hours...
"Oh, Tamaki, you have an apprentice?" one of Tamaki's guests inquired curiously.
"Yes. He's still in elementary school, but I like the fire in his eyes," Tamaki answered, his voice charmingly soft.
"But are you sure it's okay for such a young boy to become a host?" the girl asked, only to be silenced as Tamaki gently grasped her chin.
"Why wouldn't it be? Love has nothing to do with age," he said as he caressed her cheek with his thumb. "Take us, for instance. Whenever I look at you, my heart starts pounding. Suddenly, I feel no different than a lovesick little boy."
The girl blushed and turned her head away, and Tamaki smiled at her. This would have been a very romantic scene had Shirou not been scrutinizing ever detail closely.
Shun's nose scrunched in contemplation. "Isn't it kinda creepy to have Shirou watch everything?"
Kyouya, who was standing behind her, chuckled slightly. "There is a theory that people are considered more beautiful the closer they are viewed. Tamaki seems to live by that theory," he said as he began writing in his notebook. "Well, let's leave them alone."
Shun sighed. Turning away to return to her guests, Shun stopped when she heard the girl Tamaki was entertaining begin to wail.
"A carp?!" she cried.
Tamaki hurriedly tried to console her as tears welled up in her eyes. "Oh, don't listen to him! He's just a kid, you know how kids are! They can't help but be honest."
"Honest?!"
Tamaki began to panic even more. "But that's just his opinion! I wouldn't say you look like a carp, and even if you did look like a carp, you'd be the most beautiful carp of them all!"
"So I am a carp! Tamaki, you're an idiot!" the girl exclaimed as she ran away, leaving Tamaki reaching out for her pitifully.
"Man, what a crybaby," Shirou remarked bluntly.
Shun snickered, and the twins joined her. "What an adorable apprentice..." Shun said as she struggled to hold back her laughter.
Kaoru suddenly stopped laughing, his expression becoming downcast. "Hikaru, do you wish you had a little brother like Shirou?" he asked apprehensively.
Hikaru embraced Kaoru. "Don't be silly. I could search the globe and I'd never find a better brother than you, Kaoru."
"Hikaru..."
At the display of 'brotherly love', Shirou jumped back in shock. "T-They're homos! And they're brothers!"
"You know, I thought it was weird too, but I guess I'm just used to it now..." Shun rambled to no one in particular.
Then, Honey jumped on Shirou's back and hugged him around the shoulders. "Hey, Shirou-chan! You wanna have a piece of cake with me? We've got three kinds: chocolate, strawberry, and lime!"
Shirou roughly shoved Honey away. "Hey, back off! What grade are you in anyway? Why are you wearing a high school uniform?"
At this, a dark shadow loomed over the two. "Something wrong, Mitsukuni?" Mori towered over them, causing Shirou to gawk in disbelief as Honey leaped onto Mori's shoulders, tears dribbling down his face.
"That's not fair!" Shirou cried indignantly. "A little kid like you isn't supposed to have a cool, older friend like him!" he said as he backed away, accidentally bumping into Haruhi. The tea set she was holding jostled slightly, and she quickly tried to keep it balanced. When she succeeded, she breathed a sigh of relief.
Despite Shirou's obvious shock, Haruhi smiled at him. "Are you alright? I know, it's kinda hard getting used to all of the weirdos around here. It took me awhile to get adjusted to all the craziness, so don't freak out. I'm sure you'll get used to it," she reassured him kindly.
Shirou stared up at Haruhi with a disdainful gaze. "Are you a crossdresser?" he asked bluntly.
A nervous shock zipped up Shun's spine at Shirou's comment, and she immediately went to confront him. "Hey, kid, don't be rude. You can't just say that to someone out of nowhere," she scolded, a stern look on her face.
The twins appeared behind her, both patting Haruhi on the shoulder. "Wow, Haruhi, you're looking extra manly today," Kaoru said cheerily.
"Now, do what the boss says and let Shirou take care of that tea set. It's part of his training! You're too macho for tea sets!" Hikaru assured quickly, Tamaki, Kaoru, and himself beginning to laugh nervously.
Haruhi did as she was told. Unfortunately, the moment she handed Shirou the tea set, he dropped it, causing it to shatter into pieces.
Shun grit her teeth as he insisted it wasn't his fault, but she finally snapped and began cracking her knuckles menacingly. "Listen here, brat," she growled, "don't blame other people for your mistakes, or else you'll get in some real trouble."
Shirou huffed. "Why're you acting so tough? It's not like you'll do anything anyway."
The truth of the statement only caused Shun's anger to increase. Hikaru, noticing the intimidating aura emanating off of Shun in waves, pulled her back by the waist before she could lash out. "Don't do something you'll regret, Shun!" he said, struggling as she attempted to wrangle out of his hold, her strength akin to that of a raging bull.
"Hey, you should make the crossdresser do all your stupid chores!" Shirou said. "I'm not here to carry tea sets, I'm here to learn how to make women happy!"
Tamaki's eyebrow twitched. "You won't get anywhere with that attitude, and I am not going to let you disrespect Haruhi and Shun! So," Tamaki said as he pointed at Shirou, "put this brat in isolation!"
"You got it, boss!" the twins affirmed as a large metal cage dropped over Shirou.
"Isn't that a little overkill?" Shun muttered, although it went unnoticed.
"What's going on here? Why'd you put me in a cage all of a sudden?" Shirou yelled. "This is no way to treat your loyal apprentice! Now let me outta this cage!"
Tamaki was unaffected by Shirou's indignant protests. "Not until you've learned your lesson," he said, sipping on a cup of tea. "I made you my apprentice because I thought you were serious about becoming a host, but I guess I was wrong."
Shirou was still persistent. "But I am serious!" he insisted. "Totally serious! I want you to teach me how to make a woman happy!" Looking defeated, he fell to his knees. "I'm gonna run out of time. Please, won't you teach me?"
Eyes widening, Shun began to listen closer. What does he mean by that?
"You're a host because you like girls. You like bringing a smile to a girl's face. That's why you do it, right? Please, won't you teach me to be like you?" Shirou pleaded. "You're a genius at it! You're the king!"
Shun sighed in exasperation as Tamaki stood up, a pleasantly shocked expression on his face. "Oh boy, here we go," she grumbled.
Standing up straight, Tamaki folded his arms across his chest confidently. "Well, you may be a brat, but I admire your desire to become a host, so I'll teach you." His eyes began to sparkle. "You know, Shirou, you and I are so much alike!"
Shirou, renewed with sudden energy, got to his feet. "Then you'll help me become the kind of host that can make any woman happy?"
Tamaki nodded his head. "Of course. Making women happy is the soul purpose of being a host. If this is what you really want, Shirou, then you'll have to figure out how to use the material you already have."
"What does that mean?" Shirou asked, looking thoroughly confused.
"Making use of your qualities?" Shun was also puzzled, and she glanced over at Haruhi for an explanation. Haruhi merely shrugged.
"You see," Kyouya began to explain, "here at the Ouran Host Club, our policy is to use our individual personality traits to meet the needs of our guests. For example, there's Tamaki, who is the princely type. There's the strong, silent type," Must be Mori-senpai, Shun thought, "the boy-Lolita type," Honey-senpai, "the little-devil type," Hikaru and Kaoru, "and the cool type." Definitely Kyouya. "It's all about variety. And now our group is complete, with the addition of Haruhi—the natural—and Shun, the boyish type."
"It seems like we've got everything," Shun commented, and Kyouya nodded in confirmation.
"Exactly. Now we have a perfect blend of characteristics, so it's going to be difficult to find a new type for Shirou," he said.
Shun looked bemused. "Why can't we just have him be another boy-Lolita type?" she asked.
Hikaru slid over to her, wrapping his left arm around her shoulder and wagging his finger in her face. "You don't get it. We can only have one for each type, and Honey-senpai's already got that covered."
The boy in question pitifully gazed up at Shun with large tears dribbling down his face. "Is he gonna replace me?" he asked worriedly, his voice wobbling.
Shun smiled awkwardly at Honey, unsure of how she should comfort her upperclassman. "Don't worry about it," she said, attempting to reassure him. At this, the rivers of tears flowing on Honey's cheeks dried up immediately, and he beamed happily at Shun.
Then, out of nowhere, the sound of motors turning erupted from beneath the room, as well as the familiar voice of the host club's manager. "Oh, come on, is that all you've got?"
Once again, Renge interrupted the scene, striking a pose on top of the motor as it rose from the floor. "Sorry to interrupt, gentlemen, but what's with the lackluster character analysis? I must say, I'm quite disappointed. I thought I taught you better."
Here's where I tune myself out, Shun thought to herself. She vaguely caught a few details about how Shirou would be the naughty type, but she couldn't have cared less. What she really wanted to do was go home. She would have zoned out if Hikaru had not begun snapping his fingers in front of her.
"Try to pay attention, space cadet," Hikaru teased. Shun pinched his cheek in annoyance, causing him to startle.
She let go after seeing the red mark on his cheek and instantly felt guilty. "Sorry, I did that harder than I meant to," she apologized, reaching up to massage Hikaru's sore cheek while he stayed strangely silent, the rest of his face heating up. Luckily, before Shun could notice, Shirou growled in frustration.
"I've had enough of you people!" he yelled. "This is so stupid. None of this is ever gonna help me make her happy."
"Who's 'her'?" Haruhi wondered aloud.
Tamaki reached his hand out as Shirou ran away. "Wait, Shirou! We haven't taught you how to apply the techniques you've learned yet!" he called, only to be met with the slam of the doors.
Renge sighed, beginning to descend as her platform sunk into the ground. "I swear, younger boys are good for nothing. I went to all that trouble to coach him and he quits."
Haruhi spoke up suddenly. "Never mind that, were you listening to what he said?"
Shun nodded in agreement. "He said that it wouldn't make 'her' happy, and that he'd run out of time. I wonder what he meant."
"I think that, maybe, it's a girl," Haruhi stated, as if nobody could have made that assumption already.
"Well, we might as well get to work." Everyone turned to look at Shun with surprised faces. Embarrassed by all of the attention, she fumbled with her next words. "I-I mean, you were the one who said that a host's job is to make a girl happy, right?" Shun switched her gaze to Tamaki, who was staring at her with joyful tears in his eyes.
"Shun, I knew you've been listening this whole time! I'm so proud of my little girl!" he cried, sweeping his arms out to engulf her in a hug.
She sidestepped him quickly and crossed her arms over her chest. "Whatever. Let's just help Shirou already and get it over with."