Disclaimer: I don't own Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, or any of its characters. They all belong to Dick Wolf & NBC.

Barba's POV

I stayed with Olivia while they did the rape kit. Well, I stayed with her until they gave her a sedative. Olivia told me it was okay for me to go. I nodded, only because I knew she needed rest. Then I told her I would be back in the morning.

"How is she?" Rollins asks me once I came back into the waiting room. I had been in there for a little while and everyone was still here. Cragen, Munch, Fin, Rollins, and Amaro were still there waiting to here how she was.

"To be expected." I say, directly to Rollins, but looking over the group in front of me. "They just gave her something, so she'll sleep for a while."

"Barba, are you okay?" Rollins asks me and I sighed.

"No." I said, honestly. I was not okay and I seriously doubt any one of them were okay after what's happened to Olivia. But they hadn't been the one to find her. They didn't see her through that window. They didn't Lewis on top of her. They didn't see Olivia when I covered and turned her over, seeing how hurt she was. They didn't see what I had seen.

"Any word on Lewis?" I ask. I had to know.

"He's alive but in critical condition." Fin comes over and tells me.

Damn it. I wish I would have killed the bastard.

"You did what you had to do." Fin says and I nod. I did, but it feels like I didn't do enough. With Lewis alive, he and his defense attorney will fight like hell to get him to walk again. I have to recuse myself from the case. Olivia, and myself, are going to have to testify.

If I had just killed him that would have been a lot easier.

"Barba, I know you care, but maybe you should go home."

"I'm staying here."

"I know how it is, but you know Liv wouldn't want you to stay here all night." Rollin says and I sighed. She was right about one thing. It didn't feel right leaving Olivia here, but I guess I could go give my statement.

"How's Noah and Lucy?" I ask, just realizing they had slipped my mind.

"Lucy had a few bruises and is dehydrated, but she is okay. Noah was fine. Not a mark on him." Rollins says. I knew Olivia would care more about Noah's well being than her own.

"Liv will be okay." Rollins says.

The way she was looking at me, is like she knows something.

"I don't like that stare."

"Please Barba, you two are friends. It was only a matter of time." Rollins says, but I don't reply. I didn't need to say anything more.

Olivia's POV

I woke up in the morning and laid there in the bed. I didn't want to be awake. All I could think about was him. But if I even tried to close my eyes, all I could see was him. I could still feel him on my skin. I could still feel him inside of me. It made me want to die.

I got up and went into the bathroom.

I stare at myself in the mirror. I look like a broken mess.

A broken record.

I take a pair of scissors out of my pocket. I take strands of hair in my hand and cut them off. I did it again and again until my hair was above my shoulder.

I stared at myself in the mirror for a moment longer before going back to bed.

I didn't even bother to pick the hair off the floor.

I laid in bed for a few minutes, only being able to think about Lewis, before there was a knock, which brought me out of a flashback. I smile at seeing it was Barba, and not a nurse who had come to poke and prod me some more.

"Hi." I said.

"Hi." Barba repeated.

"Is that all you can say?" I ask with a slight laugh as he then takes hold of my hair.

"You cut your hair." Barba states.

"Don't like it?"

"N-No, I do." Barba stammers and I laugh. "I've just never seen you with short hair." I guess he was right about that. Since we've met, I hadn't gotten much of a haircut, at least to this extent. Though I wouldn't consider this short. I've had it much shorter.

"You should have seen my pixie."

Barba and I laugh.

"Anyways, I talked to that doctor and she said you can go when you're ready." Barba says after coughing into his arm. I nodded. I knew that about twenty minutes ago, but I didn't sign them yet. I had nowhere to go. I obviously couldn't go back to my apartment. I could always call my brother, but I don't want to bother him with this. He's got a daughter and a stepson to take care of, not to mention, he's planning on marrying that girl Tracy. I don't want to put this on him.

"Liv? You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm just trying to figure out where to go." I say, mostly to myself. Where could I go? A hotel?

"You can stay with me." Barba offers.

"No, Barba, you don't have to."

"It's okay. I want to." Barba tells me and I decided not to argue. I knew one thing about Barba, and it was hard to change his mind than my own.

"We have to stop by the precinct." I tell him as he helps me up.

I had to give my statement.

After I gave my statement, Barba took me to his apartment. I stood by the doorway and looked around. It was different than expected. Bigger too. I follow him and he brings me to the guest bedroom, that seemed to be already made up for me. Did he go home and decide that I was going to be staying here? I didn't mind. I didn't think staying with Barba would be necessarily a bad thing.

"Something wrong?" I hear Barba ask.

"No." I said, sitting down on the bed. "Did you plan this?"

"No." He replies, but Barba was a terrible liar. I guess he did. Not that I minded. Otherwise, I'd being staying up in a hotel somewhere alone. I didn't really want to be alone right now. Being alone, gave me only time to think about Lewis and he was the last person I wanted to think about.

"Liv—" Barba started to say, only to be cut off by the sound of someone knocking on the door.

"Are you expecting someone?" I ask.

"No. But you know, it's probably Rollins or Amaro wanting to check up on you." Barba says, leaving the room to answer the door. I guess he was right. I hadn't seen them and I'm sure they would want to, though I don't know if I want them to see me. I know exactly how they are going to look at me. They are going to look at me with pity. They are going to look at me, wondering how broken I am.

I don't want them looking at me like that.

I stand up and lean against the door to see who is here.

"Who the hell are you?" It was a man's voice, that was familiar, but it certainly wasn't Amaro.

"I could ask you the same." Barba replies.

"I was told Olivia was here."

"And what is that to you? Hoping to get a picture for the press?" Barba asks and I scoff. I wish I could doubt it, but the press could be unpredictable. They tell Barba, I'm a friend, so they can sneak in and get a photo.

"I'm here brother."

I knew why I knew that voice.

I opened the door to the bedroom and slowly walked out to see Barba, not letting Simon through. That's right. He didn't know about my brother as I never mentioned him, at least to him. I hadn't seen Simon in almost two years since the whole situation with his kids.

"Simon." I say and the two of them look at me.

"Is he for real?" Barba asks, still holding him back from coming in. He's a good friend, though I don't need a bodyguard.

"It's okay, Barba." I nodded.

Once Barba steps aside and allows him to come inside, Simon quickly walks over and gives me a hug. I sigh in relief and wrapped my arms around him. It was nice to see him.

"Please tell me you're not in trouble again." I say, with a slight laugh. It was meant to be joke, but I really hope he didn't get himself into a deep hole again. This would be the worst time for that.

"No, I heard about what happened. I went to the hospital to see you—they told me you were gone. I called three different people—which none of which knew who I was—before I could find out where you were." Simon explains.

I guess it would have helped if I had mentioned to anyone—at least to the ones that weren't at SVU when I first found out about Simon—that I had a brother.

"I wanted to see you. I had to make sure you're okay." Simon says and I glance over to Barba, whom clears his throat.

"I'm going to grab some food." Barba says casually before leaving the apartment. I guess he wanted to give me some alone time with Simon.

"Is he—"

"Barba's a friend." I tell Simon. He is a very good friend.

"Are you okay?" Simon asks me. "Sorry—stupid question."

"I'm fine, Simon." I lied. "I'm okay."

"You don't have to lie. No one would be okay after all you went through." Simon says and I sigh, looking away.

I don't want to be looked at like I'm broken. I am okay. I survived it all. I should be okay. I should be grateful to be alive.

But I don't feel that way.

Though Lewis didn't win. Though Lewis is locked up and can't hurt me anymore, I still feel like he isn't gone. I feel like he is never going to go away.

"Olivia." Simon says and touches me shoulder.

I winced.

"Sorry!"

"I'm okay." I force myself to say. I will not allow myself to break.

"Olivia, I know you're not." Simon says. "I know what happened. And no one would be okay after that. You know that better than anyone."

He's right.

"I survived—I should consider myself lucky." My voice breaks. Simon wraps his arms around me, in attempts to comfort me. I started to cry. I don't try and fight it. I just let it out.

Simon sits there with me while I cried.

I'm glad I have a brother like him.

A/N: I wish they would have had brought Simon back after Olivia went through all that with Lewis. So I naturally had to include him. I liked Simon a lot. Anyways, sorry if there are mistakes, I didn't get a chance to edit it. But I'll hope you'll over look any errors for now. Please check out my other story "I'll Protect You" Also please don't forget to review!